If It Sounds Like The Composer Is Trying To Blast You With The Orchestra Until You're As Deaf As He Is,

beau is afraid is uncanny in separating who understands or has experienced cPTSD and who has not because those who have not think beau is just irrationally anxious and “too afraid to live his life”. meanwhile those with cPTSD are like um he actually was abused emotionally/mentally/physically (medications)/sexually/financially his entire life and has learned pattern recognition but go off i guess? like these are the same people who think once someone is 18 they have full control over their lives, so they don’t understand why disobeying a parent might result in homelessness which may result in disabling illness which may result in death lolol. they can’t put those chains together because they weren’t constantly abused and punished. they’re the same people who don’t get why gypsy rose didn’t just “tell the police” (even tho she did try that).

another scene i particularly liked was the mother screaming at beau for not making decisions. for needing clarity or asking questions. reminds me of my entire autistic childhood and adults yelling at me. still makes no sense.

This potato better bring me a golden potato.

crawling back to this tumblr account after the tiktok ban feels like driving back to my old home in the countryside,, gently wiping away the cobwebs and the dust that's settled in my absence,, nothing changed, nothing out of place,, a memory of a forgotten era; frozen in time,,

Gravity Falls Rant #1 Ft. The Pines twins! 😀😀😀😀 (They make me violently ill).

Thinking about the Pines twins is actually like chewing your way through wires only to see a guinea pig playset and more confusing wires. The somewhat beginning of their thirty year-long no-contact session was because of a book, a request, and a whole lot of longing. To Stan the book was partially what kept his brother from him besides himself and now it was all he had to bring his brother back. To Ford the book was the only way to save the world and he was entrusting it to his brother only to be let down. 

Growing up as the Pines twins was rough. Ford was a trophy for his father but people don't sit their trophies on the couch with them and talk to them like people. Trophies are made for polishing and shelves and a ton of showing off. And no matter how big the trophy is it isn't big enough or worth enough. Ford was smart. He knew he was smart but it wasn't enough. Because if it were enough he would already have the answers and already have solved the problem. He couldn't see himself as good enough so how could Stan be? This man, his brother, that his father, the person that made him the brainiac better brother saw as worse than him being good enough? No. No he loves Stan but no. How could Stan be? How could anyone be? Even when he saw Dipper as an apprentice, Dipper needed improving, Dipper needed to change parts of his mindset to become enough. Ford was ruined by his father and ruined by Bill and ruined by the shelf he was forced to sit on. He was selfish in his own way, he was more shiny golden plaque with a pencil behind his ear than man by the time Bill got to him wasn't he? He pushed his brother away before Bill. Yes, that's true. He doesn't trust people. Yes, that's also true. In his eyes he trusted his brother to save the world from his crazy evil ex 2d creep boyfriend that wants to destroy his dimension and plenty more where that came from. And because he trusted him it all went bad. He got trapped in a portal and the crook that did it to him stole his identity, his titles, his degrees, and scuffed it in the mud. There's no excusing what they both did to each other but there are causes and there are reactions. 

And when it comes to Stan yeah he's money crazy probably because his father messed him up too. The twins' father saw them as investments and money pouring into his pocket. Ford could buy him his ticket to retirement and own his own private bank with his smarts but what could Stan do? How much does being put out on the lawn with a for sale sign for only three bucks or more with your title being "other Stan" do to you? He needed money, he needed to become an investment somehow. Gambling for quick bucks? Yes, that's it! He was a dog but not man’s best friend. Maybe it would be enough but it would go on to haunt him for the rest of his life. By the time he came into money he had taken his brother's name, identity, house, and what else was left for him besides his mountain of debt? Who really made the money when his name wasn't his name, him or Ford? He needs a lot of cash to rebuild and fix up that portal anyways. Maybe his mother and the IRS agent could forgive what he's done, although his mother has always been an OG, enough to go to his fake funeral but could he forgive himself? Forgive himself for what he took and took and took and took? For what strange person he sees in the mirror with dimes between its teeth? 

And yes he's selfish and seemingly only does things for his own benefit but imagine being trusted by one person, his brother, and one person only to do something right. Their father trusted Stan alright but he only trusted him to screw up and be the "other brother" yes the second Stan, the never Ford Stan. Imagine being trusted for once, trusted, by someone to even save the world possibly. And instead of saving the world you accidentally push that person into a portal and don't see them for the next thirty years. How is Stan supposed to trust himself to do anything right for anyone after that? He's greedy, but is he greedy for wanting his brother back knowing he's the reason he wants him back in the first place? He knows he did wrong but he just wants his brother. The world has taken every bit of dignity he wishes he had but his brother has to be off limits! At least according to him, the self sabotaging screw up. The look Ford gives him sure makes him feel like he's a greedy screw up. He's wearing the skin of the person he lost because of his own actions who saw him as a con artist and the suit of the man that didn't want him from the get-go who saw him as a cheap one trick pony. 

When Ford saw his brother he saw his father. The person Stan and Ford were molded by and ruined by. This man was the wack job Bill probably wanted to turn him into meddling around up there. And he was wearing his name? Stan did a lot but to take Ford’s name? To turn Ford into this? Into what he was sculpted opposite from? Why? How? How could he forgive him for this after just getting out of the other dimension? He was a future hero! How could Stan make a future hero look so lame! And not only that, he'd remembered his brother being a loving but corny cheapskate with a sly tongue and a bit of scamming under his boots. Now that's the exact person he wants to get away from. Because that's who Bill was. Stan didn't want to be his father but maybe being his father would make him proud? Ford wanted to be good for their father. Maybe if Stan became their father Ford would turn to him and they could laugh for a while and only a while. Maybe that's a stretch but we can over-analyze and never stop with their dynamics. 

They both pushed the people they cared about away. And they both want things out of each other that in their minds they'll probably never get from a brick wall. They're both greedy for things they feel deep down they'll never reach because of what the people around them made them out to be. Stan, being greedy for money if that's all you know him for. And Ford being greedy for the role of hero.

When Bill tried to call Stan and tell him Ford was going to end his life and leave him all alone to his BS? And to say that Ford never loved him in Ford's own body? Ford felt his heart drop for a minute until he noticed that the message hadn't been sent. He has things against his brother but to tell him that? To tell him he never loved him? No. Bill taught him to trust no one and in the other dimension he might've tried to hammer it into his brain but he couldn't. There was a brother shaped hole where his heart was and his six fingers couldn't crack the code on how to get rid of it. To Ford his trust was his love. He loved his brother but could he trust his brother now? Could he trust anyone now? Who knows. It's all over and there's a boat to sail at the end of it all. With his brother.  

They're brothers. And it's messy but that's it. They're brothers. 

There's obviously so much you could say about what Bill did to Ford mentally and a lot about the positive aspects having their mother around and not just their father and yada yada their father isn't their only trauma but isn't the home where it all begins?

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk!

"💣×%$ ⚡️ @$$💀 ⛵️?? 💣×&#💣 ×** ×*?💀🌪"

"*?%$ !× @&?"

Brokeback Mountain probably stole this. Or this stole this from Brokeback Mountain. Not sure, but one em has their pockets fuller than when they walked in.

Just bought this book so saving this for later!

Dipper and Mabel's Guide To Mystery and Non-Stop Fun: Secret Codes

(Sorry this took so long, BTW.) Here are the codes I have found in Dipper and Mabel’s Guide To Mystery and Non-Stop Fun. The first group of codes will be Bill’s. Then I’ll move on to Dipper’s codes. All of the codes will be bold.(The page numbers will be in parenthesis.)

Here they are:

“Dipper wrote a theme song for himself and sings it in the shower.” (20-21)

“After nightmares, Mabel meows herself back to sleep.”(30-31)

“Soos keeps candy in his belly button for emergencies.”(52-53)

“Stan was a baby model.” (69)

“The mayor of Gravity Falls is not long for this world.” (76-77)

“Wendy wishes she lived in Portland.” (80-81)

“The end of the world is closer than the end of the Summer.”(88-89)

“Something strange is buried under Gravity Falls.” (92-93)

“Time Baby is worried about Bill.” (94-95) (I talked a bit more about this one here.)

“Bud Gleeful wants to run for mayor.”(96-97)

“McGucket has seen terrible things.”(106-107)

“Grenda will marry Rich.”(108-109)

“That burnt tree by Soos’s house is odd.” (116-117)

“Soos writes fan fics about Stan.”(118-119)

“The Gnomes have a clear view of Northwest Manor.”(124-125)

“Dipper and Mabel’s father worked in computers.” (132-133)

“Robbie secretly draws anime.” (142-143)

“The invisible wizard keeps untying Dipper’s shoes.” (144-145)

“The government can be forgetful.” (148)

“Growing up is optional.” (150)

Now for Dipper’s codes:

“Trust no one.” (123)

“Robbie is a jerk.” (123)

“This is way more fun than going outside.” Writing codes, he means. (124)

“To get back at Mabel,Candy, and Grenda for their tickle attack, I’m going to put peanut butter in their socks!“ (131)

The next one is on Dipper’s Certificate of Mystery (151):

It’s missing it in this photo, but there’s a code surrounding it:

As you can hardly see, there some black letters mixed in with the blue ones. Those make up this: “DISNEYXD.COM/ARENTYOUCLEVER” which shows this:

[That code says,”You’re not as dumb as you seem…I’ve got some secrets if you know where to look. The people of this town are an open book…”]

The blue-lettered code on the certificate says: “By signing this official document, you are hereby agreeing to dedicate your life, your afterlife, and any potential clone-lives to the discovery, uncovery (Is that a word?), and exploration of the paranormal, the alter-average, and the extra-usual. When friends ask you to stop being paranoid, you will scoff. When they say that you’ve been acting really weird since you read that book and they don’t even recognize you anymore, that means they’re jealous/you are like me now. We are part of a higher calling. We will meet one day and on that glorious day we will show the small-minded doubters we were right all along, and are also really cool, and they should have been nicer to us. Okay that’s about it. This sort of sounds like a supervillain manifesto in retrospect. But you get the gist.”

Bonus! Gideon code in his letter to Mabel (Page 87):

The letters on the side read, “Help me escape or be destroyed.”

That’s about it. Remember, REALITYISANILLUSIONTHEUNIVERSEISAHOLOGRAMBUYGOLDBYYYYYE!

Hi Tumblr, here's recent art of my OC's Dawn and Silver! They're a bit quirky and they've been around for generations since they take incarnations but these two incarnations were supposed to be doing their hair before bed and instead got distracted messing around in each other's hair. 🤨🤨🤨🤨

They're my children and they're both as queer as me so please accept them someday, not sure how this algorithm is nowadays.

Bye now! 🤠🤠🤠🤠

My second post about Beau is Afraid tonight an I have to say. It does an amazing job reminding you of all the things you went through with an emotionally abusive and or abusive in general parent and especially mother.

You sit in your seat thinking and thinking and then, the thinking stops. You'll go about your life forgetting it all again to protect yourself when you aren't protecting yourself at all. Because those habits are as rooted in you as the stains from the pumpkin smashed on gravel and left for weeks. You'll go back to a version of your mind before remembering and when someone asks about your childhood and your parents in particular you'll most likely say "I dunno." or brush it off in general. You can't take the time to remember right now and you don't know if you're actually remembering it right or if it's all true. You don't want to face the truth. If you're wrong you're accusing your parent of something you can't take back. Because your parent is your parent and you shouldn't feel that way because they did so much for you so bury it. Bury it deep or it'll come up and something bad will happen because it always does. A bit of a rant that went of the rails but yeah. Good job to everyone that worked on it y'all did bomb!

Star Trek, Beauty and the Beast, Fear Street, I want a hundred Funkos on my shelf and more shelves.

I'd also like a few dozen lockets and a good printing machine.

Every autistic person deserves infinite funds to be able to purchase items related to their special interests with