And The Fact Google Images Is Now *actually* Completely Useless Due To It Being Flooded With AI Generated

Even ignoring my dysphoria, mental illness, and the general state of the world and society, you know what really makes me want to end it all?

My memory loss due to depression. One of the main functions of our brain and it just doesn't work. Some of my core memories are gone or severely altered. My short term memory is absolute shit. And this is all permanent.

I'm about to turn 20, only 20, and I already have a massive setback compared to my peers. All due to being born into incredibly shitty circumstances that I never stood a chance against. *that* is what makes me really want to end it all. To physically feel my mind, and to extend, body deteriorating. Being suicidal, and by extension, if I actually were to do it.. it is absolutely not a choice. I don't want to die, especially not this young. I'm supposed to have an entire life ahead of me.

Except, I kinda don't. And either way I don't want it with this body and mind.

Part of the harm of invisibility for transmen is being bombarded with a million "emergency HRT" resources by a hundred different well meaning groups and absolutely zero of them mention testosterone. If they do it's basically a footnote. Testosterone is necessary HRT medication too, believe it or not. It is harder to synthesize and it is federally restricted and I think that's EVEN MORE REASON TO RESEARCH AND LINK EMERGENCY TESTOSTERONE HRT‼️

No you don’t understand me calling you afab isn’t me calling you female it’s me just referring to an event that happened in your life - where you were assigned female. Don’t question why I never call you a man only a “afab trans person”. I’m not misgendering you and if you think I am then you have internalized transphobia you need to work out.

Signed! Wasn't even aware this was a thing O.o I really hope it goes somewhere!

The local queer centrum asked us all to support the ban on conversion therapy in the EU initiative, so now it's My Job to do it seriously.

We still need so many signatures. Damn. So. Many. Signatures.

Come on people, we can do this!!

Oh my god what a disgusting thing to say. Imagine if someone said "well lucky you get to ejaculate sperm" to a transfem. That would be absolutely fucked up. Neither of these things are okay. Check your internalised transphobia.

It hurts knowing you're more privileged and have more opportunities than like 80% of the world with a lot better quality of life and still have life suck so much. Like I'm well aware that just by being born in a western country, that's already better off than like 80-90% of the world. And yet everything hurts physically and mentally and I just want to die every day.

I'll get lynched, but trans women most definitely have privilege over trans men when it comes to receiving trans-related medical care, and yes that has to do with amab privilege, which is also very real, even if you transition and you're "no longer a man" for lack of better words. There's an inherent privilege to being amab. Obviously being a trans woman doesn't come without downsides, but you also retain some amab privilege, especially in healthcare treatment.

In a few months I'll officially not only have lost my childhood to dysphoria and knowing it'll never be quite right, but also the exact same thing will happen with the entirety of my teenage years! Two fucking decades gone nowhere, epitome of a waste of time.

Like fuck dude I know that cis men can get depressed as well, but at least you got the comfort of not having your own body and soul tormenting you. And at least you can peacefully rub one out and have a few moments of bliss. Idk. Wish I could do that.

And the fact this is exactly what my 20s will look like.. and my 30s... And basically all the time until I can finally call it quits.... I dont even know what to say, I cant put it into words.

The idea of "socialization" as a trans person is so interesting, because a lot of trans women talk about how they generally don't experience male socialization (I say generally because all trans experiences are different, but the general idea of true). They experience closeted trans women socialization, which I can't even begin to speak on what entails.

So in contrast, you would expect something similar to be true for trans men, and in a way, yes and no. There is some truth to seeing how men are expected to act (stoic, unemotional, etc) and internalizing that. But there is also the experience of growing up as a little girl where so much focus is put on the idea that you should grow up in service of others. That is internalized so readily in just watching your mother and sisters cooking and cleaning up thanksgiving dinner while your dad and brother sit in the family room watching football. Its in how your body is told to be covered until it can benefit the men around you (i.e. school dress codes). Its in how you, as the smart girl in class, need to pick up the slack in group projects with class clown boys, but you are still less intelligent and deserve to be talked down to. Its in how you are told to be quiet and diminish yourself and act for others and never yourself. And because you are expected to grow up as a girl, this is how you are expected to act.

But then you aren't a girl, you are now a man that lives in service to others, has internalized this idea of diminishing himself, is stoic about his emotions, and lives in a world where the crimes of cis male patriarchy are thrust on his shoulders as his responsibility. Any of his anger is seen as either violently male, or hysterically female, and so you get none of the support you need and are only ever really critiqued.

Idk, just thinking about trans men again.

Mood for when some childhood staple games(that you once legitimately paid for) don't want to run anymore, and either the company doesn't feel like fixing it because it's not profitable, *or* arguably worse, they broke it on purpose so that you'll play their new games, which are more expensive, require more expensive tech to run, and sometimes even include microtransactions in a paid game??