I Asked My Boyfriend What He Liked About Me, Because I Couldn’t Understand What He Saw In Me. He Knew

I live for passion bro

Genuinely I love the art of passion with my whole heart. To love, or be so devoted to something that is makes your whole body light up with the spur of the soul, is so intimate and so, so beautiful.

For a long time I thought passion lied in romantic relationships, but as I grow older I realize that it is so much bigger than that. Romance is not even in the forefront of my passion. However, I do love passionately. I love my friends, I love my family, I love the arts, and I love them so, so intensely. My drive for life is simply my passion for connection, and learning more about myself and the world around me.

I love everything I think. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to do so.

Värmland, Sweden (December 22, 2023).

Did a tarot reading the other day and it basically said my love life is doomed. I know at the end of the day it’s just cards but there was this one part that hurt me so bad I haven’t stopped thinking about it. When I pulled for the far future it said that if I have a family it will be doomed and I will repeat the same patterns my parents did.

I don’t know why it’s stuck in my head. It’s such a silly thing to get emotional over. But what if I do want a family and I just end up hurting them? What if I build a life just for it to crumble because of my self destructive tendencies? I come from a long line of people who didn’t know how to love each other, why would I be any different?

I feel like there is absolutely nothing in store for me.

did it ever mean anything to you?

the adolescent kisses in the dark, the shared cigarettes, the late nights, the early mornings, the drunken words, the secrets only we knew, the gifts, the letters, the “i love you”s and shared wardrobes really meant nothing?

was i always that disposable?

i know i wasn’t what you wanted, but i thought that maybe i could be what you needed. i know that’s selfish, i’m sorry. you were everything to me. the light in the inescapable darkness, the sugar in my coffee, the luck of finding a $20 bill on the ground. you were everything valuable in my world. everything worth living for.

i know now that our legacy is nothing but tainted memories and forgotten polaroids, and i know i should shelf the image of you, but i can’t help but miss you. i miss my boyfriend, i miss my best friend. no one knows me like you did, and i’m terrified no one else ever will.

i know to you it was just one summer and some change, but to me it was the most idyllic period of my life. it was the summer of love, though later unrequited. did you ever mean it when you told me you loved me?

whatever i’m just rambling and stuff, no one really sees these posts anyway. i just miss the feeling of being special to someone.

i love my friends so much!!!

i see the universe in their eyes, the warmth in their smiles, the love in their hearts. i am so glad i have people that allow me to love them.

anyway, just wanted to post something more lighthearted.

Who am I if I am not likable?

aphex twin

Sorry for acting weird I foresaw omens in my youth that came to fruition

Yearning for a sign that will never come

i am being too much and i am scared and i have never wanted to pull away more in my life. i know it’s just self sabotage but i’m so so scared