I See Your 'Hero Breaks The Villain Out Of Jail Cause They Miss Them.' And I Raise You, 'But It's Nowhere

The villain's mom walks in and catches Hero and villain in a uh, compromising position, (they were threatening each other!! Nothing else,,) the villain gets nervous and trying to quickly make up an excuse, and before hero could say anything, splutter out they are dating.

The hero tries to deny this but you see, the mother is the warmest person they've ever seen and her look of sheer hopefulness and the arrows of love she's shooting at them kind of makes it impossible. Plus, watching the villain be a complete mama's child as she croons at them and inquires about what they've been eating is very enjoyable.

What follows is a week of hero being infuriated at fake dating and slightly awestruck as the villain is babied and ordered around by their mother.

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So i got locked out of my account for like a year straight, so anyways how's it going

Bitches with trust issues love enemies to lovers because they love the idea of seeing someones worst traits first and still be able to fall in love them without the everpresent underlying fear of weather their worst is something genuinely evil. It's me. I'm bitches.

Is there a name for what I call the,, really? Them?,, Trope wherein the crusher realises their feelings and is in absolute disbelief over it because... It's them! That really stupid person! The one that always smiles like an idiot and trip on their own feet/ are cold as ice,

Everything is top tier

The 'ha! what a dumb bitch, But I love them' looks, top tier

The, 'youre ugly when you cry' (adoring) chefs kiss

The constant absolute roasts

The pining

THE PININg

I'm came for the couple in crisis but I stay for the couple who've already solved their crisis and are now sharing a chair and judging everyone. Plain old a couple who hates the same people stay together.

"Remember when we were stupid as them, babe."

"Babe, can we beat them up?"

"Babe, let's intervene in those dumbass' love life. They can't be trusted with it."

If your book doesn't have them. I'm still prolly gonna read it, but like... I'd prefer it if it did cause they're amazing.

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When the villain has been quite for days, Hero breaks into the villains lair to find their plans, they expected it to be hard, but hard as in boobie traps, but what they saw was much, much worse. Truth was the villain is... The villain is a... Massive slob. Slob as in literal piles of hoarded items all around.

"Well, truth is I was drawing up a plan for a takeover, but I kind of, just... Forgot were I put them, And I don't really have the best memory, so... I just remember it involves massive lab grown penguins... And I may or may not have already placed an order."

"Do you remember literally anything else!"

"let me think... Hmm... Naw, I got nothing. And I don't appreciate how judgemental you're being."

"Finders keepers bitch!!" "May as well if I can get a clean house out of it."

*shoving a giant box filled with candy wrappers in the garbage bag.* "You can't seriously be living like this."

*scrunching their nose at like 10 giant bags of dog food* "You know, I was considering switching to your side, but now I don't think I can't trust someone who lives like this."

*about the giant stack of teddies all with various villainous accesories* "The state of your house is literally making me more anxious than the giant penguins that could be loose in the city right now."

If your enemies to lovers doesn't have angry I hate this this and this about them monologues that slip into ticks only someone who's been closely observing them would know spoken in heavy denial is it even enemies to lovers.

I hate their smile and their eyes and how much they say with them god dammit and that the way their little finger twitches when they're angry is stupid. It's I mean it's not good.

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I'm so pissed right now and I need to rant, so I was reading this book I've been wanting to read forever and It was pretty good and it was enemies to lovers, but just they fell for each other in TWO freaking days! Two gays! whit only minimal dry ass conversations, like after both of them were planning to kill each other!

Instalove is already bad enough but in enemies to lovers! Um excuse me, but no! Like that's literally like the antithesis of everything it is! We don't read enemies to lovers for the ending, we read it for the conflict, the journey, the internal struggle to grapple with someone you hate turning out to be someone you can't hate, someone you literally have to love, that's not a one day process that's being proven they're not what you thought they were over and over until you cannot ignore it, no matter how hard you try to! That is what it's about.

follow for more rants, cause I need to vent!

Too many of my favourite tropes are just popular trope x exact opposite, but, cocky Villains are great but, but villains with chaotic energy and filled with self doubt + self-deprecating humour. I dunno could be really good.

" That really should NOT have worked."

*wide eyed and nodding head excessively* "Yup, yup definitely should not have, yup, but uh, it did, and ah, I don't know what to do now, you see I thought I'd be blown to bird food by now. But I can't ever have what I want can I?"

*awkwardly* "oh, ah, I see, umm, are you okay?... Buddy?"

*loud explosion* *wipes black dust out of face with a deadpan* "And of freakin cause my dear experiment literally blows up in my face. Of freakin cause"

"Why *Straight up bawling* can't anything ever go according to plan." *More whining noises*

"Why does the universe hate me!!"

Just pure cartoonish tomfoolery (bonus points if hero is kalm™ and they fit one of them is on a leash cause they can't be trusted couple trope)

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'Friends to lovers' this 'enemies to loves' that where is my 'enemies to more aggressively enemies only kind of ironically'