Has Anyone Spotted My Lost Rampant Cryptid? He’s Freakishly Tall, Has An Unflinchingly Beautiful Gaze,

ive become properly toasted

bIG pog

sometimes the sun is so beautiful i want to just look at it for hours but then i also want to play minecraft so usually i end up playing minecraft

i think that in the world there are little birds.

These little birds are delicate and must be held gently so as not to damage their soft bones.

it is a good thing to be alive in a world with little birds. Little birds i could hold, and give a little kiss.

happy

A little guy I hallucinated. He was at a bus depot. I like to think he was just waiting for a bus, too.

i think so much of life is just finding out there are a thousand different ways to lose things.

i feel tonight as a being wrapped in old memories.

They are cloying and drip with slick and cold silver strings. A web of fear to enclose my little heart.

In this darkening void, i knew where the edge was. I still willingly walked out onto thin air.

I could understand that I, myself, am a being of lack and disgust

I know what makes a void like me too heavy for any surface to support

Yet how stupid am I to be surprised when i fell.

I have been caught in such a web again,

my fingers sliding off it’s wet surface,

deeper and deeper i slip away from the surface.

I can do nothing but grasp at empty air.

I wonder when the dark will claim me again.

i am miserable.

it is a “cry in the shower” kind of day.

A “fill your ears with water and hug your knees close” kind of day.

And i am a miserable creature who had to sit down in the shower today.

This is the kind of day that eats up every ounce of energy you have. It leaves you breathless while you lie on your side, mixing the salt on your face with the salt in the sea.

It is not a nice ocean that greets me this morning.

He tells me there is an end to it somewhere.

All I see is more waves.

I am holding cold water to my chest. Hearing rain pound against my eardrums. Feeling more water batter my already bruised skin.

And I am so tired.

when does this all end.?

i am

so

tired.

(i think) october is going to bring with it the one I’ve been looking for.

This belief has gone very very poorly for me in the past.

I’m glad i don’t seem to learn from my past lol.

(but really he might be coming!!! my dear! i wish to hold him close.)

i hope he comes near.

200 days ago i told myself i needed to start healing. I even wrote it down.

And then i did.

It was hard.

And it hurt.

In August of 2021 I felt happy for the first time.

It’s now January and guess what? Things aren’t perfect or even that great.

And I. Am. Still. Happy.

Yes there are bad things. [I miss my partner who FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON has chosen to be born british. And i am not. Thankfully. But it does mean he is far away. Not cool. >:\ ]

BUT IN SPITE OF THAT

I am still happy.

i am loved

i am love.

i like this.

And I love this

And i love me.

And I love my people who love me and helped support me while I healed.

And so, I am happy.