“But Just Because You’re Strong And Resilient Doesn’t Mean You Never Need Someone To Be There For

I can't live as I once did, telling people that I was doing fine and desperately wanting them to wade through the language and see that I was in pain.

Hanif Abdurraqib, A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance

“People made her tired. The way they were easy with one another, the way they seemed so natural, only made her sad.”

— Ann Patchett, The Magician’s Assistant

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➵ Jibaku shounen Hanako-kun

➵ Toilet-bound Hanako-kun

⊱ Hanako-kun (Yugi Amane)

⊱ Yugi Tsukasa

⊱ Nene Yashiro

⊱ Kou Minamoto

⟿ Author's Official Art

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“So the myth in our society is that people are competitive by nature and that they are individualistic and that they’re selfish. The real reality is quite the opposite. We have certain human needs. The only way that you can talk about human nature concretely is by recognising that there are certain human needs. We have a human need for companionship and for close contact, to be loved, to be attached to, to be accepted, to be seen, to be received for who we are. If those needs are met, we develop into people who are compassionate and cooperative and who have empathy for other people. So… the opposite, that we often see in our society, is in fact, a distortion of human nature precisely because so few people have their needs met.”

— Gabor Maté

"Un solo sguardo e tutto è finito lí"

~Lacrime dal Cielo

There are two thing you can't fake or hide: the look in your eyes and your heartbeat.

May it be because they are connected to your spiritual self or because of a scientifically proven phenomenon,the true you knows that they will always be true.

They are truths that do not need to be proven.

They can't be concealed and you can't stop them from being conveyed to others.

It flows through that thin connection that surrounds us all and does not pass unobserved.

This allows you to let your trust reside in someone.

To let your emotions run freely.

To give it your all.

People are not made up of only one self,unfortunately.

As much as those things are true,they reflect the true essence and feelings of only one of their selves.

Their others selves are not obliged to uphold those truths.

Believe in them and believe in yourself as well. Good will surely come from it.

2021/08/01

Don’t touch me if you don’t mean it.

The War Boys (2009)

I have cried more than a few times today and we both ask myself, what is wrong?

Well, I am looking at myself waiting for the answer, I seem unable to conceive that it is I who is supposed to speak, I who is supposed to know.

I don’t know.

I look at myself expecting an answer but the mirror doesn’t flinch.

.

I have to be smart and I have to be different or nothing will have meaning, but already nothing means anything so why this desire to be apart from everyone while crying out: why am I apart from everyone?

.

I don’t know if I like the things I like or I just think I do, if who I am is who I really am or who I think I am supposed to be.

I am my best friend but that is only because I have no other friends.

.

I feel light years away from everyone else but I feel galaxies away from myself.

I want to be everything so much that I end up being less than nothing.

.

You can’t replace all the blood in a person.

Do you know what that means?

.

I burst into tears at signs of tenderness and I live a new life every day, I feel more the character than the actor, I feel more the actor than myself.

.

I cry at fictional scenarios and I joy in thoughts of strangers, yet I cannot call my friends back or reply to a single text.

.

It seems instead of finding love I find new colors of sorrow, new ways to cry and new languages in which to say it hurts.

.

Do my words mean something even if I don’t?

I don’t. I don’t.

.

I am tired of categorizing my emotions as symptoms.

.

Everything I’ve ever written is the same thing, repeated.

You can guess it by now.

“Have you ever sat there, looking into space and feeling a tight grip wrapped around your heart, it’s squeezing and squeezing not allowing you to breathe and slowly slowly you start to feel the tears fall down, and one after another the fits start to happen and you just can’t stop it. It hurts so bad it’s indescribable. People say love hurts, but that words used are so vague, “love hurts”, no love kills, and it doesn’t just take your breath away it takes away a piece of you, making you feel fragmented, shattering you into small different pieces where you can’t even get yourself back up on track again. That is what love is. Not the holding hands, forehead kisses. It’s the feeling you feel when you break down into a million pieces. It’s when you can feel your heart shatter against your rib cage. It’s murder. That is love.”

You’re smiling at me like the gate is closed and there’s nowhere for me to go.

You’re smiling like I still want you

through all the slurring, the blurring of your addiction and the cold, long winter of your silence.

You’re smiling like we’re living a party, baby and my eyes aren’t on that neon exit.

You’re smiling like I’m a boomerang, destined to circle back right into your hand

to relive that experience.

Your biggest insult to me.

— s. lee { x }