I Love The Fact That Although Kyman Is Often Considered In The Fandom To Be Totally One-sided, Their

my favorite thing on earth is definitely the look on cartman’s face when he genuinely enjoys hanging out with kyle and they dont fight

so here’s a k2 au where kyle somehow managed to notice kenny’s deaths, and how i imagine his reaction would be.

first of all, we all know kyle’s saviour complex and his “older brother” behaviour, so i strongly believe he would be shocked by kenny’s immortality and his first intention is simple af – to protect kenny and not let him die anymore. it’s kind of a subconscious thing, but i think kyle would feel guilt for not knowing about kenny’s sufferings, he’d feel like a shitty friend, and would want to restore his reputation by “saving kenny”. he would make it like some sort of his moral obligation.

and that was great at the beginning because kenny is not used to such caring protective treatment, but as the time passed kyle would become more, uh, insistent?

he would have unknowingly deprived kenny of the opportunity to enjoy those crumbs of a happy, calm, free life that he had, because of his overprotection.

he really didn’t mean to discomfort kenny though, but it just. happened?... because kyle is very overprotective and sometimes he can “suffocate” with his care as we can see it from his interactions with ike.

i can literally see a scene where they all went to a potentially dangerous place such as amusement park, and kyle doesn’t want kenny to get hurt so they avoid “dangerous” things.

someone suggests to kyle and kenny to go to the rides, kenny smiles happily and is already running towards the roller coaster, but kyle grabs his hand and pulls him towards the children's carousels instead, saying that the rest is too dangerous,

and kenny is sitting on this children's carousel next to kindergarteners, with a dreary look on his face. he sees stan and cartman, screaming with delight on the adult attractions, and sighs very sadly.

and this happens more and more because kyle is responsible and he doesn’t want to break his promise. and one day kenny just gets so sick of this, like… i see how they can start arguing, because kenny wants to do something dangerous, and kyle holds him back, and kenny just loses his temper (he can get really furious when people are trying to take what gives him joy, as we see in s12e3 “major boobage”).

and kyle also gets angry so he replies smth like: "But look, how long has it been since your last death??? Two months, Kenny!! You’ve never been alive for such a long time in a row! All thanks to my care!" and kenny, who is already freaking out on emotions, says something like "WELL MAYBE DYING WAS MORE FUN THAN HANGING OUT WITH YOU!" and kyle gets so devastated. so he just frowns with a blank look, mumbles quiet “Oh… I see” and leaves.

and then after this, it has been like two or three days already, kenny dies once again, so he remembers how this can hurt. he feels a bit guilty about his words, so he comes up to kyle and they finally have a talk:

kyle: You… you really think I’m hurting you with my protection?

kenny: (Wait, no, I didn’t mean to offend you–)

kyle: But you think so, don’t you?

kenny: (It’s just… I’m used to dying, Kyle, I don’t need this much concern.)

kyle: But I… I know that but, it’s like… when I imagine you being injured or dead… Everything inside me just aches and shrinks, and… I guess I am overreacting, but I just don’t want you to go through something like this any more than needed.

kenny: (Aw :( )

kyle: I’m sorry, Kenny, I didn’t mean to…

kenny: *hugs* (That’s fine.)

and they’re finally fine. at least they’re trying to find this golden middle between protection and recklessness :3

THIS IS SO TRUE FR FR i can’t help but imagine how he actually realises his feelings and tries to deny and escape them by not messing with cartman’s business cuz “if i ignore him the feelings will go away” BUT HE’S ALWAYS TOO INVOLVED INTO EVERYTHING CARTMAN DOES SO IT’S ACTUALLY DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO LOOK LIKE HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT HELLLPPP 😭

after watching new special for the second time and seeing kyle getting unreasonably mad at cartman all the time through the episode, i finally came to a conclusion that, if you think that kyle at that moment just started to understand his own feelings for cartman, it all starts to make sense.

the way he gets all angry at him for literally no reason (more than ever), how he doesn’t really mind hugging him, how it’s mostly him who’s against the “new cartman” cuz it’s not his normal cartman, and so on, so on.

maaaybe im being a bit delusional and digging into this way too much, but guys. from now on i can’t see the latest episodes as anything but “kyle finally having a moment of realisation”. it’s a new kyman arc <3

you know that jewpacabra episode s16e4? that moment when kyle couldn’t sleep knowing cartman is out there, miserable and probably in danger? so he got up in the middle of the night and went looking for cartman to help him get home and make sure he’s safe and then he even literally tucked him in?

so i was making a parallel and i thought of that one post-covid cartman, broke, unhappy, homeless and pathetic, and kyle who gets home after his meeting with the old friends, and suddenly he can’t sleep, thinking constantly about cartman who had a chance to have a good life but lost it… so he gets up in the middle of the night once again, like in his childhood, and forces cartman to go with him to kyle’s place, making sure he’s safe and warm. he doesn’t know why he did it, but seeing cartman at his worst makes him feel like the things are so… wrong? so his first thought is to help and save and give him hope and…

i want a happy end for them both :(

hiii just got really inspired from @hatsunevitu posts about kyman crossovers sooo i just had to do some arts n sketches w/ 'em :D

close up!!!

& infinity train concepts!!! yeah :D

when kyle was 16, his parents (mostly dad) decided that he had to understand how money are earned by hard and honest work, so they cut off his pocket money and gave him an advice to finally find a part-time job. kyle didn’t mind it much, so after a week or two of choosing the right option he decided to stick to something as peaceful and less stressful as possible, so he chose to get a job at the local library as an assistant. he already had experience in working with literature and students books – he was tutoring his classmates for a year by that time, plus the librarian was his mother’s friend so he didn’t expect any difficulties to get into his way.

until cartman learned about kyle’s new work and decided it was his moral duty to go into the library that he has never visited before and pester kyle every goddamn day. because kyle couldn’t do anything to stop this since he wasn’t allowed to start conflicts as a worker there. it also was prohibited to shout at the library so most of the time he was cursing and threatening cartman in a whisper. neither was he allowed to kick him out because the librarian truly believed that every child has the right to be in this sacred temple of knowledge.

and it was terrible.

every day kyle was expecting another trick from cartman – either it was total reorganising of the books on shelves from alphabetical order to matching colours, or a request to find a very rare book that only was in the library in one copy somewhere in the farthest corner of the room at the highest shelf – only to realise cartman absolutely knows this book has been missing for, like, three years by now.

kyle: Can you please stop bothering me?! You don’t even read books!

cartman: Sure I do! But paper books are sooo last century, I’m into e-books now.

kyle: THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE LIBRARY EVERY DAY, YOU SADISTIC ASSHOLE?

cartman: Making your life even more miserable and complicated than it already is?…

kyle: Why am I even surprised? I should’ve really guessed.

AND THEN one day kyle sees cartman in the library and mentally prepares for another portion of mocking, but surprisingly for him, cartman doesn’t even look at him, says simple and brief “hi” and goes straight to the reading hall, grabbing one of the books on the shelf. kyle can’t help but feel curious, because he’s never seen cartman so concentrated and serious – at least not the last few weeks. he sneaks up to him from the back:

kyle: What, have you finally realised what you’re actually supposed to do at the library?

cartman, shivering a little: You’re not supposed to scare the shit out of your customers too, huh, Kahl?

kyle: What even is this book? Knowing your tastes, I won’t be surprised if it’s, like, fucking Mein Kampf or something like that.

cartman, rolling his eyes: It’s none of your fucking business. And I wouldn’t read Mein Kampf, who do you even think I am?

and then kyle grabs cartman’s book and with surprise sees that it’s one of his most favorite books (i’m not sure what exactly it is but my personal hc is that kyle is really into dystopias and stories with political controversial subtext…), and he really can’t help but start discussing it with cartman. after, like, a whole half an hour of kyle infodumping him with the history behind this book, he realises they actually have pretty similar taste, and cartman’s analysing skills are so great he really understands all of the hidden messages in books, and they, well…. eventually start hanging out in the library discussing books they’re reading rn. to the point where kyle almost forgets about his other duties at work ‘cause he gets really consumed by all these discussions with cartman.

and he tries to tell about this to stan and kenny but they both just laugh because these two nerds who have finally found a conversation partner are fucking hilarious.

+ bonus about their preferences: they both are really into morally grey and/or generally antagonistic characters. and although it’s totally predictable for cartman, he was really shocked when he realised kyle adores “bad” and “immoral” characters as well (we aaaaaall know why…)

also i think kyle is more of a “plot” person who really enjoys reading about how the world in the book works, meanwhile cartman mostly prefers digging into characters, relationships between them and their psychological traits and traumas, yk? and it really helps, because each of them often notice little details the other might’ve missed.

@bloogers-boogers I CRIED I LOVE IT EVERY TIME WHEN U REBLOG ME I JUST 😭😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲 THANKS A LOT MKZNXKXNXKXHSJXN

girls say that they’re bi and then they’re attracted to

y’know who’s the biggest kyman hater on earth? stan marsh.

so i’ve written some headcanons about kyman’s love languages right here, and i mentioned cartman being absolutely disgusting with his pda, so i think he’d like pissing both kyle and stan with kissing and being affectionate to kyle in public.

‘cause, you know, when kyle and stan are talking to each other and ignoring cartman’s Very Important Presence, he actually tries to be patient but then he finally fails and sneaks up to kyle and does something unexpected like sitting on kyle’s laps or biting his neck with the most innocent face. and that’s it. kyle.exe stopped working, he’s completely distracted and stan is irritated af looking at satisfied cartman. so they have this conversation every time stan and kyle want to hang out together:

stan: No, no, wait, dude, don’t tell me Cartman’s gonna be here all the time!

cartman: What’s the matter, Stan? You’re jealous of me and Kahl having this wonderful relationship you’d never have?

stan: First of all: gross. Secondly: I hate you, Cartman, and I totally disrespect you, Kyle, for dragging him to every walk we have.

kyle: Oh, come on, dude, don’t be such a drama queen, you won’t even notice his presence! Just ignore him.

cartman: Hey! >:[

stan: No-o, I know how it always happens. Every time I talk to you for more than a few minutes this asshole gets bored and distracts you with some disgusting things like licking your neck or, I dont know, sitting on your laps.

kyle: Oh, please, that happened only once or twice! Look, I’m a mature and conscious person, I can ignore Cartman when I want to.

cartman: Ha! Lying jew. You can’t resist me.

kyle: Shut up, Fatass!

stan: See?? That’s what I was talking about. You never pay attention to anything when he’s around!

kyle: I resent these baseless accusations.

in kyle's defense, i want to say that he will eventually handle this so it won’t affect his friendship with stan. stan may be acting all grumpy and whiny about kyman’s relationship but he really is kind of supportive of them and is happy his best friend finally found someone to be together with. even if this “someone” is eric cartman.

okay so since the Cupid Ye was aired i’ve been constantly thinking about cartman’s mental condition. we know he’s probably taking medication now, so i hc him having antisocial personality disorder and bipolar disorder. and i’ve been imagining him having his depression episode for the first time after he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. he’s not used to it, he has no idea what’s going on and why he suddenly feels so tired and numb all the time, so he just stays at home skipping school and avoiding social contacts. he’s scared and the “it’s all because of your illness, poopsikins!” from his mother doesn’t help at all.

and sooo i wrote a short moment about this?? i’m sorry for any mistakes because it was originally written in my native language, not in english :(

***

Ever since early childhood it was clear and obvious to everyone that Eric Cartman had problems. Not even like that, Kyle corrected himself in his thoughts. Eric Cartman had Problems. Sociopathy, sadism, aggression – all that a person could notice in Cartman after only half an hour of communication.

And Kyle wasn't too surprised when bipolar disorder was added to all of the above in a sloppy psychiatrist’s handwriting.

By the time Cartman was finally diagnosed he had already gone through several phases of mania. Kyle even did a little research on the disorder. "To know what to prepare for the next time I meet this psycho," he told Stan. "And to know how to help him if necessary," he added silently to himself.

By the age of fifteen, Stan's company was already used to Cartman's regular explosive mood swings, which were accompanied by crazy ideas, aggressive behavior, and, if absolutely unlucky, deaths of a couple or more people.

It was typical: after a short break, Cartman would burst into Kyle's room (often through the window), start showering him with business plans, startup ideas, and opportunities to have extreme fun. Kyle was silent, trying his best to ignore him and frowning irritably when Cartman smiled ecstatically and rushed to Kyle, tugging at his sleeve and almost shouting that everything would be better this time and that it’s a one hundred percent successful scheme.

For some time Broflovski genuinely believed that everyone in their friends group was going through such tortures, but after a short questioning, he found out that they had not seen Eric's mania with their own eyes. Kyle understood — and they won’t, when Cartman just chuckled at the outraged "What the fuck, Fatass?" and replied, "I guess you're just special, Kahl. They wouldn't understand." His eyes flashed especially maliciously, and Kyle looked away hastily so as not to give Cartman the opportunity to start another fight.

Well, all in all, no one's world collapsed when Cartman was diagnosed with a new mental illness. Over the past months of insane hallucinations and obsessive intrusive thoughts, he managed to make everyone sick of him. He refused to go to the therapy sessions for a long time, shouting, running away and trying to get into a fight, and Liane was too afraid to find out another unpleasant truth about her son, preferring to go with the flow and shut him up with the fulfillment of every single of his whims. Kyle doubts that anyone would have done anything to help Cartman if he hadn't intervened. Why – it was unclear to Broflovski himself, but Cartman's first depressive phase hit them both unexpectedly too hard.

Disappearing from everyone’s sight for two weeks, Cartman ignored calls and messages (although Kyle had a serious doubt that anyone other than Butters and Broflovski himself texted him) and skipped school despite Mr. Harrison's threats of expulsion.

Liane avoided answering questions, pursing her lips in frustration and talking her way out with a trivial "He's sick." Kyle didn't believe a damn second, knowing that if Cartman was sick, Kyle would have known about it the very first. Something was wrong. For some reason, the desire to find out what exactly was much stronger than it should have been when it came to Eric Cartman.

***

Perhaps Kyle really shouldn't have worried so much — not to the point of climbing into Eric's window at night. But the Cartmans hadn't opened the front door all day, and by that time Kyle's nerves were so stretched that they threatened to break if he didn't get answers to his questions in the next few minutes. Disturbing thoughts and images of possible turn of events appeared in his head. Perhaps Cartman was dead? Or, on the contrary, has killed someone and had been dissolving dismembered body of his victim for two weeks? One option was no better than the other, but nothing was even close to what he saw in Eric's bedroom.

Haggard, seven kilograms thinner, with an unhealthy skin color and bags under his eyes, he looked painfully wrong, not Cartman-like. He didn’t look exactly ill — more like lifelessly tired. But that wasn't even what hit Kyle so hard.

He did not suspect how much had been hidden in Cartman's eyes before – lively fire, hatred, anger, enthusiasm, passion – all this was gone, dissolved, buried under this empty, dead, unblinking gaze. For a second Kyle even thought (hoped?) that he was really dead, but the heaving chest under the blanket and almost inaudible sound of breathing exposed life in Cartman. He was lying on his back, his head slowly turned towards the window. Kyle sought recognition on his face, but did not see a single shade of any emotions.

He froze in the window, making eye contact with Eric, feeling like he saw something he shouldn't have. He tried to revive the old familiar hatred that usually boiled in him as soon as their eyes met, but Cartman’s emptiness totally killed all the anger. Kyle climbed through the window – Cartman didn't react in any way, lazily closing his eyes – and walked up to the bed, touching his shoulder timidly.

“Hey, Cartman?” he said, shuddering at the way his voice echoed throughout the bedroom. Cartman didn’t open his eyes but smiled hardly visibly.

“Hey, jew”. His voice was empty and emotionless and Kyle pursed his lips with a bit of a pain.

“You need to see a doctor, Cartman”, he said firmly as Eric finally opened one eye disinterestedly. “I’ll help you. I promise”.

And he did.