Omg Tag Me This Is Hilarious

I know there is a fanfic on ao3 about this I just can’t seem to find it

When Billy Batson's identity gets exposed why doesn't he just... lie. Like, nothing else he comes up with is going to be more unbelievable than the homeless ten year old with a magical girl transformation that turns him into a giant himbo of an indestructible demigod. Just. Lie, Bill. No one is going to know the difference. If they didn't clock you then, they're not going to clock you now.

"I pissed off a witch and she cursed me. It gets overridden when I use my powers—you know, 'blessings of the gods' and all—but I haven't figured out how to get it totally off yet. Great for free ice cream tho."

"Billy Batson died five years ago and I'm the last figment of his imagination"

"C.C. and Marylin Batson stumbled across my tomb during a expedition and now I just look like this."

"I was created ten years ago from the ambient magic in the Rock of Eternity."

"I age really, really slowly."

"Zeus thought it would be funny."

"I made a bet with Klarion and lost."

"This is how I looked when I died."

"My species just ages like this. Are you telling me you don't? How was I supposed to know I should mention it!"

"You ever seen the movie Freaky Friday?"

"It's rude to ask a lady her age!"

("It's rude to what?!)

Battinson the only Batman too 100% take to Tims coddling!

I mean he can’t really stop the kid.

Tim says he has to sleep? Well okay.

Tim says he beat that guy up too much? Well okay.

Tim says he needs to eat more? …. Okay but Tim need to eat with him.

Tim goes back to his own place… well Tim’s not actually his kid…. He’s gonna text him anyway.

Wait where are his parents??? Shit. Tims his now, tim chose him!

Tim try’s to be unhealthy independent and battison just cries. He’s not sure how but this is obviously his fault!!

say what you will about Battinson, he would never hurt a child.

he would frantically try to bubble wrap each and every one of them. he probably carries snacks for kids he meets on patrol.

DC-Verse Theater part 3

“Alrighty next clip is a sibling universe of this universe so again most things are the same as yours with some slight differences.”

Damian’s eyes narrowed as he tried to spy on her phone with Jon in between them, “What kind of differences.”

“Well in this universe Jason and Bruce manage to talk some things out. A more glaring difference is that this Jason is a scientist.”

“Woah, really Jason?”

The man in question smacked the archers shoulder playfully, “Hey what that’s supposed to mean! I’m smart!”

“Yup Jason in this universe practically lives in space!”

The video started to play, “Oh also in this universe Konner doesn’t exist.”

“Wait what!” Tim was horrified, Konner nodded it made sense they couldn’t all exist every time… especially when they weren’t even born in the first place.

The scene opened on Jason and Tim in Jasons apartment kitchen. It was kinda creepy how the apartment looked exactly the same, until they kept walking. Leading them both into a room that looked like Roy’s workshop, me mechanical garbage thrown everywhere.

“I am wiped out guess I’ll turn in.”

Cass raised an eyebrow, usually they had to fight for Tim to sleep.

“Cool.”

Jason looked at the screen, huh looks like him and replacement had a good relationship here. He felt bitter about it, not that he deserved a good relationship with the replacement.

“Jay, I feel like I’ve spent my whole life pretending Bruce is a great guy and trying to be like him and the ugly truth has always been-“

Tim didn’t like were this was going, but at least him and Jason were close. Close enough for Tim to tell him things like this, real brothers.

“That he’s not that great a guy and you are exactly like him?”

“Am I evil?”

Bruce felt like his nerves were on fire, he knew he wasn’t a good man but Tim?

Damian scoffed, “As if you have the capacity to ever be Batman.”

“Actually Tim is the most like me.”

The room grew silent, as Tim hunched his shoulders. He never wanted to be Batman in the first place.

“Worse you’re smart. When you know nothing matters the universe is yours and I have never met a universe that was into it.

It was Hals turn to raise an eyebrow, “That kinda sounds like he drops into different dimensions a lot.”

Chimera smiled, “Oo! Got it in one! And people saw your the dumb one.”

The universe is basically an animal that grazes on the ordinary creates infinite idiots just to eat them not unlike your husband Brecard -“

“Bernard”

“Yeah hardly matters now sweetie.”

“I MARRIED Bernard !!!”

Konner could admit to being a little itty bit jealous.

“Jay I’m out of excuses to not be who I am … so who am I ? What do I do?”

“You’re asking Jason for advice?- ow”

“I’m asking Jason for advice? I guess we’re close …” it felt nice to know there was one world out there where his Robin liked him.

“My advice? Take off, leave Gotham before it eats you.”

“Jason!”

“What Dick! It’s not like any of you would even notice if he left and it’s obvious that this Tim isn’t happy to be there.”

“I can’t do that! The titans, Dick, my job and as much as I hate to admit it ABCs the Bachelor- “

Dick couldn’t help but feel vindicated, of course Tim wouldn’t leave. “I Knew it I knew you liked the Bachelor! We should have a movie night Tim-“

“Oh maybe Dick, I’m pretty busy.”

“Oh okay no worries Timmy.”

“I can make a clone of you.

Konner couldn’t breath.

A perfect instance of you with all of your memories an exact copy in every way. It will love and provide for the family, do your job and consume broadcast network reality tv on the same alleged ironic level you do. You could be gone a day, a week of the rest of your life with zero consequences. The moment you decide to come back I flip a switch and the clones job is done. It feels no pain, it regrets nothing, it has zero chance of going BladeRunner.”

“Konner-“

“I’m fine.” And he was he didn’t need Superman’s pity, he didn’t want it. He didn’t get to do that, he had made his choice.

“If nothing matters, why would you do that for me?”

Jason rede used to ever admit it but he actually did like replac- Tim. He liked Tim, but after everything Jason didn’t have any room left to stand on with the kid. And he had done it to himself.

“I dunno maybe you matter so little that I like you. Or maybe it makes you matter. Maybe I love you. Maybe something about the Pits. Don’t jump a gift shark in the mouth.”

Bruce took note of Pits being mentioned, at the very least maybe these videos could help him figure something’s out. They might even give him information on how to help Jason.

“I don’t know if I can do it.”

Divk smiled of course not, this was Tim. His little brother wouldn’t just leave. Not like that, he couldn’t lose a brother like that. Even if Tim was cloned he’d notice! He’s know Tim since he was eight!

“Then stay and luxuriate in a life that you can finally know you’ve chosen.

Damian scoffed, ‘chosen’ of course Drake was the only one to get a choice. Everyone else had been dragged into the Batfamily, but Drake? Drake just waltzed in like it was nothing.

My secret bonus is no matter what you choose you’re finally gonna chill the fuck out.”

Jason laughed, “Yeah Timborine fucking chill out with your identity crisis and pick a lane.”

“Okay I know what I wanna do.”

“Tim…?” Stephanie would like to believe that Tim wouldn’t but… after everything Tim had changed.

Tim folded into Konner.

Note: this is from Rick and Morty

One checks for poison…. Don’t ask how he dies lol

Poisonings happening for political drama, on accident or whatever else only to have a rat save the day !!!

Danny has a group of pet rats that he rescued from a lab. They follow him everywhere even as Phantom. Well Danny gets summoned one day and the league is surprised to see the ghost prince with five rats on his shoulders. "What's with the rodents?" Flash asked. "Kinda rude to ask someone about their service animals." Danny replies. The rats alert Danny before he has a chronic pain flare, before he has a tremor, and before he has a seizure. Being electrocuted messed up Danny's nervous system bad enough that he needs to have an alert animal or someone with him at times that recognize when he's about to have either a flare up or a seizure. The league is going to have a refresher HR course about service animals after the threat is dealt with.

.

“Why the hell is a child here?” Hall yelled! Constantine rolled his eyes, “Age is relative … tho even by demon standards I assume you’re rather young eh Sheila ?”

The demon pouted, “My name isn’t Sheila, I told you call me Konstelacio!”

“Right my apologies.”

Damian sneered,”Idiot.” Only to have Dick elbow him,”Don’t.”

“Now then! What do you need?” The girl crossed her arms and slowly paced by the edge of the circle.

“Wait wait hold up! What is the Infinite Realms?”

Demon girl kept on examining the circle, “Exactly what it sounds like.”

“What are you?”

“Rude”

“How old are you?”

“Depends”

“I thought this spell was supposed to be random?”

Dick groaned, “Wally-“ Zatanna put her hand up, “Hold on that actually is an important question. Why did you show up?”

The demons face contorted. “Uh because it’s my job?” Her hands coming up to her chest.

“How do you get a job like this Konstelacio ? This doesn’t exactly seem like a safe job for a kid?” Superman pondered.

She shrugged, “Eh, community service.”

The heroes gapped. Hal’s ring shone, “And what exactly does a demon have to do to be sentenced with community service?”

“None of your business!!!” The girl grew flustered shoulders tensing.

“Was it a violent crime?” Batman questioned

“That’s it I’m leaving!” She stepped closer to the middle of the circle “You humans are so rude!!!”

“Wait wait,” Constantine pleaded “I apologize on behalf of my colleagues. They have simply never met anyone as…” weird, different, odd “magnificent as you o great one!”

She hummed, “Oh no! The Great One is my uncle!!!”

Uncle? What did that even mean?!?! John was gonna have a heart attack at this rate.

“Yes well please don’t leave we truly do need your assistance!”

Batman cleared his throat, “We were trying to reach someone to help us with several world ending threats that have appeared.”

“Yes, you said that you were uh a helpline? Could you connect us with someone else?” Superman spoke in a kind tone.

“Well duh” the girl relaxed, “You need to actually talk about the issue tho and what exactly it is you’re looking for these things can be tricky.”

“Tell me about it. ….ow”

Batman continued, “ There seems to be some sort of disease spreading everywhere as well as a monster running rampant.”

“If it’s a magical monster why not have your magic users take care of it?”

“Captain Marvel and Dr Fate are both currently of world. We also think the disease may also be magic in nature.” Superman butted in.

The demons eyes lit up at the mention of the Captain only to turn to stone right after. Interesting thought Damian this might be useful information.

“ Alright then I’ll need as much info on these issues as I can! Tho I already do have a few ideas on who to contact about it!”

“This is the monster,” Aquaman pulled up photos of a blue glowing dragon in a gold amulet on screen. “It first appeared in Atlantis wreaking havoc in it wake as it took over the mainland along the coast of California. Our magicians were in able to harm it at all! One second it was there the next gone.”

“Uuughgghhhh Aragon!”

Necks almost broke looking back at her.

“Oh great you two know each other,” Constantine’s voice began to rise in pitch, “lovely.”

“What is he? My magic barely did anything to him too!” Zatanna asked

“Yeah,” Wally backed her up, “We couldn’t do anything against that thing!”

“He’s not a thing! He is a ghost his name is Arragon!”

Flash paled, “A ghost?? That thing couldn’t be a ghost !”

“That’s it I’m leaving! You are being rude again!”

John ran towards the circle, “Wait wait hold on now..”

“You are all being so rude! We are people! We have sentience Aragon is a person!” Red hot anger flushed her cheeks as her eyes wavered.

Flash went up to the circle, “You’re right you’re right it’s my fault entirely I’m sorry! Konstelacio!” Barry felt awful the young girl reminded him of Wally before the adoption. Sad and joking. Sad and demanding to be seen for what they are.

“Yeah whatever,” she looked away, “what about the illness ?”

“It started around the same time as the mons- as Aragon arrived. The illness seems to be random causing deterioration of the skin and violent outbursts,” Batman threw the file over the ring of the circle, “Here’s more info.”

“Hhhmm I’m going to be honest I don’t understand half of this stuff. You said it might be magic based?”

WonderWoman nodded, “ Yes I use to hear tales of something similar back on Themyscira. Supposedly it is one of the illnesses Pandora released from her box.”

“Well why didn’t you start with that ? I’m sure NanaDora will be happy to help!”

Which villain would do this??? I love it it tho!!! Imagine the drama !!!

prompt idea where bad guys kidnap Captain Marvel and put him under a truth serum live on television. JL are desperately searching for Marvel's location while watching, fearing Marvel's livelyhood will be put at stake! but then...

Villain approaches Marvel with a smirk, "Tell me big red cheese, where do you live!"

Captain Marvel, "Oh dude im homeless!"

And literally like the interogation ends as quickly as it started because WHAT

--

villain: "wait so you... where do you sleep...?"

billy: "Outside, nice ol' comfy concrete."

villain: "Dont you have like.. a job?"

billy: "Does heroism count?"

villain: "....No."

the villain doesn't even continue cause he feels bad like damn end of broadcast dude.

Ghost helpline part 4. “Well then,” John huffed out a cloud of smoke “that could have gone worse.”

“Debrief in 10.” Batman stalked towards a nearby meeting room. This hadn’t gone at all as he thought it would. Bruce hated unknown variables and right now his ignorance could have cost them dearly. He needed to know as much about magic society as he could before Konstelacio came back with the cure. Something about all of this just didn’t sit right.

Sure the child had seemed happy and calm. All to willing to help for a low price. But she was defensive even before the perceived insults landed. Like his sons, like Tim, waiting for the rug to be pulled under them. Scared but joking, happy. Until a dark look passed over her face, happiness flying away the moment Dr.Fate was mentioned. That look reminded Bruce of just how dangerous this demon was and just how much he need to prepare for everything. He refused to lose anyone else, not now not ever.

—- —- —-

The demon unfolded her legs from underneath her, legs scraping against each other with a metallic rasp. She held the handkerchief up to the sun, spots of blood disappearing into the air. She exhaled overwhelmed, stomach sinking as she inhaled rage filled.

She didn’t have to answer every summons, doing so would be a waste of time. She had even been told to avoid the Justice League all together. But when she had sensed Batman of all people on the other side she had to. She had to know, her family her sweet precious family would be moving to Gotham soon. Her brothers had reassured her that everything would be fine but this this wasn’t fine at all.

She hated them she hated them with every fiber of her being why ! Why! Why! Did she have to bump into this again! This time will be different tho she promised, this time no one was going to get hurt. She refuses to lose anyone else, not now not ever again!

She crumpled her new handkerchief into her fist. She, she had work to do. Gotham was no longer as safe as she had assumed it to be.

Not when Batman was working with an Al Ghul.

#@busterkeel

Cap: That’s because I wasn’t always

JL: what?

Cap: I wasn’t always a hero, to be honest I never wanted to be

WW: (nodding in tandem) true the role of Champion of Magic is not one in the same with being a hero

Cap: oh no I never wanted to be the champion of Magic ether

<cue horrible misunderstandings >

Just thinking about how important it is to Billy that Captain Marvel is the perfect hero.

For one thing, he wears his dad’s face when he fights crime, so he wants to respect him, even in death. Seeing his face in front of a news segment bad mouthing him would make him heartbroken.

And then there’s just Billy’s thoughts on what a hero should be. They should be kind, knowledgeable, selfless, powerful, etc, etc. He wants people to feel hope when they look at Cap. He wants them to feel like everything is going to be okay. He wants to be the hero he never had.

This stays the same even after he joins the League. A part of him thinks he can relax a bit now. He’s been seen by others like him, who say that he is exactly the kind of hero they want on their team. He sees other heroes, like Green Arrow and Flash, and how they feel comfortable joking around and laying back during meetings and monitor duty.

So he loosens up, just a bit. Loosens his shoulders and his smile. Lets other emotions morph onto his face. He feels bad for doing it. It makes Cap less…ideal. But they seem to like it when he talks to them more.

Still, he can’t help but feel like he’s letting everyone down. Like he’s not good enough. Not when he’s Cap, but when he’s Billy. He studies himself whenever he sees Cap on screen, writing in his head, every time he takes a hit a little too much. Every time he isn’t quick enough despite having god-like speed. Every time he makes a mistake. He has to rectify it. He has to.

What will everyone think? If the Champion of Magic can’t be the perfect diplomat, then what good is he?

Meanwhile, the Justice League is repeatedly in awe of their fellow hero. He can rally people together for the common good. Inspire hope. He has the trust of the Big Three, and two of them even call him their brother.

He’s a mediator. Whenever he’s around, he’s able to quell any of the arguments that go on during meetings. He provides a new perspective regarding magic, making the non-magic based heroes understand it more.

He’s like a comic book hero come to life. Always glowing, even in the midst of battle. There’s an aura about him, where you can’t help but put all of your trust in him. He has this big smile that immediately makes them trust him. You can always find him having heart to heart one on ones with just about any hero.

Not to mention, he so dang good with their sidekicks! They actually listen to and respect him, which is already asking for a lot.

They ask him how he does it, and he just says he gets it. Feeling like you’re never good enough. Like you aren’t seen for who you are. Like everything you do is meaningless when people keep ignoring you.

The League is flabbergasted, because how could anyone look at Cap and NOT see the perfect hero?

Family Discussions

After watching the first hobbit movie

Me: Elrond has the patience of a saint

BFF : yeah but I somehow feel like Lindir has to put up with more bs

Me(internally): she understands

Klarion joins in cuz it’s hilarious

They act like Sam and Tucker are reincarnated every few centuries XD

after he meets the JL ane becomes their ally, Danny pops down to Fawcett City to give Captain Marvel a presentation titled "Teen Heros Pretending To Be Immortal Ancient Beings Stick Together" subtitled "why you should lie to the JL and say you've known me for hundreds of years".

Billy takes one look at it and is immediately like "yes"