Mood.

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

StephCass is canon the way the People have responded to official UNO rules

Prompt commission from anon on ko-fi:

“Totally love your idea of Tobi with a baby or toddler :) Could I request for a little comic strip of my favourite pair, MadaTobi with the toddler or baby? Maybe, Mada opinion of Tobi (he’s such a cold hearted bastard) changed when he sees Tobi interacting with a toddler?”

So here we are, Madara a month in coming by the Senju household to make sure the baby isn’t treated badly, or catch Tobirama out being actually bad enough to make a case the baby should be taken from him. That’s not what happens :D Who knew Senju Tobirama could smile, or be silly? Lovely prompt, thank you!

So, when Jason was living his Red Hood life and stalking Tim to an intense degree, I want to imagine him running into a little problem. He finds something that Tim has been keeping secret from the other Bats.

Tim livestreams his W&W campaigns with his civilian friends.

It's mostly done for Ives when he's at the hospital; the steam is easier for his friend to watch and communicate his turns while he's sick. Tim plays both his and Ives' characters at once.

And the thing is...

Jason fucking loves a story.

And after so long watching the streams for stalking purposes, he's reluctantly invested in this one.

He'll definitely beat the shit out of the new Robin soon! It's part of his plan! He needs to prove he's better than this little twerp.

But first he needs to know how the romantic subplot between Tim's orc Artificer and that blond kid's half-elf Paladin is going to turn out.

This is extremely niche, but I love a fic that has social media aspects. (The Crime Alley Kid series, with the oc's addiction to Reddit comes to mind) I love the unique way that Twitter fics get to tell us a story in piecemeal stages, by conversation. I love the worlds where the Bats get to be tiktok cryptids, as a treat. I fucking adore when Jason comes back from the dead and updates his fanfics (raven_of_hydecastle has an amazing version of this).

It's a new form of storytelling and that's so rare. It's amazing and so cool and I love it.

Anyway, someone should consider writing one about Jason secretly writing OCxRed Hood mpreg fanfics and cheerfully getting into flame wars with people criticizing him for writing smut about real people.

Sure, it's weird. He doesn't care; he's got a kink and he's fulfilling it in a creative and healthy fashion. He might not even be embarrassed if anyone finds out. "You found my AO3 account, Oracle? And what were you doing at the Devil's Sacrament? So? What are you going to do about it? Tell anybody and the next story is going to be about you getting me pregnant; body hacking could be hot."

During the AIDS crisis it was not uncommon for queer couples to adult adopt each other so they could make medical decisions or be allowed to legally inherit.

If gay marriage gets repealed, this whole country is going to become Alabama.

Be gay, do crime, get those benefits.

Mitch Grayson might be my isekai self-insert proxy but that's not hurting anyone

Sorry y'all, it's story time. When I was a kiddo my siblings and I got to see the Batman Forever movie in theatre - you know, the one where Dick was around 21 and had an unnamed older brother? My older sister quickly called dibs on having Robin as her favorite character and, as imperious older siblings do, assigned me to having his brother as my favorite. So, I dutifully admired my tragic hero for several months until I realized that my guy only existed in one movie and had no appearances in comics or merch or anyone's memory.

Lately though, decades later, he's been constantly on my mind. I think the reveal of the nameless Prodigy and Dick's older half-sister Melinda as characters wove some new paths in my memory banks or something, because "Mitch Grayson" is just resonating. (Maybe, just maybe, Dick was always meant to be a younger brother.)

Imagine the classic Robin origin, but with Mitch as an older brother; how would things change? Who would Mitch be?

In my head, it's Batman, Robin, and Hoodlum, not the Dynamic Duo but the Terrific Trio. I imagine Mitch as being a few shades more angry, a little harder hitting than his baby brother. He'd be 12/13 to Dick's 8/9, and I imagine he'd be as obnoxiously protective and smothering as a traumatized older sibling, fiercely and almost rabid to protect the only blood family he has left. He's meaner and it'd take more effort on Batman's part to convince him not to merc Zucco. Mitch admits to having a different idea of justice than Batman, but is willing to keep to his foster father's rules.

Mitch is, perhaps, enough of a little shit to drive Batman into reading self-help and parenting books, if not outright therapy.

I think Dick would still bounce to form the Titans eventually, but this time without being fired and kicked out of his home. Definitely would be after a fight, though. Something about having two overprotective, high-handed assholes always trying to keep him grounded. Mitch is perhaps unhealthily codependent.

Despite his little brother leaving the city, Mitch stays firmly in Gotham. It's partly because he knows that he'd otherwise just follow Dick around and his brother's right that that isn't healthy. Mitch has to grow and face his own struggles with letting his loved ones live independently. He's very much like Bruce in this way.

In his civilian life, Mitch is a lawyer who focuses on introducing superhero protection measures, especially for younger heroes. A lot of laws he bases off of the ones for child performers regarding caretakers, pay, schooling, etc. If an adult cape is going to mentor a young cape, that adult better be ready to prove they can provide for that kid, including their mental health and also a way to leave the cape lifestyle should the kid want the out.

Also, provisions for cape-on-cape crimes. Specialized court procedures for people with secret identities, so they can testify or defend themselves legally.

Maybe in this universe he happens to be shadowing Harvey Dent on a certain day. Maybe he stops the events that lead to Two-Face.

Mitch is shorter than Dick, more physically like the traditional acrobat. Where Dick has their father's build and their mother's features, Mitch has a more willowy athleticism and their father's jawline. His Hoodlum uniform has a full mask once he hits puberty and grows a mustache like John Grayson's.

He is unapologetically gay. His social media accounts have steady uploads of the aerial routines he still does, along with silks and hoops and gymnastics. All those Waynes are thrill-seekers, after all. Sometimes he can be convinced to perform at Haly's or in a music video.

There's an incident over a year after he and Jason nearly die in a warehouse in Ethiopia. The Joker very publicly is holding a Wayne gala hostage and is live streaming the event. So it's very publicly seen that Mitch Grayson very purposefully swings a heavy antique chair at the Joker's head.

The trial is held outside of Gotham due to Mitch being unlikely to have a fair one as a well known Gotham celebrity and lawyer. It's an open-and-shut case of self-defense, though the prosecutor leans hard into Mitch's testimony that he'd known the chair would kill the Joker if he managed to land the hit. Mitch cites the trauma of being in the Joker's power again as being the reason why he chose to use lethal means - it's very Ender's Game; "Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too, right then, so they'd leave me alone."

He does some time in prison. The notoriety keeps him from falling into Amanda Waller's hands. #freemitch trends on Chirper in Gotham the whole time. Mitch and Bruce have several deep conversations about justice, and killing, and love.

Hoodlum loves the Robins; Hoodlum loves Batman; Hoodlum loves Gotham; Hoodlum loves his family.

Hoodlum eventually becomes Jason's title when he's grown up from Robin and ready to carefully and obnoxiously b(r)other the new kid. Tim soars in the Flying Grayson's colors and can always depend on his Hoodlum.

Mitch's new helmet looks like a snarling gargoyle. His colors are muted, but there's still a flash of red-yellow-green somewhere on him.

Grotesque takes to the skies and Mitch flies with his family.

Okay, getting my Asexual-spectrum Batman brainrot in some sort of order, everything is subject to being updated.

This turned out long and rambling, just the way I like it.

My main inspiration for this is a scene from the Christopher Nolan Batman trilogy, where Bruce and Alfred are discussing how to reintroduce Bruce into Gotham society. It's been awhile since I saw the film but I'm pretty sure Bruce looks at Alfred and is like, "So, what do young billionaires do that would explain vigilante injuries?" And then the scene cuts to Bruce and two foreign models swimming in a fountain at a fancy restaurant. And I'm like.

Fucking. Alfred. Suggested the himbo thing? Was this a passive-aggressive punishment for fucking off for years that went on for too long?

(I love my main man Mr. Pennyworth, I will meme that he's a saint. In reality, I think he's part of the reason the Robins keep having a terrible time passing on the mantle. I can address my grievances in another post tho.)

So I'm there, thinking about Batman and Bruce and growing up in private schools. I'm in the process of unlearning some damaging information that I was taught as "truth" from my own school days. I'm thinking of Butler Alfred, and his position as caretaker, and how he was raised, and what he would think is appropriate counsel.

When Bruce is hitting puberty and writing love poems to the tune of BeeGees songs to girls in class, how would Alfred handle that? He'd surely have a perfunctory talk with his charge about respecting women, how to be a proper gentleman, safe sex, warnings about people who are out for Bruce's heart as a way to get to his status and fortune.

But would Alfred even think to cover queerness? He surely knows of it, but he's from a generation and culture that is known for stoicism and silence. The generation where one might know a pair of "confirmed bachelors" or "spinster sisters", but one does not mention it in polite company. Perhaps he would decide to have that talk if it ever seems to be necessary.

But would Bruce ever think to ask about why he isn't as interested in sex as seemingly all the people around him? Why wouldn't he chalk that up to his massive trauma and call himself mature for it? And a number of girls would love that maturity, that Ice Prince gentility, that challenge. So he'd learn how to be charming, how to flirt. It's applied psychology to Bruce, it's masking, it's learning how to act like a "normal" human.

It's easy for me to see him continue that trend in his adult life. He is romantic and he isn't sex-repulsed; he matches the flirtation energy of someone and if they both want to have sex, they do. It's kind of fun for him, too, to learn someone's body and use his to make them feel so good.

It's just that, sex is just a mutual workout? And he legitimately enjoys doing other things together equally or more, like actual workouts or sparring or casework. Bruce will initiate sex if he picks up his partner's cues, but by the time he's comfortable enough with them to relax... He's just not in clue-finding mode. So partners become understandably annoyed. Upset. They feel like they're the ones putting in all the effort to keep the relationship alive and Bruce doesn't have the knowledge or words to explain his position.

So yeah, there are jokes about Batman being easy, jokes about his history of romantic relationships with rogues, civilians, and heroes alike. He's just doing what he thought was normal. Flirting back, following the other person's lead, matching the energy. It frustrates him when he thinks about it, because it's just another way he's Different and Broken and Missing Something that the rest of the world seems to understand on a basic level.

(To be firm: Bruce Does Not Match the energy of everyone who flirts with him. He is an adult and has his own tastes. He's got Polite Flirting, Interested Flirting, and Gray Rocking down pat.)

Every time I see someone complain about Red Robin's design, specifically his cowl, and that it's ugly and makes him look old...

Honey, This bitch has no spleen? He is planning ahead for his sick days when one of the other bats has to dress up as him. The cowl will be useful. And it's probably got at least a little protection and padding, which is a good thing.

I want y'all to remember how goofy Bruce looked in Nightwing's uniform when he pulled body-double duty for Dick. The dude was noble, but he was not serving Nightwing.

(Plus, can Bernard can wear it and they can have a sex scandal to distract people at any point in time)

My immediate reaction was "No, leave that old man alone; he is an angry gem who encourages children and has high standards for adults who claim to be professionals" and then I realized how Batman coded that sentence was and needed to sit down.

And then I remembered that he also has an estranged brother who has attacked him, or threatened his family, I think, maybe? And now I'm vibing with the concept of Gordon Ramsay having a vigilante alter-ego in the DC world.

I've given enough angst lately. Have something amusing:

Chef Bernard Dowd on Hell's Kitchen.

Imagine it, please. Imagine Tim gripping with bloody hands to the shreds of his self-control, trying not to physically attack Chef Gordan Ramsey for yelling at Bernard for fucking up the risotto.