I Made A New Ship.

Tim and Jason are currently in a tentative truce/alliance, and despite their history their loyalty to this truce is locked the fuck down. they REFUSE to wrong the other or partake in any kinda shenanigan bullshit that could effect the other, to the point where while at first the others were just relieved the two were bonding after their colourful first start, at this point they’re just concerned about the closeness of the two most feral members of the family; wondering if this alliance should be something to fear.

the reason for this alliance, is because both Tim and Jason realised very shortly after coming into contact with each other that neither of them has any sense of self control when it comes to being spiteful or petty. Jason has had 90% of his will to give a fuck and his self preservation stripped away from him via Lazarus pit and the other 10% clearly didn’t exist anyway(see: stealing Batman’s tires and hitting him with a tire iron when caught). Tim meanwhile is completely feral regardless; he had to have no boundaries to survive with less-than-present parents and surviving a grieving Bruce’s version of Robin-training. plus the whole business with the LOA and Ra’s? his sense of escalation got lost in the fray years ago.

the issue with this, the two found out shortly after Jason first started interacting with the kid, is that them fighting in any way starts to become like a pushing-two-magnets situation. neither of them have ever come across somebody with as little sense of control as they have, so neither of them ever consider backing down from any kind of battle or feud. they find the dangers of this when Jason trips Tim in the hall and within 12 hours it’s escalated to Tim shooting a bazooka into Jason’s favourite safe house while Jason sets fire to Drake manor, framing Tim for insurance fraud in the process.

any kind of battle of spite between the two has no visible end, and it wont even occur to either of them for a second to back down or apologise, simply because fuck it amiright?

Alfred finds them one day in the kitchen engaging in a ‘water fight’ with special metal water-guns that spew acid. Jason has been stabbed at some point, and is bleeding onto the floor. He only seems to recognise this injury in the perimeters of using it against Tim by swiping the blood across the floor to make him slip. Tim has barbed wire in his hair and a clearly dislocated shoulder but he’s ice skating in that blood towards Jason without a single beat missed. Alfred gets them to stop specifically to clean up his goddam kitchen, and, while they guiltily clean, he finds out the root cause of this fight.

the night before, Tim stole Jason’s pencil. that’s it.

slightly terrified for the well-being on his grandsons, he spends the rest of the day acting as a peace-maker/lawyer to draft up an ‘alliance contract’ between the two, knowing that the only way to keep them safe from both themselves and each other is to make them a team, forever and unbreakably loyal towards each other. it takes a sleepless night to draft up all the details but he convinces the two to sign it, making it both a bat-pact, a blood-pact, and a legal document. it is the most important document in the manor, and Alfred hides it in his own personal quarters just to ensure it is kept safe.

because of the contract Jason and Tim are no longer allowed to engage in any kind of fight. any kind of disagreement, no matter how little, must be brought to Alfred, something he knows he’ll lose sleep over but at least Tim and Jason will be safe- it also gives them incentive to compromise with each other because if they don’t then one of them will have to wake Alfred up in the middle of the night just to ask which one of them gets the last of the cereal. they have to become a duo, loyal to each other first and foremost and always reliable enough that the other can turn to them in need. it becomes a very serious deal, and after realising the danger their fights could potentially put the family in(Tim tried to poison Jason’s food once but failed to account for Dick stealing Jason’s food like a normal big brother would), they decide they need to take this alliance up with the upmost sincerity.

for the good of Gotham.

nobody else in the family is sure as to why the fuck ‘team red’ suddenly became such a constant rock-hard alliance between the two brothers, but Alfred has never been more relieved.

The excluded tags filter on Ao3 is such a fucking lifesaver. I love it so much.

Arla Fett is rescued from a Death Watch transport by a tiny Padawan Kenobi and adopts him on the spot, unilaterally deciding that she will be accompanying her boi on all missions in order to loom ominously behind him during negotiations and eliminate any perceived threats to his safety (and happiness) with prejudice

she ignores Qui-Gon Jinn's existence entirely

my oldest boba fett headcanon, from before i even knew what a headcanon was, is that this man, who regularly whiled away the hours on kamino as a boy reading novels and who has a job that often requires him to do nothing more than stand around looking menacing for hours on end, definitely has an e-reader app installed on his helmet

anakin starts hallucinating from sleep deprivation and kills palpatine. palpatine has never needed sleep bc its for the weak (jedi) and so underestimated the effect of 90 straight hours of consciousness to a sentient who uses murder to deal with his problems.

i’m CRYING. he unintentionally kills palpatine and then mace windu is giving him a gruff but genuine jedi congratulations, and then anakin’s like he’s dead? i killed him? and mace nods, and then anakin just drops to the ground, wailing incoherently. mace windu certainly did not expect to be in a position to awkwardly pat anakin’s shoulder while anakin screams about how everything is very, very, very bad, actually, and death must be inevitable but if death is inevitable and love is inevitable then everyone should die because this suffering cannot stand, death is the only freedom there is, you can only be free in death, but also no one should ever die and he needs the power to stop death itself, but also death is the only mercy, you know, the deeply unhinged things anyone would scream after unintentionally killing their evil father figure they needed to save their secret wife and kneeling in front of his mangled corpse.

he also did not expect to be in a position where the local human bottomless desire for affection just takes matters into his own hands and yanks mace into a hug and continues to scream only the most hinged of things, this time next to mace’s ear. and then mace is like okay that’s enough of this, you’re VERY loud and have MANY problems i understand, let’s get up, you can stop panicking now, i think you technically just balanced the force so i have no idea why you’re like this - and they stand, and afterward anakin immediately crashes back on the ground essentially thrown into a coma by his sleep debt, and that’s the first time mace has ever called a med evac for a guy who a) won the duel and b) won the duel without a scratch on him.

the :) AO3 gives you after telling you you’ve already left kudos on a particular fic is my archenemy because what do you mean :) ? what do you mean I’ve already left kudos here? have you read my favorite author’s work? look me in the eyes and tell me one kudos is enough. I’d give them a thousand kudos and my kidney plus my firstborn. what do you mean I can only give them one kudos??????

shout out to all the people still following me even though im a fucking idiot

people who leave comments on AO3 I LOVE YOU

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

i honestly expected there to be at least one or two other arla fett/nim pianna fics.

i feel you.

Nothing is worse than becoming obsessed with a rarepair that has no works on AO3 outside of what you’ve written yourself. Goddamnit, I will make Vokara/Mij a ship people know.