@ August Please Be A Little Gentle With Me I’m So Tired

Just made an account on Medium so I could read this. Made it about 1/3 through and I'm absolutely hooked and excited to finish it!! But first, time for a nap.

For the longest time, I have had trouble understanding FND - specifically whether it's just a shitty diagnosis made up by the medical system to gaslight people or if it's a genuine medical condition. This essay is rly helpful and has already broadened my understanding. It's incredibly well written, particularly bc of the extremely thorough research it's a result of

Medium

Cadenza for Fractured Consciousness

A Personal History of the World’s Most Misunderstood Illness

I am one of the most medically examined people in North America. For over a decade, no one could explain why I lost my ability to walk, speak, and use my hands. Why the lightning-like headaches? Why the ringing in my ears? Test after test came back negative. Doctors thought I might have a genetic abnormality no one's ever seen before, or a condition so rare that it had previously escaped medical classification. Then I got accepted to the top undiagnosed disease research program in the world, and they told me the only diagnosis I was unprepared to hear: it was Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), a much-misunderstood condition which was once known as Conversion Disorder, and before that, as Hysteria. And that was only the beginning of things getting weird. The essay above is the product of three years of research into the history, neuroscience, and politics of FND. It touches on the many medical failures that define the history of the disorder, the pervasive sexism and lazy mind-body dualism that prevented scholars from seeing it clearly, and why - finally - a better understanding may be at hand, with revolutionary implications for how we understand human consciousness and the experience of having a body.

FND fucked my life up. This is my reply. Thanks for reading.

a fools guide to not wanting to die anymore

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore 

never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.

find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.

talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore

picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else

if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.

MÅNESKIN WORLD DOMINATION

sweet femmes. femmes like sugar that melt under your touch. femmes with flesh to grope and squish and kiss and bite. femmes that wrap themselves in lace and ribbons like pretty presents. femmes that wear pink lipstick and leave kiss marks on your face. femmes that are soft like bunnies and cuddle all the time. femmes that smell like vanilla and marshmallows and sweet dreams. femmes who need hands on them at all times to feel good. femmes who whisper in your ear during functions and drag you home. femmes who wear lacy bras and tiny skirts and like parading in front of you. femmes who like being carried around, hands wrapped around your biceps. cute femmes. sweet femmes. just femmes.

It's so frustrating that my neurologist is so clearly in over his head. To my face he's denying that there's any uncertainty in the diagnosis he has given me and is blaming anything that doesn't fit on my mental health. But on paper he has gone back and forth between two diagnosises for months now. He is switching between the two every time he writes in my medical chart and when I ask him about it he denies that he's unsure. I can't fucking wait to start af the headache clinic

Wait what's a buildings fire evacuation plan if you aren't supposed to use the elevator to get down

I came out as nonbinary to my best friend last week and it went great. Which I was expecting but that didn't stop me from crying, shaking and needing her to talk me down from an almost panic attack. I had never said anything out loud to anyone, so I was expecting some sort of a reaction.

When I told her, she smiled in the most reassuring way and I asked if she already knew. She said she didn't want to assume anything or pressure me to talk about it before I was ready, so she had been waiting for me to say something. But she had come across some pronoun pins a couple of weeks earlier and she wanted to buy some that said "they/them" for me but she didn't want to pressure me so she didn't buy them. I honestly love that she knew. And that she instinctively knew which pronouns I prefer. Anyway, it's been really nice to be able to talk about it. I've had weird gender feelings for about 10ish years now and only started thinking I might be nonbinary a couple years ago. Before I just did everything to not think about it. But yeah, I'm nonbinary;)

Your future self is so proud of you!

if you ever feel like you're not "smart enough" for STEM or didn't do that great in school, i just wanna let you know that i failed algebra 2 THREE TIMES and dropped my high school physics class the FIRST WEEK...

and NASA chose me to student research with them.

so what i'm trying to say is that STEM is for EVERYONE. if school wasn't the easiest for you and you're not the strongest in math, don't let that stop you from pursuing STEM. working hard for goals makes you a great scientist.

screw that stereotype that all STEM majors are geniuses who were building robots and knew how to work a microscope at 3 years old.

STEM IS FOR EVERYONE! BECOME A FREAKING SCIENTIST! YOU CAN DO IT!