The Splashtext “Technoblade Never Dies!” Has Been Added To Minecraft!

I don’t think I can physically be sad over Techno when I know he’s invading Wilbur’s dreams just to call him a loser

The problem with putting s’mores as a technical challenge is that baking your own s’more from scratch defeats the purpose of s’mores which is of course to spend ten minutes trying to get a crappy store bought marshmallow the perfect golden brown color before going “fuck it” and letting it catch fire then frantically putting it on a graham cracker with hershey’s chocolate before it falls off of the stick you found on the ground

Delzoun "Tide-Me-Overs"

“While these are customary consumables at Hornmoot, the traditional human-dwarven trading festival that marks the dawn of Spring, there isn’t a holiday on the eventful dwarven calendar that doesn’t feature these scrumptious meats on the menu.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 90

Personally, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more dwarven food than the good old-fashioned meatball. 

Heroes’ Feast’s Delzoun “Tide-Me-Overs” bring dwarven kitchens to life with these extremely tasty and juicy meatballs! Leagues better than anything you’d buy at the grocery store, I would absolutely suggest making these yourself.

This recipe is also ridiculously forgiving. Once, I doubled nearly all the ingredients by accident, aside from the meat, and they still came out amazing!

If you don’t eat pork, no worries! They’re just as tasty using only beef!

Check out below for tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 15 mins            Cook: 1h 30 mins            Total: 1h 45 mins

Ingredients:

¼ cup (60 ml) heavy cream*

1 egg

2 slices dark bread (such as rye), crusts discharged, remainder torn into pieces**

3 tbsp. (43 g) unsalted butter

1 small onion, finely chopped

Kosher salt

¼ tsp. (2 g) ground allspice 

8 oz (225 g) ground pork

8 oz (225 g) lean ground beef

Freshly ground black pepper

2 tbsp. (8 g) all-purpose flour

1 ½ cups (350 ml) low-sodium chicken broth

1 tsp. (4 g) light brown sugar

1 ½ tsp. (7 ml) soy sauce

½ tsp. (2 ml) fresh lemon juice

3 tbsp. (12 g) finely chopped fresh dill or parsley

* I’ve used both heavy cream and half-and-half with no issues.

** I used Vienna-style Pumpernickel Bread, cut into standard ½ -inch sandwich slices at the thickest part of the loaf.

In a large bowl, whisk together the cream and egg (top-left).

Add the bread, mix well, and set aside, stirring occasionally, until the bread is softened, about 20 minutes (top-right).

Using a fork or sturdy spoon, mash the bread into a paste and set aside (bottom).

NOTE: Apparently, the bread is not what binds the meat/other ingredients together, but works with the milk to give the meatballs moisture and texture! The eggs are the only binding ingredient.

In hindsight, this makes sense, since in baking eggs are a binder…

Meanwhile, in a skillet over medium heat, melt 1 tbsp. (14 g) of the butter. Add the onion and ½ tsp. (3 g) salt and cook, stirring, until softened, about 4 minutes (left).

Add the allspice and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 40 seconds (right).

Remove from heat and let them cool to room temperature. Laying mine in a single layer in the skillet, it took about 10 minutes.

TIP: Don’t be afraid to eat some of the onions to see if they’ve softened enough.

TIP: Cooling my onions in a single layer in the skillet took about 10 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 475℉ (245℃) with a wire rack in the middle of the oven. Coat a large wire rack with nonstick cooking spray and set it in a large, rimmed baking sheet.

Add the cooled onion mixture, pork, ground beef, baking powder, 1 tsp. (5 g) salt and ½ tsp. (1 g) pepper to the bread paste and, using a large spoon or your hands, mix until well combined and uniform.

TIP: To save yourself time when doing the dishes, line the baking sheet with aluminum foil so you don’t need to scrape any burned bits off.

NOTE: Personally, I didn’t run into this problem while making mine, but it’s important to only mix the meat mixture until everything is just combined. Overmixing will result in stiffer, tougher meatballs.

With moistened hands, form the mixture into generous 1-tablespoon-sized balls (left).

Arrange the meatballs on the rack in the baking sheet and bake until lightly browned, about 20 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through (right).

NOTE: I had to make double the amount of pork/beef meatballs since 8 oz packages of each ground meat were not available. Expect about half the amount of meatballs that you see here if making this yourself.

NOTE: The meatballs will sag through the wire rack a little bit when placed, this is fine!

NOTE: The ones shown above are the size Heroes’ Feast recommends. I wanted them to be a little bit larger the second time I made them, so I went for golf-ball sized. The cooking time stayed the same, but I found the weight of them might have been a bit too much and they lost way more structure than the smaller ones. 

However, that was also the time I accidentally doubled all the ingredients aside from the meat, so I’m sure there was more at play there. Just something to keep in mind. They still came out great though! In fact, they’re the ones shown in the final picture.

Wipe out the skillet used for the onions to remove any stray onion bits, set it over medium heat, and melt the remaining 2 tbsp. (28 g) butter. Stirring constantly, cook until fragrant and a shade darker, 1 to 2 minutes.

Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, until golden, 2 to 3 minutes (top-left).

Switch to a whisk and, whisking constantly, gradually add the broth. Continuing to whisk often, cook for about 2 minutes (top-right).

Add the brown sugar, soy sauce, lemon juice, and ¼ tsp. (0.5 g) pepper and continue to whisk and cook until thickened, about 2 more minutes (bottom).

NOTE: The Heroes’ Feast “cook’s notes” mentions that the sauce will thicken quickly as it cools, and to add extra chicken broth to loosen the consistency.

They’re absolutely right! It’s more obvious in the next pictures but the sauce thickens a lot. It’s also a lot darker than what’s shown in the preview image in the book, so I’m not sure how much extra broth they had to add, but it seems like quite a bit.

Add meatballs to the sauce and simmer, stirring occasionally, until heated through, about 4 minutes (left).

Stir in most of the dill or parsley and taste and adjust the seasoning with additional salt and pepper, if necessary (right).

Transfer to a serving dish, sprinkle with remaining dill or parsley, and serve hot.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 5/5. It was a little daunting since the ingredients list was so long, but once I got started making the meatballs it was actually remarkably simple! They’re really juicy, have great texture, and the allspice-seasoned onions are so tasty!

The sauce is a little awkward to make, but it does add amazing flavour. But, again, the meatballs retained so much moisture you don’t really need a sauce to enjoy them!

Honestly, if you have the time and are sick of store-bought meatballs, definitely give these a try. 

Finally, as I mentioned earlier, you can totally make these with only beef (shown in the final picture above)! They’ll still retain quite a bit of moisture and be super delicious.

How I see it.

[Dylan’s not evil, but the things he makes usually are.]

"Orc" Bacon

“No, it isn’t made from orcs - but for orcs.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 156

Until I found this recipe, I’d never thought of trying to dress up bacon. After all, bacon is bacon! However, “Orc” Bacon brings a tasty spin to this popular classic.

Coated with a savoury-sweet glaze and absolutely the easiest thing to make in Heroes’ Feast so far; this tasty treat is a great snack to prepare for a table of hungry adventurers or for yourself when life gets busy!

Try snacking on them with a side of the Yawning Portal Buttermilk Biscuits to really immerse yourself in that tavern vibe!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 1 min               Cook: 30 mins*               Total: ~30 mins

* Varies based on how crispy you like your bacon.

Ingredients (serves 4 as a snack):

1 lbs. (450 g) thick-cut bacon*

3 tbsp. (38 g) light-brown sugar

½ tsp. (1 g) freshly ground black pepper

1 tsp. (2 g) garlic powder

2 tbsp. (30 ml) orange juice

* I used regular cut bacon instead of thick-cut with no issues.

Start by preheating the oven to 375℉ (190℃) with a rack in the middle of the oven. Line a large rimmed baking sheet with foil. Coat a large wire rack with nonstick cooking spray and set it in the foil-lined pan.

Next, arrange the bacon slices on the rack, laying them tight against each other so the entire pound fits (top-left).

Roast the bacon strips until they render some of their fat and shrink a bit, about 12 minutes (top-right).

NOTE: I struggled to fit all of the regular cut bacon onto the rack even after cramming everything as tight as possible (rip those pieces at the top). This may be different for thick-cut but I ended up having three extra slices to spare.

While the bacon renders, in a small bowl, mix together the brown sugar, pepper, garlic, and orange juice.

Lightly brush the rendered slices with about half of the brown sugar mixture (top-left).

Continue roasting until the brown sugar adheres to the bacon and the bacon appears glossy, about 7 minutes (top-right).

Using tongs, turn over the pieces.

Lightly brush the slices with the remaining brown sugar mixture and continue roasting until the brown sugar mixture adheres to the bacon and looks glossy, 5 to 7 minutes.

Transfer slices to a serving plate and serve warm.

NOTE: For this last part, feel free to roast the slices for as long as it takes them to your preferred crispness level. The slices above roasted for about 11 minutes.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 5/5. I couldn't personally see myself eating these with eggs in the morning (clashing flavours) but it does make for a nice sweet and savoury snack!

Like I mentioned in the intro, the flavour and ease to throw it together make it a good choice to bring to a D&D session or make as a nerdy snack for yourself when you’re busy, no matter what level your cooking skill is at.

Watch out though! They’re super sticky so make sure to have plenty of napkins on hand.

TWO DAYS LEFT to vote in the unofficial 2021 Heroes’ Feast Gingerbread Showcase ft. myself, @afinickyguide​ , Luboffin_, and Samantha Nahra!!

VOTE: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/LHFG8PD

Homely Halfling House (Gringerbread)

“A traditional treat served in the waning light of the month of Sunsebb in Greyhawk, this style of gingerbread man memorializes a legend about the ancient ruins of Castle Greyhawk.”- Heroes’ Feast, p. 43

Here’s my entry for the unofficial 2021 Heroes’ Feast Gingerbread Showcase that I’m participating in with:

@afinickyguide

Samantha Nahra

Luboffin_ (Luna)

Check out their gingerbread houses and use this Survey Monkey link to vote for your favourite! : https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/LHFG8PD

As the chilly winds descend on Fearûn, there’s nothing more comforting to a halfling than cozying up in their house by the fireplace with their favourite book and a steaming cup of cocoa broth.

So, as we all settle in for the winter months ahead, bring some cozy warmth and joy to your holiday season and create your own halfling house!

Spiced without being overbearing, these cookies are a great dessert to serve with coffee or hot chocolate, or pack them in a cookie bundle with some Earl Grey cookies and Banana-Cranberry muffins!

Remember to vote for your favourite house using the Survey Monkey link!

Check out below for my process in creating the house and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

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