Today's Adventure Is That I, After An Unintentional 13-hour Power Nap,

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

More Posts from Dumbstupidbitch and Others

dumbstupidbitch

4 years ago

Please stay. Contact a friend or call a helpline. Or write some random people like me. Or watch some TV shows or movies or read a book you like. I know it's hard but I also know it's worth it to stay. Don't go. Stay with me. Talk to me if you want or listen to some music. I am here. I am with you. Don't go. Stay.

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

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Norway: 47-815-33-300

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Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

1,131K notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

3 years ago

good responses to getting stabbed with a sword

rude

that’s fair

not again

are you gonna want this back or can i keep it

742K notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

2 years ago

Of missing and remembering

Missing

They found this tree when they were just a child. They were alone in this whole world and just wanted a place to call home. They come here almost daily. To read and write and to do all the other bits of life. The tree had always been tall and big. When they were younger they could climb it and rest on one of it's branches to read. Now they sit on the ground, leaning against one of the two gravestones and rest in the trees shadow. Whenever they visited, they could feel a longing inside their chest. It was like they were missing something or someone that they couldn't quite remember. This feeling of missing always growing bigger with each visit. Until one day a boy sat under the tree sketching.

Remembering

When he saw them for the first time it was like a stone was lifted from his shoulders. It felt as if he could finally breath freely again. He didn't know what he felt in that moment but with time he began to realise what it was. Sitting with them under the tree, talking, reading and drawing together. A feeling of home flooded him and them as well. This time that the two of them spent together it felt like something he remembered. A memory deep within his soul. A memory of happiness and joy. He felt like remembering this time from a life before.

Once

Old they lay, their life a tale to tell, under the tree that was still so young. They planted it here many years ago after meeting for the first time and planed to make this their last resting place. The time had come for them to go into another beautiful story of their own. They both knew. And so he asked "Will you promise to remember me?" "I can only promise to miss you, my love." they replied. And they both did miss, each to their own.

Tags

writing short story writing prompts shorts missing remembering idontknowifthisisanygood ihopeyoulikeit of missing and remembering

12 notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

1 year ago

If I can love my body on other people, I can love it on myself.

Tags

poem quote poems and quotes

1 note View Post

dumbstupidbitch

4 years ago

when hozier wrote “there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin” was he intending to make every gay person on the planet weep? because if so, good job pal

3K notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

7 months ago

do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what you’re thinking about in the tags.

Tags

17:53 pm sitting on my balcony and smoking a cigarette thinking about tv shows and work

601K notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

2 years ago

Twilight but they're constantly being watched when they think no one is by two tourists who are just at the wrong place at the wrong time but get increasingly invested in the drama over time

Tags

twilight the cullens at the end they always carry some popcorn and foldable chairs with them bella and edward they just don't notice them

4 notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

3 months ago

💜✨

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

306K notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

2 years ago

last night I had a dream that there was a tumblr update and the only thing it changed was that for two minutes straight you could sprinkle shredded cheese on other blogs and their posts, and everyone's dashboard was just pandemonium as everyone cheesed each other. two minutes of abominable amounts of shredded cheese raining from the dash. tumblr at its finest. get cheesed

Tags

weallwantit don'tdenyit

36K notes View Post

dumbstupidbitch

1 year ago

best way I have found to comfort people who are endlessly apologetic of things outside their control (often as a result of shitty relationships) is the jokingly hyperbolic accusation of [gasp] "so you're behind it all!"

like someone giving me directions who starts apologizing profusely when I miss a light as if it's their fault--[gasp] "it was you who petitioned city council to build this intersection in 1893!!" because it snaps them out of it and they laugh like. oh yeah. that's a ridiculous thing to blame someone for. I'm not that guy. you're not that guy. it works.

64K notes View Post