I Mean, Neil And Jean Were Actually Trying To Protect Ichirou Not Riko (Neil Would Probably Love To Throw

i love that cat took a look at jean (tortured 6’2 huge strong bisexual frenchman sad grey eyes elite athlete tragic homoerotic situationship victim) and said i will make him even hotter. get on this motorcycle.

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Screw it… Enid (from Wednesday) as Renee Walker.

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Thinking about this and then I remember Jean was so forbidden to speak his own language in the Nest, which only makes Jeremy attitude way more special

Jean was stripped from all that made him an individual, from all that could ground him or just make him feel good

And Jeremy is going like: no mtf, you are special, you are loved and you are gonna talk in your mother tongue and dialect, fuck it, Im learning it so you can talk to me

feeling a twist in my gut every time i think about jeremy learning french because he wants jean to have at least one person to talk to in his own language, in his own dialect. no ulterior motive, just “i’m not learning french for anyone but you”. this boy doesn’t even have time to SLEEP yet he’s learning a whole ass language just so jean can feel a little bit more home

"Just please let me go" was the most hearbreaking wording choice Nora could have done

It shows everything

First of all how done and tired he is ("just")

Also the "let me go" part: he is not asking only to be left alive, he is asking his father to let him go, let him live his life.

In book one he says that everytime he wakes up he has to remind himself everything is okay bc he always wakes up thinking his father found him and he has to take a few deep breaths and ground himself before starting his day

This has been this boy's life EVERY DAY for NINE YEARS, in other words, this has been his life for about 3.200 days.

This "let me go" isnt just a desperate plea for his life, but it is the plea of a kid who cant stand being afraid, scared and always on the run anymore. It has been NINE YEARS, and Nathan just cant let him go, for NINE YEARS Nathan didnt allow neither him or his mother to really go and he made their lifes a living hell. So what Neil is asking here is to be freed from the nightmare his whole life had always been, because of Nathan

He knows it is not gonna work, but he cant take it anymore. He had been strong for too much time and at that moment, all he wanted to was to live, but really live, not just be alive. And he couldnt do that unless his father letted him go

Another thing that always hurts me about this part is that he had accepted he was gonna die, literally until he saw his father

When it comes to kidnappings you should NEVER allow your kidnappers to take you to a second location. If you get kidnapped and you plan on trying to run, you gotta do it BEFORE you get to the second location. No matter how hard it seems to scape, it will be even harder once you are in the second location. Once you arrive where your kidnappers want you, then it is almost surely game over

Neil probably knew this very well. Like, even my mom taught me that, Mary definitely taught this to him

But even knowing that, when does he decides to try to scape???

Not only when he was already inside his father's house, at his basement (aka: second location), but also when his father arrived (aka: the worst possible time)

And this wasn't a rational decision

When Neil received Lola's call, he accepted he was gonna die that day. He didnt fight it, bc he had already accepted he was gonna be dead before may. Off course, it was earlier then what he wanted it to be, but it felt just like destiny knocking earlier at his door

But then he saw his father and reality hitted, HE WAS GONNA DIE

And at that moment he realized he wasnt fucking ready to go, not now, not this early. There was so much he wanted, most importantly there were the Foxes, he didnt want to leave them, he didnt want to leave Andrew, he wasnt ready. He tought he was, but he wasn't

And thats when he makes his desperate scape attempt and his desperate last plea "just please let me go", that wasnt a plea just for his life. He was asking his father to, after nine years, allow him to be happy, to be safe, to "go". It is the last plea of an abused kid to his abuser. "Just stop abusing me, Just stop obsessing with me. LET ME LIVE"

He knows it wont work, but at this point, after finally finding what to live for, he had to at least try it

If Nathan had found him at the beggining of his first season with the Foxes or while he was still in his HS team, he would have died without letting out a single scream or plea. Bc at that point he was living out of spite. He was living with the hopes he would eventually find what to live for. He had nothing but his pride, and he sure as hell wasnt gonna allow Nathan to take it from him.

But when Baltimore happens, he had found what to live for, his wildest hopes became true, he had what to live for. He realizes it when he finally sees his father after all this time. So at that point, fuck his pride, the Foxes were more important then that. So he begs. Knowing it will fall on death ears, but the life he had built for himself was way too important for him to not try. Nathaniel, the kid raised to endure all sorts of pain and scape from an entire mafia, would never beg shit to his father. But the Foxes had humanized him, so at that moment he does what any other human would do: he asks for his life. There, it was the first time In the whole series Neil does something remotely similar to what a 19 years old would (and even so, he still kept a certain composure). And that was when Neil Josten finally buried Nathaniel Wesninski. He did what Neil would do at that moment, not what Nathaniel would

Anyways, he was just a kid and I hate Nathan so much

I just hope this bastard is burning in hell and having to watch his son heal and live in spite of him

genuinely the most heartbreaking part in aftg like out of the whole series is at the end of the kings men when neil snaps and starts begging for his life

like his “please, just let me go, just let me go i’m not—” LIKE UGHHHH

to me it really emphasizes just how young he is…like he’s literally only 19 he’s a teenager!!! begging for his life!!!! (after trying so hard to save face in front of lola in the car it didn’t even matter in the end bc fuck i’m about to die)

and also just the parallel with andrew and his hatred in the word, that he also said please and it didn’t work

(and the fact that he probably also came to a point where he knew it wouldn’t work but he had to try and beg anyways bc there’s no way out he has no other options he has nothing to gain but nothing to lose either just please let me go—)

now what if i said pillow princess kevin day and service top neil josten?

no? anyone??

Neil in his POV: Im just a silly boy

Neil in anyone else's POV: a little psycho about to cause some chaos

one of the standout things from tsc and tgr that I’m still thinking about is just everyone highlighting just how Unsettling Neil Josten actually is… Jeremy being unnerved by Neil’s smile, Jean noting the ice in Neil’s stare… incredible, amazing, give me more

I think we as a community don't recognize how funny the first confrontation scene in The Foxhole Court is. Like we talk about how absolutely confused Kevin must have been and how the sudden language shift was wild and how Aaron and Nicky are just O.O over the quiet new kid losing his shit.

But Neil runs into the room (picking the lock with ease, mind you) guns blazing, threatens Kevin, calls him a slur and a "deadweight has-been", then turns and fucking runs. Like... doesn't even put up a pretense of a physical fight, just books it and slams the door closed like that's going to make a difference. The mental image of Neil Josten sprinting out the room like a thirteen year old who just pissed off his older sibling and is about to employ the kicking method is too good for us not to recognize.

You ever think Andrew’s like, folding laundry in his apartment with Neil, throwing socks into their shared drawer because neither of them give a shit about socks, and then he has to pause because…he’s folding laundry.

For him and his boyfriend. Who are both adults with like, health insurance and shit. They say shit like “let’s go home” and “what’s for dinner?” Nothing is separated in their dresser except for workout wear because they need different size compression gear. They have matching jackets in the closet and pictures on the wall. They kiss each other good morning, and hello. They grocery shop. And suddenly Andrew’s nicotine gum is heavy in his pocket, because he stopped smoking so he’ll never be too out of breath to reach Neil.

Andrew has to stop to feel his heart, as if folding t-shirts was running a marathon, because he didn’t think he’d last this long. He didn’t think this was possible.

So Andrew sits in their apartment and feels.

Hello! I hope you're doing well. I'm planning to start a community here on Tumblr that bridges the gap between writers and readers of fiction (target dem of 13-25 roughly). It's going to be like a bookstore that's run by the authors. Readers can engage directly with the authors of their next favorite reads, get behind the scenes info, and just generally have a unique and interactive experience that I haven't personally seen offered in other places. I'm planning on including different games for both groups too so that things stay fresh, exciting, and most importantly, fun. If this is something you could see yourself enjoying, please let me know! I'll send an invite when it's all ready.

Thata actually seems super cool! I would really enjoy it!