I Want A Severus X Marauders (excluding Peter) Where It's Like Those Jeverus Fics Where Baby Harry Goes

More incorrect quotes

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Severus: Start talking!

James: Well, I-

Severus: Shut up!

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James: This date is boring!

Severus: This isnt a date. I said I was going to the store.

James: Then why did you invite me?

Severus: I didnt, I specifically said "dont come with me" then you said " fuck you Severus I'll do whatever I want!

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Severus: Bro-

James: No, no, hold up, rewind.

James: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

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Sirius: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is?

Severus: It’s a book. There’s a lot of those in here, this is a library.

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James: Can I ask a dumb question?

Severus: Better than anyone I know.

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Remus: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

Severus: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Remus:

Remus: I'll go make my bed-

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Severus: Remus, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Remus: Sirius, Severus wants you to get out of the house.

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Remus, bursting into the room: You two are having sex!

Severus, not looking up from their book: Really? James, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

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Sirius: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Severus: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

James: Fuck you.

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Sirius: Severus, I am questioning your sanity...

James: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

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James: Remus, I’m afraid.

Remus: Just stay close to Severus.

James: That's why I’m afraid.

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Remus: And now for a gay update with Severus and Sirius.

Sirius: Getting gayer.

Remus: Thank you, Sirius.

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Remus: H-how do you ask someone out?

Sirius: Well, first-

Severus: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Remus: ...And you said yes?

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James: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.

Severus: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.

James: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?

Remus: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

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Sirius: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Severus: Okay.

Sirius: And make out during the scary parts.

Severus: Th-

Severus: The scary parts.

Severus: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

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Severus: Look, last night was a mistake.

Sirius: A sexy mistake.

Severus: No, just a regular mistake.

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Severus, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..

Remus: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

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Remus: *angrily presses Severus against a wall* WHERE'S THE CHOCOLATE?!

Severus: ...

Severus: Are we about to kiss-

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Severus: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Remus: Those are wanted posters!

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Severus: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

James: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Severus: ...

Severus: You mean ring bearER, right?

James: ...

Severus: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

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*James and Severus looking at a locked gate into a park*

James: Aw. :(

Severus: You know what they say.

James: Please don’t-

Severus: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

James: Fuck-

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Severus: Watcha doin?

James: Stealing my neighbour’s cat.

Severus: Scandalous.

Severus: Can I help?

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James: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

Severus: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

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Severus: What's gone wrong, James?

James: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.

Severus: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

James: Well... There’s a crisis.

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Severus: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.

James: What?

Severus: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

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Sirius, dramatically: They called me a fool.

Severus, sick of Sirius's shit: They weren’t wrong.

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Severus: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Sirius: This is a lie.

Sirius: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Sirius: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

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Severus: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Sirius: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff.

Severus: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

**

Sirius: We all have our demons.

Sirius, grabbing Severus: This one’s mine.

*

Sirius: What goes up but never comes down?

Severus: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

Buck: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Eddie: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

Omg I just realized I based the story in the middle of 4th year and I just wrote a good chunk of chapter 4 with the marauders calling each their nicknames but it's fifth year they become animagi 😭 time to go back and change that 😔

THEY UPDATED AGAIN!! 💞💞💞💞

WARNING:SPOILER AHEAD

@papercrownqueen found it!! THANK YOU!

"gooey melting hearts"

¡Help please! 😫🙏

So I found this fic on AO3 where Severus meets and gets sorta adopted by his grandparents (on Eileen's side) I can't remember their names but they were both males and I think one was a male-carrier, Eileen wasn't nice in this one, something happened and James sent an owl to several and decided to follow it, he found out sev was being abused and took him back to Potter manor, the healer recognized Severus and contacted his grandfather's, Lucius was a good friend and kept checking on sev, Remus's father was not that great but having met a werewolf auror who helped him with fixing his relationship with his son and understanding werewolves better, they fall in love, Lily's a bitch who was stealing her parents money and sneaking out and bullying petunia, I think it's snames or maybe snupin I can't remember. Or marauders X Severus I really don't know

OH! and the marauders (except Peter) start working at a potion shop!

¡Someone please help me find it!

Severus: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Lily: You’re too young to have enemies.

Severus: You don’t even know.

Severus: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

THEY UPDATED HERE U ARE!!!!!!!

Chapter 3

so I finally posted chapter 3 of Severus Snape, Harry Potter, and The Annoying Gryffindors. I think it is better than what I did for chapter 2 and we finally get some Lily action!

Please this is such a cute mental image 😭

7 year old snape: physically, i’m here. mentally, i'm lost in a thick forest, collecting mushrooms in a basket and carrying a tiny frog around in my pocket.