I Can't Believe I Was Actually Considering Thinking About Thinking To Consider Recovery, When My Siblings

was at my friend's birthday party and I fucked up SO BADLY. I promised myself to only eat one slice of cake and a to y portion of dinner today, but then came the evening snacks and all the stupid food and in my head I was constantly like, "I need to stop" but I fucking couldn't and now I feel like the worst person on earth. I woke up to the regret and we're about to eat breakfast, and here's the thing: I never eat around them usually and they keep pestering me with those "What have you eaten today? It's unhealthy" and stuff, and now I completely ruined that. So I planned not to eat breakfast at all, but if I don't eat that now after that fucking horrible binge yesterday... I'm just going to try to go to the bathroom in between and then get away with eating some fruit.

I fucking hate myself.

The not-eating after my class was cooking went well yesterday, the teacher was so busy, she didn't even pay attention to me

Now that but four more times to go still 🥲

*one dry response* they hate me and want me to kill myself

Fuck boy problems I’m going back to ⭐️ving for comfort.

drinking peppermint tea is like reliving memories of being dehydrated at the hospital and sitting lonely as a kid in the sad summer camp cafeteria

Are you ever so hyperaware of your body whilst in public and you’re trying not to burst into tears…. Hahah yeah me either

I kinda came out to my friends yesterday? We were talking about celebrity crushes and I mentioned that I used to have a huge crush on Katy Perry, and my friends were just "Oh Really?" but they were cool with it and I'm so glad... It's just the next morning we did some kind of blind karaoke thing and my one friend was like "I got the perfect song for you!" And it was a Katy Perry song but one which I didn't recognized 😭

So that was kinda embarrassing but whatever

not to self-diagnose, but something is definitely wrong here.

The other day I got a really hard ball at soccer practice kicked on my arm, not a big deal usually but it hit exactly my fresh cuts and man that shit hurt