Sending Virtual Hugs

if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it. 

i’m a simple woman; i see brie larson, and my brain produces serotonin

Actual Texts from my Parents

Dad: "Your mom is mad because i finnished the desert while she was in the bathroom!" Mom: "I don't believe him!! I had maybe 4 bites of this huge brownie ice cream desert and when I came back, it was gone!!!!!"

Glitter is the herpes of art supplies. It spreads easily but never comes off.

john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be

Breakfast Across the Globe

hey no offense but [just starts screaming]

Remember in 1993 when Jurassic Park was like…the end all, be all of special effects?