OKAY SO UNFORTUNATELY, My (unmedicated) Adhd Said ✨no✨to Me Finishing The First Chapter Of Wolau

[Day 18]: joehills

FINALLY! Ive been waiting for a reason to show off my joe design >:D i present to you: jhost controlling his juppet! Hope u guys like it, imma go back to working on the next art rq :3

(Almost) everyone else: "yeah, I think I'm gona take it slow this season. Probably won't be using villagers as much, wait until i start using my elytra-"

Scar: "Hello there! I'm back as the RICHEST HERMIT-" proceeds to built a giant mountain of ores

wasnt gonna bring this one over initially but impulse himself liked it so. i guess that makes it tumblr worthy as well

Grrrr i already finished the next chapter for wolau DAYS ago, but i need to finish this painting before i can post it >:(

Here's the lineart/sketch lol :D it's inspired by Joel's Squid shop!

[Day 13]: Cubfan!

Once again only a colored sketch BC I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK GRRRRR

fun fact, I'm currently working on 5 different art projects for school. So uh yeah, now you know why I'm struggling to keep up w/ the art rqs LMFAO

For anyone curious, the projects are:

#hermithouse for art class (wooden miniature house + the environment surrounding it, currently trying to include as many hc refs as possible, suggestions r encouraged!)

a comic of Fahrenheit 451 for English class (it's supposed to be a timeline of events and had to include the main scenes, but i keep getting distracted and have alr added wayyyy too many unimportant scenes LMFAO)

a poster to encourage ppl to go vote for Religion class (<- im hiding pro protesting propaganda in it :3333)

a presentation of the book 1984 for German class(i couldn't find good pics for the power point so i decided to just draw them myself- WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF LMFAO)

A foto documentary for my photography/grafic design/pottery class

100% agree dude

I feel like after a life on the streets and as a spy, hes gotten really really really good at hiding anxiety, mh issues, panic, etc.

Like. If someone held a gun to ur head, ud panic, but Cyphers prob been in situations where panicking could end deadly. I think more fics need to portray him as dissociated as fuck, bc hiding away has been natural for him for so long, he doesn't even do it consciously anymore.

Like, its gotten to a point where even in the quiet privacy of his own room, Cypher automatically hides all signs of panic, anxiety, grief, etc. Just bc its become natural atp. I feel like hed be a bit in denial/unaware of his emotions, or would simply try to ignore them yk

i like to think that he did it before Nora and she helped him unlearn it. But after she died, it got worse than ever before, both purposefully out of fear and partially on accident bc yk trauma of ur wife dying and shit

Also! Agree on the fics point. Yall write whatever ya want, ooc fics can be great and i love to read a "Cypher has a public mental breakdown" fic from time to time, bc its fun, idc if it feels ooc! Fics r for ur own self indulgence first and foremost!

My biggest fear is falling for the fanonised version of characters that I don’t see the in depth personalities they have anymore

Cypher’s mental state is such an easy thing to get wrong it’s hard to find fics that characterise it right, or at least in my opinion

That’s not to say I think all ooc fics are bad! No! What’s the point of fanfics if you don’t make your lil guys do shit they aren’t supposed to??

But back on topic, I think Cypher’s grief is another thing that’s handled so broadly from fic to fic

Sometimes he doesn’t seem to be weighed by it at all, sometimes it causes him to fear things and drown in self loathing because of it, sometimes he’s so mentally separated from his trauma that ‘Cypher’ and ‘Amir’ are two wholly different people. It’s interesting to see how sensitive or insensitive they make Cypher himself with this

Is there a right way to portray it? Honestly hard to say, but there are fics that I read that instead of feeling right they just don’t feel wrong— Y’know what I mean???

In my analysis of him, he’s clearly still not past Nora and his family (I have thoughts about the possible world they’re alive but that’s for a different post). I know grief doesn’t go away, not his type at least, but it does get easier with time. This leads me to believe that Cypher’s wife hasn’t been dead for too many years at this point— I’ve always imagined Cypher having been part of current day protocol for a couple of years after getting himself together, so I want to say she hasn’t been dead for over 10 years yet.

I think that Cypher, or rather, Amir was a lover. Like heart and soul he loved. It’s not that uncommon of a belief that when someone dies, the person their spouse was dies with them. Is this the case with Cypher? I think he believes that.

I think Cypher believes the man Amir was is long dead. But I also think he’s wrong. I think that for as much as he is a cruel man with all he has said and done, he is still a lover. Why else would seeing Bind make him so angry? It’s because he still loves it.

Amir may be dead to him, but ‘he’s’ still alive. Which person does that ‘he’ belong to? I don’t think that matters.

Whether Cypher is (still?) depressed, or only silently grieving, or maybe even healing, he’s alive. No matter his state I believe he knows his family wants him to continue living. He can’t break a final promise to them.

My only wish is for fanfic writers to not write him like some shaken up teenager because he is in fact a grown ass man that has lived through the streets and wouldn’t break down the same way normal people would. I’d imagine he’s much more gruff than that.

Related, there’s a single action that was portrayed in a fic I saw about him that feels very not wrong. In it he’s sitting at a bar with the other agents all celebrating a well done mission. In it he is being consumed by paranoia. Does his breathing spike? Does he sweat? Does he feel like throwing up? No. Instead, he simply drums his fingers and disguises the anxiety as boredom.

Because that’s what he does.

He hides.

I wanna do another photo shoot but i never have the time or motivation to do it ;^;

I love it when people make Evil x completely overpowered, but still make him act like an absolute derp & mess up all his evil schemes on accident.

Like yes!!! They COULD take over the entire hermitcraft server, if it weren't for the derpyness. Because in order to be an evil masterMIND you need to actually be smart.

[Day 23]: Tango

ITS HIM!!! TANGO!!! THE DUNGEON MASTER!!! Hes so much fun to draw omg

Sadly i only had time for a quick lil sketch, cause i have a math exam tomorrow and i REALLY need to study LMFAO-

Fyi the reason for this is this amazing evil x themed discord server by @autistic-evil-xisuma that i recently joined :D

Alr my evil x hyperfixation is getting out of control. Time to spam my tumblr with evil x content.