#a Confused Pran Appears

Can you believe that Gaya Sa Pelikula talked about so many lgbt+ related issues as openly as it did? 

Can you believe that it gave a lesson about euphemisms and how it is not shameful saying the word gay out loud? Can you believe it talked about allyship and how it’s not always done right, but that if people are willing to listen to lgbt+ people and are open to learn it is valuable? When was the last time you saw a show saying microaggression? And especially, related to how people assume that passing privilege is a good thing and shame more feminine lgbt+ people. When was the last time you heard that “you don’t look gay” is NOT a compliment as explicitly as gsp did? Can you believe it also talked about how Vlad devalued those little mundane romantic things like prom because as lgbt+ we feel those are still out of reach for us because of the hateful societies we live in? But then immidiately showed us that we can have those experiences as lgbt+ people. Can you believe how they also highlighted that coming out feels like coming home, or all the talk about Boca del Cielo which is a place that doesn’t feel real but in the end it is found, and how the show values finally being able to express yourself as lgbt+ as something to celebrate and dance to? Something freeing and beautiful?

#our walking green flag willing to risk everything to get his boyfriend to talk to his bestfriend

#our walking green flag pran 

me: i'm fine

me, actually: constantly thinking about jaechan having to stand on tippie toes to kiss seoham in semantic error (2022) episode 8

Me, before episode 6: I love Pat so much. I adore him. I couldn’t possibly love him more.

Me, after episode 6: Pat just loves proving me wrong. He is the best character. How will I ever love another character again after Pat. Precious baby.

When Pran said "You've got to stop doing this to me. We are not a thing" on the rooftop, I found the English translation a little confusing. The first sentence makes it sound like Pran is asking Pat to stop being clearly romantic with him because it's hurting him, but the second sentence makes it sound like he's telling Pat to stop being clearly romantic because it's not appropriate to the kind of relationship they have, without any romantic feelings on Pran's part. Can you shed any light on what exactly Pran was trying to communicate?

Oh certainly.

This was one of my favorite parts because they used super subtle language rather than the usual Thai words for couple (which I can't spell but can now recognize) or faen.

The first bit is Pran saying basically:

"I've had enough. Stop jerking me around, emotionally. You've been flirting on and off with me for years and it's not fair. Because i know what's going on and how I feel about you. And I kind of always have since the pond incident."

The second bit is:

"It's not fair of you, Pat, to do these kind of things to me (possession, jealousy, casual affection, flirting) without you, Pat, having actual romantic feels for me. (And acknowledging them.)"

Pran thinks Pat is being casual with him. But Pran is not a casual person. This is about sincerity. 

I think Pran also thinks that Pat hasn't acknowledged his own feelings to himself yet. Remember, they have known each other a very long time. And Pran is a lot more self aware than Pat is (and he also knows that). I think he realizes that Pat is a little in love with him but Pran believes that Pat will never come to place where he can admit that to HIMSELF.

Thus the kiss is a real shocker to Pran, because he didn't think it would ever happen. And it's not that he thought Pat didn't have the guts, or wasn't action orientated, it's just that he didn't think Pat would ever have the level of self awareness required.

Pat grew up in the course of one episode, if I were Pran, I'd be surprised too.

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As an IRL example, it's not quite the same thing but...

You ever have that friend who is clearly queer but just isn't yet?

So they aren't pretending, it's not even self delusion, because they just don't realize it. Sometimes it's family background, but sometimes it's just that they are too emotionally young. They haven't figured themselves out. How can they when they haven't had the right life experiences yet? They aren't to be blamed or pushed because of this. It's a void not a wound.

As friends (or sometimes family members) I think we often see queerness in the people we love before they see it in themselves. (Especially if we are a little older and already out.)

Because we, personally, aren't dealing with the guilt, shame, fear, loss, and rebuilding of identity that society's expectations place on our friend's way of thinking about themself. (Even if we've been through it, it's different for everyone, and we can easily forget because we want to.)

Even if the friendship group or family is accepting, it can be super hard. Because then there is a whole new set of expectations to come up against.

When analyzing Color Rush, I mentioned that no one really talks about how first love as a queer person is also a grieving process. (And anger: why must we grieve as we experience passion for the first time when the hets don't have to?)

Because as we open the closet door and walk into a queer identity we mourn the dead straight identity we left behind.

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Which is a long way of saying, what we see on this rooftop with Pat & Pran is first love and new passion, but it is also grief.

happy end. ❤️