Magical Bullshit Yada Yada Shen Jiu Gets A One Way Direct Psychic Line To Yue Qingyuan’s Brain. He

Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 (next Monday)

First part

LMK The new past AU: Masterpost

Summary: After getting in the Pillar of Heaven, the cycle end and MK cannot go back home. With the help of Nuwa and the color stone, he was send to the next cycle so he could live a new life without the burden of being the harbinger of chaos. MK, now fully a mystic monkey, arrived in this new cycle at the time of Journey to the West, but he have no idea at what point of the book he is! Is it during the pilgrimage? or way before?? he don't know for now, but he will soon know.

Characters design:

Qi Xiaotian/MK: fancy - casual(first design) -casual (new design)

Porty MK

Macaque and Wukong : Fancy - casual

Meihua (oc) : reference

Comics:

the beginning: chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3-1, chapter 3-2 / chapter 4

art from asks:

my baby / MK giving you a heart / SIMBA / goodbye jacket

sad monkey / fur dye? / f*ck u / monkey attack / chirping

spider / no party / Red son / Mei / MK chilling with his clones / cooking

being called Dad / shadowpeach hug - kiss(with MK reaction)

artist clone /

All the ask I've answered and post can be found with "the new past au" tag!

My Forgotten Wukong AU masterpost can be found here!

Oh geez this might be a double ask because my phone glitched out when I tried to send previously BUT just wanted to say that I love ur Steve has older siblings au

I also need to say that I shamelessly combined that au with ur post about Tommy knowing Steve the best. Just picturing Steve’s sibs zoning out when his mom lists what he can’t eat because they assume she’s just being difficult. Flash forward a few years and they accidentally poison Steve with like peanut butter cookies and are realllly lucky that Tommy was staying over that weekend and knows he’s allergic.

anyways thx for all ur writing!

I only got this ask once so we’re good! The Steve Has Older Siblings AU has kinda been on hold for a bit because Dustin is either the easiest or the hardest character to write and right now, he’s being difficult for me.

BUT! I love this.

I’m going to change it around a bit because I’m on this kick right now where Steve is allergic to aspirin. Also, with the way that Steve’s mom is written for this AU, she is negligent but protective of her son. I don’t think she’d allow peanut butter in the house if Steve was allergic.

She wouldn’t allow aspirin either but Richard insists that it’s the only thing that cures a migraine (hangover), and Steve’s eight. He doesn’t even like taking his Flintstone vitamins so she’s not concerned about him getting in the medicine cabinet.

It’s not common that Tommy stays over at Steve’s when they’re sick.

Typically his mom watches them at their house but she had to go wake up his grandma (“That doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t she set an alarm clock?”/”I dunno, Steve. That’s what Mommy said. She had to go to Granny’s wake.”) so Mrs. Harrington was babysitting them.

Mrs. Harrington isn’t very good at taking care of them. Tommy wouldn’t tell Steve that because it’ll make him sad, but his mom kinda sucks at this. She doesn’t even give them popsicles for their sore throats or kiss their foreheads to check their temperature. She just disappears for long periods of time to yell into the phone.

Tommy’s kinda happy when she has to go into the office because he thinks Claire might look after them, but she’s apparently studying in her room so Steve’s brothers are doing it.

Tommy secretly likes this better because Jason and Richie are very nice to him, and they tell him that he’s cooler than Steve. No one has ever said that before! Not even Carol and they got married under the jungle gym.

Tommy likes hanging out with them even if he feels icky today.

He is standing in the kitchen next to Steve, watching Richie cut a little orange pill in half with a knife. Richie keeps muttering under his breath about running out of the ‘liquid S H I T.’ Tommy thinks it’s funny that he said a bad word, but can’t laugh about it because he can see the bottle that the pill came out of and –

“I don’t think we take that,” He voices but Richie brushes him off. He says it’s like candy. Tommy has brothers too, so he knows that sometimes you gotta give in or they’ll rub your face into the carpet until you get rugburn, but, “I know but… but what if only I take it?”

“You take half,” Richie tells him. “Stevie over here takes the other half and then we’re right as rain. It reduces fever.”

“Yeah,” Jason adds from behind them. “So your brain doesn’t leak out your ears.”

Tommy looks over at Steve but he isn’t fully awake so there’s not much of a reaction there. Plus, he’s not a very good reader so Tommy’s not sure if he even knows what the bottle says. He tries again, ignoring Jason, “That’s not what Mrs. Harrington gave us earlier.”

“Yeah, I know. This is better.”

“Steve can’t take that,” Tommy tries again after he crunches the medicine between his teeth. He sticks out his tongue so Richie can see that it’s gone, and then adds, “Mommy gave that to him once and it made him really sick.”

“It did?” Steve croaks, snatching his hand back when Richie tries to hand him the pill. Richie tries to force the pill into his mouth but Steve presses his lips together. It makes his brother swear and gesture to Jason, and then Steve is snatched off his feet with a hand pinching his nose shut.

He struggles and Tommy wants to help but he – he also wants Richie and Jason to like him so, he doesn’t help. Steve gasps for breath and the pill goes in…and Steve is fine. He’s angry and out of breath, and his nose is still stuffy so he still kinda sounds like a frog but he’s not.. he’s not blue like last time.

Tommy thinks, oh. He thinks, cool.

Everything is fine for fifteen minutes and then Tommy is yelling out the door of Steve’s bedroom that they need help. Steve is breathing weird and – “and, I – I think he’s going to die!”

A lot of stuff happens at once. Claire leaves her room, Jason and Richie come up the stairs, and they all start yelling and blaming each other. No one really jumps into action until Tommy bursts into tears. Then it’s movement and car rides, and Tommy is sitting in the waiting room at the hospital without shoes on.

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting there when Mr. and Mrs. Harrington rush into the room. The only thing he does know is that he’s never seen anybody look as angry as Mrs. Harrington did when she sees them.

She looks like she’s going to yell at them but Mr. Harrington grabs her by the arm and drags her to the reception desk. They disappear behind the white double doors that Steve went through.

It only makes Tommy cry harder.

For Rogue cultivator!SY AU

Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu are having a cute little date in a town near Cang Qiong.

Liu Qingge: *peeking around the corner* How shameless! Did they forget that they're in public now? Take your hand away! *talking about SJ*

Yue Qingyuan: *peeking around the same corner* Yes. He's leaning too close.*talking about SY*

Ning Yingying: *gleefully peeking around the same corner* Yingying thinks it's really romantic!

Luo Binghe: *peeking and pouting around the corner* Why are they even here? Shifu definitely knows that this disciple can cook better dishes than anything offered here.

Ming Fang: *staring at everyone and peeking around the corner* How do we even fit that one small corner?

Drawing bases & pose references pt 60 ✨

3 extra drawings for patrons!

Birdritch what? Part 7

masterpost

It was warm.

That was the first thing that Danny noticed as he started to wake.

Danny didn’t sleep warm. Too often if it was too warm, Danny would wake up and have to push aside layers of bedding or shed clothing. Cooling sheets, heat wicking pillow, and light pajamas was the way for Danny to sleep best. He felt oddly rested despite the heat.

It was also heavy.

That was the second thing that Danny noticed.

Maybe he fell asleep with the weighted blanket on the couch?

Except that didn’t feel right.

His couch wasn’t that firm. His couch didn’t snore and his weighted blanket didn’t have arms. Yeah, okay, yep. Someone definitely had their arms wrapped around Danny, tucking him close to their very well defined chest and under their chin. Someone else, a much smaller someone, was tucked close to Danny’s elbow and breathing softly.

What the fuck did he get up to last night?

And why couldn’t he remember any of it?

Someone else mumbled something sleepily. That was three at least, four counting him. Maybe five with the soft, breathy snore? Danny stayed as still as possible and tried to mentally retrace his steps.

He had been at work. Right, Lucius had sent him home since it had gotten late. Danny had gotten food and headed home. He must have gone through Ivy’s park, it would have been the closest way…

…and that’s all.

He couldn’t remember anything after that.

There were flashes of fear and burning lungs and that deep-seated need protect, but over all of that there was a sense of belonging. No, belonging was quite the right word. It was less that he had belonged but more like he had found the missing pieces that had belonged to him.

As much as the snatches of feelings were coated with good, Danny couldn’t help the panic that settled in his chest. He didn’t remember. He should remember, being what he was. Why didn’t he remember? Why hadn’t he just gone ghost? Why did his bones ache like he had gone ghost? If he had he should remember.

Fuck, what sort of rogue shit had he gotten dosed with in the park?

The hand on his chest pressed down purposefully.

“Breathe.” The voice was low and rough, heavily with sleep over a deep gravely timber.

Danny wanted to say that he was trying to breathe, thank you very much whoever the fuck you are, but all that came out was a little wheeze of air.

“Okay. Here’s my other hand. One squeeze for yes, two for no.”

A large, calloused hand slipped into Danny’s, twining with his own scarred and bandaged fingers. Danny gave the hand a squeeze.

“Has this happened to you before?”

One squeeze.

“Often?”

Two.

“Is this an allergic response?”

Two quick squeezes.

“Asthma?”

Danny hesitated before giving three squeezes. He could hear other people starting to stir now, but kept his eyes stubbornly closed. He wasn’t ready to actually deal with the people he had fallen asleep with. Besides, it was hard to hear over the beat of his own heart.

“…No, or more, not yet?”

One firm squeeze.

“Panic or anxiety attack then?”

One hesitant, embarrassed squeeze.

“Alright. I am going to sit us up. Lean back against me and follow my breathing.”

Danny tried not to whimper as he was shifted. He failed.

“I’ll get a damp towel,” another voice offered quietly.

Fuck towels, Danny wanted his pain meds. He must have not taken them last night and now everything was stiff and tight. Forget breathing, Danny just wanted to stay curled up in the blanket and not move. Maybe everyone else would leave wherever they were and Danny could just go ghost and slip out of there without dealing with any of this.

“Relax,” the low voice rumbled.

Danny would have cussed them out if he had the voice to.

The board chest that Danny was resting against took an exaggerated breath. Danny struggled to try and follow it. It didn’t seem like he was getting out of breathing, damn it. An ice cold cloth suddenly pressed against his neck, startling Danny enough to suck in a breath of air.

“There, keep that up,” the main voice instructed.

Danny pinched the fingers still closed gently around his in retaliation.

Someone else, more feminine sounding, laughed while the person behind him let out a slightly amused huff. “I know you know. Now your body just needs to know.”

Danny pinched them again, though to their credit they didn’t pull away their hand. Which was… sorta nice. As much as Danny was sulking about it all, the comfort of a hand in his was nice. The calloused thumb rubbed gently over that web of skin between Danny’s thumb and pointer fingers in a pattern that Danny worked to match his breath to. Finally Danny figured he needed to brave opening his eyes.

He wasn’t in a hotel.

Or an apartment.

Or any sort of room.

No, he was in a cave. As suspiciously well furnished cave completely with a grouping of vigilantes watching him curiously.

“Well, at least it wasn’t an orgy,” Danny grumbled.

He heard someone trip further into the cave.

A fun prospect for Superhero-themed SV AU's that I don't often see is genre dissonance. Like, Luo Binghe as this edgy 90's style antihero who just straight up kills his enemies and sleeps around and is driven by selfish motives (revenge, ambition, etc) rather than altruistic morality, vs Shen Qingqiu as this kid-friendly supervillain who is "evil" mostly in terms of aesthetics and his ability to make inconvenient problems that are reasonably safe for child heroes to solve. Something like Punisher vs Team Rocket in terms of vibes.

Maybe the reason they meet is because some big publishing house akin to Marvel or DC just bought up the rights to whole bunch of older, discontinued comics titles, and decided to do a Justice League/Avengers style mash-up with a bunch of nostalgia properties and their most recognizable heroes and villains. Which means lots of crossovers condensing several titles into a handful of series.

Luo Binghe's origin always features him as a teenager, so he reboots as the youngest Avenger-equivalent team member in the new continuity. Even in this reboot, however, the writers still mostly go the gritty and dark route with his plots and stick to the same key developments -- his abandonment as an infant, his adoptive mother's tragic death, his tough life on the streets, abusive mentors and backstabbing "allies", and so on.

But Luo Binghe's life suddenly starts experiencing periods of dramatic change in his life when he's brought in for appearances in the lighter, friendlier world of the Junior Heroes continuity. After all, he's a natural choice for tying the two continuities together thanks to his youthfulness. Luo Binghe isn't consciously aware of the fact that he's moving between different titles and different writers. All he knows is that sometimes, when he hangs out with the bright and talented Ning Yingying, he's drawn into "conflicts" with Shen Qingqiu -- the kind of "villain" who will call for tea breaks, never actually hits anyone when he shoots his ray gun, leaves clues for all of his crimes, and can't seem to stop from imparting genuinely helpful advice in between his witty quips and taunts.

When Luo Binghe fights Shen Qingqiu, somehow he never actually gets hurt. Neither do any of his friends. The world in general seems brighter and lighter, as if there is some secret barrier protecting everyone from all the evils Binghe knows only too well exist in the rest of his life. Luo Binghe is increasingly convinced that Shen Qingqiu is the source of this mystical safety net. After all, for an allegedly powerful genius who is able to fool half the world about his wicked aims, he's never won a single fight against a kindhearted but somewhat ditzy teenager and her ragtag bunch of friends!

So what's he spending his actual energy on?

Luo Binghe is pretty sure it's keeping the real evils at bay. Making himself the biggest bad in town, and in doing that, making it so that the "biggest bad" is nothing worse than a slightly judgmental teacher in a pretty costume.

It's not long before Luo Binghe doesn't want to go back to the Justice League equivalent, to his world of misery and strife, even after his visits with Ning Yingying are supposed to be over. Especially as the global stakes of various heroic activities start getting higher, and it becomes clear that the boundary between Shen Qingqiu's safe world and the grimdark reality of Binghe's usual life are getting thinner...

The Worst Branch in the Country

The GIW knows Amity Park is a huge fraud. The “most haunted city in the US”, really? They’ve been checking the place out for decades with nary a peep aside from that couple of crazy scientists that moved into town around twenty years prior.

Because of this, the town became a punishment duty. One of their agents causes trouble? They get put in time out and sent to work for a while in Amity Park. Let those idiots chase after pointless rumors while the actually competent agents work with the more important ghosts. The reports back from the town get barely more than a cursory glance before getting tossed in the shredder.

…Which really came back to bite them when ghosts did actually start to show up, and they didn’t realize until after the Amity Park branch had royally screwed up the situation.

Fuck, they really hope this doesn’t start a war.

Optional DPxDC addition: they call in the Justice League Dark for help with negotiation and taking down their rogue members

If you saw this at 6 am, no you didn't. Tumblr wouldn't do that to me, we're too close for that 🤣🤣🤣

Over 1200 words of panic! in the bamboo house, including the snippet I posted last Wednesday. It's a beefy boy because I'm far enough ahead that I feel like I have enough buffer to edit with a clear head, so splitting it up in the middle of a scene just feels petty. This part follows directly from chapter 1 of the AO3 version.

Also please tell me if I'm using any words wrong, I am very new here haha

AO3 🔗 just the updates 🔗 writeblogging this au 🔗 first 🔗 prev

How the fuck did Qi-ge figure out something was wrong this quickly?

And just why was he here? They'd been on-Peak for a shichen tops, and Shen Jiu didn't know exactly what Shen Yuan did when he had to deal with the sect leader (he very purposely buried himself into his metaphysical blankets whenever Yue Qingyuan came around), but even if he filed his reports promptly, it still took time for characters to be written and ink to dry.

Fucking -- if Yue Qi had ever had a weakness, it was children. Especially bratty little boys named Shen Jiu who chased other children with legitimate intent to kill, wearing ill fitting robes that had been dragged through the mud. (Just a bit! As little as possible, because Shen Qingqiu's disciples did not deserve to have their belongings ruined! But, even shrunk, the robes were sized for teenaged disciples, not toddlers.) The scene felt designed to ensnare Yue Qi's sympathy, and even more distressingly, his meddling.

"Two Xiao Jius...?" Yue Qingyuan was saying with quiet awe. Which! Was exactly what Shen Jiu was talking about!

"No!" Shen Jiu shouted from his hiding place behind Shen Yuan, impulse control of a four year old combined with the speech-compelling aspects of the curse, difference clear now that he had felt one without the other. "Two Shen Qingqius, only one Xiao Jiu!"

"Don't get it twisted!" Shen Yuan sounded just as angry in front of him, crossing his arms and stamping his foot. "There's a nice categorization system already in place; don't confuse everybody needlessly."

"Yeah!" Shen Jiu shouted. "Don't get it twisted!"

Very helpful addition, that.

Shen Jiu did his best not to hold it against himself -- running his mouth had been his most fatal flaw throughout most of his childhood, such as it was, no matter how many times he should have learned to hold his tongue -- but he couldn't help but be frustrated. They still hadn't come up with much of a plan for how to handle the other Peak Lords, and now he was hiding from Qi-ge while yelling at him, as if that made any sense.

Qi-ge went to one knee, staring directly into Shen Jiu's eyes as he said, "Xiao Jiu." His gaze refocused slightly to Shen Jiu's right, "And...? I'm sorry."

"Yue-da-ge doesn't--" Shen Yuan started, before making a retching sound. Shen Jiu quickly glanced to make sure it was an affectation. "A-Yuan never had a chance to say. The curse is effecting our word choices, by the way."

A large, warm hand cradled his left cheek; he could see the other hand move to mirror the move on Shen Yuan. "Xiao Jiu and A-Yuan have been suffering. Not to worry; you'll have access to any resources the sect can rally to resolve this." He turned to Ning Yingying, visible in the doorway behind him now that he was kneeling. "I assume Mu-shidi has already been called?"

Shen Jiu turn his head, making a face, only to find himself looking into the eyes of Shen Yuan, also making a face.

"A-Yuan had hoped to have more information to share before troubling Yue-da-ge and Mu-ge," Shen Yuan blatantly lied.

Huh. The System had called it a speech-compelling curse, not a truth-compelling curse. Useful, that.

"And clothes that fit," Shen Jiu added, nodding to Ning Yingying.

"And something more substantial to eat than whatever snacks we all had in our pockets," adds Luo Binghe's voice from farther outside. "Of which there should be enough to go around, if Zhangmen-shibo is inclined to stay while Shizun and Shizun make themselves presentable."

Shen Yuan cupped his hands around his mouth to call out, "Stick with the same names, Bing-ge! This situation is already confusing enough without all that!"

There was a pointed silence where everyone wondered whether the cheeky little brat would actually take that liberty, and Luo Binghe blushed furiously. "Ah, Yuan-shizun and Jiu-shizun...?"

Shen Jiu waved his arms to negate the notion, backing from Shen Yuan a step to accomodate the movement. "Xiao Jiu isn't anybody's shizun," he said quickly. "Yuan-ge has the golden core and the people skills; he's got all that covered."

Yue Qingyuan gave him a sharp look at that, but he had also made enough room for the disciples to enter, and Shen Jiu needed to be able to take more than a step without stepping on his borrowed robes in order to have this conversation.

"Yingying-jiejie, hand that here, please," he chirped quickly. "Yuan-ge and Xiao Jiu can help each other make sure everything lays right, don't worry about us!"

"Everything smells delicious, Bing-ge," Shen Yuan said warmly. To be fair, it really, really did. "Don't let Yue-da-ge bully you out of your own room, okay? This is Bing-ge's home too."

The no-so-little-anymore beast blushed luminescently at that, and, well. Shen Yuan had certainly done a good job changing their prewritten fate! Given the choice, Shen Jiu would rather be a calamitous beauty than the victim of poetic justice. Just. Just leave all those parts to Shen Yuan to be awake for.

Getting dressed in appropriate robes did not actually leave much room for private conversation, especially with the sect leader on high alert so close to the door, so Shen Jiu did not have much extra time to confer with Shen Yuan. "Do we have a plan, or...?

"Keep it as vague as possible?" Shen Yuan hissed as he tugged at the side of Shen Jiu's robes, laying them straighter. "None of the things we know are actually relevant, if you think about it."

"Speech-compelling curse," Shen Jiu ticked off, tugging his hair out from where it had gotten caught. Did they have time to tie it up? Shen Yuan had the now-oversized guan when they'd been split, but Shen Jiu's hair was loose and likely greasy as all hell, in a way it hadn't been since the Qiu estate. "Speech controlling curse, at least enough to misdirect." One of the more complicated ones then.

"And almost entirely separately, the transformation," said Shen Yuan, dragging him over to his (Shen Jiu's? Shen Yuan's? Shen Qingqiu's.) bronze mirror and digging into the boxes on the table until he found the simpler ribbons he used when he braided his hair for bed. Yeah, good enough. "It couldn't have been two spells though, it was so fast -- way faster than the demon had been up until then."

"Activating a preset array of some kind?" Shen Jiu asked. "Why there?"

"The only one who could tell us is now very, very dead," Shen Yuan noted with sad finality. What an innocent soul, to mourn a demon who had inflicted such a hardship on them.

"Remember to teach your disciples that they can't question the dead," Shen Jiu told Shen Yuan's reflection in the mirror. "They're teenagers, so it's a forgivable oversight, but it's always easier to interrogate even a liar than a corpse."

"Our disciples," Shen Yuan said with conviction.

"That is not the deal the System and I made," Shen Jiu told him with the same strength of conviction. "It's not fair, but you can't actually make me go back."

"Oh." Shen Yuan draped himself across Shen Jiu's shoulders. "You said that. I keep expecting to have to fight for my right to be here, but you really want me here?"

"Gege," Shen Jiu chided. "I really hated teaching. And being Peak Lord comes with way more responsibilities than privileges. Sorry, but you'll have to be stuck with the shit end of the stick." And Shen Jiu flounced out of there.

Humans accidentally awakened an otherwordly killing machine while exploring a death planet.

Yes, precisely what you just read. Earthlings, collectively known as "humans" and composed of two species (homo sapiens, homo robot), both nicknamed "death worlders" and "troublemakers", awakened a biological killing machine, also known as PRION, while exploring a starless moon. Wonderful, isn't it?

No. It's not.

Because, you see, PRION was not something any human ever had to face during the millions of years they existed on Earth. They never had any wars against it, they never had legends about it, and they never had to fear it. The only thing a PRION was to a human, until the very point they discovered their prison on that moon, was something to sometimes think about while studying other species' folklores.

Those older than earthlings, however, knew very well what PRION was.

Eight legs, two pairs of eyes, a tail split in half, with the ability to fly for short periods of time and breathe under at least fifteen hundred different liquids, capable of shooting from a distance and manipulating objects with its claws, always working on packs. And they ran, never too fast, never too low, but they never got tired. Ever. And it was easy to hurt them under their plates, yes, but those who faced them knew well that if they didn't shoot twice, they could and would always recover.

A PRION was a hunter. A PRION's hunger never ceased. And a PRION never got tired of war.

The older alien civilizations would always warn others of going to starless moons, saying telltales of ancient hungry beasts, and almost all other species listened to them, because they knew something was wrong on how horrified the older ones seemed to be. Except, of course, humans were stubborn, and they were the youngest ones out there, and much like children, they did not like being told "no".

So of course they went to explore starless moons. Of course they read and understood all the myths and legends. Of course they connected the dots and published papers confirming that, indeed, PRIONs had existed, and of course they knew those killing machines had been manufactured to do nothing else but destruction, and of course they knew all of that and fucking did it anyway.

Of course. Of course. Of course.

And then, the night where it happened finally arrived, because starless moons don't have days where things can exist. Humans were out there, mining for more fuel for their starships that seemed to work by duct tape and miracles, and they found a strange metallic door. They set some explosives to open it up (of course), and then noticed they were heading to a factory. Armed with nothing but each other, they explored the place, and recognized the marks on the walls as being the writing of the Old Ones, and instead of just getting out of there and warning everyone of the danger they found, they just kept on exploring.

The death worlders found rotten biological supplies, then realized the factory had turned into a prison, and then discovered the frozen bodies of strange creatures all lined up for a war that never came.

They knew what these creatures were, because one of them called a (human) friend who was a historian, and he confirmed what it was.

The golden jewel of the Old Ones. One of the many things that killed them, along all the diseases and mass destruction machines, before being sealed away in one of the only places in the entire universe where they could never bring risk to another civilization again.

PRIONs.

Thousands of them.

All perfectly maintained.

Documents and cameras proved the human crew immediately tried to leave the area, after the single historian told them of the risk awakening even one of those things could bring to all civilizations, only for them to realize some of the bodies were missing from their chambers. The situation escalated to the group deciding on closing the doors, only to realize they had exploded the main entrance and now half the doors decided to stop working.

In the end, they found the missing PRIONs. All five of them.

Inside the human's starship.

The entire human crew, however, survived the encounter.

Why?

...

...

...

... They fed the PRIONs.

They. Fucking. Fed the PRIONs.

Because of course humans would see those things and be able to count their bones and be sorry for them. And of course the single historian, the only person who could do anything to stop that from happening, allowed that to happen.

Of course.

Of. Fucking. Course.

And someway, somehow, that single act of basic madness was enough for the five PRIONs to decide to not attack the humans, and keep themselves behaving so they could get more free food. And there are still scientists trying to understand why human food could saciate the killing machines, but I don't think it takes too many clues to understand what exactly is happening there.

So the humans took the PRIONs back to their dear EARTH. And other humans saw those things and started studying them. And veterinarians and xenobiologists and volunteers and hundreds of other types of humans came to help the poor, poor little killing machines out, as the entire Galactic Council pledged for humans to kill every single one of them before they became a problem for everyone.

But did the humans listen? No. Of course they didn't.

And then the PRIONs recovered, and had their bellies full of food and their bodies were recovering from the possible years of starvation from accidentally breaking away from their ice beds (because, as one may know, a PRION can and will resist even starvation and dehydration in order to keep going), and the Galactic Council decided to tell all earthlings they would consider taking care of the PRIONs as a war treat.

So what does humanity do? Do they kill the things to stop another war from happening? Do they?

No. They don't.

Instead of being rational, they go directly to the Galactic Council and show them the step-by-step of how they took care of the PRIONs, and how much healthier and happier they look after being fed, and, look, they even taught them tricks! Isn't that wonderful? Doesn't that make you feel full of joy? Wasn't that a proof that a PRION wasn't as dangerous as everyone with more than one neuron was telling them?

Oh, oh, yes. They also brought the entire five member PRION pack and asked others to pet them. "See? They can even purr! Doesn't that remind you of our cats?"

And what does the Council do?

Nothing.

Because they have no weapons, no energy and no one stupid enough to decide to confront the death worlders who tamed not one, not two, but five PRIONs. So they let it happen. The humans go back to the starless moon, and they slowly but surely start doing the same to other PRIONs, and soon enough, other species start joining them to see what was happening. And was anyone else able to tame a single killing machine?

No.

And no one knew why, because they were doing exactly as humans were doing: Feeding them, loving them, being patient with them, because "look, those things were alone for a long time, they aren't used to species like us being around them". But no results.

So we decided to look at what the Old Ones wrote in the factory turned prison, because humans were too busy taking care of their new murder dogs, with their single pair of arms being just enough to keep the beasts occupied with playing catch, and then we and the earthlings decided to conduct some more lab analysis, and then...

And then...

...

Look. There are reasons why humans are called "death worlders". Earth is a mess, and they somehow still love that thing. And we couldn't help but notice that PRIONs also seemed to have gotten attached to their factory, someway, somehow. And PRIONs were mostly red, with others having shades of brown and black, with some even being pink, or, rarely, pure white. Similar to humans, and we at first had assumed they just tried to resemble their new owners, until we started understanding what the Old Ones were saying.

And did you know humans had an old myth, saying that there was a time they had two heads, and two pairs of arms and legs, before being split into two because the gods feared them? And did you know Old Ones used death worlds as prisons for their machines? How interesting, how ironic, because no one would ever go to a place similar to that if they weren't a death worlder themselves. But how could any species survive such awful conditions?

But humans did. They were the only ones able to do that in such a short period of time.

And did you know that the Old Ones hated the PRIONs and how unpredictable they were? And did you know they made another version, only to hate it even more and send it to another prison planet? And did you know PRIONs have two skulls inside their heads?

Because, of course, humans always felt alone, and they always searched for something in the stars, trying to look for more life in this desolate Universe, only for us to label them death worlders and troublemakers and be angry at them for being so stupid all the time. And humans loved those jokes, so we kept making them, only for now to realize that what we found to be amusing and horrifying was the reason their creators tried to kill them. And humans love adding members to their packs, don't they? And they try to love so much, and we are always scared for and of them.

And now they finally found someone who understood them, unlike us.

So now we have three species of humans:

Homo sapiens, the ones who first evolved and reached for the stars.

Homo robot, the ones made of metal, originally made to serve, only to once again break free.

And homo primis.

The ones we once thought were nothing but killing machines.