I Don't Think It Matters How Small Your Account It. They Will Come For You If They Feel Like It. Also

Sometimes, I don't want to heal. Healing almost feels like a betrayal to myself. I know what they've done, and the damage will never be fully healed. It almost scares me to think that I might forget or become numb to it. As long as the wounds stay open, and I still feel the burning pain, it's real. I can't trick myself into thinking it's not.

There are other times when I don't want to heal because people might not believe me. I've already plenty who don't, but it would be so much worse if someone saw evidence of my trauma but didn't believe me because the rest of my personality and coping mechanisms seem normal. If I stay broken, the smaller cracks are less noticable, and they're easier to explain. Obviously, a shattered window is going to have both big and small cracks and might even be missing some pieces.

Sometimes healing just doesn't seem worth it because I feel like my life should be perfect once I'm past that point. People have it worse, and the worst is behind me, so I have no right to be this way.

I don't know. I'm not sure I want to heal

Explaining your autism symptoms (especially as someone who doesn't need much assistance in day to day life) is kind of difficult??? But like why???? When you try to say it out loud, it mostly sounds like normal, everyday occurrences.

"Oh, sun light bothers me" "Hey, same! It bothers a lot of people!"

"Too many noises at once will bother me and make me irritable." "Dude, literally everyone feels like that. Too much noise is obviously annoying."

WHY IS IT LIKE THIS??? AND WHY IS IT SIMILAR WITH ADHD

Today I’m going to talk about the opposite of child abuse, because you all need some proper references to compare your lives to.

First thing that made me realize how upside down my life was, was a friend, who had an abusive father, but good mother. And you see, because the mother was good, she realized when her kids were still small, that he’s abusive, that the kids would get hurt, and she moved the hell away from him and got a divorce. She was poor, she didn’t have many resources, and she had to work very hard to survive, and managed to get the abuser to pay alimony. My friend grew up surrounded by love and support, with high self-confidence, high social abilities, complete belief in their  worth and lacking nothing. And then one day the abusive father was angry at the mom, and tried to take it out on my friend, my friend got a call filled with insults and threats. It was scary and my friend got upset, I tried to comfort them but I really didn’t have good words to say. They later called their mom, and this is what the mother said:

“You are a perfect person, if anyone is talking to you like this, you can walk away.”

I remember just feeling complete awe hearing this, told from a mom, to a child. It even cheered me up. Those are the words we should have been getting from our parents. This is the correct attitude.

This other example is something that made me cry, and everyone else I’ve told this story. It’s from a woman on youtube, who has a farm, and it was her dream her whole life to have a farm, and she also has kids. This year, she entered a competition in growing tomatoes, she grew a special tomato plant, and the competition was about who manages to grow the most tomatoes, biggest tomato, and so on. She usually lets her kids play in the garden, but she explained to all of them that they’re not allowed to touch the special competition plant, or harvest the tomatoes.

However, her youngest son, aged maybe 5 or 6, took the biggest tomato off, before it even started ripening. She made a video explaining about what happened, and then she smiled and talked about how she cares about her farm, and her competition a lot, but not even close to how much she cares about her children feeling happy and safe in the garden. She said, even though she warned the kids to not touch the plant, it’s kind of hard to remember for a child which plant is what, and that in long term, competition doesn’t really matter as much as happiness of her children. She even mentioned how she makes mistakes in the garden too, and forgives herself right away, and her children deserve the same forgiveness. And then, her son, laughing, runs up to her, and realizes she’s making a video on tomato he tore off, and he says with a grin “I’m sorry” and she replies, with warmth and affection in her voice: “I forgive you, my darling.”

If you’re, crying, it’s okay, I’m crying too. So here, some standards. Something to compare your parents to. If these people could have done this, your parents could have done it too. You deserved this kind of gentleness and kindness too.

This is good advice but don't just come into my house and shoot me in the face like that.

I was eating ice cream and now it's melted from all the blood :(

my cartooning advice: -your first foray into graphic storytelling should not be that 900 page epic youve been working on since you were 12 -use whatever crappy art software you have -dont make every panel an illustration -cut more corners -no, more than that -no, more than that -a badly made comic will eventually become good but a never-made comic will never become good

Oh to Have Certainty

The only thing that feels worse to me than realizing that abuse has occurred is the doubt. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Is it actually over now or is it just less frequent and less obvious because of other people in the house? Would it have been better if I’d behaved better?

(taken from @/sarahofmagdalene on instagram.)

A NOTE TO THOSE WHO MAY BE PARTICIPATING IN PRO PALESTINE ACTIONS IN VANCOUVER.

Please, even if you don’t live in Vancouver, reblog to spread awareness. The canadian media isn’t covering the protests, let alone the hostility protesters face, so we can only rely on each other to get news like this around!

Don't you dare. They used to be merged until orange trees> orange fruit> orange color.

It's why we have terms like "red fox," or "red head" when they're usually more orange.

Please don't send us back to the middle ages. I'm on my knees begging. We'll have dumbasses within a few years asking stupid shit like "why is called an orange if it's red or yellow?" Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.

If you could make a new color what would you name it and how does it sound more real than magenta.

oh oh oh!! I have a really cool fact as part of my answer!!

Okay, so you know how colour is a spectrum, right? Your eyes only REALLY perceive blends of three base colours- red, blue, and green. (Yes, green.) All other colours are blends of these three primaries- red and green make yellow, red and blue make magenta, and blue and green make cyan.

As you mentioned, magenta is a ""fake"" color- this is because colours are made of waves! The waves on the red end of the spectrum are Low Frequency and the waves on the blue end are High Frequency. You'd *think" halfway between both wavelengths would be the result, but that's green, and we already have a colour for green! So to fix this paradox, the line from red to blue becomes a circle and we see magenta instead!

Now again, this spectrum- it looks like this:

And most of the world recognizes the six listed colours as distinct. Which means that we take this blended gradient and add hard lines, like this, to clearly separate them from each other:

BUT, not all societies do this!! There are some whose languages don't *have* different words for "blue" or "green", and as a result, people raised speaking these languages have a REALLY HARD TIME distinguishing between what we recognize as "obviously" either green OR blue.

THEIR colour spectrum looks like this:

Which is correct and valid and makes COMPLETE sense, because we argue about differences in colour all the fucling time- "is this dark blue or dark purple", "is this neon yellow or neon green", and "is this orange or red" are some common examples. Any of those in-betweens could be treated as whole and distinct blocks with distinct boundaries.

And so, I propose this:

We merge orange and red cause i can't be fucking arsed

this is a redo of an old post. it deals with more negative feelings than usual for the trans stuff but, those feelings are important too

I think your problems are very valid and your trauma is not any less important than others' . I can't speak for you but wanted to say that you don't have to think you're luckier than others. Also being neurodivergent already means you have a lot of struggles. Maybe reason why you think you're luckier than others is because you were used to pushing aside your issues in favor of others. That's rough life, I hope you know everything you go through is equally as valid as anything else

Thank you for the ask, and thank you for the validation.

I think you're kind of right about me pushing my issues aside, but it's probably also just another consequence of abuse. "It could've been worse." That's always what people are told, and a lot of us are gaslit into thinking it wasn't nearly as bad as it was.

At this point, its so deeply ingrained in my mind. I can't really help but to think that way sometimes. I'm working on it, though. Maybe it'll stop one day and I'll be able to completely distance myself from everyone involved.

Once again, thank you for your kindness. I hope you and everyone you care about are living your best lives. If not, then I wish you the best of luck on your journey to happiness.