Dearftrme - Dear Universe

To be honest,

As an autistic person, I wish I'd stop trying to live up to the expectations of neurotypical people. I'd like to say that im pretty confident in myself, but sometimes I forget to put myself first (when it comes to my feelings n wtv) and I end up a mess. It makes me sad. Confident is like a water bottle: sometimes it sways one-way, other times it sways the other way. It deserves to be drank regardless. Does that make sense? Ionno

Wao! 50 posts :D

having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

thank you for being alive to read this, I'm glad you're here

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

Meme redraw

I kinda got too tired to put in shading effort after sugar and flour hfhfhf

Anguish.

Vicious. Demeaning. Sweet. Dotty. Antonyms that, to the average person, are simply words. The reflection of every mirror of who you are speaks to me differently. To say we suffered equal amounts is laughable. You spent your nights crying. You spent your nights in fury, pensive. I held you when allowed to, waited when you left. Soaked in every insult, every complaint. I drank the poison poured for me, to forget my miserable existence. I used devices that my parents put out on me, smoke filling my lungs and spilling through my eyes. Refusal to breathe, not as if you'd let me up anyways. I suffered in silence as your screams of betrayal echoed the halls. You displayed every knife on a wall of shame, I had to hide the fact I was bleeding. Are you aware that you dug this mess?

Several months I held you. Waiting for the truth, waiting for you to tell me the truth. Your sheer refusal, you're adamant on your innocence when everything you've touched has been tainted. You've damaged everything good that has come close to you, clawing at salvation. Praying to a God you mocked me for believing in. I prayed for my freedom, I prayed for the truth. I prayed that I wouldn't die by your hands. You have mocked my existence, and yet whispers of your crimes still linger these walls. Are you aware that those you consider close to you, don't hold you as close as you hold them?

I turn a blind eye to those you are currently hurting, guilty conscious keeping me up at night. You're in a similar boat, I can tell. You are falling apart. I waited several months quietly, waiting for you to tell me the truth. To confide in me as you said you would. You never did. You never threw a ball for me to swing at, and then call me a bad batter. All I wanted was to cater to your beck and call. Myself destroyed, it wouldn't have mattered because you'd be happy. Why was what I did for you something that made you happiest this year?

Where were you when I was soaking the carpet with salty veins of water? Where were you when I begged for the mercy of a higher being, for a listening ear? You can sit there and say I didn't do much for you, and yet the marks of your nails of desperation scar my thighs and back. I showed my all to you, revenge and forgiveness. Forget and cleanslates. Nothing was enough for you. An overwhelming need to be a king that you aren't. The chambers of your terrifying childhood never let you out, blinded by the fear instilled by the ones you were supposed to trust. Why must you mock every person I care for? Are you infuriated that they are loyal to me, with no one in your own corner?

I'm sorry they let you down. You have no reason to pray on the younger beings we are destined to protect, with the excuse of "I went through it too", however. May whatever being controls this sad life leads you to some sort of saving grace, for I can not help you. May it have mercy on your soul. You disgust me. I used to beg for some sort of solace. Now, I'm going to lead with justice. Are you ready?