I Hate My Body More Than I Like Food.

Still at my Grandma's... And I fucked up. Usually when I'm here, I either do really well or straight up binge, and it's appears that this time, I do both. Yesterday, I did really well actually but today was horrible. To be fair, no one in my family ate "normally" today, it's the ore-Easter shit, but I mean, they're not disordered, so I feel even more like a faker rn 😭

It's Easter tomorrow and I'm really scared. I'm feeling motivated to do well, but my family wants to go out for lunch tomorrow. I'll just get something from the kids's menu, skip breakfast and only eat a small dinner with my family if I can't avoid it.

And I really have to work on my steps! I feel awful for neglecting them, but I have a really important school project I need to work on... It feels like am excuse, but logically, it really isn't.

I mean, the day after tomorrow my Dad and I will leave already again, and the rest of the fam will stay with my grandma still, andy Dad will leave too after a few days, so my other sister and I will be home alone for a couple days at the end of the holiday s, which is great, since she doesn't really like me and won't force me to eat with her or something. Maybe she'll expect me to cook, because she's prepping for some exams, but that's fine Ig. I mean, I'm kinda planning to fast, but I'll also have to work on that school project, and I'll have to plan my eating depending on how much brain power I'll need then lol. So I have to finish as much of the project as I can now so that I'll be fine fasting/doing high res then.

Bruh why is this post so loong

sometimes I just sit there having imaginary conversations in my head whilst making little gestures and expressions, and sometimes I don't even realize

I must look like such an idiot then lol

It's ok to eat if:

You're feeling faint

You need to keep people from worrying

It's a birthday (yours or someone else's)

It's a holiday or tradition

You're feeling down and want to treat yourself

You're offered your favourite food

You're hanging out with friends

You're watching a movie

You're at a funeral or wake

You need the energy for school/work

You're just generally hungry

You won't be any less valid if you eat, and sometimes it's necessary. Don't beat yourself up, you'll be ok <3

ana culture is washing the measuring cups but leaving your dirty dishes in the sink

I got a new book to reeeaaad

I don't read a lot (I used to inhale books as a kid and I have my fanfiction phases, but I just don't have tiiiimeee and when school is stressful the last thing I want to do is read even more 🥲)

But I'm supper excited for this one

My food scale's batteries went empty and I don't think we have the right ones at home so I can't change them right away 😭

What am I supposed to doooo now I just wanna count my cals

Not to be desperate but i need a gf cause well girls but also i need someone to be rlly attached too

reblog to give your mutuals a djungelskog

This Moment when I've borrowed my friend money the other day and I ask her about it - it's not even that I care about the money on itself that much, just wanted to remind her - and she just says that she doesn't have cash and offers to buy me something in the cafeteria instead - despite always being the first to make jokes about how I never eat

It's not that big of a deal, but it did kinda bug me, because the way she said it made it sound like she knew exactly what she was doing and stuff

Because she's always trying to pressure me into eating, which I appreciate, but then it also gets annoying