Damn, I Fell For Him Too 😞

Happy New Year to me and my lonely ass

𝐎𝐮𝐫𝐬

☆ Genre: Fluff, slice of life

☆ Warnings: None

☆ Request: No

☆ Characters: Chan, Y/N

☆ Word Count: 1.6k

It was quiet inside of the car.

Uncharacteristically quiet.

Bar the sudden downpour of rain that escaped from the late night sky and fell upon the vehicle in a steady battering, all passengers in the car were either fighting to stay awake as their eyes drooped, or were already asleep, their heads pressed against the cold windows. Blankets were strewn over them all, and heating pooled from the seats in slow, steady waves. The group of friends were completely and utterly exhausted; they had spent their day coaxing out their inner children as they wrecked havoc in a theme park far, far away from their homes. Awake at a golden dawn, they had long passed the violet hues of dusk, and it seemed they would witness another dawn before they made it home.

It was so dark inside the car that Y/N could barely see her own hands in front of her. If it wasn't for the faint light spilling onto Minho's lap from his phone, Y/N wouldn't have been able to differentiate him from Felix who was slumped beside him, either. They were amongst the rows of seats in front of her; Chan was sat beside her, Changbin on his other side. Chan had insisted he sit in the middle. As much as he loved sitting by the window, he would much rather have his friends sit by them instead.

Y/N traced her finger over the window, following the path of a fat raindrop that danced over the glass. Her touch left a path in the condemnation and opened a clear line that illuminated the deep darkness outside. She moved her face closer to the window slightly despite shivering at the wet on her fingers. Y/N's eyes widened in mild awe at the colours of the night, the reds and yellows and oranges of the lights that flashed by her, the way they seemed to melt into the roads as rain created ripples over the gravel. It was a sight that Y/N would never get tired of, and she was completely unaware when Chan swivelled his gaze to her, watching her quietly.

The car soon rolled to a halt. It bumped forward every now and then; Y/N moved her gaze to the front of the car. There was a long line of cars in front and she sighed quietly, leaning back into her seat again, suddenly seeking the comfort of the heat at her back.

Y/N looked to her side. Changbin's face was smushed against the glass of the window and the shape of his lips was pursed extravagantly, giving him the appearance of a rather glamorous duck as the car passed a set of tall lights.

Stifling a giggle at the sight of him, Y/N peered up at Chan. The man in question had his head back against the seat, the small sliver of his irises that escaped from his narrowed eyes shining under the shadows. His shoulder pressed up against Y/N's in a way that ensured a fire-like feeling to seep into the thick fabric of her sweater and through her skin. It was the sort of feeling she couldn't ignore either, her cheeks sporting a permanent flush and her breathing hosting a continuous hitch. It was as though she was hyper aware of his presence; from the way his heavy boot was aligned with the rim of her own shoe, to the way his breathing had slowed down with fatigue, and the way the faded cologne on his jacket kissed her nose in a deep, vanilla kiss.

Y/N swallowed thickly. She wasn't sure she ever wanted the journey to end if it meant she got to be this close to him. With the rest of the car asleep, in Y/N's mind it felt as though it was just the two of them, the night belonging to them and them only.

Chan turned his head towards Y/N once he felt her gaze on him. Y/N was able to make out the way his lips curved up into the softest of tired smiles before he leaned a little closer to her. He stirred the air around her and infiltrated it further with his scent accompanied with his body heat, and Y/N felt her heart flutter.

“What?” Chan whispered.

Y/N nodded towards Changbin. “Look at his face.”

Chan turned to look at his friend. He soon covered the lower portion of his face with a hand to muffle the laughter that caused his body to shake.

“Do you think it's painful?” Chan chuckled under his breath. “I don't want to move him … he might wake up.”

Y/N leaned forward a little to peer at Changbin again. “I think he'll be fine. There's a pillow under his neck.”

Chan looked towards Changbin again. He smiled. “Oh. You're right.”

They fell into quietude again, Y/N's eyes drooping ever so slightly as she peered out of the window. A yawn rose inside her and her nostrils flared in her attempt to stifle in it, her face contorting.

Chan started to laugh again. Y/N whipped her head to the side in alarm, her eyes landing on the crooked smile and pair of uneven dimples that adorned the angles of Chan's face.

“Tired?” Chan hummed.

Y/N wrinkled her nose. “Don't laugh at me. You look like a panda yourself with those rings around your eyes.”

Her comment only made Chan's smile deepen. She blinked. She was sure there was a tinge of burgundy painted across the tip of his nose and the ridges of his ears.

“Go to sleep,” Chan whispered. “I'll go to sleep if you go to sleep.”

“Why? So we can meet in our dreams too?” Y/N joked. She hoped her bad humour would mask the tremor in her voice that always seemed to occur when he looked into her eyes the way he was now.

Biting his lip, Chan's voice was even lower when he spoke again. “Well … maybe?”

Y/N's eyes widened. She stared at him but Chan had turned his head again; he was looking out of Changbin's window, and Y/N turned to look out of hers as her heart started to race.

A moment later, Chan shifted his position. He shuffled down the seat a little and Y/N turned to look at him just as he turned his gaze onto her.

“You can lean on my shoulder if you want,” Chan murmured. “It's not the most comfortable shoulder ever … but it might be better than the window.”

Swallowing slowly, Y/N moved her eyes from his face to his shoulder. He was wearing a soft knit sweater, and the fabric draped in gentle folds around his arm. It had dropped slightly to one side, and tiny moles kissed his skin like dark stars. She could feel the heat rolling off of him from here, sweet, heavy, and increasingly intoxicating.

Y/N wanted nothing more than to rest her head against Chan's shoulder. She also couldn't bring herself to, nerves bubbling inside of her that only seemed to grow with every second that Chan watched her with his soft eyes.

“I don't mind,” Chan hummed again. He moved his shoulder a little almost in invitation, and Y/N couldn't help but smile. “You'll feel better.”

“My head is heavy,” Y/N said.

Chan smiled. He responded by leaning closer to her and used his opposite hand to pat the slope of his shoulder twice as he looked ahead of him.

Y/N exhaled quietly. She then let her head dip to the side a little; once she was half way towards his shoulder, she sat back up again, suddenly nervous.

Chan started to chuckle. “Just lie down.”

“Okay, okay … “ Y/N's breath shuddered before she lowered the side of her head again.

His sweater was soft against Y/N's cheek, and his scent stronger and sweeter against the side of his neck. She felt him shift ever so slightly again, and the slope of Chan's shoulder almost moulded to the side of Y/N's head perfectly. Her cheeks felt like they were burning and as if her skin was dissolving into stardust. She didn't realise she was holding her breath as she looked towards her hands resting on her lap.

From the corner of her eye, Y/N saw Chan's hand twitch. He moved it towards her and then stopped, his fingers curling into a loose fist before unfurling again. As Y/N watched in a trance-like state, Chan inched his fingers towards her. His pinky finger brushed Y/N's ever so slightly. Y/N froze at the contact, her eyes widening when Chan's fingers moved even closer. He caressed her fingertips with hers before sliding his fingers into the gaps of hers; his hand was trembling against the palm of Y/N's, and Y/N finally exhaled slowly as she comprehended what just happened.

She turned her head to look up at him. The man's skin was a deep crimson, his bottom lip caught in-between his teeth. He wouldn't look at her, shyness trickling from his eyes like falling stars as he shut them slowly. His own body melted under Y/N, almost as though he let go of a breath he had been holding in too.

Y/N smiled slowly. She dropped her head against his shoulder again and carefully folded her fingers around Chan's. Their hands fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces, the grain of Chan's palms slightly calloused and rough, but strangely soft nonetheless. It was a reassuring feeling against Y/N's hand, and when Y/N felt Chan's cheek fall against the top of her head, she couldn't help but clench her eyes shut with joy. Perhaps her mind hadn't been wrong after all. Perhaps this moment really was theirs, and theirs alone.

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*/sobs

Recharging Kisses - Lee Minho

Pairing: Lee Minho x gn!reader

Genre: fluffy

Summary: minho needs some extra loving as he has been preparing his comeback

Word Count: 804

Warning: n/a

Comeback season can be pretty tough for Minho. The constant late night dancing sessions, recording and re-recording schedules, days long music video shooting, and schedules upon schedules upon schedules. There was a routine for these hectic days. Wake up at 7AM, have a busy day, and come back around midnight or 1AM. He wishes this season of time was less busy, but in order for everything to be perfect, it had to go this way.

He can’t help but feel bad for his poor fiance at home who barely sees him. All he hears them say is, “Have a good day at work… Let’s get you to bed… I love you, goodnight bubs.” He felt like such a bad partner who can’t be home for his lover. 

Thankfully, today was finally a day where the only thing they had to do was interviews. However, by the end of the day, Minho is drained. The constant same questions, being in the same room all day, only moving to change seating positions, go to the bathroom, or have a quick bite to eat. With it just being interviews, he is actually able to come home for dinner for once.

Minho enters his shared apartment to smell an amazing home cooked meal. He instantly scans his eyes over to the kitchen to see you jamming out to your music while cooking. A slight smirk creeps on his face. He loves to see you happy. He quietly sets down his backpack and takes off his shoes. With soft steps, he creeps up behind you. He looks over your shoulder to see what you were cooking: spicy chicken with rice and kimchi. A simple yet comforting meal. He then carefully wraps his arms around your waist. This causes you to slightly jump since you didn’t know he was home yet. “You scared me a little,” you chuckle. 

“Sorry,” Minho mutters into your neck. Your heart flutters at the affection you have been missing. 

“Aw, it’s okay,” you smile. You set down the fork and knife that was in your hand to turn around to face your partner. You snake your arms around his shoulders to give him a nice, warm hug. “Welcome home, my love.” 

You play with the ends of his hair. You know how hard he has been working lately. You feel so proud of him, yet you also feel so bad for everything he has to do to prepare for a new comeback. He loves his job, and you know that. But sometimes you can’t help but think every now and then that it’s too much for someone to handle. 

Before wanting to turn back to finish plating his meal, you place a sweet, soft kiss on his cheek. You go to turn around, but the arms around you tighten. You smile at Minho’s clinginess. Your lips meet his cheek again before attempting to continue what you were doing. “One percent,” Mihno sighs.

Giggles escape your throat at Mihno’s words. “What?” 

“I’m at one percent,” he says, taping his cheek. You roll your eyes and peck his cheek a few more times. “Hmm, three percent.” 

“Minho!” you giggle into his neck. 

“What? I had a long day, and I need recharging. Only your kisses can recharge me!” he exclaims. 

You smirk at his explanation. You love this side of him. He rarely admits that he needs some love to feel better. He normally likes to play a guessing game where you have to figure out what he wants because he won’t say it. Since he is so tired, he is vulnerable to saying what he wants. 

“Whatever you say, bubs,” you say before peppering his cheek with more kisses. Your lips move all around his face: his cheeks, forehead, nose, jaw, neck, everywhere but his lips. 

You look at Minho to see  a smile plastered on his face, “Hmm, 75%. I am almost at full battery.” 

“I think I have an idea to get you to 100%,” you say. 

“And how are you going to do that?” 

“Close your eyes and find out.”

He follows your instructions to close his eyes. Once his lids are shut, you delicately place your lips onto his. Your hands cup his cheeks to bring him a little closer as if he wasn’t already close enough. Light kisses like this show the love you have for each other. They are pure. It makes both of your hearts flutter with love. These kisses had all kinds of different meanings. Some kisses were saying ‘I love you’. Some were saying ‘I’m sorry, but I’m here now.’ Some were saying ‘Thank you.’ Words he has a hard time expressing sometimes, but you can feel them in his kisses. 

After several kisses, he pulls away to kiss your cheek. A final ‘Thank you’. 

“100% completed.” 

⌇ RANDOM KISSES ! 𓍼 ENHYPEN OT7 ── 𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁, 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗋𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗈𝗆𝗅𝗒 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌

𝓹𝐥𝐨𝐭 ♡𝓹𝐫é𝐜𝐢𝐬 bf!enhypen x fem!r. 𖥔fluff one shot, est relationship ot7 works ⸝⸝⸝ kissing, not proofread petnames ㅤ. .ㅤ wordcount` 486. 𓈃 ◌⠀⠀˖ 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄 𓏵⠀

! feedbacks and reblogs are highly appreciated and encouraged! PLS REBLOG ♡

𝗟𝗘𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗨𝗡𝗚 (이희승)

heeseung's eyes widen in surprise as you lean in and kiss him on the lips.

he freezes for a moment, processing the unexpected gesture.

slowly, a smile tugs at the corners of his lips, and his cheeks flush lightly.

"wow, where did that come from, pretty girl?"

he pulls you into his lap, holding you close to him.

"not that I'm complaining," he murmurs softly, still smiling.

heeseung leans in to kiss you back, his lips lingering on yours.

"i could definitely get used to this,"

rest of the members below !!

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗝𝗢𝗡𝗚𝗦𝗘𝗢𝗡𝗚 (박종성)

jay blinks a few times, momentarily stunned by the unexpected kiss.

a smirk quickly forms on his lips, and he raises an eyebrow in playful amusement.

"bold move,"

he gently cups your face with one hand, his thumb brushing against your cheek.

"i like it, baby"

jay pulls you into a tight embrace, his other hand resting on the small of your back.

"you should do that more often," he murmurs against your lips

he gives you one more lingering kiss on the forehead.

𝗦𝗜𝗠 𝗝𝗔𝗘𝗬𝗨𝗡 (심재윤)

jake's eyes widen in genuine surprise as you plant a kiss on his lips. (HIS PUPPY EYES FKJDSKLFJDSLFKJD:F)

a soft blush spreads across his cheeks, making him look even cuter.

"wow, I didn't see that coming,"

he gazes at you with love (OH MY GOD.)

jake shyly takes your hand, his thumb gently rubbing the back of it.

"you're full of surprises, aren't you?" he asks, a smile spreading across his face.

he leans in for another kiss, his lips lingering for a moment.

"i love it," he whispers, his forehead resting against yours

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗚𝗛𝗢𝗢𝗡 (박성훈)

sunghoon's eyes widen in shock as you kiss him on the lips, completely catching him off guard.

"what just happened?"

he nervously runs a hand through his hair, avoiding eye contact as he tries to compose himself.

he fidgets awkwardly, glancing at you with wide eyes, his blush deepening.

"i mean… not that I didn't like it," he mumbles, his voice barely above a whisper.

he takes a deep breath, finally looking at you before leaning in for a kiss.

𝗞𝗜𝗠 𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗢𝗢 (김선우)

his eyes widen in surprise, and a radiant smile spreads across his face.

sunoo's cheeks flush a delicate pink

he reaches up to touch the spot where you kissed him, his eyes softening with affection.

"what just happened?"

he would look so clueless, trying to process what had just happened.

"did you just kiss me?"

𝗬𝗔𝗡𝗚 𝗝𝗨𝗡𝗚𝗪𝗢𝗡 (양정원)

jungwon's eyes widen in shock as you kiss him on the lips, catching him completely off guard.

he hesitates for a split second, stunned by your unexpected move.

a deep flush spreads across his cheeks, but he doesn't pull away.

"what was that, angel?"

jungwon leans in closer, his hand gently resting on your waist.

"you're full of surprises,"

he kisses you back

as he pulls back slightly, his gaze locks with yours

"i think I like this side of you," he whispers (@$U#JKDLFRFD)

𝗡𝗜𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗠𝗨𝗥𝗔 𝗥𝗜𝗞𝗜 (西村力)

he blinks a few times, processing everything.

a playful grin spreads across his face, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"well, that was unexpected,"

riki leans in closer, his hands gently finding their place on your waist.

"i guess you caught me off guard,"

he tilts his head slightly, brushing his lips against yours in a teasing manner.

"but I'm not complaining," he adds with a mischievous wink

je t’aime.

➞ pairing: best friend!heeseung x gn!reader.

➞ prompt/type of au: “ah, pretty, why are you blushing this hard? all i did was say ‘i love you’ in french.”

➞ genre: fluff. kinda bff2l implied?? shrugs.

➞ w.c: 0.8k words.

➞ tw: one (1) swear word. heeseung being flirty (heeseung himself is a big warning…)

ela says💬: happy v-day! this is so self-indulgent like,, the chokehold this man has on me?? impressive. anyways, this is small, but i hope you like it nonetheless^^ / feedback is always welcomed and deeply appreciated<3

DAY 1 OUT OF 7 — the season of love. ♡

“Y/n! Can you come here for a second?” Your best friend’s voice echoes through your shared apartment, so accommodating some dishes you just finished washing and drying inside the cupboard, you turn around and start making your way towards him.

“Coming!”

Entering Heeseung’s room, you see him sitting right beside his desk on his office’s chair, a small, mischievous smile adorning his pretty lips. His dirty-blonde hair is sticking everywhere, but it makes him look so cute under the dimmed lights of the place. He’s wearing that damned sleeveless white top he hasn’t let go since he bought it, and you wouldn’t admit it out loud because you knew you would be targeted to endless teasing, but he looked really good (but it’s Lee Heeseung we’re talking about here, he always looked good with everything), and his reading glasses are perched on his pretty upturned nose. There’s plenty of notebooks thrown around along with books on his work table, his laptop placed right in the middle of the chaos, a word document opened and displaying thousands of words, of what you assume, is his homework.

“What’s up, Hee?” You walk to him to pat his head in an endearing way, making him giggle a little. Sitting on the corner of his bed, you give him a curious stare, making him bite the inside of his cheek at your cute face.

Heeseung clears his throat, pointing behind his shoulder and towards his laptop. “I was doing my french homework, mind me if I practice some words with you?”

The boy gets closer to you after you shake your head in a negative manner, muttering under your breath a small confirmation, “go ahead.” Heeseung takes this as a cue to get closer, since he was now a few meters away from you. You could feel that familiar warmness exuding from his frame, the faint smell of his musky cologne filling your senses and making your head start to feel dizzy.

The boy gets a soft hold of your hand so he can start playing around with your fingers absentmindedly, while he looks you dead in the eye with something between the lines of playfulness and child-like feeling hiding behind his pretty brown orbs.

“Bonjour,” he starts, tilting his head a little in expectation at your answer. Laughing, you nod your head. You would be lying if you said you were an expert in knowing a different language, barely managing to speak your mother tongue in a not-so perfect manner, but you weren’t that clueless, so of course you knew what that word meant.

“Bonjour.”

You repeat his greeting nonchalantly, and Heeseung giggles once again, flashing his beautiful smile at you. Being so entranced by his natural beauty, you don’t even notice him getting much closer than before, knees brushing against the other, one of his hands ghosting over your thigh as he tries his best to keep a neutral face.

“Mon amour,” Heeseung whispers in a soft manner, his gaze never leaving yours as he brings your hand closer to his face. “Je t’aime.”

Then, he does the unimaginable: Heeseung leaves an endearing kiss right on your knuckles while never breaking the eye contact with you, making your breath hitch in your throat and thousand butterflies erupt in your stomach at the simple, but lovely action.

There’s a silence that keeps prolonging itself the more the two of you just stare at each other, the dimmed lights not allowing you to seize in his reactions.

Before you can open your mouth to question him further about what the fuck happened just seconds ago, the boy starts chuckling, letting go of your hand (you’d be lying if you said you weren’t feeling disappointed at this) and getting a hold of chin with his pointer and thumb fingers.

“Ah, pretty, why are you blushing this hard?” The boy says as he tries his best to fight back the smirk that was threatening to form on his face, a teasing tone lingering behind his words. “All I did was say “I love you” in french.”

You felt like choking with your own air at hearing that. Playing it down with clearing your throat, you scoff at him as you look away from his stupidly attractive face.

“Fuck off!— Don’t do that. Stop.”

Heeseung gives you another boyish laugh, “don’t do what, exactly? Do I stop calling you pretty? Or… Do I stop telling you ‘I love you’ in french?”

You don’t answer him, but it’s still enough of a reply for him when you try to play it down by rolling your eyes.

Standing up, the boy walks to you and leaves a chaste kiss on the crown of your head. You hear him mutter something along the lines of “you’re so cute,” and then, he turns around and starts walking towards the kitchen, sparing you the aftermath you were probably feeling because of the small interaction you just had (and to also calm down the erratic beating of his heart at his sudden boldness.)

Heeseung knew what he was doing, of course he knew the effect he had on you.

It made him happy to know that there was some kind of hope for the silent feelings he has held for you for so long now.

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me when

this is home

description: jungwon x reader (very soft physical affection, jungwon's relationship with reader is up for interpretation)

i wrote this for the people who have had a troubled past and the idea of jungwon being your safe haven makes you want to *sob*

his presence was like a fresh load of laundry on a warm spring day. his smile, his laugh, jungwon coming into your life saved you from yourself. 

with his hoodie over his head and his favorite plaid pajama pants on, there really wasn’t a sight comparable to this one.

it was strange to be so engulfed by a spirit so light and bright but it was more comfortable than it is foreign.

he places his hand softly on yours and tugs you gently towards himself, “come here” he touches you in the way you need it and pours his love into each in every movement. you feel his affection through the pads of his finger tips and the soft grip of his hand. jungwon is your safe place, being someone so frightened by physicality, he makes it feel natural.

his hands roam all over your arms and shoulders, looking you up and down to make sure you’re okay like he always does. he pulls you into a hug and you feel yourself melt into him all over again. he’s warm and his body is firm but his aura is so soft and gentle it feels healing in a way. he lowers himself against the couch so that you can lay on his chest just like that, with his arms still wrapped around your lower back. 

you can hear his heart beating, and feel his chest moving up and down with every breath, and you are reminded all over again that you are in the right place. he traces circles through your clothes and it sends shivers up your spine. it feels so good to be here, it feels so good to be on jungwon. 

you take a peek up at him, with the tv screen flashing colors on his face in the dark room, he’s beautiful as ever. he’s handsome with his hair undone and a lazy outfit on, he’s jungwon and jungwon to the core. 

closing your eyes, you lower your head on his chest again, rubbing against it a bit with the side of your face. 

he notices you getting comfortable and takes it as a sign that you’re ready to fall asleep. he smiles softly, gazing at your presence and holding you just a bit tighter than he was before. 

after a few minutes of soaking in all your facial features with his eyes, he brings his head down to kiss your forehead gently, before going back to watch the tv. 

you’ve never slept better. 

Love 119 [Part Two]

part of my paramedic!jungwon series. [part one]

pairing: paramedic!jungwon x doctor!reader genre: enemies at work, lovers at home. secret dating. jungwon is hot when jealous, suggestive, fluff summary: your coworkers think that you and niki look cute together while jungwon, your boyfriend is literally standing next to you and it's driving him insane. word count: 3.5k author's note: hey everyone! as promised, i'm here to serve another paramedic jungwon brainrot because it's not fair to just devour this cutesy alone. enjoy and leave some notes <3 read part 1 first and reply if you want to get tagged for the next parts!

You’re midway through a lukewarm coffee in the hospital cafeteria when your coworker leans in, voice low and eyes gleaming with intrigue. “So…” she starts, drawing the word out slowly, “who’s the lucky guy?”

It takes you a second, but the question sinks in just as she tilts her head, nodding toward your neck with a smirk. Your hand instinctively rises to the spot Jungwon’s lips had claimed last night, right at the juncture of your neck and shoulder—a parting gift as you’d curled up together, something you didn’t think twice about until now.

A blush surges to your cheeks. “What? Oh, no, that’s… I scratched it too hard,” you say quickly, heat rising not only from the surprise but the memory of last night—Jungwon’s sleepy grin, the way he’d pulled you close, whispering in your ear as he pressed soft kisses down the curve of your neck.

“Sure you did,” she teases, crossing her arms as her smirk widens. “You’re going to need a better excuse than that. So… is it Niki?”

“What?” you laugh, the idea so out of the blue it’s almost comical. “Niki? Why would you even think that?”

She shrugs, the smugness on her face never faltering. “You always have a soft spot for him. You never scold him like the rest of us. Plus, everyone’s seen the way he hovers around you in the halls, he’s clearly smitten.”

Your eyes widen at the notion. Niki, your young, eager junior who fumbles his way through shifts and who you can’t help but look after because he’s new and a little too starry-eyed for his own good? It’s laughable. “It’s not like that,” you manage, shaking your head. “He’s just… young, that’s all.”

“Mhmm,” she says with a knowing chuckle. “Sure, if you say so.”

Before you can protest further, your phone vibrates. Glancing down, you find a message from Jungwon: a photo of his lunch, neatly arranged with a sweet message beneath it. “Eat well, ily.”

The casual intimacy of it makes your stomach flip, and you feel an involuntary smile tugging at your lips. You quickly swipe away the notification, hoping she didn’t see the smile or the faint hearts in your eyes.

The day unfolds in the usual rush of patient check-ins, chart updates, and emergency calls. You busy yourself to the point where the cafeteria conversation drifts from your mind—until you catch a glimpse of yourself in the break room mirror and spot the faint outline of that now-infamous hickey, the concealer having barely managed to mask it. You tug your collar higher, hoping to hide it through the rest of the shift.

The afternoon in the ER has been a blur of movement and urgency, leaving you barely a moment to breathe. Every time an ambulance pulls up, your heart skips a beat, half-hoping, half-dreading that it’ll be Jungwon walking through those doors.

But each time, it’s someone else, and you return to the steady rhythm of your work, instructing Niki at your side as he follows your lead. Despite the tense environment, he’s attentive and focused, learning from you as he manages each step of the patient’s treatment with remarkable ease.

Afterward, you and Niki head back to the department office, the adrenaline settling as you both chat lightly, unwinding from the chaotic pace. As you enter, you spot Jungwon down the corridor, heading the other way with a stack of documents.

It’s almost comical how, even amidst the bustling hospital, his presence stands out so starkly to you. For a split second, he glances your way, and the fleeting moment feels charged, pulling your attention and making it impossible to look away. But as soon as your eyes meet, you glance down, hoping no one notices how that brief connection leaves your pulse racing.

Once back at your desk, you feel your coworkers’ eyes on you, their curious glances flickering between you and Niki. You try to brush it off as nothing, settling into your usual seat, with Niki across from you. Just as you’re starting to sift through some files, Jungwon’s familiar stride enters the department office.

His easy confidence fills the room, and he greets everyone with that understated charm, heading to a nearby colleague to ask for specific documents. You’re not even looking at him, but his presence is impossible to ignore. You focus on your papers, hoping that looking busy might steady your nerves, but the pages blur in front of you, your mind too distracted by the fact that he’s just a few steps away.

Then, just as you’re juggling a pile of documents, you accidentally knock over your iced coffee. The mostly empty cup clatters over, spilling what’s left onto your coat. The moment the coffee splashes onto your coat, Niki and Jungwon are both at your side in an instant. Niki’s quick to pull out a box of tissues, while Jungwon silently holds out a pristine handkerchief, a touch of annoyance already flickering in his gaze.

Caught off-guard, you instinctively reach for Niki’s tissues, leaving Jungwon standing there with his handkerchief, his jaw tightening slightly as he watches you dab at the stain.

Your coworkers notice the scene and immediately latch onto it, their laughter filling the room. "Oh, come on, you two," one of them teases, grinning at the pair of you. "Why don’t you just date already?”

Another chimes in, "Yeah, it’s obvious there’s something going on. I mean, look how attentive Niki is—always ready to help you out."

You wave them off, laughing it away, but the teasing only grows louder. Someone else playfully nudges Niki. "What’s next, bringing her coffee in the morning?"

Niki laughs, scratching the back of his head, visibly flustered. "Come on, guys, we’re just… coworkers," he insists, though his blush only adds fuel to the fire.

Meanwhile, you can feel Jungwon’s gaze on you, sharper and more intense than ever. His silence speaks volumes; the usual relaxed confidence he carries seems to be tinged with something harder, a jealousy that simmers just beneath the surface. It unsettles you, tugging at something guilty inside as the teasing around you grows.

Suddenly, Jungwon steps forward to you, interrupting the chatter with a clipped tone. "Enough with the tissues,” he says, leveling his gaze at you, a glint of challenge in his eyes. "Stop fussing with that coat—you’re only making it worse. Change into something clean, or the smell will stick with you all day.”

The room falls silent, your coworkers exchanging amused glances. You roll your eyes, unwilling to let him get the last word.

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Practicality. I can handle a few drops of coffee,” you retort, folding your arms and meeting his gaze with a defiant tilt of your chin.

He raises an eyebrow, a slow smirk forming on his lips.

"Right, because dealing with a coffee stain is something you’re well-prepared for," he says dryly, folding his arms to match yours. "Clearly, practicality isn’t your strong suit."

You scoff, refusing to back down. "And since when did you become an expert in coffee stain management? It’s barely noticeable, and I’m perfectly fine with it."

Jungwon’s gaze doesn’t waver, the challenge sparking between you both as he leans in just a fraction, his voice lower. "Just because you’re fine with it doesn’t mean everyone else is." His eyes flick down to the stain and then back up to yours, a knowing glint in them.

Your coworkers are watching with raised brows, amused but also visibly intrigued by the tension between the two of you. "Are we interrupting something?” one of them jokes, breaking the silence. "Honestly, the way you two bicker is like a married couple."

The comment makes you blush, but Jungwon doesn’t flinch. Instead, he holds your gaze, his smirk deepening. "At least one of us knows how to handle these little emergencies,” he quips, voice steady, though there’s a hint of something raw behind his eyes—a hint of jealousy that only you can catch. The way he’s looking at you, there’s no mistaking it: he’s anything but amused by the teasing around Niki.

But before you can respond, Niki steps forward, awkwardly placing his coat over your chair. “Um, here,” he says, clearly trying to ease the tension. “You can wear mine for now if the coffee’s bothering you that much.”

The room erupts into more laughter, someone nudging Niki with a grin. "See? He’s a gentleman. Really, you two should just make it official."

Another coworker teases, "Or maybe they already have, and they’re just not telling us."

Jungwon’s expression hardens as he watches the exchange, his eyes narrowing. His gaze flickers from Niki to you, a frustration simmering beneath his calm facade.

You feel the tension growing, an almost tangible weight of jealousy in the way his jaw clenches, his fingers tapping restlessly against his thigh.

Finally, he speaks up, cutting through the laughter with a controlled but slightly irritated tone. "Enough of the matchmaking." His gaze falls pointedly on you, something possessive flickering there, though he masks it quickly. "And you should change. That coffee smell won’t just vanish."

You narrow your eyes at him, refusing to back down. "If it bothers you so much, why don’t you bring me a change of clothes yourself?"

"Thanks," he says shortly, taking the stack of paperwork with a polite nod. He turns back to you and your coworkers, offering a quick, “See you all later. Take care, everyone.” His voice is casual, but as his gaze lingers on you for a fraction of a second longer, you feel the weight of everything left unsaid.

With that, Jungwon strides toward the door, his usual self-assured calm back in place. You watch him leave, but just as he reaches the exit, your phone buzzes in your hand. You glance down, your pulse quickening as you read the message from him:

“I have something you can change into in the back of the car.”

It’s simple, yet there’s something about it that makes your stomach flip. You glance up just in time to catch Jungwon’s silhouette disappearing down the hallway, feeling the tension of the moment linger in the air long after he’s gone.

The rest of your shift rolls by with its usual demands, and you brush off the incident from earlier, deciding against getting the change of clothes Jungwon offered. By the time you finally clock out, the sun is setting, casting a warm glow over the nearly empty parking lot. Just as you step out of the hospital doors, Jungwon’s car pulls up in front of the exit.

You feel a small smile tugging at your lips as you walk over and slip into the passenger seat. “Hey,” you greet him, but his focus remains straight ahead, his hands firm on the wheel, his paramedic uniform clinging to his form. The sight of him in that navy blue uniform, complete with the badge and patches, usually makes your heart race, but today his expression is unreadable. A flicker of surprise hits you. Jungwon, who is usually quick with a playful remark, doesn’t even turn his head as you settle in, leaving you feeling a bit deflated.

You tilt your head, watching him closely, noticing the slightest crease of annoyance in his brow. With a slight pout, you try breaking the ice, “So, how was your day?”

He answers, but his tone is clipped, barely more than a few words. "Busy. The usual."

You blink, feeling a hint of tension in the air. Normally, he’d be cracking jokes or filling the car with easy chatter, but now he’s focused on the road with a seriousness that feels almost uncharacteristic.

Leaning back in your seat, you give him a sideways glance. “Is this about the clothes?” you finally ask, crossing your arms as you look at him. “Are you upset I didn’t change into them?”

A quick denial. “No,” he says, a bit too fast, but still refusing to look your way.

You can’t help but smile a little, noticing his hands gripping the wheel tighter than usual. “Uh-huh. Doesn’t sound like you’re not upset,” you tease, leaning forward to get a better look at his face.

“I’m not upset,” he repeats, but he’s biting his lip, eyes fixed stubbornly ahead as if he’s hyper-focused on the road. His brow furrows, and he lets out a soft sigh.

“Come on, Jungwon, it’s cute when you sulk,” you say, your smile widening at the way his jaw clenches ever so slightly, revealing his irritation in the most subtle way.

This finally gets a reaction. He glances at you, his eyes narrowing just a little. “I’m not sulking,” he mumbles, but the denial lacks its usual conviction.

“You look pretty sulky to me,” you murmur, enjoying the rare moment of catching him off guard.

Just then, the car comes to a stop at a red light, and you glance over to find him holding a long breath, his expression somewhere between frustration and fondness. The tension in the air shifts slightly as he turns his gaze towards you, and in that moment, you feel the familiar flutter of butterflies in your stomach.

Without breaking eye contact, he places his right hand gently on your lap, rubbing small circles with his thumb. The warmth of his touch sends a jolt of electricity through you, igniting that familiar spark between you two. It’s a simple gesture, yet it feels so intimate, especially with the way he’s staring at you as if he’s trying to convey everything he can’t say out loud.

He resumes driving as the light turns green, keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead, but his voice softens, a hint of vulnerability slipping through the usual bravado. “I’m not upset,” he assures you, though the sincerity behind his words hints at something deeper, something he’s wrestling with beneath the surface.

You can’t help but smile at him, the weight of his earlier mood lifting slightly. “Then what’s with the whole silent treatment? You know you can just tell me, right?”

Jungwon shakes his head, a faint smile creeping onto his face despite his mood.

“It’s more complicated than that,” he says, his voice maintaining a lightness that’s undercut by an earnest edge. “I don’t want to be the guy who gets all worked up over people assuming you and Niki are a thing.”

You bite your lip, the realization sinking in that his jealousy is more about their perceptions than the spilled coffee earlier.

“Well, I’m definitely not dating Niki,” you reply softly, trying to ease his tension. “He’s just a good coworker. You know that.”

He glances at you briefly, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile as he focuses back on the road.

“Good,” he mutters, his hand still gently rubbing your thigh, sending tingles coursing through you. The intimacy of the gesture makes your heart race.

He passes another intersection and accelerates, the car moving smoothly through the streets.

“But you know,” you continue, trying to keep the mood light, “if you were just a little quicker with your offer, I wouldn’t have to deal with all this teasing.”

Jungwon lets out a soft chuckle, the tension in the car easing slightly. “I thought I was quick enough,” he says, a playful tone returning to his voice. “How was I supposed to know you’d be so stubborn?”

“Stubborn? Me? Never,” you tease, rolling your eyes dramatically.

He shakes his head with a laugh, his grip tightening slightly on your thigh, a subtle reminder of the unspoken bond between you two. As he navigates the streets, the silence stretches comfortably, punctuated only by the soft hum of the engine and the occasional sound of traffic.

“Hey, you should know,” you add after a moment, “if you want to make sure I’m not wearing Niki’s clothes, maybe you should just… keep me in yours.”

Jungwon raises an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Is that your way of saying you want me to dress you?”

“Maybe,” you reply coyly, biting your lip again, the playful banter making you feel bold.

He laughs, shaking his head as he pulls into a quiet parking lot. “You really know how to make me feel like I’m the jealous one, huh?”

“Just speaking the truth,” you say, leaning back into the seat, enjoying the rhythm of the moment.

As he turns off the engine, the atmosphere shifts slightly, the playful banter fading into a more intimate silence. Jungwon finally meets your gaze, his expression earnest. “Just so you know, it’s not about Niki. I just…” he trails off, searching for the right words. “I want to be the one you lean on, the one you trust.”

Your heart swells at his confession, a warmth spreading through you. “You are, Jungwon. You’re the one I always want to lean on.”

He smiles, a genuine light returning to his eyes, and in that moment, everything feels right.

When you arrive at your apartment, Jungwon opens the door for you, the familiar scent of your space washing over you. As soon as you step inside, he follows closely behind, and before you can even set your bag down, he closes the door and turns to face you.

In an instant, the air between you shifts. Jungwon steps forward, his hands gripping your waist as he pulls you closer. You barely have time to react before he captures your lips with his in a deep, passionate kiss that takes your breath away. The world outside fades away, leaving just the two of you and the electric tension that crackles in the air.

His lips move against yours with a fervor that surprises you, and you feel your heart racing, responding instinctively as you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He deepens the kiss, his mouth coaxing yours open as he explores the sweetness of your taste. It’s intoxicating, and you lose yourself in the moment, your worries and doubts melting away.

In the midst of the kiss, he breaks away for just a moment, breathless and looking down at you with those soft eyes. “I can still smell the coffee,” he murmurs, his voice husky with desire, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

You giggle, feeling heat rise to your cheeks, the reminder of the earlier incident making you giddy. “Well, I didn’t exactly plan for that to happen,” you reply, your voice teasing but breathless.

“Maybe I should get you a proper change of clothes next time,” he quips, his eyes sparkling with mischief. But then he adds, more seriously, “You should probably take those off; the smell will cling to you.”

His suggestion sends a thrill through you, and you find yourself biting your lip in excitement. “Are you sure that’s the only reason you want me to take them off?” you tease, your heart racing as you lean closer, feeling the warmth radiating from him.

He chuckles softly, but there’s a glint of something deeper in his eyes. “Okay, maybe it’s a little selfish,” he admits, his breath ghosting over your skin as he moves in even closer.

With a playful grin, you decide to indulge him. “Fine, but only if you do too,” you say, your fingers finding the buttons of his uniform. You start to unbutton it, your hands trembling slightly with anticipation. Each button that comes undone reveals more of his toned physique, and your breath hitches as you take in the sight of him.

As your fingers glide over the fabric, Jungwon watches you, his expression a mixture of desire and admiration. “You know, this might be the best idea you’ve ever had,” he murmurs, his voice low and enticing.

You finally push the uniform off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. In that moment, the playful atmosphere shifts into something more intimate. He captures your lips again, and you feel the heat between you both intensify as you pull away the last barriers that had been keeping you apart.

Just when you think it can't get any more intense, he pulls back slightly, his forehead resting against yours, both of you gasping for air. “I’ve wanted to do that all day,” he admits, his breath mingling with yours, creating a palpable tension that thrums in the air.

“Why didn’t you?” you ask, your voice teasing yet filled with warmth.

“You know I can’t let everyone find out I’m dating the hottest doctor in the hospital, or else…” he argues, a playful grin breaking through his earlier seriousness.

“Oh, please,” you bite back with a smirk, playfully nudging him. “Like they wouldn’t notice that the ‘sexiest and charming paramedic’ is completely smitten.”

With a smile that could light up the room, you lean in for another kiss, feeling the world around you fade away once again as you get lost in him.

I LOST THE JAKE FIC I WAS READING WTAFWTQGFWFWFWF

Things enhypen does that makes you shy.

warnings: none

heeseung

heeseung noticed that whenever you try to talk to him, you avoid eye contact with the male, and you only stare at the floor while talking to him. of course, it's cute but it started to get a little annoying because he wanted to look at your face when you talk to him. that's why he thought it would be a great idea to make you even more shy and flustered. he lifts up your face by your chin and asks you "can you repeat it? I didn't hear you" while smirking knowing that you'd explode any time cause of how pink your cheeks got. "h-heeseung.." your eyes widened and he started to giggle.

jay

he always grabs you by your waist randomly because he finds your reaction cute, just hearing your squeals makes him go loco. whenever you just mind your own business he comes and grabs your waist, the members find it funny, but you don't. It makes you really shy afterwards lmao.

jake

he pins you against the wall, lmao😭 like he does that to shut you up, he only does that when you try to argue with him over some small stupid reason. so he just pins you to the wall knowing damn well you will shut the fuck up. he also starts to get really close to your face almost kissing you, hearing your breath hitch makes him giggle.

sunghoon

placing you on his lap, he loves that. whenever he sits and sees you passing by he just grabs you and sits you down onto his lap, not even letting you go. he starts playing with your fingers while you're just sitting on him. you act like you don't care, but he knows damn well that it drives you crazy. because your voice says it otherwise. whenever he talks to you he hears you stutter. lmao he finds it so cute 😭😭.

sunoo

cupping your cheeks while kissing you. that's so normal but for some reason it makes you kinda feel weird things... whenever he just sees you he makes his way to you cups your cheeks and kisses you. sosososo cuteee!!!! 🥹

jungwon

stroking your tights, it's something normal he does. it's like a habit, whenever you sit next to him and he talks to another member he places his hand on your tights and starts to stroke it. this literally makes you so nervous that even the other members noticed it lmao😭

ni-ki

reaching something from behind you. that tall ass dude is so tall, even if you're tall you'd still look small next to him, like literally. when you can't reach something he just comes from behind, places one hand on your waist and the other one grabs the thing you wanted. "you should've called me" that's what he always says.

❣︎ ⎯⎯ let’s take things slow from here .

PAIRING ! jay park x reader // GENRE ! domestic fluff // WC. ! 0.4k // WARNING(S) ! mentions of food and skipping meals

PROMPT(S) ! 3. laying their hand on the other’s leg ;; 6. fixing the other’s clothes ;; 20. making them food they like // requested by three lovely anons <3 // 2k followers event

A/N. ! this was so cute and fun to write :( i hope you guys enjoy !! <3

“hey, hey, hey, slow down,” jay said to you softly in a serious tone, his hands reaching out for your shoulders.

you were getting ready to leave for work, but as a consequence for you forgetting to set an alarm for this morning, which rarely, if ever, happens, you had to rush to get ready for the day.

“your collar is all messed up,” he told you, his hands already in the middle of fixing it for you, his eyes full of concentration. “i made breakfast.”

“thanks, love, but i don’t have time. i have to leave—like—right now.”

“no, you’re not skipping your meals again,” he looked into your eyes as he told you. “eat at least a little, okay? here.”

he held up a bite of food for you with a pair of chopsticks, smiling as he watched you take it into your mouth and chew it before swallowing.

“you still have a few minutes,” he said, checking the time on his phone. “sit for a little bit and eat. please? i made this food for you.”

you frowned, feeling contradicted, but after some thought, you complied.

he smiled, holding a bite in front of your mouth for you to eat again, “here.”

watching you enjoy his food, his heart filled with warmth inside.

he placed a hand on your leg soothingly before holding out some more food to you.

after many more bites, jay checked the time and stood up, “okay, you should get going now.”

checking the time yourself, you stood up.

but before you could go, you felt jay’s hand wrap around your waist, pulling your side into his gently before he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“stay safe, love,” he told you softly. “see you when you get home later. i love you.”

“thanks,” you smiled. “love you too.”

and like that, he watched you walk out the door, happy, without a lingering sign of the chaos you were experiencing this morning.

the smile returned to his face, awaiting the time for when you’d get home and he could hold you in his arms again.

A/N. ik us creators always say this but feedback and reblogs are always appreciated !! it doesn’t only help our work receive more recognition but your kind words also motivate us so much !! thank you guys for reading !! <3

2K EVENT MASTERLIST.

TAGLIST FORM.

another night, another fic of hyunjin to cry for

DRUNKEN WITH A SENSE OF LOVE | HWANG HYUNJIN.

genre | romance / drunken confessions / fake dating au

synopsis | you and hyunjin got drunk at different times, and you two took care of each other similarly. 

word count | 7.1k+

warning | mentions of insecurity / brief allusion to sexual themes / alcohol and drunkenness  

note | i changed almost everything about this.

Hyunjin has gotten himself etched to the back of your mind, and you genuinely did not like that.

You didn't blame him, though. If anything, you blame yourself for falling so head over heels for him.

For one, Hyunjin couldn’t help who falls in love with him. He couldn’t suppress his overwhelmingly good looks if he tried, which he never did. He enjoyed the positive attention, however shallow they often were. He also couldn’t put a pause on his decent personality, which came as a genuine surprise to you after you got to know him better through this fake dating scheme. You always thought beautiful people harbored the ugliest heart, out of envy and bitterness. Hyunjin wasn’t like that. You didn’t think he was, at least. 

For two, you should have known better than to fall in love with a man leagues above your selection pool. People called it self-degradation, a lack of self-esteem, having no self-worth, and whatnot. You considered it a down-to-earth trait, a reality check, understanding your limits, and whatnot. Hyunjin was a boy you should fall in love with in moderation but never utterly, ardently, absolutely. You were, unfortunately, the latter. 

For three, and this was the stupidest part, you two were temporarily dating. Hyunjin was honest when he approached you and said that his friends, at the ripe age of twenties and pursuing higher education, thought you were good enough to be the butt of a romantic joke. They had challenged him to chase you, get you into a relationship, and break your heart. It was a heinous and, frankly, childish game, but you agreed to it with him for the prize money. 

It was worth it at that time. It was easy money! Who wouldn’t want that? You didn’t feel that way now. Pretending to be in a loving relationship with him has short-term perks but long-term losses. 

Hyunjin was practically in you, etched to the back of your mind, tattooed on the inside of your skin, taken by your bloodied hands to the bottom of your grave. The degree to which your heart dropped for him was unexplainable by yourself. Therefore, having the excuse to go on dates and hold his hands in public, snuggle with him during outings with his friends, and maintain a pleasant friendship with him behind closed doors were great experiences. But when the time comes for separation, you will hurt, not merely over the breakup, but the reminder that he has never felt more for you, that your wonderful experience with him was just an experience.

Clumsy stumbling could be heard outside his apartment, and not a second later came a round of demanding knocks. Hyunjin's head perked up at the noise, his eyes wide in alert at the sudden banging. He looked at the door momentarily before finally looking over to the clock, his brows furrowing slightly at the late time. He waited to check if it could be a drunken stranger approaching the wrong door, but soon enough, another round of aggressive knocks sounded.

Holding the thought that it could just be his roommate, Han Jisung, coming back home late for yet another odd reason, and also praying inwardly that he wouldn't have to spend the night taking care of a loud, obnoxious, and very drunk Jisung, he made his way up and approached the door.

Flinging the door open, Hyunjin did a double-take before his annoyed expression morphed into one of surprise. His arm went slack against the wooden frame of the door, and he took an instinctive step forward when he saw your drunken state—your features were scrunched up in discomfort, your eyes squinted because astigmatism had taken over on your walk to the apartment building, and you were hunched over. You were not at all the way you used to look, not the way he was used to seeing you, which was always so presentable and well put together.

An amused smile appeared on his face as he eyed you up and down, wanting nothing more than to make fun of and tease you even without your ability to form the perfect retorts he has grown to be highly fond of. But you sniffed for a moment and took a step forward. In that exact second, you had Hyunjin doubling over to catch you before you could fall to the floor, concern lining up the crinkles of his eyes as he looked down at you.

"Woah, alright! Let’s stand slowly, okay?" he commanded gently, cooing at your side as if talking to a child. 

His arms curled around your shoulder and waist with a protective grip, and he hoisted your weight by supporting you with his own. Pulling you into the apartment, he shut the door slowly with his feet before returning his attention to you, hoping to bring you to the couch where you could lie down and rest.

“Jeez, babe, how much did you drink?” he laughed, dragging your unresponsive body along with him.

You groaned lowly, trying your best to hold down the acidic taste rushing at the back of your mouth. You wouldn’t know it, but this was not what you had planned for the night. Your friends did their job sending you home safely. Who would have thought you’d leave your apartment shortly after just to stumble to Hyunjin’s home? It was a short distance from your place, but what a miracle you made it without any major accidents! And what a disaster you made it to his home while being high on alcoholic honesty!

You snapped your head up. You were at the perfect angle to stare at his side profile, allowing you the premium shot of his perfect jawline, luscious locks, beautiful lashes, button tip of his nose, and just the most kissable lips you have ever seen. A grimace reached your face. It was an instinctive response. His good looks indeed couldn’t hide even behind the blurriest of eyes. You thought if you lied to your body enough, your mind would follow, so you grimaced whenever you looked at him, hoping to start disliking him. It hasn’t worked. 

"Hwang Hyunjin,” you muttered.

He chuckled. “Yes. That is me."

You gulped, still staring at him. Then, as you lowered your eyes to the floor, you leisurely suggested what’s been on your mind recently, “We should break up."

Of all the things you have done within these few months of him meeting you, including you agreeing to help him lie to his friends about this fake dating challenge to punching someone in the face for shaming his impulsive sex life, which you weren’t surprised he has, this one caught him off guard the most. This one also made him panic. It was fear, like sweaty hands and dry lips, like his mind racing with terrible thoughts, racing with made-up reasons as to why you would want that, racing with every single action he has done that could be counted as a mistake.

"Wh–what? Why do you–why? Why are we breaking up? We are fine. I didn't do anything–did I do something?" Hyunjin stuttered, unconsciously tightening his grip on your body before he let out a gentle but firm whisper, "No."

“I know, I am sorry. I don’t know–I’m just sorry,” you slurred, long stopped looking at him and instead was now leaning your entire weight against him like a wall. Your hands waved about in the air. "You are mad at me, aren't you? Of course–“ you snorted obnoxiously–“it’s a lot of money! I’ll pay you. Break up with me, don’t be mad.”

Hyunjin stared at you as you laughed manically. It sounded choked up, like you’ve got wet coughs prepared in your throat, but he could tell you were far from shedding tears, unlike good ol’ sensitive him, who remained in a state of anxiety and was still trying to process why you brought up separation. It wasn’t time for the fake dating to end. It was nowhere near it! To suggest breaking up so early must mean something was wrong with him, but what was? He couldn’t tell! To think he was just losing his mind over what to do once it was time for this fake relationship to end. 

“Hyunjin,” you called him once when you noticed his silence. Looking up at him, you furrowed your brows and reached up to brush his face clumsily with your hand, pushing your fingertips against his skull. “Hyunjin? Hey. Answer me. Hey. Hello. Hyunjin!”

He leaned away from your aggressive touch, his shoulders relaxing at your playful antics. A smile formed uncontrollably on his lips when you doubled down on smearing your hands all over his face after his dodges. He was left haplessly struggling between missing your direct eyeball pokes and keeping you from falling to the ground. You grinned out loud; he mirrored it, and he didn’t hear the sound of your laughs mixing together because he hears it all the time.

“You are very drunk, [Name],” he managed to comment after grabbing both of your hands and keeping them at his face level. His tight-lipped smile sparkled when you attempted a struggle, like a parent reprimanding their child, then he moved your hands to your face and squeezed your cheeks together. Your lip jutted out in response. He leaned in to kiss your cupid’s bow. “You’re being silly. Let’s get you cleaned up and back to bed.”

The frown on your face made him nervous. His hands slowly slipped from your face, and your hands fell to your sides. You remained silent, and he let the clogs in your brain move. Your thoughts weren’t clear. The only thing you were sure of was that the man standing before you was Hwang Hyunjin, your temporary boyfriend, and you’d spent the whole night trying to drink your feelings for him away. You came to his apartment for a reason—you needed to break up with him for your own good.

“No, I can’t go to bed yet. I have something to do.” You yawned and waved an arm dismissively. You spoke before you finished yawning, leaving your words hanging in the air in slow motion. “I came to tell you something.”

Hyunjin’s hands curled into fists. He let go, tightened them, and let go again to alleviate the sweat gathering at his palms. You were surprisingly hell-bent on the topic, which led him to believe it went beyond a moment of drunkenness. It must have been a conclusion formed long ago, and you have just now mustered the courage to let him know. But why? What did he do? What did he not do? 

He was more than nervous, if there was a word to describe the state of his heart. This was more than a personal problem, which he admittedly still has to work through, but far more significant than himself was you—his feelings for you, his immense affection for you, the fact that he loved you the way you warned yourself not to love him but did anyway. It wasn’t your fault. Your observant eyes, your sincerity, your care for him. It wasn’t your fault. He fell in love with you of his own accord.

If you left him, he would be like a dog without a leash, a dog without an owner. He would wander aimlessly, filled with rage and dread, sniffing every darkened corner for a whiff of your scent. 

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked meekly. 

You sucked in a deep breath to counter your congested chest, then you shook your head in agreement. “Yes.” 

You were very drunk. He shouldn’t take your words into consideration. “That’s fine,” he said as he stepped toward you, “can we get cleaned up and go to bed anyway? It’s very late.”

“No, I don’t want you touching me anymore.” You stepped back dramatically and hugged yourself into a protective stance. “It’s for the better.” 

He wondered what that meant. Were you repulsed by him? Did you finally realize how disgusting his inability to stay away from sexual and romantic validation was? Were you ashamed to be associated with him because of his impulsive behavior? He was only good for a short time; did you come to that realization? You were too good for him. He always knew that.

Hyunjin retreated his hand from mid-air. His hands met before his abdomen, his fingers immediately picking at each other as he uncomfortably shifted his weight. The corner of his lips arched downward at your rejection, but he tried to keep them neutral so he wouldn’t be influenced into crying. There wasn’t much else he could do with himself if being near you was no longer an option. He looked lost and wronged; he felt so.

“[Name], did I do something?” he asked, rubbing his elbow awkwardly. “Why do you suddenly want to break up with me?”

You blinked at a random space on the wall. Sitting below your sight was a messy square table with unwashed cups, scattered papers, and a closed laptop. Even in a state of haze, you knew they didn’t belong to him. Hyunjin was more organized than that. He told you once it made his school experience much easier to have everything in one place: his computer, which you knew he often kept in his school bag. You sniffed; you knew him like the back of your hand. 

“I can’t tell you,” you replied slowly, not looking at him. “It’s a secret.” 

Hyunjin tilted his head. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise.” 

He sounded convincing, so you gradually moved your eyes to access him. Standing in front of you, timid as a mouse, was Hwang Hyunjin. You knew that, and you knew that your secret was to be kept from him. Yet, somehow, all that did not register once you were engaged in a conversation with him. He was Hyunjin, just a person you were talking to. If he promised not to tell, then it should be fine. 

“You promise?” you asked. 

Hyunjin nodded. “I promise.” 

You pouted with a glare, willing him to waver and show any sign of deception, but he stood his ground and waited for you to expose your deepest and darkest feelings to him. A faint grumble sounded from your mouth. You looked around briefly to check for any eavesdroppers before you walked a few tentative steps toward him, and you confessed, “I’m in love with you.” 

It was like a shot through the heart, and the shot was aimed so successfully that the organ tore off its hinges and fell to his abdomen where his hands fiddled nervously with each other. It may be asking for an exit out of his body, it may be seeking its new owner, or it may come knocking boldly at your mouth and ask to fit inside you. Hyunjin remained perplexed at your confession. The confession had a bitter taste; he wasn’t sure what to make of it or if he deserved it from someone like you. 

“[Name]…” 

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I am very in love with you. It’s stupid.” 

He couldn’t tell, but you understood, despite a fogged mind, that letting him know your affection for him was a cause for your demise. Your emotions were in a whirlwind, collecting up the fragments of all the heart pieces you've broken because of Hyunjin and how you had confronted yourself multiple times with your own delusions that this wouldn't be like the movies. He would never fall in love with you just because you two got closer from months of fake dating.

Even then, he was empathetic to your body language, especially how much they mirrored his. His shoulders slumped at how you turned away from him to trail your attention off somewhere safer, where he wasn’t in your sight. Registering his beautiful face was hard for you because you couldn’t have him; processing his existence and your proximity to him was difficult because you could never have him. You turned away from him to further signify to yourself the assumed truth, your trembling fingers pulling at each other to avoid an awkward standstill. 

Hyunjin was etched to the back of your brain. He was overwhelming, and he was far away. Unable to contain the sudden reminder that you were never going to get over him, a rush of tears started to tremble their way up to your eyes. Your face scrunched without remorse, and your head dropped near your shoulders alarmingly quickly that it startled him.

“I love you, I’m so sorry,” you sobbed. It made him panic. “Please break up with me.” 

“Why are we breaking up if you love me, silly?” he forced a laugh once he approached you. 

His lanky arms were clumsy and gentle after he pulled at his sweater sleeves to wipe your tears. They hovered awkwardly over your face, gauging how much strength to use to effectively dry your eyes but not push you any further away from him. He cooed a bunch of nonsense, but they were sweet like sleepy kisses on your hands. Eventually, he cupped your face and wiped your eyes with his thumbs. You let him; he made you laugh when he apologized for using too much force, even though he never did. 

“You don’t love me, Hyunjin,” you muttered. 

“Nonsense,” he retorted within a second, “who said that?”

You didn’t reply, so he stood with his arms raised for a whole minute while you leaned the weight of your head against his palms. He thought it terribly horrific that he ought to remember the shape of your face with his slender fingers because of his inability to sew his skin into yours. If his hands were like superglue, he could be attached to you forever—your face, your features, you, his most favorite thing in the world. His hands would burn, but what of it? Better you scorch him than to never be touched by you at all. 

“Hyunjin,” you called when you were finished zoning out.

“Mhm?” 

“I love you. I’m sorry,” you said. “I’m so ugly.” 

Growing up being valued for his beautiful features taught him to devalue it. He didn’t care for it. He wouldn't cry about it if he were to earn a permanent scar across his face. Yet, even then, if he were to have one, he was sure people would rave about how the scar ruined his face rather than talk about how he obtained it. Except for you. You’d ask about it, like you always asked everything about him. 

The kind of person you were, his most favorite person in the world—you were detailed like that, and you made him feel an essence of humanity others didn’t. With you, he wasn’t ethereal, he wasn’t a God, he wasn’t an angel fallen to Earth. He didn’t have to be because you never put him on some miraculous pedestal. He was just Hwang Hyunjin; his favorite food is his mother’s cooking, he makes clumsy mistakes and looks funny when he does, and he enjoys making art. 

Not a model, not God’s favorite, not pretty. Just a boy, and he’s in love with you.

“Okay,” he said, “I’m ugly too.” 

He didn’t deny your false claims; you were the prettiest he had ever known, but only he needed to know that. When there comes a time for him to praise and worship your physical body, he will. For now, there wasn’t anything much he wanted to say in return. Just that he was the same as you. 

Your souls didn’t collide that way, obviously. You two were completely different people with varying hobbies and friend groups. However, Hyunjin was willing to chase you like Hell to meet where you were. There wasn’t anything he wanted to be if he couldn’t be it with you. Whatever you are, he is.

There was another long pause. Hyunjin patiently waited, tender eyes concentrated on each crevice of your face as he stroked your stained cheeks with his thumb. You didn’t say anything more, only slapping your hands over his and pulling them from your face. He thought you were moving away, but you took a step forward instead and dove into his arms. You hugged him around his neck, hanging off him like a sloth. He chuckled, swaying you side to side. You were tired, he knew. 

“It’s getting late, baby,” he whispered, leaning back to watch your closed eyes and laughing. He ran a hand through your hair multiple times, getting a clearer view of your face. “Let’s clean up and go to bed, okay?”

You groaned and muttered in response. He didn’t hear what you said. He kept sweeping your hair back. Supporting you with his weight, you were heavy, but he didn’t mind. You wouldn’t be able to change your clothes by yourself, so he would help you. It’d be sloppy and slow, and he wouldn’t mind. You would take up most of the bed, sprawled out without a clue that you weren’t sleeping in your apartment. Your body heat would scratch up a fever in him, and he wouldn’t mind. He enjoyed taking care of you. 

Staring at him as he stroked your hair, you pouted before uttering three familiar words, “I love you.” 

Hyunjin smiled. Whatever you are, he is. He kissed your nose and your eyes. He told you he loves you too.

It was one of those nights when Hyunjin couldn’t spend time with you, and you were unreasonably disappointed about it.

You slouched atop the couch you got at a flea market, which Hyunjin had to convince you to get after repeatedly reassuring you that there wouldn’t be any actual fleas hiding in the creases. This uncomfortable position resulted from five hours of continuous mumbling about how you should not be upset that Hyunjin didn’t choose to spend the night with you, which he had done the past few weeks. He has been somewhat clingy lately, and you couldn’t imagine why. You thought your act was good. There was no way his friends doubted you. 

This could be the calm before the storm. Even though you two had concocted a detailed timeline for your fake dating, you wouldn’t be surprised if Hyunjin abruptly cut it short. If that was true, his current sweetness was nothing more than a buildup to a dramatic and convincing breakup. 

Pouting in dismay, you rolled up the bag of chips and reached for the tea table beside you, your fingertips wiggling to graze past the black binder clip you used to keep the plastic bag sealed. Amid your frustrated groaning, still refusing to get your ass off the couch even after more than ten seconds of struggling, the doorbell suddenly rang, and coming after that were loud bangs at your door.

A shiver ran down your spine as you snapped your head toward the direction of the noise, your brows rising abruptly at the fearful intrusion. Slowly throwing your chip bag on the table, you stood up and tip-toed your way over to the door where you pressed your hands to the wooden surface and carefully looked through the peephole.

A gasp caught in your throat when you saw Hyunjin’s face standing just a few inches away from the circle as if leaning against the door for support. You immediately moved out and unlocked your door, swinging it open to reveal him fully. Taking a good look at his face before he started to throw his little drunken tantrum—messy hair, concentrated brows, droopy eyelids, and a general look of discomfort—you concluded that he definitely has been downing more shots than he could handle.

“What happened to you?” 

You stepped up to put your hands on either side of his arm, carefully bringing him into your apartment. He stumbled with most of his weight straining on your shoulder. There were so many stutters in his steps that you almost dragged him into a fall with you on your way to the couch. After setting him down, he snorted at the cushy feeling of your couch. It took him a while to process the new environment, and then he arched his neck to find you. 

Hyunjin could barely make out your face. He couldn’t even be sure if he went to your apartment, but subconsciously, he could tell he was at your place. He felt it in your timid touches just now, and whatever scent he whiffed out of the air, it smelt like you. Licking his lower lip as his worries slowly faded away and his attention—as much as he could muster—returned, he mumbled a string of incoherent noises under his breath before he, much to your palpitating heart’s dismay, pulled you onto the couch next to him. 

He got on top of you; his legs had to bend in weird ways to accommodate the small couch, and he placed his palms on either side of your head to trap you under him. You felt heat forming on your cheeks as you shrunk beneath his shadow, your eyes widening at the proximity. Hyunjin has never done this before. The closeness wasn’t new, but the position of it was. Being under him was an unbelievable feeling. He looked beautiful, and his toned muscles became more visible by supporting his own weight. How your thoughts were smeared! You doubted your body would forget how well he could cage you in. 

Hyunjin stared at you with a low, drunken hum. Then, suddenly, he leaned down to meet your face. 

“[Name],” he started, lowering his head tiredly to your shoulder, “you wanted to break up with me?”

You blinked up at the ceiling, confused, but you figured it could be the alcohol talking for him, so you chose to disregard all the questions that popped into your head. Holding out your arms to push against his chest, you attempted to sit up. “I don’t want to break up with you, Hyunjin.”

He seemed to be processing your answer as he allowed you to set him aside and give yourself more space. You sat quietly next to him, letting him have the time to think over what he wanted to say. The thoughtful pout on his face told you it was difficult for him to use his brain, but it looked cute enough that you almost took a picture to tease him about it once he got sober. You wondered if his response would be nonsense as well.

“Why do you want to break up with me?” he whispered, causing you to sigh. He hasn’t heard you, after all. His lips were pursed into a frown, and his eyes were squinted to show that he was very close to leaking a few tears down his cheeks, but you couldn’t read between the lines and realize what his despair meant. Hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt, he abruptly turned to you and sniffed. “You can’t do that to me. I won’t–I won’t let you do that to me.” 

You tilted your head to the side, your brows constantly furrowed. Where was he getting this idea from? You tried to recall any off-handed comments you made. Still, they were primarily directed elsewhere and never at your fake relationship. You’ve never said anything bad about him, not to him, and never behind his back. There wasn’t anything outstandingly mean to say anyway, so what sprung this on? 

Returning to reality, your head faintly shook as you looked up at Hyunjin to ask his drunken state about the reason behind this outburst. Your eyes widened instead when you saw he had taken his shirt off, the lump of fabric discarded on the floor carelessly. Heat blossomed at the base of your neck, and you felt your joints sour in panic; seriously, what sprung this on! This was a much bigger issue than drunkenness! 

When you noticed his hands reaching to the belt of his jeans, you immediately lunged toward him and circled his wrists to stop his movements. Your panic became a surprised concern at his need to strip naked in your apartment. You doubted he wanted to show you his body. Even if he did, this wasn’t how you wanted to do it. 

Moving his hands away, you urged, “No. We’re not doing that.”

“No, I have to! I have to!” 

He snatched his hands away from yours and dove to unbuckle his belt again. His movements grew increasingly frustrated the more you blocked his attempt to remove his pants. You were annoying, but he wasn’t angry at you. He was scared. He wasn’t getting what he wanted, and he thought you might leave him if he didn’t show you what he could offer. It scared him that you didn’t want to see him whole, so eventually, he began to sob. 

“I have to show you, [Name]. Please let me!” Hyunjin whined, hands tugging harshly at each other by his chest.

“You don’t have to show me anything,” you assured as you grabbed a few tissues from the tea table. You dabbled softly at his eyes. “Come on, let’s put your clothes back on.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks like knives against your skin. He felt uncomfortable at this unfamiliar sequence. Things usually go smoothly after he reveals himself. Nobody has ever refused to see him, so why did you? What about himself was so repulsive that you couldn’t take one look at his bare skin? Why didn’t you love him back? 

“No.” he slurred, then paused to catch his breath. 

The moment of calm was gone too soon. His hands reached up to ruffle his hair in a frenzy. His heart hammering against his chest, yet his brain wasn’t sane enough to understand what the sudden panic was about, just that it had something to do with you. That obliviousness, as a result, was making him even more agitated.

“You need to love me again!” he exclaimed, eyes brimming with unknown tears. “People love me when I take my clothes off. You need to love me again!” 

A puff of air slowly made its way out of your half-parted lips. You could feel the stretching of your heartstrings. Hyunjin cried as he shrank into himself, his arms going around his cold body for a sense of comfort, and the sight toyed with your head by sending waves of deep anguish like mere laps of the ocean. The feeling deranged you—to realize Hyunjin experiences such a level of hopelessness and loneliness was heartbreaking. More importantly, you felt ignorant of his problems. You should have been a better friend, perhaps even a better lover.

“Hey,” you called out gently as you scooted toward him. You brought one hand up to his face to direct his eyes to you. You smiled softly when you found that he was opening his squinted eyes to stare back. “I’m going to get something, so wait here for me, okay?”

He sniffed, tasting the tears rolling down his mouth, and nodded. You rubbed his cheek with your thumb, ever so gingerly placing a hand at the small of his back, hoping to calm him down, but it turned out Hyunjin had a thought of his own. After feeling the warmth of your hand, he took it as a sign that you wanted to hug him, so he obliged immediately by wrapping his arms around your torso and putting his head on your shoulder.

You breathed a small chuckle when he made weird noises after finding a space at the crook of your neck. The transition from him throwing a tantrum to having a mini panic attack to being the clingiest person you have ever met was amusing. As was the transition from your mind being filled with annoyance and confusion to having your feelings torn into shreds to breathing out a chuckle. It was entertaining, and the fact that Hyunjin could bring out so many different aspects of your emotions was undeniably endearing.

He was that kind of person. He has always been. More than beautiful, he was expressive, selfless, and tender-minded. Watching him allowed you to live an emotional life vicariously. All the things you ignored in the past because of mental stress were repainted in colors by his hands. The movie you never watched, the ice cream you never tried, the districts you never visited, and the fireworks show you never stayed for—everything meant something to Hyunjin, so everything meant something to you. 

To him, love was a grave of sacrifices. Of his time, his space, his body, and his mind. He was willing to give, and he has given you all except one. You wouldn’t know any of it. 

You moved to the back of the couch, cautiously pressing your back up against the edge. Hyunjin followed you, shifting his position so he lay stuffed against your chest with your arms around his shoulders. His fingers played with each other shyly on top of his bare chest as he looked around your apartment absentmindedly. He couldn’t register anything but the fabric of your clothes and how small you made him feel. 

He finally looked at you after a moment. His cries had long ceased and left only trails of dry tears on his dearest cheeks. With his eyelashes still wet, glittering beautifully in the air, he blinked, his eyes widening after he found out you had been looking down at him. Suddenly, he grinned childishly with a hint of sun hidden in his smile. “What are you looking at?”

You hummed, finding Hyunjin utterly irresistible even with his tear-stained cheeks and slurred laughter. He was all messy and puzzling, but your heart pushed against itself to give him space to stay inside. “I’m looking at you, silly.” 

“Oh, you’re looking at me.” He giggled, covering half his face with his hands and shutting his eyes shyly. He squirmed around in your arms, but not once did he move far enough to not feel you against him. When he was done, he returned back to the original position, and he peeked an eye through the gap between his fingers. He laughed. “ I am looking at you too.”

“I know you are,” you said, fingers threading through his feathery locks with serenity, and a smile so heartwarming that Hyunjin couldn’t help but focus his sight on it.

“Why?” he asked, his eyes shaky.

You pursed your lips together and shrugged. “I can’t tell you. It is a secret.”

Hyunjin’s gaze hardened naively, a gasp ripping through his throat as he leaned back against your hand. “Tell me! I promise I won’t tell anyone else.”

“You promise?” 

“I promise!” he exclaimed, sitting up slightly and bumping his forehead against your chin. He burst into a fit of giggles then, rubbing his forehead for a while before reaching the same hand out to touch your chin sloppily. “I’m sorry, I hit your face.”

“It's okay,” you said, your thumb soothing against the spot he had bumped into you. “But you promise me you can keep a secret? It’s very important!”

He nodded eagerly. “I promise!”

“Okay,” you said as you looked up at the sky, pretending to think. “The reason why I am looking at you is really simple. It is because I love you.”

You glanced back down at him to find him looking at you in astonishment. He licked his lower lip. His mind cleared a little for the first time, and he felt all of the universe that was your body pressed close to him. Beyond that, there were more minor things. Your heart beat faster than his, making him chase after you like a madman; the warmth of your skin equated to the warmth he manually cultivated in his bed by stacking multiple blankets together, an attempt to replicate your presence at night; your soft voice, going through his blurry ears, sounded like the subconscious voice he hears all the time. Maybe his subconscious was all just you.

Those were all fragments of proof of how much he loved you. To think you returned his feelings—he didn’t know what to think. 

“Really?” He sounded so surprised. It was almost heartbreaking.

“Yes,” you nodded, “even when we both have clothes on.” 

He looked down and touched your shirt. “Oh, you are wearing a shirt.”

“Yes, I am.”

He gazed at it briefly before, with an invisible shrug, leaned his cheek against your chest. “You’re warm. I like it.”

You smiled, feeling like your lips were about to extend out of your cheeks to become wider. “You’re cold because you took your shirt off!”

He scoffed and said nothing. Hyunjin was unguarded and half-stripped before you, chastely snuggling up against your chest while slurred words spilled out of his mouth like a mantra. You didn’t try to understand him; he wasn’t looking to have a conversation. You just wanted to lay together without a thought or a worry. Occasionally, he would sit up just to look at your face, then hum and lay back down, continuing to rot. 

It was such a wondrous thing.

“Do you want to wash up and go to bed?” you asked. “Are you tired?” 

“No. I want to stay here. I like it here.” 

Hyunjin let out a dreamy sigh. He threw his head back with a smile, his hair hitting your jaw and sprawled over the crook of your neck. He tilted his head then, letting it fall along your shoulder. His eyes were closed with bliss, and he laughed to himself. When he opened his eyes, there was only the shadow of your side profile, which was good for him. He wanted to kiss the skin, filled with close-up bumps and blemishes. It was a side profile he’ll know for the rest of his life, and he’ll whisper ‘I love you’ to a million times. 

“I have a secret to tell you,” he mentioned.

You raised a brow, intrigued, and urged him to continue, “What is it?”

He bit his lower lip and scurried off your body. You sat up straighter then, watching as he stumbled over to the front door for the bag he discarded on the ground. He crouched to pull a small notebook out easily before returning to you. He stopped by the couch, his eyes concentrated as he stared at the notebook's cover. Then, without another word, he dropped back onto your body and made you wrap your arms around him like before. 

“I draw you all the time. In my sketchbook.” 

He grinned out loud in the same way you would grin at him. His fingers played with the blank pages before, finally, he arrived at one filled with traces of his pencil. You gasped. He wasn’t spilling nonsense. The page was filled with beautiful sketches of your face, and so was the next one and the next. He kept flipping his notebook, and everywhere you could find pieces of yourself dotted out sincerely by his hand. 

They didn’t look to come from memories, but they were definitely from moments not even you could remember. But Hyunjin remembered everything because he detailed it all in the lines. His inability to not consume all of you tied his hands together and made you his ultimate muse. Almost unconsciously, for a while, the only thing he knew to draw was you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t know how else to pour you out of his mind. 

It was overwhelming, and you could see that. He was showing you all his blood work: mornings spent missing you with the tip of a crooked pencil, afternoons spent recalling your features in his head, nights spent tracing your face with his lead-filled fingers under a desk lamp. If he could inhale these sketches of you into his bloodstream and poison himself with those images, leaving an organ tattoo of your presence, he would. 

“I love this one,” he said, pointing at a full-body sketch of you. “I was waiting for you at the coffee shop, and you were walking towards me. I love it. I was so excited to see you. I memorized what you wore.” 

This sketchbook stayed with him all the time; he felt like he was bringing you with him, like a kid refusing to let go of their blanket. You wouldn’t know anything about that. The beautiful boy in your arms admired you constantly, from the farthest corner of his soul to the tip of his button nose, and you wouldn’t know anything about it. 

“I draw you all the time,” he added. “I will never forget what you look like, but I always want to remember.” 

The implications of that didn’t fly over your head. His addition to telling you the truth disabled your ability to attribute the fact that he draws you in his free time to him being artistic. But more than being afraid of rejection, you feared a mutual connection. The only thing worse than you finding Hyunjin loveable was him finding that you were as well. 

“Do you know why?” he asked, looking at you expectantly. 

You wavered. You hadn’t spoken since he showed you his sketches. “Why?”

Hyunjin stared at you. Within the drunken fog of his eyes, there was earnestness. “Because I love you too.”

You didn’t know what to say, and you wouldn’t. There was solace in choosing to believe that he didn’t mean it. When tomorrow arrives, and he returns sober, you wouldn’t speak of this conversation at all. When night comes tomorrow, and he’s had a full day of rest, Hyunjin would vividly recall how you took care of him and told him you loved him, and he would draw you again. 

“Do you like them?”

His question snapped you out of your trance. Your sight blurred through a sudden quake before it focused on his face. Hyunjin pouted, his fingers tapping patiently at his notebook for your response. You softened with love and squeezed him in a hug, a smile blooming on your face. 

“I’ve never liked anything more,” you complimented, “except for you!”

His legs kicked when you nuzzled your face to the back of his neck. His heart filled, like the sun could fill up a piece of land and the moon could fill up a river, and in return for his joy, he let out a boisterous laugh. He didn’t hear how it sounded with yours. Still, it was such a wondrous thing. Your love was such a wondrous thing.