Don't Forget Your Zip Code Map When Coming Up With Fake Zip Codes! All US Zip Codes Will Start With One

Reblog if you want anon messages of what you would be the patron saint of

I'm bored, so I'm giving you a whole essay here:

So you're having your everyday life. You go to bed one evening, everything is normal. (Like so normal)(Bear with me im setting the scene). You wake up the next morning, tho and woah, there's a fricken genie glass thingy at the side of your bed! Isn't that insane dude! You open it, and Mr. genie guy comes out, except he's got different rules this time.

Your first wish must be for some sort of ability (supernatural or normal) for yourself. What do you wish for?

For the second wish, you must wish for 1 person/place/thing to be yours. What person/place/thing do you wish for?

And for your final wish, idk, just whatever you really want to wish for (with the normal rules: no wishing for more wishes, no necromancy, and no bewitching anyone to fall in love w/ you).

Ooooo- so fun, great scene setting. Let's see...

Wish number one: I want the ability to manipulate probability. "Oh, what are the odds I get my dream job? Let's make that 100%. Odds I get HRT immediately? 100%, it's gonna happen." If that's too overpowered, I'll go with the basic tranny answer of shapeshifting

Wish number two: Give me all of Elongated Muskrat's money. All of it. I could actually use it for a SHIT TON of good and still have plenty left over to support myself and the people I love for life. Let me do everything that coward won't-

Wish number three: I want a bag that fills with whatever snack I want when I am hungry. I am a very simple man and also the local garbage disposal (if you don't eat it, I will). I have a fast metabolism, so I feel really hungry a lot of the time. I would kill for infinite snacks.

This was actually really fun- good questions, all of them.

Man flu is real- I am allowed to die dramatically every once in a while when I can no longer do my work at full capacity without wanting to explode. I can live with period cramps but the common cold? An atrocity. A torment. The worst thing I have ever experienced.

You know what, Link WOULD be a very good butt-scooter.

One of the most memorable dreams I ever had was when my family and I stopped at a hotel to spend the night on our trip to Kiawah Island. In the hotel room, I dreamt I was racing in Mario Kart 8 except everyone was not on karts and instead racing those nostalgic butt scooters from elementary school PE class.

For whatever reason I had this extreme rivalry with Link because Link was the absolute greatest butt scooter racer in all of Mario Kart. Link and I were half a lap ahead of everyone near the end of the race. I was frustrated but I tried my absolute best. When we were about to cross the finish line, I used up every last bit of energy I had and managed to beat Link. When I finished 1st, I yelled

“FUCK YES!”

so goddamn loudly that I ended up shouting it in real life, immediately waking everyone in my family up including myself. Everyone was wondering what the hell happened and I had to explain this very dream I just had to them.

Sometimes experimentation is beautiful but please do not try to stick a knife down your throat all the way to the hilt just to see if you can. 0/10 do NOT recommend

Fandoms are fucking wild because what do you mean I just stumbled upon a smutty as hell "shooting the United Healthcare CEO AU" fic??? That is a thing that just exists on the internet and was seen by my two eyes???

INCREDIBLE

Happy BOTW Day!

forgot botw re;ased today i kinda forget what day im living sometimes so uhuhu here extra post

Gonna start referring to periods like that

The Curse

Aka Hylia's favourite transmasc gets amnesia and forgets what periods are

PART TWO!

fucked up in the crib playing five nights at freddys at the Jefferson memorial