Humans Are Space Orcs: Vestigial Systems Edition

What if aliens don’t have the concept of vestigial systems? And so while they are a much, much older species and their bodies don’t really have cure-alls, when the problem solving thing kicks in, it pretty much just works.

Take the most obvious example for humans: appendixes. The prevailing theory is that it used to be important (like for digestion or immunity), but now we know it’s largely useless. So maybe a human has an appendicitis, they get taken to the med bay, the other humans are a little worried, but not overly so. Alien gets told about it and they flip.

“Human Barbara’s organ has exploded?!”

“Okay, not exactly exploded, but it got all swollen and filled with goo. So they’re taking it out.”

“Human Barbara is having an internal organ permanently removed?!”

“Dude, chill. This happens all the time, no biggie.”

“You are telling me that your internal organs will frequently, and without warning, cease to function entirely?”

“Well, it’s not really ‘cease to function’ per se, ‘cause the appendix doesn’t really do anything. I mean, some scientists think it might? Or like, it did a while ago? But not anymore. We don’t really know anything about it, it’s kinda there.”

“…you have an entire organ inside of your abdomen that simply has no purpose except to malfunction?”

“I mean, yeah, pretty much. It’s called appendicitis.”

“This specific condition happens on such a regular basis that you have a name for it?!”

And maybe even weirder, it’s not just physical stuff. Our social-emotional makeup flaws are responsible for a huge part of humanity’s problems. Our pack-bonding instincts manifest in tons of negative ways, like our nasty habit of “us verses them” conflicts. The fact that we define entire cultures and lifetimes by our dissimilarities is whack.

“Human Bob, I have just heard mention of something called ‘The Crusades.’ What is that?”

“Oh, they were these huge wars that happened during the Middle Ages. Basically it was Muslims and Christians fighting each other for, like, two hundred years over some land that was considered holy.”

“Two groups of humans systematically slaughtered each other for roughly eight generations? Why did they not just share the land?”

“They didn’t want to.”

“I do not understand. Why did they not wish to share?”

“It’s sort of a territorial thing. We don’t like other people near what’s ours. It’s how we survived when we were a developing species, by making groups and fighting off outsiders. That’s why a crew has to do a test run before they get sent out to space. When we first started sending out explorers, we didn’t do that, so lots of missions went to shit because crew members couldn’t handle living together and, in a couple of cases, ended up murdering each other. Pretty bad for PR back then.”

“Humans will become violent if someone they are not pack-bonded with comes near them?”

“Not even near. A lot of colonisation and wars happened because one group didn’t agree with another, so they went out and killed them all.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. Pack-bonding is super super important to us. Human infants will actually die if they don’t get enough physical affection.”

“What?!”

“Uh-huh. Remember when Brian and Steve weren’t talking to each other for a week because Brian’s favourite sports team lost to Steve’s? We don’t even have to belong to a group to get crazy about it.”

“…I must go update the Human Interactions Manual.”

More Posts from Colorfulbasementbasement and Others

colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

A picture of Tarantula Nebula, also called 30 Doradus. The picture got taken on 22. August 2007 (my birthday)

Tags

birthday green big 2007 planet facts 30 doradus tarantula nebula 22 august

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

Happy trans acceptance/awareness week everyone!

2022 has been rough but it's almost over and hopefully everyone gets lots of gender euphoria (or less dysphoria) this holiday season. You deserve it!

A picture of bugs bunny in a suit saying "I wish all trans people are very happy acceptance". Bugs has a trans flag next to him.

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

Zorugg cares for all of you, regardless of gender, sexuality, ethnicity or color.

You are all her children

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traditional art my oc character my oc shit my ocs do not steal my oc babies

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

First of all I'm just gonna thank @uhm24 for writing about Aliens getting to know people who have different sexualities and genders than other people :)

But i got another request, since I'm not a writer, and english isn't my first language :')

Anyone can volunteer C:

(I feel like I'm asking for too much since i did ask for a request yesterday, but let's not rush, I'll be patient.)

2nd Request:

- Aliens finding out two of the humans in their ship are trans by hearing two other humans talking shit behind their back. They approach them, interested and ask what them being a "trans" is (if you aren't trans, and you think of writing this, please do not write the t slur since the word is offensive to the trans community.)

I wish you good luck if you've thought of writing this!

Tags

trans pride queer pride aliens humans are space orcs humans are weird humans are space australians humans are deathworlders earth is space australia

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

I love Humans are wierd, Humans are orcs, ect. I have read about humans breaking bones, and walking around as if nothing happened, or that some humans give birth.

But what i really really wanna read about, is some humans liking the same gender, all genders, or none of them at all, and having another gender identity than their sex assigned at birth, and more. And the aliens are so confused, but supportive because they realise they get a lot of hate and discrimination from some of the other humans in the spaceship

Istg if someone wrote about this

I will marry you /j

Tags

trans pride Pride flag aliens humans are weird sexuality humans are space australians humans are deathworlders earth is space australia

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

Humans are weird

Cause of death: Old age

Imaging if Aliens don't age past like 50 or they figured out how to stop ageing. Like do you ever wonder if ageing is a universal thing?

Alien: Friend Human, I am fascinated by this Mozart musician. You say he performs with a live orchestra, do you reckon when will be his next?

Human: What...oh sorry, he died about a hundred years ago. I can find some bands who plays his music, if you want?

Alien: died? Was he fatally injured or... murdered?

Human: oh, no! As far as I know he died of old age.

Alien:...old age. You mean to say Humans die after a long time?

Humans: um, yeah? I mean why do you think we say 'YOLO' all the time?

Alien: Then how old do human's normally...pass away?

Human: We live, give or take, 80 years.

Aliens: JUST 80?! BUT THAT'S SO YOUNG! AND YOU'RE ALL SO RECKLESS!!

Human: Hey man...you only live once

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

Bro how can ur content be seen by people

Almost everything i post is in the shadows 🧍

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colorfulbasementbasement

10 months ago

‼️ARTFIGHT‼️

[This document and all associated documents are the property of the SCP Foundation, and are subject to the classification requirements and restrictions therein. This document may or may not contain lethal memetic defense measures. Attempting to access or disseminate this document without proper and sufficient authorization is punishable by death.]

Loading...

☣️ ArtFight URL: https://artfight.net/~_ZOZO_

☣️ Team: <:2024_Seafoam:1251653324995035196>

☣️ Types of characters SCP-ZOZO have:

- humans

- humanoids

- worm

☣️ Types of characters SCP-ZOZO create:

- Humans

- Humanoids

- Ferals(very rarely as it is not SCP-ZOZO'S main style)

- Monsters

☣️ Revenge/Friendly fire?: Due to the unpredictable nature of the anomaly, its inconsistent creations display a probability of friendly fire, but is guaranteed when a revenge is requested from an individual on the opposing side.

☣️ Extra: SCP-ZOZO is to be documented at all times. Only Authorized personnel with a level 4 access card are permitted to handle the anomaly.

☣️ Hitlist: https://forms.office.com/e/54a887K9D1

☣️ Requests to commission are to be followed through the link below before directly interacting with the SCP:

https://msha.ke/zozoshroomer

☣️ Art Examples / Characters

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my art digital art artfight artfight 2024 fyp fypfypfypfypfypfypdypfypfypfypfypfypfyfpfyfpfyp

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

I wanna try writing situations about humans are wierd, humans are space orcs and ect

Got any ideas? Because everything i come up with is already written down 🧍

Tags

humans are space orcs humans are weird fypfypfypfypfypfypdypfypfypfypfypfypfyfpfyfpfyp humans are space australians humans are deathworlders humans and aliens humans in space

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colorfulbasementbasement

2 years ago

reblog for sample size etc etc

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