My Brother In Christ We Shall Have A Spring Wedding

Lindir, blackmailing his way into a position in Lindon so he can keep taking care of Elrond and Elros: And - and then... I saw the massacre at Sirion... i-it haunts my n-nightmares...

Lindir at Sirion:

yeah same here

Did anyone else watch this show obsessively as a kid? Bc I did and Sauron as Pingu is a fabulous image that I’m never going to get out of my head.

Sauron seeing Elrond for the first time and having war flashbacks to Lúthien:

Coruscant guard as bizarre t shirts

again, fanart welcome

End result: 900 word one shot about a guy in the desert

Process: 50 hours research into natural textiles, causes and treatments of dust fever, interplanetary politics, the history of the slave trade and an entire fucking conlang

memes are fun and relatable and all that, but don't let them discourage you. all of that stuff that doesn't make it into the final product is part of how the final product gets made

So I made a snickers cheesecake. Except there's no snickers or cheese, and it's not a cake.

And this happened -

My flatmate: Goose, this is great! How did you get the filling so creamy?

Me, recalling the metric fuck ton of cream that went into this diabetic daydream: funny you ask, actually...

Deciding Arwen's name: Elrond: let’s not make her name more complicated than it needs to be Celebrían: *side eye* Aþëafinwë Elerondo Pereldar néya-ni Sûlamrûn Taurín: …shut up Councillor Erestor ni Ahshróanin Eryatorno Nyérquámë Harandir Gorcyll Ro-on Ukeweto Giriaku Zerey Minyanto Helcemardo Avarion Kiyha-Eíen Ghiní Gyorhanin Hrayamí fyióne’en Njali mi’mizgi li’linde Ñalë, Nor-Khaw Om-Omë yoyon, La-omaë Liltaphin de Niñgol yon: ... huh.

The Fetts as bizarre t shirts

you and me both, boba. you and me both

And now, the thrilling sequel: Celebrían, Elrohir, Elladan and Arwen’s names!

I’m not touching their titles with a 6 foot pole. I'm sorry but this already took like 7 hours and I do actually have work I’m meant to be doing. It also makes my life easier that the kids do not need two separate identities from each side of the family since their parents are not mortal enemies who murder each other, which is half the amount of work for everyone. :)

*

Celebrían

Celebrían, Celeboriel a Galadrien, Hîril Imladris

Teleperína, Teleporniel ye Alatárien

Tyelperína, Telporniel Naltarienyë, Heri Arcimbele

Celebrían = Sindarin meaning silver queen, from celeb = silver and rían = queen/crowned lady.

Celeboriel = Sindarin meaning daughter of Celeborn, from Celeborn (minus -n for smoother pronunciation) and -iel = daughter of.

Galadrien = Sindarin meaning daughter of Galadriel, from Galadriel (minus -l for smoother pronunciation) and -ien = an alternative form of -iel meaning daughter of.

A = Sindarin meaning and.

.

Hîril Imaldris = Sindarin meaning lady of Rivendell, from hîril = lady, feminine equivalent to Elrond’s hîr, and Imladris = Rivendell.

Teleperína = Telerin meaning silver-crowned, from telpe = silver and rían = crowned. (Technically rían is Quenya but whatever, Tolkein loves his mutually-intelligible languages so I can do what I want.)

Teleporniel = Telerin meaning daughter of Telepornë (Celeborn’s Telerin name), from Telepornë and -iel = daughter of.

Alatárien = Telerin meaning daughter of Alatáriel (Galadriel’s Telerin name), from Alatáriel and -ien = an alternative form of -iel meaning daughter of.

Ye = Telerin meaning and, specifically for two items.

.

Tyelperína = Quenya meaning silver-crowned, from tyelpë = silver (the archaic inflection of the Teleri-influenced telpë, probably used exclusively by Fëanorians due to their little pet peeves about linguistic purity) and rína = crowned.

Telporniel = Quenya meaning daughter of Teleporno (Celeborn’s Quenya name), from Teleporno and -iel = daughter of.

Naltarien = Telerin meaning daughter of Naltariel (Galadriel’s Quenya name), from Naltariel and -ien = an alternative form of -iel meaning daughter of.

-Yë = Quenya suffix meaning and, used when combining two titles into one rather than in daily use.

Indori Arcimbele = Quenya meaning lady of Rivendell, from indori = lady or mistress of a house, the likely feminine of Elrond’s indor, and Arcimbele = Rivendell.

.

Why no Telerin ‘Lady of Rivendell’? because I can’t figure out how to translate that, so I’m going to invent some reasons why she would never use Telerin enough to bother translating her titles.

Galadriel speaks both Quenya and Telerin - which are very similar and mutually intelligible but not actually the same - and was originally named in both, due to having a Noldorin father and a Telerin mother.

Crimes are committed and Quenya is banned. Telerin sounds close enough to Quenya that you’ll get arrested for speaking it, and people aren’t very sympathetic when she explains that it’s not actually Quenya but a different language that sounds exactly like Quenya that is also spoken in Valinor alongside Quenya, and in fact they share many words so it is really very, very close to Quenya - but I swear it isn’t actually Quenya. (It’s also close enough to set off Celeborn’s PTSD-induced anti-Noldor squick.) So, Galadriel attempts to distance herself as far away from Quenya and Telerin as possible while she remains in Middle-Earth.

In fact, there was a lot of soul-searching that took place before she decided to name her daughter in Telerin as well as Sindarin, and she never did name Celebrían in Quenya at all.

So Celebrían grew up speaking Sindarin exclusively, because while she does, intellectually, know how to speak Telerin because her mother sat her down and taught her, she has no real connection to the language. And, of course, Quenya is for war criminals…

…And apparently kind-hearted half-elven bad-boys with the most adorable dimples like Elrond, who is so whole-heartedly, incandescently in love with his House and his heritage that it’s contagious. So Celebrían drags out her never-used Telerin name and translates it into Quenya so that she can enjoy being Noldorin with her husband. It’s very sweet.

Of course, she does then decide she wants to connect with her Telerin heritage as well, but, well, there aren’t many Teleri in Middle Earth, so that has to wait until she sails to Valinor…

*

Elladan

Elladan, Elrondion a Celebríon

Laurefinwë Eldatan, Elerondion Tyelperínionyë

Elladan = Sindarin meaning Elf-Man, from eledh = Elf and adan = Man.

Elrondion = Sindarin meaning son of Elrond, from Elrond and -ion = son of.

Celebríon = Sindarin meaning son of Celebrían, from Celebrían (-an dropped for smoother pronunciation) and -ion = son of.

A = Sindarin meaning and.

.

Laurefinwë = Quenya meaning golden Finwë, from laurë = golden (of light, not the metal) and Finwë.

Eldatan = Quenya meaning Elf-Man, from elda = Elf and atan = Man.

No epessë = I couldn't think of a good one and neither could he. Suggestions welcome.

Elerondion = Quenya meaning son of Elerondo (Elrond’s Quenya name), from Elerondo and -ion = son of.

Tyelperínion = Quenya meaning son of Tyelperína (Celebrían’s Quenya name), from Tyeperína and -ion = son of.

-Yë = Quenya suffix meaning and, used when combining two titles into one rather than in daily use.

.

Why Laurefinwë?

Glorfindel/Laurefindelë my beloved!

Maglor/Makalaurë my extremely problematic but still very beloved genocidal mass-murdering kidnapper-turned-father!

Celeborn, my dearly beloved father-in-law who takes every opportunity to insult my family and heritage, may I present your grandson, whose father-name, which follows the Fëanorian family tradition, is a tribute to the name of your realm (Lóþlaurien, from lós/lóþ = flower, laurë = golden and -ien = land) translated into the illegal language and accent of the famous war criminals who destroyed your old realm of Doriath! (Celebrían loves Elrond’s blatantly passive-agressive responses to people’s prejudice and is a terrible enabler.)

Note: a more sensible translation of Lothlórien would be Lóslórien = flower dreamland, but in the interests of pissing off the father-in-law some sacrifices must be made

*

Elrohir

Elrohir, Elrondion a Celebríon

Tyelpefinwë Eldaroquen, Elerondion Tyelperínionyë

Elrohir = Sindarin meaning Elf-knight, from eledh = elf and ro(c)hir = knight. Ro(c)hir is a combination of roch = horse and hîr = lord.

Elrondion = Sindarin meaning son of Elrond, from Elrond and -ion = son of.

Celebríon = Sindarin meaning son of Celebrían, from Celebrían (-an dropped for smoother pronunciation) and -ion = son of.

A = Sindarin meaning and.

.

Tyelpefinwë = Quenya meaning silver Finwë, from tyelpe = silver (archaic form of the later, Teleri-influenced telpe) and Finwë. 

Eldaroquen = Quenya meaning Elf-horseman, from Elda = elf and roquen = horseman. Roquen is a combination of rocco = horse and quen = person. (Hence, the Quenya is gender neutral, do with that what you will)

No epessë = I couldn't think of a good one and neither could he. Suggestions welcome.

Elerondion = Quenya meaning son of Elerondo (Elrond’s Quenya name), from Elerondo and -ion = son of.

Tyelperínion = Quenya meaning son of Tyelperína (Celebrían’s Quenya name), from Tyeperína and -ion = son of.

-Yë = Quenya suffix meaning and, used when combining two titles into one rather than in daily use.

.

Why Tyelpëfinwë?

Celebrían/Telperína my beloved!

Celebrimbor/Tyelperinquar/Tyelpë my beloved, you deserved so much better than Þauron and even though we’re still dealing with the fallout of your arts and crafts project two ages later, we still think you were awesome!

Celeborn/Telporno my dearly, dearly beloved bastard of a father-in-law, meet your grandson, whose father-name, which follows the family tradition of the fuckers who destroyed your birth-city of Doriath, is a tribute to your own name, translated into the specific archaic accent that they used (tyelpë) due to being linguistic purists rather than the still-effectively-illegal-but-not-quite-as-bad Telerin inflection used in your own name (telepë) to distance yourself from the mass-murderers whose adopted son your daughter has married! (Celeborn almost disowns the brat on the spot.)

*

Arwen

Arwen, Elrenniel a Celebríel

Þerifinwë Arwen Undómiel, Elerondiel Tyelperínielyë

Arwen = Sindarin meaning noble maiden, from ara = noble and gwenn = maiden.

Elrenniel = Sindarin meaning daughter of Elrond, from Elrond (why it’s changed to Elrenn- I have no idea) and -iel = daughter of.

Celebríon = Sindarin meaning daugher of Celebrían, from Celebrían (-an dropped for smoother pronunciation) and -iel = daugher of.

A = Sindarin meaning and.

.

Þerifinwë = Quenya meaning broideress Finwë, from þerindë = broideress, Fëanorian þþþ inflection of serindë, and Finwë.

Arawendë = Quenya meaning noble maiden, from Ara- = noble and -wendë = maiden. Almost invariably shortened to Arwen, just as Finwë's youngest daughter Lalwendë went by Lalwen.

Undómiel = Quenya meaning Evenstar

Elerondiel = Quenya meaning daughter of Elerondo (Elrond’s Quenya name), from Elerondo and -iel = daughter of.

Tyelperíniel = Quenya meaning daughter of Tyelperína (Celebrían’s Quenya name), from Tyeperína and -iel = daughter of.

-Yë = Quenya suffix meaning and, used when combining two titles into one rather than in daily use.

.

Why Þerifinwë?

She sews. And embroiders. And weaves. And knits and crochets and makes lace and spins thread and that’s her craft/special interest, ok? She’s damn good at it. She makes Aragon’s standard for the Battle of the Black Gate, the final confrontation of Þauron in the War of the Ring, emblem of hope and faith in humanity, a bright dawn of the Age of Men - that shit is important.

Míriel Þerindë my beloved! Y’know, the one who kickstarted literally the entire history of Middle-Earth with her death? The favourite devotee of Vairë, Weaver of Time? The one who channelled her Sight through her craft and ended up making a tapestry predicting, with staggering accuracy, the downfall of her lineage throughout the First Age? The one whose devotion to her yet-unborn-family was so strong that she chose to fade into Mandos to become one of Vairë’s assistants - basically promoting herself to the role of a minor deity - so that she might just have the chance to redeem something, anything, for her children? The one who caused the rocks to clatter just so in the cave where Elrond and Elros hid, leading to Maglor finding and raising them, the greatest thing the House of Fëanor ever did and the sole exception to the Doom of the Noldor: to evil end shall all things turn that they begin well? Yeah, I think she’s a pretty cool person to be named after.

Seriously, Arwen had to choose the Gift of Men, because Mandos couldn’t handle three badass weavers who quietly hold absolute dominion over the fate of Eä.

Celeborn, my most beloved father-in-law, have yet another grandchild named after problematic members of the House of Fëanor! (Headcanon that the shared Finwëan love language is pissing eachother off.)

*

In conclusion:

Celebrían, Celeboriel a Galadrien, Hîril Imladris

Teleperína, Teleporniel ye Alatárien

Tyelperína, Telporniel Naltarienyë, Heri Arcimbele

Elladan, Elrondion a Celebríon

Laurefinwë Eldatan, Elerondion Tyelperínionyë

Elrohir, Elrondion a Celebríon

Tyelpefinwë Eldaroquen, Elerondion Tyelperínionyë

Arwen, Elrenniel a Celebríel

Þerifinwë Arwen Undómiel, Elerondiel Tyelperínielyë

I have no life

Like this maybe?

disaster lineage all fall into one or more categories. i tried making a venn diagram but it was too hard so i gave up. anyway here they are

-most famous jedi who ever lived

-deeply fucking evil

-enemy of the state

-hermit

-literally just some guy who's there