I Used To (and Still Do Sometimes) Think Like This. So I Started Taking The Initiative To Say /anything/

I need all of these in my life... Now.

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I'm a lazy ass bitch and I was wondering if you have any recommendations for easy plants for a garden?

YOU. YOU GET ME.

All of my gardening is done with being a lazy bitch in mind. If it needs constant tending, babying, coddling, whatever, anything more than me weeding it now and then (and even then, it’s better if I can just. Not.) then fuck that whole noise.

I don’t use annuals I can’t plant via winter sowing in milk jugs, or via just straight up throwing seeds at the dirt and walking away. Because why the hell would I spend all that time and money every year planting the whole damn thing again?

Perennials come back every year and only get bigger, instead of dying off every winter. Iris are wonderfully hardy and easy-care, meaning can be largely ignored. Will need to be lifted, divided, and replanted ever…I dunno…five or six years, but then so will most perennials.

Echinacia. That’s a native tallgrass prairie plant. It could survive anything up to and possibly including nuclear war. Bees and butterflies love it, and it’s beautiful.

Hollyhock. Beautiful, and can be planted by throwing seeds at the dirt once. Will reseed itself until the end of days.

Peonies. Lovely and will outlive you. Basically indestructible.

Low growing varieties of yarrow make great groundcovers. The trick to not having to weed often is to cover ALL of the dirt, so that your plants shade out weeds.

Roses. Old fashioned own root varieties. Will outlive you and possibly your grandchildren.

Violets. Native, a lovely groundcover, edible, and beautiful.

Lilies. Smell fantastic, gorgeous, and indestructible.

Penstemon. Another tallgrass prairie plant. Gorgeous, and nearly impossible to kill.

maid-en-china

FFFFF, these are so awesome. :3

I just got a new perfume that smells so good! It’s sweet and mild and it reminds me of marshmallows. I’ve gotten many compliments on it! But my brain won’t let me have anything nice…it basically goes:

Coworker: Wow someone smells really good! Like smores!

My brain: She hates the smell and is just trying to be nice!!

OR

I normally smell REALLY bad and she wants me to wear this more!!

But how do I know which? No more marshmallow perfume or more marshmallow perfume?

And now I have anxiety whenever I put perfume on…knowing fully that I smell like a wonderful cloud of fluffy marshmallows and of course it was just a compliment and nothing shady

Right?

^ All of this. ^

:3

my grandfather always had candy in his pockets, and one time when I got really sick and I was hospitalized my dad told him not to give me any candy. He pulled out his pockets to show he hadn’t even brought any and I got really sad but as soon as my dad walked out of the room he then proceeded to take off his hat and had 2 chewy chocolate candy toffees and 2 orange fanta toffees, and I’ll never forget the happiness and surprise I felt in that one moment in my entire life.

YO YOU PEOPLE WHO WANNA ANIMATE OR JUST BE ABLE TO DRAW DIGITALLY

YOU KNOW HOW THE FANCY ASS WACOM CINTIQS ARE HELLA EXPENSIVE LIKE $1,000 USD TO $2,000 USD?

WELL CHECK OUT THIS BABY:

THIS IS THE YIYNOVA MSP19U AND ITS LITERALLY JUST $600 USD AND IS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME EXACT THING AS A CINTIQ BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SELL YOUR LIFE AWAY TO WACOM FOR IT.

BRAH. IT COSTS AS MUCH AS MY WACOM INTUOS 5 LARGE TABLET COST BUT MINE YOU CAN’T LOOK AT YOUR HAND WHEN YOU DRAW BECAUSE ITS JUST OPAQUE PLASTIC. 

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WISH I KNEW ABOUT THIS BEFORE I GOT MY INTUOS? A LOT. SO IF YOU’RE WANTING A FANCY ASS DRAWING TABLET GET THIS LIL GUY.

I thank Domics on YouTube for pointing this out because WOW. FUCK.

IT’S PERT NEAR SOUP SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS.

I am searching for reasons to look forward to fall this year in order to get rid of this aversion I suddenly have to the idea of cold weather. (Long story short: I had a real bad fall and winter last year, and I need an attitude adjustment this year). 

So here’s installment one: a list of soups that I’ve made before and that I cannot wait to enjoy in the next few months:

Daube Provençal (from Katie at the Kitchen Door). French beef stew with orange zest, olives, and an entire bottle of Côtes du Rhône in it. N made it for me a couple of months after we got together, and I always crave it when the weather starts to turn cool.

44-Clove Garlic Soup (from Smitten Kitchen). This soup literally has 44 cloves of garlic in it, some roasted and some boiled. It is far less overpowering than you’d guess from that intimidating number – instead, I found it refined, rich, elegant, autumnal. Absolutely sublime for dinner on a cool evening, with a glass of wine and a toasted baguette.

Chicken Tortilla Soup (from The Pioneer Woman). I am not a fan of Ree Drummond or her show, but I can tell you that around Christmas last year, I made three batches of this soup in one month. It is legit, and it makes a ton. N and I made a huge pot for his family when they came over for Christmas Eve, and they ate every. single. drop of it. in one sitting. Be sure and serve it with lots of fixings: radishes, cilantro, lime wedges, crema, cotija cheese, tortilla strips, diced avocado.

Wild Mushroom Bisque (my own recipe, from the bricolab). I have been working on this recipe for years, through at least a half-dozen iterations. Here is the best version. A cup of it is like a holy grail containing essence of mushroom. Not a pretty soup at all, admittedly – but rich, thick, earthy, and insanely delicious.

Spring Pea and Onion Soup with Crispy Shiitakes and Parmesan (my own recipe, from the bricolab). This one is, no joke, a ten-minute recipe, including sautéing the mushrooms. Vividly green and sweet/salty.

Poached Cod in Tomato and Saffron Broth (from Bon Appétit). Not technically a soup, but you can double the ingredients to make more of the addictive spicy/winey broth. 

Cauliflower Soup (from America’s Test Kitchen). Yes, this soup does have a whole stick of butter in it (about half of it goes into the brown-butter-sautéed cauliflower garnish, which you can omit if you’re a fool and hate good food, or if, you know, you’re watching your fat intake). It does not have a drop of cream in it at all, but you would never know it. A creamy, delicious, magical soup.

Garlicky Carrot Soup (my own recipe, from the bricolab). Kind of a “cleansing” soup. Very easy, very healthy, and very pretty and vivid.

Pasta e Fagioli (adapted recipe, from the bricolab). Made this for the first time recently from a lightly-adapted recipe. Huge fan. Huge. Put in a Parmesan rind if you have one.

Vichyssoise (adapted recipe, from the accidental kitchen). I took a 1962 recipe from Gourmet magazine and spruced it up a bit with truffle oil and Greek yogurt, both of which make this soup something really special.

Thai Coconut Shrimp Noodle Soup (from Food52). Green curry based. Add mushrooms, substitute all tofu, dowhatchalyke.

Thai Coconut Curry Soup (from Chef Michael Smith). Tied for favorite Thai soup recipe. Red curry based. 

Aaand now I’m hungry.

Dogs are such majestic creatures. [imgur]