Honestly I Think Kyle Always Had A Crush On Cartman

so about a kyman university au here

imagine when kyle and cartman’s new classmates once are so sick of hearing kyle hating cartman so much, so they sceptically ask what is it what kyle has against eric. and kyle is so confused as he can’t choose proper words to find an actual reason why he hates cartman, so he just grabs the first guess he has in mind and victoriously declares “For example, he gave me fucking AIDs once, does that count?”

and he’s so proud of finally revealing them how terrible cartman is, that he doesn’t notice how his classmates exchange understanding looks and nod. then he hears “Oh, so they were exes… That explains everything!” and gets fucking furious while cartman is losing it sm he doesn’t even try to deny their assumption.

hear me out kyle and cartman are both the type to enjoy lovehate relationships in media. and they don’t really admit it but every time there’s a “normal” romantic love scene with a straight couple they literally die from boredom and cringe.

so basically tfbw au, they’re all just hanging out watching superhero movies at cartman’s. one moment they pause the movie – which is something dc-related ofc, ‘cause i strongly believe that both cartman and kenny are dc fans while stan and kyle love marvel more – to discuss plot twists and then the dialogue happens:

cartman: Guys, I’m telling you, Joker is totally into Batman.

stan: Don’t they hate each other?

kyle: Well, yes, they do, but that’s kind of the point.

stan: How can you be in love with someone you hate?

cartman: Dude, you don’t get it! It’s more about rivalry, passion and obsession, you know? It’s sort of a deep feeling.

kyle: Yeah, exactly, and that trope about opposites who attract, that’s just making this relationship even spicier. A new level of romance.

stan, with a concerned look on his face: U-huh… Seems familiar, doesn’t it, Kenny?…

kenny, nodding vaguely: (Yeah.)

AND KYMAN JUST SIT THERE completely unaware of the parallel stan has just drawn. innocent oblivious guys.

my favorite thing about s11e8 (le petit tourette) is definitely this scene in the very end.

cartman sounds so sincere like he never usually does, and, according to the plot, he wasn’t able to lie or even control his words at that moment. i like to think that all this “i love you man, thank you kyle” is how cartman truly feels about kyle. i mean usually he wouldn’t bother with anything more than a simple “thank you, kyle”. like, it must really mean something if he is so unexpectedly affectionate exactly when he’s unable to control what he’s saying, right?

they should kill off cartman. im not joking – they should kill cartman out of nowhere in a random episode (preferably kyle is the cause of his death in some way) and the next episode he should stay dead. and everyone has moved on bc they did not like him a bit, including his mother. then two episodes later kenny dies and we follow his soul to hell, where cartman grabs onto him and clings to him as he comes back to earth, thus getting resurrected. he comes back to life as a deus ex machina to end the main plot line of that episode and he’s just back now. and they don’t mention it again. imagining the social media response to this alone is fuelling me through the last forty minutes of my work day.

I have a headcanon that Kenny has a very loud laugh without his hood. He's the type of guy to actually wheeze, squeak and punch his knees when he's laughing

We know that he has a high-pitched, but very soft voice compared to others. Still, when he laughs in the show, we can clearly hear his laugh, even when he's in a huge crowd. His laugh is loud and shrill

So imagine this, but unhooded. The contrast between his soft voice and annoying (/pos!!) laughter. I like to think he'd sometimes surprise people like that :D

Kinda unrelated, but another headcanon: He unironically giggles when his friends show him memes. He'd type "JDDJJDHDRHDKFZHSHF" in reaspond to a funny meme, and he ACTUALLY laughs like that irl.

(shout out to the clip where he dies out of laughter lol)

unexpected kenman posting ⁉️⁉️⁉️

I feel like people who highly dislike kenman as a romantic or a platonic ship either just don't like shipping cartman (which is....okay I guess??), or haven't watched South Park further than first few seasons

In first few seasons Cartman was ripping on Kenny, it is true. But then (uhhhhh I'm not 100% sure what to say but......after season.....6 maybe???...) Kyle became the main focus of Cartman's mockery. And like. Kenman became such a wholesome duo 💔💔

Cartman starts treating Kenny well! As much as he's capable of, he cares for Kenny. And that's why I think Kenman is great for both of their characters.

I loooooove how sometimes they're just casually hanging out on the background. How Cartman sometimes spoils Kenny. AND also how Kenny is one of the first to agree on the crazy stuff Cartman is doing !

If I talk a liiiitle about them as a romantic ship, I think they'll be great and healthy for each other. Cartman would be good for Kenny because he could stabilize Kenny's life (kinda take a little control???) but also give him the freedom he needs. Kenny would be good for Cartman because Kenny feels the sympathy that Cartman needs, he can understand his thoughts and trauma.

Overall they're just a great duo. Like. They have a really good healthy friendship, which is good for them both, and also enjoyable to watch

Actually, Kenman is my only Kenny ship, which I love equally as a romantic and platonic duo ❤️

IT’S KYMAN WEEK AND CARTDAY NOW OMG

happy birthday the most fucked up boy <3

guys i actually love canon leslie/kyle so much I MEAN YES kyman is my only otp with kyle, but out of all his other love interests i think leslie is the most interesting one

MAYBE i’m a bit biased cuz i love leslie a lot, but, well… i just like how kyle literally ignores any common sense and goes against his bff cuz of leslie? like, i need a whole ass au where leslie doesn’t get killed and kyle is “dating” her, being torn apart by how he likes her and how he feels like she’s trying to hide who she really is AND AND AND…

idk it’s just kinda interesting to see kyle forgetting about his brutal logic and going against his friends because of love. i think it’s a pretty interesting side of kyle and we don’t get to see it much… (though we see some glimpses of it when he’s around cartman)

Choose and give me your reasons why.

i continue with clyde & kenny headcanons because they’re so horribly funny i can’t even–

so they both can’t flirt normally and that’s kinda the reason why girls don’t really like them so much. their pickup lines always either have sexual subtext or just are extremely cheesy. ESPECIALLY CLYDE he has no idea how to do romance and kenny’s advice makes things worse.

clyde, desperately, on the verge of tears: Craig, do you think girls like dickpics? Cartman said they do but I’m uncertain and Red just texted me–

craig, very monotonous: First of all: why of all people you’re asking me about flirting with girls? Secondly: why on Earth would you ever listen to Cartman’s romantic advice? And finally: you do know that Red is my cousin, right?

tweek: And girls do not like dickpics, Clyde.

kenny: But I do. You can send it to me, sweetheart.

and clyde is so desperate he actually considers sending it to kenny for a moment, while kenny tries to tell him a tutorial on how to do great pictures of yourself and craig and tweek just in sync give him a smack upside his head

(bonus: they’re both canonically confirmed (s20e6) to use 😏 most in their chats and idk why but i find this funny af)

just saying that stan marsh is definitely most likely to enjoy pride month but hide it (un)successfully. he’d be fighting his urge to participate in it because he still considers himself to be straight (which he is clearly not) so he would be just, like, secretly supporting other non-het people but not too obviously so it wouldn’t seem like he’s not heterosexual himself.

he’d watch a gay couple kiss proudly and he’d be really happy for them with “yeah, good for you!!”-look in his eyes and a big smile on his lips, but then he’d notice concerned expression on kyle’s face and got extremely embarrassed and mumble something like “im just happy for other people’s tolerance, that’s all…”