Oh You KNOW Swapped!Soundwave Lets His Kids Get Away With ANYTHINGGG Nobody's Safe 🙏

Jason finds out the same stalker kid that used to hang off gargoyles to photograph him mid-patrol is the kid that forced his way into the Robin mantle the second he died and he immediately assumes that Tim's been plotting his downfall since he was seven years old and has been waiting for the perfect opportunity to steal his job.

Jason, looking at the footage of Robin!Tim that Talia shows him: that mad bastard... it's a coup. the evil genius has been planning this for half a decade!

Damian, peering over Jason's shoulder at the weedy 13 yr old chasing a murderous Batman around and looking Stressed™ as he does so:

Damian: *slowly looking between Jason and the footage of Tim*

Jason, murmuring: it's a conspiracy...

Damian:

Damian, to Talia: put him back in the pit he needs another round

Headcanon that Jim Gordon used to think Dick’s real name was just Robin. It’s not an unusual name honestly, and there’s nothing particularly bird about his outfit, so Gordon thought nothing more about it when they first met.

Gordon: “Uh, kid, this is a crime scene-“

Dick, hands on his hips (and no pants):“My name is Robin!”

Gordon catches Batman’s frown and assumes it’s because Robin isn’t being careful enough about his name.

But time goes on and no one finds out where the kid lives, so Gordon lets it slide. He’s a cute kid, if a little intense, but it’s fun to watch him grow up with Barbara (yes, he knows about batgirl. Yes, he chewed Batman out for it but decided to ultimately ignore it like everything else).

But then a new Robin comes in. This is a kid again, not a full adult like he was a year ago.

Gordon: “Hey, Batman? What happened to Robin?”

Batman: “This is Robin.” He sounds so unbothered, like he doesn’t realize this is a completely different kid!

Gordon’s concern for this half-mad vigilante skyrockets. Batman has convinced himself that this kid is the same as the first. He’s going through it and the mental gymnastics are more than Gordon can take.

So, he lets it go.

But then that Robin disappears and Batman’s acting up. Nightwing shows up a few times and it never really helps things. Gordon’s getting more headaches than smoke breaks and at this point, he’s really to pull the plug on this whole bat business.

But then Robin comes back again and Gordon’s has it. He confronts this kid, fully prepared to push through whatever gaslighting’s been happening, only for Tim to look at him like he’s stupid.

Gordon: “Kid, who are you really? Because the Robin I met graduated collage years ago and the one after that is dead!”

Tim, with the most judge mental look physically possible: “Commissioner…Robin’s my hero name.”

Gordon: “…Your hero name?”

Tim: “Yeah. I’m Robin, like the bird. Batman and Robin. Heroes. Why would I go around using my real name? That would be stupid and dangerous.”

And Gordon has to call off for the rest of the day, he’s so pissed.

If the Marvel and DC universes came together, who would be friends with who and what would it be like?

Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark would have the most complicated dynamic. Iron Man and Batman have a longstanding frenemy-like feud over who’s the better tech hero, but the public lowkey ships the billionaires. In reality it’s more like Bruce bringing his kids and a plate of Alfred’s deviled eggs to the Stark family’s Sunday brunches and they complain about “kids these days” over mimosas. Pepper and Selina laugh at the men in their lives while Alfred and Rhodey just give each other knowing looks

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Rex: So General Kenobi, how come you speak mando'a?

Obi-Wan: I've always been interested in the culture and I spent a year on Mandalore for a mission in my youth :)

Rex: I see, what about you, General Skywalker?

Anakin: Huh? Oh Obi-Wan used to drop me off in mando daycare when he went to get laid in little Keldabe, fun times, they taught me how to headbutt someone.

Hilariously funny that they let the guy known for wandering off without warning to look at birds was allowed to do this

Bruce walks into the kitchen one day at breakfast and sticks a golden star right on Dick’s forehead.

Silence overtakes all of his kids as they stare incredulously because what the actual fuck??

“B?” Dick questioned warily, going crossed eyed as he tried to stare at the star in his forehead.

“Congratulations Dickie, you have successfully made only five death threats to individuals this entire week.” Bruce said solemnly, patting Dick on the head before turning to face his other children.

“Unfortunately, I will not be giving out any more gold stars.” Bruce’s eyes gazed at his children, particularly staying on Jason and Damian for a second longer than anyone else’s.

“Wha-? What about me??” Duke protested, throwing down his fork, a small splatter of syrup splashing onto the new wood varnish.

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Duke, I’m Batman.”

“Right.” Duke muttered, slumping back down in his chair. “Stupid pickpocketers, next time I’ll make sure they can’t squeal.”

“Father! I demand a recount!” Damian’s chair squeaked loudly as he shot up from it, his small face set in a stubborn frown so similar to Bruce’s. “Grayson made two death threats to thugs on patrol yesterday.”

“Fucking tattle tale!” Duck hissed, grabbing his forehead and scampering away from Bruce, just in case he tried to take away his good star.

Bruce nodded and looked thoughtful. “Hmm, seven death threats… I’ll allow it. However, seven has become the cap in order to get a gold star.”

“One for everyday of the week!” Jason grinned, his eyes zeroing in on a barely awake Tim. “And since I’m long past the threshold…” Bruce slapped him on the back of the head, making him curse.

Cass tugs on Bruce’s sleeve and points to herself, the silent question very loud. “No Cass, your whole existence is a threat but also Stephanie likes to talk.”

Cass clicks her tongue and sits back down, phone already in hand, probably texting Stephanie about her betrayal.

“Looks like Dick is winning.” Bruce stated, suppressing a smirk as all of his kids heads whipped around and stared at him. Of course they would take the bait, there were as competitive as he was.

Even Tim now looked mostly aware of what was happening.

“It’s a new week, good luck.” Bruce nodded, walking out of the dining room, a grin breaking out across his face as the room erupted with noise.

I think we as a fandom really forget that Dick, and Tim are like super fucking Badass and scary.

Jason a bit too but overall everyone seems to get that the Red Hood the Overlord of Crime Alley makes people piss themselves.

Same with Damian people talk shit but overall the agreement is that Damian and Jason are scary as fuck.

But Dick has Broken bane beat the ever loving shit out of Slade Wilson he killed the fucking Joker. I do think he is doting Big brother but not in the I'll roll over and play dead type but in the you touch a hair on his fucking head and I will rip your throat out with my teeth.

Same with Tim we all love discussing the Red Robin 2009 comics but we make it like he's some sad idiot he was running missions calculating he took out the league of spiders he wasn't playing some Oh whoa is me bullshit he was kicking ass. He has contingencies that Batman is proud of.

If you think Bruce Wayne is scary well hold on meet the sons that are just fucking like him.

Like I need everyone to realize Tim and Dick are badasses and of characters didn't get nerfed so fucking hard it would be way more apparent.

If you take a step back and just look at their Training Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian are some of the best fighters in the DC universe it's not crazy to say they kick this villains ass or they can do this.

I see a whole lot of arrguments like oh they can't do this or whatever these are Batman's heirs trained to be the very best by him and others. They are standing on par with some of the scariest motherfuckers in the world.

Like put some respect on the Robin name it's certainly earned it.

*Also do you know the balls it takes to punch Batman in the face and then sit at his kitchen table and eat his food or spend his money after telling him to essentially go fuck himself. Like that is their Dad they are his kids.

Like my Dad's Batman but Also my Kid is the fucking Nightwing.

wayne family adventures + text posts: batkid edition

(batman edition)

tim drake 🤝 stages of decay as a bisexual crowd pleaser 🤝 bruce wayne

Damian has favorites

Damian absolutely has favorite siblings, he actually goes out of his way to rank them using a method that lets their rank change depending on several different factors.

The first time Dick saw the list he left Gotham for a week to cry because he wasn't even on it and thought Damian was somehow disowning him until Barbara dragged him back to Gotham and made them actually communicate (terrifying, I know.) (It turned out it was just as simple as Dick was that much of a dad to Damian that it genuinely didn't occur to him to lump him in with his siblings)

As of current, the list goes;

Duke

Stephanie

Cass

Jason

Tim

Jarro

The placement of Jason, Cass, Tim and Jarro changes based on what they've done for him that week, how often he's seen them, if they've upset Father or Richard, any failings vigilante-wise, and mainly the idea of 'If they saw this ranking, would I be embarrassed about it?'.

Duke and Steph are permanently in the top two spots, they spots only change depending on how much Damian has seen and talked to them that day.

Patroled with Duke but Steph took him out for milkshakes and to annoy Bruce? Number one spot goes to her.

Duke takes him out for a ride on his motorcycle during his lunch period at school? Number one spot goes to him.

It's very notable that the list dictates his behavior to his siblings. Whoever's in the top spot? He'll let them carry him as if he's a fucked up cat with barely a complaint if they want to. They earned that. Five and below? He is actively pouring sand into their beds.

Steph is vaguely aware of the list but honestly thinks she's near the bottom or something. Tim is hyper-aware of it but doesn't know what the criteria are and keeps getting really competitive trying to get into the top 2 at least once, and he keeps failing miserably.

Robin!Dick: I truly believe water can solve all our problems.

Bruce: You think so, chum?

Dick: Mhm. Wanna lose weight? Drink water. Wanna have clear skin? Drink water. Tired of someone?

Dick pauses for dramatic effect.

Bruce, scrunching his brows in moderate confusion: How does drinking—

Dick with the most innocent smile on his face: Drown them