Is Spinning An Autistic Thing? Like I Used To Just Spin Until I Was Ready To Fall Over, Then I Would

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If you have adhd AND autism, you know that although the symptoms can be VERY similar, they can also clash and then team up to piss you off.

Example:

ADHD: causes me to be a bit disorganized

Autism: craves order and structure

You see where this is going.

I'm bad at looking for things, but I have like five minutes to find it before I start losing my mind. I literally put my work clothes in a specific spot to avoid this, but I don't have my own room so it happened anyway because people like to move my stuff while I'm sleeping. It's always in an obvious spot, but that's the last place I would thing to check because IT'S TOO OBVIOUS.

This. This perfectly describes what I've been experiencing lately. I have now clue why exactly it's happening.

I've looked into getting an autism diagnosis, but I'd have to keep my job, but my job is what's causing issues, but I need the job to get the- it's a cycle. And this isn't really new. It happened every year in school. I'd start off with a semi-decent amount of energy, but I'd usually run out of steam and be unable to get it back. Some year, I started with no steam and just struggled from the jump. I'd never have energy for chores or really anything. It's the same now. I have thought about crashing the car or doing other drastic things to avoid it. It sucks so much.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do as an alternative? The typical workplace isn't for me, so now what?

Why is it so fucking expensive to seek an adult autism diagnosis? I know there’s more going on with me than just my adhd. I’ve never seen anyone else with adhd that struggles quite to the extent that I am. I can’t seem to handle very basic, everyday things without getting overwhelmed. I burn out so easily to the point that my ability to function decreases even more.

For example, everyone has to work. Lots of people with adhd also manage to work, even if they end up job hopping a lot. Even when I had medication, it was like I still couldn’t handle the stress. I would have a whole breakdown every day before work, literally thinking about harming myself or wrecking my car intentionally to avoid having to be there, feeling this crushing dread, anger, exhaustion, the negative thought spirals throughout the day, getting off or ending the week and not even being able to relax or enjoy yourself because the knowledge that you have to go back so soon is looming over you. Not being able to sleep because of the crushing dread of knowing you have to wake up and get back on that metaphorical treadmill, having nightmares about it when you do sleep.

Obviously the easy answer would be to simply get a different job, but the thing is that this has been every job I’ve ever had…and I’ve had a LOT of them. It isn’t just the work, though that feeling of not doing something that feels meaningful is definitely soul-crushing, but no, instead it’s the stress of pushing past a severe level of executive function until I no longer can and I begin to make mistake after mistake. It’s the draining exhaustion of seeing the same people and being forced into the same small talk. It’s not having any energy left to clean my house, cook, have a life, or pursue my special interests/hyperfixations. It’s feeling trapped in a schedule that doesn’t work with my needs or energy levels and eventually turns me into a shell of my former self. It’s knowing that each time I get fired and have that time to recover before being forced to re-enter the world that I never fully get back to what I once was. I lose a piece of myself and my ability to function lessens each time.

It’s frustrating because it’s like if I could just manage to work and keep working full time long enough, I could get insurance and get assessed, because I know deep down I’m on the spectrum…but I’ve gotten fired before that happens each time. It’s like I’m trapped in this cycle of not functioning well without support but not having the resources to seek a diagnosis so that I can get support. I feel like the system has failed me and like I’ve slipped through the cracks. It’s hard to have much hope because everyone always tells people that you have to help yourself or change what you don’t like, but it’s like I’m literally unable to get to the point where I can even do that.

I'll get called a fat fucking bastard for saying this anywhere but in mentally ill/Neurodivergent spaces, but water. Water is so goddamn tasty when it's right. A glass of iced tap water (when it's safe) is fantastic.

Bottled water is entirely different. Purified with minerals tastes like electrified plastic and static. Spring water tastes like literal heaven. It tastes how water in ads looks.

People aren't joking when they say progress isn't linear... I hate it here

Oh I don't like how my parents are treating me... But I guess it's normal. I'll try to be better :)

Hm. Being better didn't work. Maybe I'll try again. :)

Okay maybe I'm just having some trouble. They could be nicer about it though

Okay. They're definitely mistreating me. Someone help?

Hm. Maybe I should run away. Maybe if they find out how much they're hiring me, they'll stop.

They know... They don't care. I wish someone would come and save me.

Maybe if I tell them again, they'll care this time and change?

They still don't care. I'll leave at 18. I can make it.

Not sure if I can make it that long, but at least it's not as bad as it was before.

Maybe I was just overreacting and it's not that bad. It could've been way worse

It was pretty bad. Once I move out, I'm cutting them off.

But I can't abandon them.... They're my family...

But I wouldn't let my friends be treated that way. I should stick to the plan

The plan didn't work, but I still plan to cut contact.

But I've been a burden for a while. The least I could do is repay them and stick around. It doesn't matter if I'd let my friends do it. They're not as awful as me

They're back at it.... I'm leaving... When I finally get the money

Oh so you're just going to use them until you get on your feet and then abandon them????

Yes and now I have no work ethic and I work slow as hell :D

Gifted kid burnout? More like “you have undiagnosed adhd or autism (or both) and because you did well in school as a child no one knew there was anything going on and now school has become more challenging both content and structure-wise to the point where your normal methods for succeeding are no longer working and everyone around you just thinks you’re being lazy”

When you have the side of undiagnosed autism that, a lot of the time, can't control your tone of voice but can still recognize others tone of voice so when you accidentally sound rude to NT people they start raising their voice too and it just ends in a door getting slammed while I'm just here like 😳😵‍💫😢🫤

"You'll grow out of being sensitive."

"You need to grow up and stop crying all the time."

"You can't let everything hurt you like this."

Will I really grow out of this though? It doesn't make sense. My mouth starts moving before i think, and someone says that they weren't talking to me, that I should be quiet...

And suddenly I'm six years old again, being yelled at constantly and occasionally beaten for talking too much or talking out of turn.

Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt. We're all adults and they even said it somewhat gently... So why do the tears roll?

do you guys ever feel like an outcast even in a group full of outcasts. like i'm autistic and even in groups full of neurodivergent people i'm still excluded sometimes. i don't understand why