Crystalbrain-dan Quayle, Savior Of Democracy 1/1 NFT On Opensea

crystalbrain-failed megalomaniac putin 1/1 NFT on opensea

OpenSea

crystalbrain-failed megalomaniac putin - Collection | OpenSea

mr. putin was always a difficulty. wtf is he invading countries crystalbrain didn't give him permission to invade? if ur going 2 invade a co

mr. putin was always a difficulty. wtf is he invading countries crystalbrain didn't give him permission to invade? if ur going 2 invade a country, u better make sure u have crystalbrain on ur side or he'll ritually sodomize u while smoking a huge rock of crack cocaine, which is the fate that awaits vladimir putin. yes, he will be anally humiliated and made 2 be the bottom of some serious man-on-man action. u don't go invade ukraine if crystalbrain says no, or the CIA says no, or u will fall from grace. we have zelenskyy all pissed off becuz u invaded his country, wtf were u doing, drinking that vodka shit? u need to have a nice session with our buddies in intel and share ur sexual exploits while getting high with us, that's ur problem mr. putin, u don't know how to have fun so u kill ppl.

now, u will find that there's going 2 be lots of ukrainian soldiers blowing the shit out of everything u send at them becuz ur a dumbass, and that's what happens 2 dumbasses that can't fight wars right and don't know how to handle their crack cocaine and listen 2 repressed homosexuals who wanna pretend liek they're some kind of right-wing philosopher asshole who's 2 afraid of anal sex so he fucks over russia with his dumbass thoughts. imagine 4 a second if u could stop drinking vodka 4 a moment and think about what ur actually doing. u will find that its some dumbass shit. no one lieks u, we all think ur some kind of guy with a failed country that he had a chance 2 maek into a great eden of debauchery but he instead sent all the dudes off to get their asses blown off by HIMSARs

ur a fuckin dumbass putin and u fell from grace dude, if hell still existed even satan would kick u out.

crystalbrain-penguin of four wheels NFT 1/1

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crystalbrain-penguin of four wheels 1/1 | crystalbrain-penguin of four wheels

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, so i'm going to tell u somethin secret about these circucular things: there's four of em. why four? i heard people in some countries that don't speak english don't liek the number 4, but they have NOTHING to worry about here. as can be seen, these four circucular things are very clear-as-a-fuckin-day, absolutely, totally frozen. which might mean their action is impeded? it is a mystery too great for stupid minds like mine to verifify this perhaps fact, so i will be content to say:

in ur brain there's like an upper part i heard that has liek, words, and shit in it. and then there's a littler animal part down below that wordy shit part of your brain, and its liek: ok, maybe the wordy shit part of the brain has a half, and the animal part of the brain has a half on each side, so there's like four circles. NOW WHAT IF U FROZE THOSE CIRCLES? ok, that is the possibly kind of not really smart thing about this, liek those parts o' the brain could fight and be mean to each other liek kids on a school bus with a cracksmoking bus driver, but if u took those kids out and froze them in 0 degree fahrenheit weather, they wouldn't do shit. they'd just be frozen, liek these circles which are getting along just fine because they ain't doing shit.

so just remember my wisdoms: if u want shit to get along, freeze it…liek i guess if someone attacks u, u can lock him in your freezer and he'd not be able to attack u. which is supposedly fine if its self-defense. but when u got circles, freeze 'em, they'll get along i think.

now, as for the penguin, what's the penguin's job? it's bein' right in the center, and freezing the assholes off of these circles, that's what.

crystalbrain-veryveryveryveryvery nft 1/1

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https://zora.co/collections/0xc243E1C80aEC8b7229F586d54a4880CF074eA38F/1

now this is some grade a, no government inspected, blue energy looking shit that looks like its caressing your neurons like some "massooose" at a rub and tug. this looks like its straight out of some void or some galaxy that a telelescoper saw with its electric eye, and its exciting and calming at the same time. i don't like to use the word "energy" like some new age kool-aid drinker but its fuckin got a great energy to it, no? if i were stranded in space and i had to pick only one direction to go into and i saw this, i would totally point my dick in the direction of this blue thing. yeah maybe there's a blue star or some shit in it, but at least i would get to look at something cool before i fizzled into a star like a fuckin skydiver into fire.

i like this thing because i am crystalbrain and i make digital art therefore i am i think or maybe not, all the philosophers ate my braincells like i said before. but this is pretty neat, for you to have and you can mos def take your eths to it and be like "hey cool this is mine".

https://undefinedlabelnoise.com

crystalbrain-cell illusion

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crystalbrain-cell illusion 1/1 | crystalbrain-cell illusion

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, so one time crystalbrain was thinking how other brains have science or biolology classes, and there was this thought like "ok ok, there's mitochondria in ur cells" and then crystalbrain was thinking of how he played on the playstation in his brain with something called parasite eve by a company that made final fantasy 1 through 566 or something, and it was fun to play yes? well, no, crystalbrain didn't get very far in the game, maybe his television simulator sucked or something, but he was strangely satisified with the idea of mitochondria mutating humans into unbelievable monsters that like kick the shit out of and eat humans.

was that the plot of the game? it is not known for sure, yes, crystalbrain thinks it is. and u play as a blonde woman who actually isn't dumb unlike those mean jokes. but she has a gun or something.

what the fuck is the point of all this? well, the idea that there's something within urself that could totally own u at living and transform u into a beast or maybe some kind of freaking cool behemoth is a great idea, like what if they roamed around the countryside just chilling and freaking living like awesome beings that everyone either runs from or thinks they're some kind of gods and they form armies that conquerer the entire galaxy but instead of being mean like the enemies in parasite eve they're just chill?

what the everliving fuck does this have to do with the picture?

like what if mitochondria were actually computer programs that made u look at ur cells like this? i dunno i mean, i'm just an ETH gatherer…yes…

a 6x6 square of crystalbrain

yeth, eye have made enough NFTs 2 cover 35 squares, witch leaves one square to put my name in (it's in teh bottom right and says "crystalbrain"). eye am proud of my work, witch comes as easily as female ejactulation 2 women in videos when u search "squirting" with safesearch off.

there is much crack cocaine 2 be smoked, so i will be short. the CIA has used interdimensional listening devices in the molecules of crack rocks in this city, so i have to be quiet or they will pick up on my voice and seventeen different types of aliens will show up and try unsuccessfully to vaporize me as i bat away their UFOs with my enormous gay penis toward the galaxy andromeda. eye am not fucking around, eye have played cat and mouse with teh CIA for 2 long.

anyways, buy my NFTs.

crystalbrain-george motherfucking bush 1/1 NFT

OpenSea

crystalbrain-george motherfucking bush - george motherfucking bush | OpenSea

crystalbrain...

ok, so do you remember this dude, george h.w. bush?? he totally held up a bag of crack cocaine on TV and this was supposed to make us like afraid of black dudes all high on crack with guns and shit. like ok what the fuck ever, you certainly remember the big quarter-rock of crack you took out of the microwave and passed around with me and reagan, or are you so short on memory, maybe from smoking so much premium rock? like i totally remember we were standing inside that petroleum refinery when i was 11 and you just sort of fondled my ass and asked me with a sweet grin if i wanted to get really high. and i was like "what the fuck dude, there's oil everywhere, don't light that shit up in here, you'll burn the place down." and then you hit it anyways and reagan had to put out the fire with a garden hose that i thought looked like a snake because i was so high after you passed the rock to me. anyways, saddam fucked with your oil in kuwait and you got pissed off at him like some wrathful babylonian deity and i was like "just chill man, the dude just wants a port to ship his oil out of, just let it be or something."

but then i took another hit of crack and the thought of blowing the shit out of a foreign country sounded kind of cool in that cracked up kind of way we had with ourselves. do you want to know a secret? saddam and i were like BDSM buddies after the war ended; yeah, i took my 13 year old self over to iraq and we were like trying out new torture techniques on each other, it was really kind of fun. can you picture my 13 year old ass with a whip just givin it hard to saddam while chicks in harem pants stuffed grapes in his mouth and slapped him around with hot spatulas? because i never told you about that george, i never got a chance to. so while most people remember the US army giving it hard in the ass to saddam, i was the real deal, i actually raided his palace and we played hide-and-go-fuck-yourself with all kinds of cool mesopotamian torture devices. what the fuck do you think of that, huh? you never had so much fun.

crystalbrain-liquid hollow rainbow NFT 1/1

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crystalbrain-liquid hollow rainbow 1/1 | crystalbrain-liquid hollow rainbow

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, so the thing about this is that it sprungung right out of my heart liek an alien from alien or spaceballs jumping out of my solar plexus like just fucking bursting out of my chest like explosive diarrhea except its rainbow colored. are u with me? i am talking triple-dribble 3-point shooting, michael jordan slam dunking this shit right into your eyeballs liek bugs bunny in that movie space jam. what the fuck do u mean i'm crazy? naaaahh…

but this really did sort of come together like double double toil and trouble in a shitpot stew of rainbow goodness that just totally creams itself with a big nug of color that comes at u like an atom bomb of bliss.

so what do u think??? are ur ETHs ready???

crystalbrain-kim jong un toilet 1/1 NFT on opensea

ok. so i was in kim jong un's meth lab he uses to ship shit to the yakuza and dennis rodman shows up with like this military garb and he's liek asking kim jong un how he looks and shit. and i'm like, dude, ur in teh wrong place, ur out of ur league, if u get any farther into this shit even van damme isn't going 2 come save u from the can of stalinist whoop-ass that kim jong un is gonna unleash on u. anyways dennis rodman looks liek i hurt his feelings and so i fuckin get give him this bump of 100% pure crystal and he brightens up liek a christmas tree. anyways, i just sort of let him show all these basketball moves that kim jong un's generals pretend 2 be interested in, and then after kim jong un smokes a chunk of ice he's liek ranting and raving about how he's gonna send another bomb flying over japan……into the ocean, just to fuck with them. and he laughs and he gives me this look liek i'm expected to laugh, so i'm pretending to laugh and i can hear the basketball in the other room…it was some serious shit, man.

anyways i ask for some food and he's liek "hell naw, i gave u some meth u don't need 2 eat" liek i'm some kinda dude who just because he's just smoked meth in north korea with kim jong un doesn't need 2 eat. wtf man, i'm liek trying to think of a way 2 get out of there and i'm pissed so i used my telepathetic mind powers and take over kim jong un's mind. then i instruct him 2 put his head in teh toilet and i give him a swirly. his head is all wet and shit and i liek take his pants off and there's leik some serious gay sex going on when dennis rodman comes in teh room with his rod out and i'm liek "dude, can't u see i'm givin the old swirly screw to kim jong un" and he's liek "ok, ok whatever". anyways kim jong un drowned in teh toilet so that was a nuclear crisis averted but the yakuza were pissed becuz they didn't get their meth shipments. however one of kim jong un's body doubles just fuckin started pretendin' 2 be the dear leader again, and i'm liek, "fuck. my work is wasted." but i think this guy doesn't have what it takes 2 be kim jong un becuz he's not a preening sociopath and i think this woman who runs the secret police wants 2 kill him already. we'll see how it goes. anyways i have 2 swim across a river to get 2 china but since i have superpowers it was easy. i even caught a bullet in my teeth and spit it back at a border guard and he flew all the way from china 2 seoul, south korea and all the south koreans were liek "wtf is this dead dude doing here"?

anyways i get into china and i'm liek trying 2 diffuse military tensions between the US and china now, so wish me luck.

crystalbrain-freedom 666 NFT 1/1 on opensea

OpenSea

crystalbrain-freedom 666 - Collection | OpenSea

crystalbrain...

ok, so the fuckin thing about this is that america gives liberty to do shit. liek, i know that we manipulate teh fuck out of people and do all kinds of bad shit to ourselves and other people, and we liek, committed genocide and stole the whole fuckin country, but there's liek this other side to stuff, liek about freedom and human rights. r we embarassingly full of shit? yes! but u can have whatever religion u want, u can be a christian, a muslim, some kind of weird witch, or just a hindu or an esoteric weirdo, its all allowed even if ppl will give u shit, which they're allowed 2 bcuz of freedom of speech. u can say all kinds of nice stuff, or not so nice stuff, but lately, some motherfuckers want 2 change all this shit, they want 2 force their shit down ppls throats, and that ain't happenin'.

the statue of liberty or somethin is a symbol of liek immigrants coming in 2 get harassed by cops in cities but its also a symbol of the good shit about america, before we blew it by trying 2 force our beliefs down each other's asses. there was a time not 2 long ago where u could be liek…hey, abortion? cool! sodomy? cool! and people would call u a bitch or gay or whatever, but at least u could get an abortion or not worry about some dickhead with insecurity in their masculininity fuckin shooting up teh place where u hang out. i mean, yes, america is totally full of shit, but i'd take the chance 2 say the good stuff about it, liek about how we can say shit, and maybe the government will bust u on drug charges even though i smoked crack with ronald mcreagan, but its mostly ok, u can say shit without getting thrown in a gulag.

so anyways, i usually talk about smoking crack with bush or how we smuggled oil in the caskets of dead soldiers or somethin but this time i just want 2 say: if u want to say "fuck u" to conservative values, u have the right 2, even if they try 2 turn u into a homeless crackhead. so inverted crosses r ok, havin the number of the beast is ok, it's freedom 666, u can be a weird edgelord dude or whatever and the cops won't arrest u although u might get watched bcuz of people eroding the right 2 be an asshole.

https://undefinedlabelnoise.com

crystalbrain-l'anus de cristal

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crystalbrain-l'anus de cristal 1/1 | crystalbrain-l'anus de cristal

The mysterious art of crystalbrain...

ok, sometimes i don't know whether somethin is a mouth or an anus, but this really looks like a big anus in the sky i guess. liek maybe its made of crystal, liek etherealeum? i don't know money, i'm not too rich so i try to use cryptographickalcurrency to buy myself a demonburger at burger king. i hear a lot about a merge which is somethin crystalbrain just tries to be cool and work with, because he's a smooth criminal liek that but not liek michael jackson having kids over for sleepovers because eww forget that. i suppose if u wanted to hear something intelligent to say u could say that money is shit. actually that might not be intelligent, but money turns everythin to shit i guess, including the internet, but i need it to buy a demonburger at burger king or maybe a venus fly trap burger at some other burger joint.

this is definitely some cool shit because it is made from crystalbrain's biography being turned into a kaleidoscope which ended up looking like a crystal anus. there was a lot of tweaking (not that kind of tweaking) and then it looked more anus-like, and then a gradient was put on the background. are u with me? be birthed like a turd into whatever lies beyond, maybe a golden toilet or somethin, i dunno.