I Am About To Rant About The Movies And Acting And Such, I Want To Make It Clear That I Am Merely A Film

A Modern Hobbit AU,

Except the Company is a band with Thorin as the lead Guitarist/singer and founder of the band. Gandalf is their Manager.

The plot is that they need a lead singer for the tour they’re about to go on, and Gandalf remembers his old friends son who had an amazing voice.

He shows up with the band at Bilbos house, they throw a rave and convince him to go on tour with them. They don’t believe that he’s as good of a singer as Gandalf says until they actually hear him sing.

Thorin doesn’t think he fits in with their aesthetic, but then accidentally falls in love with Bilbo.

If nobody draws this then I’m gonna lose it, im going to do it myself, but I hope to see someone else’s interpretation.

so I'm rereading the lotr trilogy right now (after having just read it for the first time earlier this year) and I find it so interesting that tolkien is SO HEAVILY against allegory, specifically from an author-imposed perspective; instead, he says that the reader is the one with agency in any deeper meaning of the text:

"Other arrangements could be devised according to the tastes or views of those who like allegory or topical reference. But I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done so since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence. I much prefer history, true or feigned, with its varied applicability to the thought and experience of readers. I think many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author." - The Fellowship of the Ring, Foreward to the Second Edition, p. xxvi.

I'm no English major but I exist in the sphere of literary and information studies (I'm a grad student in archival studies) and this is my favourite literary theory I've heard about in passing from my peers. anyway this is all a justification of my impending rants and interpretive posts upcoming as I go through the books and (lightly) annotate them this time around so uh buckle up for some unhinged analysis and general feral fan behaviour

“What’s your favourite animal?”

Me in my recovery arc

Frodo will forever remain tragic to me. How does it feel to sacrifice everything to save your home, only to return and realise that you also sacrificed your ability to love it? You left parts of yourself in that fire. You outgrew your meadow. You can go home - but you can never truly return.

I love the hc that dwarves who cut their hair are either shamed or in mourning but cutting your hair is a huge part of self expression!! and I think of dwarven hair as the ultimate form of telling every other dwarf who you are and what you do in life

so I propose that ceratin crafts require cutting your hair in a specific way. you can't confuse it with shame or mourning because everyone knows what that very specific pattern is.

for example! Ori has bangs. bangs are perfect for a scribe! you never have to worry about hair blocking your immediate vision, especially when you are handling old documents where you can't afford to touch anything but the paper in front of you. so you see a dwarf with bangs and immediately know they're a scribe

example 2! Dwalin is half bald and the top of his head is tattooed which sounds pretty painful. what if that's just the hairstyle of warriors? they test your dedication to guarding and protecting and sacrifice by making you shave the top of your head and tattooing it. this also works great as a deterant, like imagine someone thinking to assassinate crown prince Fili but they see Dwalin with his shaved tatted head staring into their soul and they just. slowly back away. you don't fuck with dwarves whose soul craft is being a warrior, especially when they want you to see them coming by announcing to the world that I'm so dedicated to this, I shave the top of my head every day

Precisely

BAGGINSHIELD HEADCANONS

COOKING SKILLS

Thorin - He's good at cooking dishes that don't require many steps. Simple things like pasta, eggs, meat...

Bilbo - An experienced cook, he's really good at desserts. Likes to keep a clean kitchen while he cooks.

PAST RELATIONSHIPS

Neither for the two of them. They are akward middle-aged men, virgins. Bilbo is too shy to admit that his only romantic knowledge comes from books.

SHOW OF AFFECTION

Thorin- He's more likely to use gestures rather than words. He likes to buy Bilbo expensive things.

Bilbo- He is more prone to using words, He also enjoys using the written word, writing poetry and praises to Thorin.

They are both embarrassed to show affection in public but feel safe when they are alone or with close people.

obsessed with the concept of Dwarven Ones and Thorin knowing Bilbo was his One from the first time he saw him and being EXTREMELY unhappy about it up until Bilbo proves himself/saves Thorin's life after the goblin caves

They heard a noise in the middle of the night

”are they a dwarf or a dwarrowdam?” girl they’re stealing your shit watch out!!

This is incredible, reblogged for my girlfriend later

Sorry about the wonky picture but I’m reading lotr and this made me laugh so hard 😭 why are the Orcs gen z