Mets Pitcher Development Squad So Good It Can Even Fix Clay Holmes

my worst trait is referring to sports teams as 'we' like i am in any way involved at all

theory: clay holmes is on the mets because without him the szn wouldn’t feel stressful enough to be proper mets baseball

Hello I am on your dash to inform you that it is kodai senga bump day yet again🗣️🗣️🗣️

This tweet came to me in a dream

Everyone in the replies was like “we know you’re coping dude just admit it to yourself” 💀💀💀

Breaking Down My Fantasy F1 Teams

#1: The Charlos Reunion

This is the one where I actually tried. Which is probably sad. So I’ll swiftly move on to:

#2: Archive Of Our Own

The governing principle of this team is that even if your cars go at the speed of an overheating camel, if your drivers have been carefully chosen to maximize sexual tension, they’ll get their freak on so hard that they will take over the sport.

#3: On The Origin Of Drivers

The idea of this team is to use natural selection to weed out the bad drivers early. By putting the rookies (with the notable exception of l*am l*wson b/c he doesn’t deserve employment) in the fastest cars on the grid, the inferior drivers will crash before they can reproduce, meaning that only the fittest of rookies can survive and pass their genes on to the rest of the grid.

Some may doubt the ethics of this strategy, but consider this: If we simply put Lance Stroll in a car capable of going Mach Jesus at the beginning of his career, he would likely no longer be here to terrorize the rest of the grid. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I KNOW MY MAN HIT EVERY NOTE

Sean Manea sings along to “My Girl” as Francisco Lindor comes up to the plate.

BEDLINGTON TERRIER MENTION!!!

Did you know that their fur is cut like that because they were bred to go into burrows to hunt vermin and the fur on the head stops their prey from escaping over their head?

Also, their ears have the tufts so that if their prey were to bite on them, they would likely just get fur and not damage the actual ear. i love this especially b/c with most other terriers that issue was prevented with tiny and/or erect ears but bedlingtons went a different route :))))

also yes they look like airpods

hey man is it cool if i bring my pet airpod. no worries if not

debbie downer and negative nancy should lez out

only good boys get to wear the toga praetexta

we need to bring back togas for public jobs. no not those fuckass lawyer and judge togas I want to wear an actual roman toga to work. yes with the cunty purple stripe

THANK YOU ASKJFIAOK

With that being said

This one goes out to @kitteyrenlover 💙🧡