I'm Very Low Mentally, Emotionally, And Physically. I'm Doing My Best, But All I Can Do Is Coast Through

Another successful walk today. The weather was gorgeous and there were so many people out! I didn't talk to any of them (I complimented one's dress), but it was nice to just be around them. I also saw a naked squirrel (might be a rat, but it was running with a bunch of other squirrels) and how nature can't be stopped from going where it wants to go.

I bought a scale, as well. I am now below 260 lbs and I am so excited! I am slowly getting to a healthy weight and getting away from diabetes. I know it's only been two walks, but I have to stay motivated, so sharing these moments feels good.

Remember, only you can make changes for yourself.

boy am i glad that small white dot on my face no one would've mentioned is now a swollen red splotch that can't be hidden

Friends, since I am in need of a hobby that isn't just being chronically online, I wanted to pick up and try digital art again. I used to draw... and I can post the last bits of art I did, but I would appreciate any tips or tricks or advice! I use CSP and a Huion HS610.

i hate that every game on steam that releases in now marked "early access"

if i am PAYING you for the game, it is not early access. it's a full game. if it's early access, it's a beta and i should not have to pay you $40 for an unfinished product.

The banana nut bread was successful, btw! Was very yummy and was my first "bread" recipe. Going to try sourdough, next. What a huge leap.

My husband is ill and there's nothing more I can do for him, so my mania is taking over. I've done the quiet clean ups and retried making banana nut bread with this recipe. The first time I made it I had a dumb and forgot flour... you know, the main ingredient in bread. I need more hobbies that keep my hands busy because when I run out of chores, my manic episode worsens, and I feel as though I want to crawl out of my skin and scream.

Bipolar really is something.

when you catch yourself sitting at your computer and watching something on your phone because your attention span is so short you didn't even take time to realize you could watch the same video on a bigger screen with better audio.

Perhaps I am starting too many things at once.

I wish to find my place in my spirituality, but at the same time I wonder if my heritage would offer me anything. I am half Mexican/half Caucasian, but I was raised Caucasian and had little to no contact with my Hispanic family after the age of 3. Because of this... I know nothing about my Mexican bloodline.

I do not know anything about the culture, the beliefs, the celebrations, very little about the food, and I can barely speak Spanish. I want to get in touch with these roots, also. Part of me feels that I am too late, however, and pushes back against it.

How do I even start? Where do I begin? Do I postpone my spiritual journey and focus on my heritage instead? I am overwhelming myself, as I often do, and these past two weeks have been rather awful... it's all compounding and I don't know what to do to get back on my feet.

Artwork by kyumei

when mom says you're an "inside cat" and can't go outside, but she'll go out there and sit for minutes at a time.

me: i love songs that are deep, hold meaning, tell a story, create elaborate images in my mind and move my heart while making me consider my own existence.

also me: