I Love My Job. I Work With Kids From 6 Months Old To 13. The Vibes Are Insane.

Mask updateeeee!!! 🐕☢️

I touched up the paint a bit and gave myself some more fluff >:]

Questioning being fictionkin??? I have been for a little over a year now. However, I feel like despite how much I've looked into it and thought about it, I still don't know???

I can't tell if it's an actual part of my identity or if it's just because I worked on adapting this character for such a long time that he's just basically become me. I've used him as a way to work through things for so long, whether having conversations with him just to voice issues out loud, writing my own trauma through him, or just pretending to be him for comfort. Granted at times with the last scenario it's been a more unpleasant feeling, but sometimes just having the idea of his presence beside me is reassuring. He's like a friend I can always rely on, and if he needed a place to stay, I'd offer my own without a moment of hesitation.

I don't know if I'd consider myself to be him, but it feels like more than just a favorite character. He isn't quite me, but he isn't quite not me. Does any of this make sense? I am genuinely looking for advice if anyone has any.

When one of my hearthomes IS Minecraft.

nonhuman suggestion: build your hearthome in minecraft

I don't enjoy ticking, but I especially don't enjoy how my tics seem to especially get bad when someone is leaning on me. Like, oh, your friend is using your arm as a pillow? You are now suddenly very aware of that arm and need to move it around. Then I feel bad and feel like I have to apologize for jostling them when I know I can't help it, and they also know and hghhh. It's the worst.

okay so i finished checking if we were friends in every universe and, uh, it turns out we're only friends in 6 of them. but look, i need you to understand these universes vary like crazy, okay? like 6 is actually insanely high, like way higher than most. and one of those is the universe where i accidentally killed the actor who played Dipsy from Teletubbies when i was 7 and my life went completely differently as a result. and we still ended up friends! also you were a girl in that universe for some reason. what? oh, uh, yeah, you were cute as hell. like really cute. did you just fucking giggle

I had a bad biting problem when I was younger. That and clawing at people. It wasn't that I didn't know it hurt. I assumed as much. I felt bad after I did it. But people were always touching me.

I hated it. I've always been pretty soft-spoken around people unless I know them well. Teachers have always joked that they can't hear me. Sometimes, I talk very little during the day, and my voice sounds clogged and scratchy by the end of it from not being used. I've always been short. When I was younger, I was kinda scrawny. My claws and teeth often felt like my only defense when people would come near me.

I was always so jumpy, and I had my reasons, but it often led to me panicking and hurting people when I really didn't mean to. They just happened to move a little too quickly when they were a little too close to me. I felt bad about it afterward. I'd feel the urge to whine and lick at my friends' wounds in apology. I couldn't do that, of course, and no injury was too severe, but it still hurt.

I eventually got used to not using my claws and keeping them tucked, especially after I got out of the hostile environment I was in as a kid. However, the urge never really went away. I still panic sometimes when my friends get close to me or move past me too quickly. I do my best not to make any move that could hurt them. They understand a lot of the time, or I hope that they do. They're always quick to tell me it's okay. I still feel bad sometimes, though, when we're play fighting, and suddenly I start snapping my teeth. It doesn't feel very fair to them.

I think I'm better than I used to be. Now I at least keep my claws cut, and when we play, I try to keep my bites from catching any skin, and if they do, I try my best to keep them soft. I try to warn them in the ways I can when I'm not feeling safe, though at times it's difficult as I tend to go very quiet when I'm very upset and can only communicate through body language. I really hope they know that I never intentionally swipe at them in a way that isn't playful or that when I bear my teeth, I'm only trying to ask them to back away.

I always found shifting in school to be the worst. I always felt too awkward and wrong and out of place. I couldn't focus on my math when all I wanted to do was run. I couldn't sit through my biology class without practically chewing through my pencil. I was always a nervous kid, and then on top of that I had to walk around and pretend like I couldn't feel my claws and fangs.

It got even worse as it got colder. I felt so vulnerable tucked into a classroom, like I never had enough to shield me away from the world. I'd never go to school without a jacket, and it still only helped so much. Sometimes, I'd wear fingerless gloves or bring little trinkets I could roll around in my hand. They helped.

Being an adult can suck, but I was a teenage werewolf (shapeshifter, but for the sake of the pun), and that shits rough.

Please, spread this for those who might need it right now

U.S. suicide hotline: call or text 988 (available 24 hours)

U.S. trans lifeline: (877) 565-8860 (when you call, you’ll speak to a trans/nonbinary peer operator. full anonymity and confidentiality)

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – provides 24/7 confidential support and referrals for individuals and families facing mental health and substance use disorders, including panic attacks and anxiety.

LGBT National Help Center: (888) 843-4564

Trevor Project: Call (866) 488-7386, text START to 678-678, or chat online.

Take care of yourself and each other. Please stay safe ♡

Mom: Just be yourself :]

Me: You try being a radioactive dog shoved into a human body and see if it gets you anywhere >:

I'm going to start barking at the next person who tries to make me sit down and do my work.

I’m so tired of emails. I’m a dog