WHO: Adam & @scribblcs

chancecunningham​:

when adam snapped, chance held up his hands like a white flag. “don’t come at me, man,” he urged him, shaking his head, “i’m just trying to understand what the fuck is going on.” chance knew he wasn’t wrong to be questioning everyone around him, particularly the people who had been part of this forest commune thing who seemed to be involved. but at the same time…this was adam. chance knew him. he knew he wasn’t capable of being bad or evil. “okay,” chance finally said after a pause, exasperated, “i believe you. you weren’t drunk or on anything or whatever. okay.” 

up until this point, chance had been trying to come up with a logical explanation for everything that had happened. maybe these people were being blackmailed. maybe they were on drugs. maybe that was why they were acting out so violently. but the more adam explained what he knew, the more chance was convinced that this defied logic. “something was controlling you?” he asked as he furrowed his brows in frustration, “what like…something…not human?” now his tone was hushed. he expected this type of talk from someone like jo, but for adam to be suggesting it? someone who grew up with all the same values and ideas as him? well…it was a trip. 

everything adam was saying corroborated chrissy’s story too—about blacking out, about not remembering anything. his heart sank. what had happened to them? what was happening now? chance tuned adam back in just as he was reaching the end of his explanation. apparently that’s how I was acting three years ago when…”right before you died,” chance stated, overlapping with whatever adam was about to say. “i know,” he explained, figuring that warranted an explanation, “i mean…i remember. no one else seems to remember it but i do and i know cole does and it wasn’t just you…” this part chance was telling him in confidence, “i remember chrissy too. dying, i mean. she died, man. she…” his voice trailed off as a lump formed in his throat. he swallowed it down and took a second to regroup. “what do you think this is, adam? like…for real…level with me…what the fuck is this?” adam had always been the one chance went to for advice, for answers. surely he wouldn’t fail him now. 

“I’m not coming at you!” Adam snapped back, not used to being angry with Chance. They’d been best friends since they were little, inseparable until they’d reached high school and suddenly most of Adam’s time had gone to Cole. Adam usually was able to keep a level-head around Chance, but being accused of doing all of that just because he’d been drunk rubbed Adam the wrong way. There was no way Adam was capable of that, even intoxicated.  “I don’t know what the fuck is going on either, Chance,” He said more evenly, running a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the wall. 

He was worried Chance wasn’t going to believe him. After all, they’d both gone to mass growing up. They’d both been raised by parents with specific values and morals. The idea of something controlling him like that? It didn’t make sense, unless they were talking about a demon. Adam was positive if he’d told either of his parents about anything like that, they’d be calling their priest immediately to get him to come see Adam. So for Chance to be somewhat hearing Adam out meant a lot. “Something not human.” Adam confirmed, biting his lip. “I don’t know anything else, really. Just something possessed me, or us, I guess. And it happened to me three years ago too.” 

When Chance mentioned Adam’s death, he was floored. He had known Cole remembered it, and Beth too, but Chance? Fucking hell. Adam had died and it seemed like only three people remembered it happening. That was so difficult to wrap his mind around. “...you remember me dying?” Adam asked, studying Chance’s face as he explained that Chrissy had died too. Oh fuck. Adam hadn’t known that - he hadn’t realized. “Oh my god...” He blinked, trying to understand what all of this meant. “I don’t remember dying. Cole, Beth and you do, I guess. Does Chrissy? She said...she didn’t seem like it. Does she know?” He asked, rambling through the question as he tried to process it all and think back to his conversations with Chrissy since he’d gotten back. “We’re in way over our heads.” Adam admitted to Chance when the other asked him what this all was. “I really don’t know much. I just know whatever possessed me three years ago is dead, according to Max Mayfield. But this new thing seems to be able to control us too.” 

zccming​:

adam richards. it was a name she’d been hearing for years from cole. max was no therapist, but when it came to grief, her and cole had gotten pretty good at sitting down, dumping all of their feelings together, then doing absolutely nothing about them. cole, adam, robin, all of them were older than her, but with adam specifically, max hadn’t known of him while he was in school and other than a few pictures and glances from a distance this past summer, didn’t really even know what adam looked like. that was until she clocked him curled up in cole’s hospital bed. this was adam, without a doubt in her mind. 

she had been weaving in and out of rooms for so long she felt like her legs might collapse from underneath her and she just needed to sit. not wanting to overstay her welcome in any of the other rooms, she chose cole’s to rest for a minute. she hadn’t been expecting him – or adam to wake up. she jumped a bit when adam did, watching him like a frightened animal. it wasn’t his fault, more the impact of all the unexpected events that had transpired in the past twelve hours. for a while, she said nothing, and neither did he. when adam finally spoke, max noted how kind his voice sounded. in a way, that quality reminded her of lucas. she shrugged off the question, “it’s cool.” don’t apologize. when adam grasped at answers, max sighed. there was no hiding the truth from him, he already knew at least to some extent. “i’ve only seen something like this once before.” she admitted, rubbing her tired eyes. so much for rest. “but the thing that did it is gone.” with surprising conviction, max assured him, “but from what i can gather, that wasn’t you acting at the carnival. we just…need to find the weakspot of this new guy and take him down.” 

she made it sound so easy, even though she knew well how difficult the journey ahead could get.

Adam hadn’t known Max before. She’d been a kid then, someone he had maybe seen at the pool a few times or heard about from Billy. Coming back and finding out she’d became Cole’s best friend had been unexpected, but he knew from how often Cole spoke about her that she meant a lot to him. Adam was grateful for her supporting him during his grief these last few years. 

He moved closer to Cole’s bed, unwilling to be far from him after everything that he’d been through since the carnival. He kept space between him and Max, not wanting to freak Max out, in case she had seen what he’d done while he was blacked out. Sitting down in the chair closest to Cole, Adam reached subconsciously for his hand, lacing their fingers together while Cole continued to sleep. “If it’s gone... how are we still doing this?” Adam asked her, frowning at the information. There was just so much he didn’t know, so much he couldn’t even begin to process. And it fucking sucked. “Have you done that before?” Adam asked curiously, worried that they wouldn’t figure this all out. He knew he certainly didn’t know enough to solve shit. 

“Apparently, I did stuff like that before,” He admitted, despite not knowing Max at all. He trusted her with this, though, considering how much she already knew. “And...well, if it happens again,” Adam felt guilty asking this. She could say no - he wouldn’t blame her. She didn’t owe him anything. “If it happens again, can you just... make sure Cole isn’t near me? I can’t hurt him.” Not again. Adam wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he did. 

scribblcs​:

in most instances, gabe preferred to show his hand, and adam was no exception. he smiled, clearly amused with his apprehension. he didn’t think it unwarranted, or strange, but it was mildly entertaining to see him twist himself in knots over something as simple as his name. while it was endearing in a way, it was also sad. they hadn’t even dug that deep and gabe already had an inkling that adam was in for a brutal awakening once he learned words like self awareness and setting boundaries. so, sure, it was somewhat funny to watch him squirm, but more than anything, gabe knew a warm smile could do wonders, and he hoped if anything it would help adam feel at ease. “dr.gabe is fine.” he said finally, “whatever makes you most comfortable, adam.” he said it in a way where he hoped adam knew that went for anything that went down in his office. 

“gardening is the grooviest.” gabe agreed with adam, watching the wheels turn behind his eyes. he was thinking. he knew that sharing didn’t come naturally to some people, most people, actually, so he bluntly prompted adam to share with the class, “what are you thinking about?” he asked, then followed it up with, “i saw you go somewhere.” he drew a line from his own eyes, straight up to the clouds. he couldn’t be clear enough and reminded adam, “that’s not a demand or an order, just if you feel like it.” if all of his hunches about adam were correct, it would probably be very easy to pressure him into sharing information and that wouldn’t make this process effective at all. it had to come organically. 

he set his pen down, nodding as adam explained that this was his standard day. this cole being up in the ranks with adam’s mother and sisters had gabe raising a brow as he proceeded to prompt him, “oh? tell me about cole.” he picked up his pen again, curiously, but didn’t bring it to paper quite yet. when adam finished disclosing his morning routine, gabe let that hang in the air for a minute before he looked at him very seriously and asked, “so what do you do for yourself? in your day to day?” 

Adam tried to relax as he sat on the couch stiffly. Adults usually weren’t a problem for him - Adam had always been charming. With a sweet smile, good manners, and genuine kindness, adults tended to love him. Adam didn’t need Gabe to love him - or like him even; he just needed to get through this hour without feeling too judged. Right now, he didn’t feel too bad about the experience, but it was early. “Okay,” Adam nodded, biting his lip as he stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. Whatever made him the most comfortable. In most situations, Adam didn’t know what that was, but at least this was a good baby step. As they went throughout the session, Adam could figure out what else he was comfortable with. 

Wrinkling his nose at the word grooviest, Adam laughed before he could stop himself. Yeah, this guy was old. Younger than Adam’s dad, but still middle aged. Still someone who used words like groovy. As he was called out for not sharing, Adam turned to look at Gabe guiltily. He relaxed slightly when Gabe assured him he didn’t have to tell him where he’d gone, though. “Just thinking about flowers.” He shrugged, since it wasn’t a lie. Specifically, he’d been thinking about Cole and flowers, but Adam wasn’t sure he could trust Gabe with the fact that he had a boyfriend. Adam didn’t know him, but he did know that men of his generation - hell, even men of Adam’s generation - could handle the news that someone was gay poorly. “And about your writing,” He nodded towards the notebook in Gabe’s hand. “Did I say something wrong?” Dr. Gabe probably wouldn’t tell him, since it was about him, but Adam just didn’t understand what about his day was so interesting that it deserved a note. 

When Dr. Gabe asked to hear more about Cole, Adam fidgeted in his seat. It wasn’t that Adam didn’t want to talk about Cole - he would love to. He just didn’t want Dr. Gabe to tell his parents about it, or someone in town or something. “We’ve been really close since high school,” Adam said honestly, not defining the nature of their relationship. “Uh, he’s really smart. He used to be my tutor, actually. We’ve always hung out a lot, especially since I got back.” If Adam were being honest, they’d been sort of attached at the hip since Adam’s sophomore year. He couldn’t imagine life without Cole - he’d changed every single thing about Adam’s life in the best possible way. At Gabe’s question about what Adam did for himself, Adam paused. It...felt like a trick question. What did he do for himself? He sat in silence for a minute, thinking about the answer before glancing back up at Dr. Gabe. “I don’t... I don’t know. Hang out with friends?” He offered, wondering if that was a good enough answer. 

honestly? Im sincere and so full of love and no one can ever take that away from me

Sufjan Stevens | Fourth of July April Base Version

bethkrichards​:

WHO: beth & @goldenboyrichards​ WHERE: adam’s room

When he was still dead, Beth would go into Adam’s room sometimes just to feel his presence. She would raid his closet, find things that she didn’t even know he owned to keep for herself or give to Cole. Their mother had no idea that she did this, or else she would have thrown a fit that she was ransacking Adam’s things, but Beth couldn’t stand the thought of letting his things just sit there when she and Cole could carry a piece of him around with them when he wasn’t there any longer. Before she was thrust into the path toward dentistry, she painted in there, too, sometimes talked to Adam like he was still there. Now that he was back, it was still a bit of an adjustment to see her brother sitting on his bed like nothing had ever happened, but she and Cole had agreed: they weren’t going to question it. Adam was back, and they’d do everything they could to get it to stay that way.

“I thought I heard you come in,” she greeted, leaning against the doorframe. The two had been by Cole’s side for the past few days; Beth had only left the hospital when Adam needed something from home or when their parents needed someone to watch Cindy (even though they argued that she was perfectly fine to take care of herself). Now that Cole was home, though, she had to admit that it was nice to have her bed, shower, and non-hospital food back. “I have to admit, I like you a lot better when you don’t smell like …” death, she wanted to say, but the joke wasn’t that funny yet, not when she’d heard that something had happened to Adam at the carnival. “Like hospital, I guess. When are you going back over Cole’s house? I was hoping I could get, like, five minutes of you to myself before you left,” she teased, sitting beside him on the edge of his bed.

Coming home to find all of his hoodies missing had been a shock, but Adam understood once he’d heard who had them. Beth and Cole, the two people he loved the most in the world ( although Chrissy was a close third ). Even when he was alive, he found that a fair amount of his hoodies and shirts would go missing, with the pair of them usually to blame. He found it sweet, even if he did want them back - he appreciated that each of them just wanted a little piece of him to feel close to. Adam loved his little sister and his boyfriend so much, and he felt beyond lucky to have them. The fact that they’d had each other to lean on after whatever had happened to him three years ago made him feel a bit better about it in general.

“Oh, yeah,” Adam said, flushing slightly at getting caught sneaking back into his own room. Adam and Cole had done this countless times before, though. It was easier than explaining things to Rebecca or Jim Richards. And thankfully, Adam lived on the first floor and getting in and out of the window was easy. At her comment about his smell, Adam nodded, glad he didn’t smell like hospital either. The alcohol and antiseptic had been overwhelming, but at least it had helped to mask the smoke until he’d been able to shower. “Sorry,” Adam apologized, frowning as he sat down on his bed. “I’m just worried about him. And I...” felt guilty. Cole assured him that it wasn’t his fault, but Adam just couldn’t believe that. “I want to be there for him. “ He rubbed his eyes, unable to cry again if he tried. But they were dry and puffy and irritated from everything that had happened. “I won’t go back for a bit. He was sleeping anyway, and I left a note so he wouldn’t worry if I wasn’t there when I got back,” Adam knew Cole probably would anyway, but he did want to spend some time with his little sister. “What do you want to do, Lizzie?”

adam jacob richards & walden cole montgomery

“he was my north, my south, my east and west, my working week and my sunday rest, my noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; i thought that love would last for ever: i was wrong.”

― w.h. auden, stop all the clocks

“come then, put away your sword in its sheath, and let us two go up into my bed so that, lying together in the bed of love, we may then have faith and trust in each other.”

― homer, the odyssey

“so excuse me forgetting, but these things i do. you see, i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue. anyway, the thing is, what i really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen.”

― elton john, your song

“whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

― emily bronte, wurthing heights

“he said, "let's get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds." i thought, heaven can't help me now. nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down. he's so tall and handsome as hell. he's so bad, but he does it so well. i can see the end as it begins, my one condition is: say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset, babe. red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again. even if it's just in your wildest dreams.”

― taylor swift, wildest dreams

"he smiled understandingly — much more than understandingly. it was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you might come across four or five times in your life. it faced — or seemed to face — the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. it understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

― f. scott fitzgerald, the great gatsby

“you do not have to be good. you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine. meanwhile the world goes on.”

― mary oliver, wild geese

I’m just- I’m tired of trying. I feel like nothing I do is enough.

KEVIN CAN F**K HIMSELF | 1.01 — “Living the Dream”

jackforeman​:

Though Adam was right, that he hadn’t killed anyone, either, that didn’t absolve him of the guilt from hurting Steve. In truth, he probably could have killed him, if what he’d heard was true and that he’d kicked the living daylights out of someone who was supposed to be one of his best friends. For what, though? Jack had no idea. Maybe to set off explosive fireworks, but those hadn’t even been his, and he and Adam would never intentionally do something to hurt people like that. They just wouldn’t.

Jack watched Adam’s face grow colorless, as though he’d seen the ghost of himself in Jack’s own eyes as he recounted what had happened. Adam had died, too? His mind raced like the red string on Jo’s board. Adam had known for weeks that he’d been dead, even from the first day that they’d come back from the commune. The forest community that they’d apparently been sent to, but in reality, they’d both come out of the forest rising from the dead. It made absolutely no sense. 

“Hold on,” he said slowly, pulling away from Adam to place his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “You’re telling me that we came out of the commune,” he lifted a hand, flexing his fingers in air quotes, “right, but we’d both been actually dead the entire time. So, the commune … it couldn’t have existed, did it?” It sounded insane, but it was the only thing that made sense, at least right now. “Because … you were there, and I was there, but we actually weren’t. Did it not actually exist at all, or were there just some people there, and they grouped us in with them?” The questions he had were all rhetorical, all ones that neither Jack nor Adam could answer right now, but he at least knew someone who could attempt to tackle the unanswerable. “Jo has this board, this … it’s a murder board, but she doesn’t call it that. But, whatever. Not the point. There has to be something on there that would help us figure this shit out.”

Jack pulled his hands from Adam’s shoulders, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I had no idea … I didn’t know that you, you know, died, too. I’m just glad that we have each other.” He paused, turning toward him. “Do you remember anything, at all? Like, about the afterlife? Because I can’t remember shit. It’s like it never happened.”

Neither of them had chosen to commit the actions that they had, Adam understood that. But he was struggling with forgiving himself, even now. He might not have made the decisions, but it had been him doing it regardless. While he could understand logically that he wasn’t responsible, it would take him some time to process the fact that he wasn’t guilty. That he hadn’t killed anyone - the Mindflayer had. The...Doppelganger had, if Max was right. But it was hard to believe that when those things sounded so insane. He had never heard of anything like that before, and Adam tried to be a pretty level-headed guy. Believing in outlandish stuff just wasn’t something that worked for him, usually. But he knew now that he needed to try to believe in it if he wanted a shot at forgiving himself for the things his body had done. 

As Jack put his hands on Adam’s shoulders, Adam looked at him in confusion. He could tell Jack was putting something together, realizing some truth about their situation. “...I don’t know,” He admitted, shaking his head. “I think it had to, right? Why else would Peter be around? Why would they want us to be going to therapy?” How could all of that just... be a coverup? And what were they covering up, if that was what it was? It made Adam’s head hurt to think about, and he just wasn’t sure he could believe all of that. “Not everyone could have died! How would...how could that many people just... come back?” None of this made any sense. Why them? What had Adam ever done to deserve being resurrected? “We just... maybe we came back, and it was around the time they found everyone else, and so they lumped us together?” He shook his head again, not being able to rationalize all of this. “We should talk to Peter. He would know. Right?” 

At the mention of Jo’s murder board, Adam bit his lip. He wasn’t exactly excited by the idea of going over to Jack’s house and seeing his sisters, if he was being honest. Jo hadn’t kicked his ass last time, but what if she’d changed her mind since? Or what if Julie did? 

Jack sat down, and Adam hesitantly followed. Perching on the bed beside him, he kept some distance between the two even now. “Jack, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Adam told him seriously. He was glad to have Jack too, in a way, but that seemed horrifying to admit considering Adam had been the one to kill him. He let out a shaky breath at the mention of an afterlife, hand subconsciously coming up to touch the crucifix that still hung around his neck even after all this time. “...no.” Adam admitted quietly. “There wasn’t anything. Just nothing, and then us waking up in the woods.” 

bethkrichards​:

Beth couldn’t even accept the apology if she tried. She knew that getting to be with Cole was something Cole had been begging for for years, saying if he’d had one last moment with Adam, then maybe, just maybe, everything would be different. Beth had felt the same: they both thought that being with him might have stopped the strange behavior he’d exhibited a week or so before he’d died. Now, when he was back and not weird, or so she’d thought, until people mentioned at the hospital that Adam wasn’t himself at the carnival, she couldn’t really blame either of them for wanting to spend every waking moment together. Especially not when Cole was in the hospital, and Beth was just grateful that Adam got to be by his side instead of reminiscing about missing him.

She nearly winced at the name coming from her brother’s mouth instead of Cole’s: Lizzie was reserved for Adam only, until Cole had said it once after he’d died and Beth hadn’t corrected him. It was an unspoken thing they’d kept between them to keep Adam a little bit alive. “Don’t be sorry,” she assured him with a shake of her head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there more, but, you know, someone has to hold down the fort around here.” Beth tilted her head to each side, pondering his question. There already wasn’t much to do in Hawkins to begin with, much less after spending a few days straight in a hospital. “We could … hit the diner for some not-hospital food, bug Steve for Family Video’s latest releases, or, hear me out, we steal mom’s pool passes.” She paused, letting him take in the options. “Or, if you’re too tired for any of that, I’m perfectly fine with taking the couch in the basement and watching cable.”

Back in high school, Cole and Beth had been pretty close. Once she’d figured out that the two of them had a deeper connection than friendship, she’d hung out with them a lot, becoming someone the pair of them could depend on to help keep their secret. After he had died, though, it seemed that she and Cole had gotten even closer. Adam loved that. He was glad that they’d each had the other to depend on to help them get through their grief. Beth was his best friend, and he was thankful every day that he’d gotten a sister as wonderful as her. 

“No, you needed to be here,” Adam agreed, knowing their parents would have been concerned if they both started spending all of their time at the hospital together with Cole. And honestly, Adam had needed some time with just his boyfriend to process everything. Finding out that he had uncontrollable blackouts where he was full of rage wasn’t easy to hear, and he didn’t want to go through that in front of his little sister. “Beth,” He started, looking at her with concern. “Did I... before, three years ago, the week before I died,” Adam took a deep breath, still not used to saying the word. “Back then, did I do anything to hurt you or Cindy?” He asked, dreading the answer but needing to know it just the same. Adam was so thankful that he hadn’t hurt Cole, but he was worried he could have hurt someone else instead. “If I did, I’m so sorry.”

Those were some good options, but Adam wasn’t hungry enough to hit up the diner right now. He had talked to Steve a bit when he was still sharing the hospital room with Cole, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to go and act like everything was totally normal by bugging him at his job. The pool sounded nice. Whatever had happened to him and Cole at Lovers’ Lake had happened awhile ago, and Adam was sure it was tied more to the lake than to water itself. He also wouldn’t mind a night at home, though. “Pool or basement, you pick,” Adam told his sister with a small smile.