Sometimes The Sun Is So Beautiful I Want To Just Look At It For Hours But Then I Also Want To Play Minecraft

i am miserable.

it is a “cry in the shower” kind of day.

A “fill your ears with water and hug your knees close” kind of day.

And i am a miserable creature who had to sit down in the shower today.

This is the kind of day that eats up every ounce of energy you have. It leaves you breathless while you lie on your side, mixing the salt on your face with the salt in the sea.

It is not a nice ocean that greets me this morning.

He tells me there is an end to it somewhere.

All I see is more waves.

I am holding cold water to my chest. Hearing rain pound against my eardrums. Feeling more water batter my already bruised skin.

And I am so tired.

when does this all end.?

i am

so

tired.

i crave a warm body. a gentle voice. and soft hands against my skin.

i am a miserable little me tonight

guess what if anyone knows i exist here

im in love.

It feels like i have now the ability to eat the world but finally will choose not to.

It’s still tempting though

i think me and my fellow ghostly apparitions have some scheming to do

i just gave my cat a little kiss onthe head And now he sounds like a motorcycle <3

i feel tonight as a being wrapped in old memories.

They are cloying and drip with slick and cold silver strings. A web of fear to enclose my little heart.

In this darkening void, i knew where the edge was. I still willingly walked out onto thin air.

I could understand that I, myself, am a being of lack and disgust

I know what makes a void like me too heavy for any surface to support

Yet how stupid am I to be surprised when i fell.

I have been caught in such a web again,

my fingers sliding off it’s wet surface,

deeper and deeper i slip away from the surface.

I can do nothing but grasp at empty air.

I wonder when the dark will claim me again.

i think that in the world there are little birds.

These little birds are delicate and must be held gently so as not to damage their soft bones.

it is a good thing to be alive in a world with little birds. Little birds i could hold, and give a little kiss.

(i think) october is going to bring with it the one I’ve been looking for.

This belief has gone very very poorly for me in the past.

I’m glad i don’t seem to learn from my past lol.

(but really he might be coming!!! my dear! i wish to hold him close.)

i hope he comes near.

ive become convinced that bo burnam is a cryptid / god hybrid of chaos and morals.

True chaotic neutral.

He is the only god i would willingly bow to.

I have officially been waiting here for 635 days.