Carrotsarelies - I Make Up Lies When My Friends Ask To Meet Up

real event that occured that i cant stop thinking about

get your fanny pack hoe were screaming in a meuseum.

Listen up!

You see a post like this? Where OP might hurt/kill themselves? You hit that button that I circled

Hit that.

Click Suicide or Self-harm Concern

Yes.

Fill in the rest of it, and hit submit. The "content you reported" will fill itself in

Tumblr will follow up and help them.

Warning: this is only for mobile. If anyone knows how to do this for desktop, please add it!

This could SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.

YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO REBLOG THIS.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT DOESN'T GO WITH YOUR BLOG'S THEME.

And yes, REBLOG. Liking does no shit at all. This isn't ig.

You reblog, people see it. You don't, people don't see it. This shit's that simple.

This could save someone's life. It's not a joke.

last night’s debate was the most horrifying and entertaining thing i have ever seen in my entire life and i watched my best friend intentionally give a presentation on destiel smut 

The time I publicly destroyed a bigot in Starbucks

This might sound fake but I assure you, my life is stranger than fiction.

Me, minding my own beeswax: I’ll get a large warm milk please!

Some guy: under his breath Warm milk? Get a life.. they don’t even sell that here

Barista: Actually yeah we do sell warm milk, does that bother you?

Some guy: Rolls eyes imagine actually drinking that

Me: I don’t have to imagine grabs my warm milk and takes a good sassy swig

The guy: Notices my ace pin Oh so you’re an aceggot? So you just don’t get laid? That figures

Me: Yup, I’m a proud “aceggot” and that has nothing to do with my preferences in beverages

Woman behind me: Did you seriously just call that person an aceggot? What kind of world are we living in!?

Me: Yep, I’m used to it though.. That’s what you get for being openly asexual it seems!

The guy: I’m literally a gay man and I won’t let you Jesus freak aces shame me for having gay sx, people like you are hurting my community. I’m gonna go have SX with my boyfriend

Me: Uhhhh buddy you were the one shaming me for buying warm milk and now you’re shoving the image of s*x down a sex repulsed ace’s throat… Not a good look. And yes, I’m a proud Jesus freak!

Woman: I’ve been an out asexual woman since the 80s and let me tell you, mr. Gay, we have done nothing but further acceptance for your community and carry your community on our backs.

Me: You have the nerve to talk down to an asexual elder? Really?

Barista: Throws water on the bigoted guy

Barista: Well… I might lose my job for this but at least I can say it was worth it

Me: picks up my warm milk and pours it on his head

Bigot: I HATE ASEXUALS AND ASEXUALITY. YOU ARE NOT EVEN HUMAN.

Me: loudly and proudly Another warm milk please, on the house! I think I’m owed it

Barista: You know it!

Bigot: storms out crying

China: I just need to hear those three little words.

Skulduggery: I love you.

China: Try again.

Skulduggery: [grumbling] I will behave.

China: That's better.

Cas is terrified of damaging the engagement ring Dean gives him so he takes it off constantly–to shower, to wash his hands, when he goes on his morning runs, whenever he’s trying to cook something. He forgets it, because he’s still not used to owning things to keep track of besides his angel blade, so Dean keeps finding it lying around the bunker.

Every time he finds it, Dean tracks him down and proposes to him all over again, silly and dramatic and down on one knee. It happens in the kitchen, in the library. He interrupts shooting practice with Sam once, which Sam calls “dangerous” and “irresponsible” but was actually very funny. Once, he finds it after Cas has gone to the grocery store, so he tracks him down and proposes in the produce aisle. Some people clap, some give him a strange look. None of them know this is the third time this week.

When they get married, they switch to high-quality silicone rings.

↳ the children and grandchildren of Edward IV that survived infancy

(requested by anonymous)

kiss him goodbye

pairing: fedyor/ivan word count: 500+ a/n: hi, i’m back, this time with a little drabble about fedyor and ivan saying goodbye right before fedyor goes to find nina and ivan goes with the darkling to find alina. also known as ‘foreshadowing: the drabble’ hope you enjoy!

Fedyor leaves the Darkling’s office with an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Sure, they have been split up before, gone on separate missions countless times, but this feels different. There’s a Sun Summoner now, which makes the stakes feel like a billion times higher than they used to be. There’s always been danger, but this time it feels almost tangible.

He follows the faint sound of Ivan’s heartbeat straight to the garden, where he finds Ivan staring out into the forest surrounding the Little Palace.

“What did he say?” Ivan asks, when Fedyor is withing speaking distance. His back is still toward Fedyor, and he can see the tension in Ivan’s shoulder. His hands are clasped behind his back, his knuckles unnaturally white. He’s clearly very tense, and Fedyor is pretty sure what he has to say isn’t going to make it any better.

“I’m going to the west coast, and then north. Arkesk, if we can make it,” he says, as he comes to a halt next to Ivan. And then, even though he’s pretty sure the other man already knows, “He wants you to stay here. Special mission.”

Ivan hums. “We’re tracking the Sun Summoner. Darkling thinks she’s headed north, for some reason.” He pauses for a second, and then. “You’ll have to travel through the fold.” He doesn’t sound worried, but Fedyor can hear the uptick in his heart, can see the worry lines in the corners of his eyes.

“I’ll be fine,” Fedyor says, trying to sound assuring, trying to hide the fact he himself is still absolutely terrified of the fold. “It won’t be my first crossing.”

“The fold doesn’t become safer the more you pass through it,” Ivan says, tension in his voice. “I can’t help thinking about what would happen if-“

“Hey,” Fedyor says, interrupting him. He turns towards his husband, placing a hand on his cheek. “I’ll be fine. If anything, I’m comforted by the fact you don’t have to travel through the fold. You’ve always had a penchant for trouble, after all. The less time you spend in that damned place, the better.” Ivan frowns at him, and Fedyor can’t help but run his thumb over the creases by his eyes. “I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”

“Still don’t like it,” Ivan grumbles, but the tension is his shoulders seems to have eased a little bit.

“Well, maybe try focusing on things you do like,” Fedyor says, eyes sparkling. “Like me.”

Ivan sends him a deadpan look, but leans closer anyway. “You are ridiculous.”

“And?” Fedyor asks, running his thumb over Ivan’s cheek.

Ivan grumbles a little and then says, “And I love you very much.”

Fedyor grins, delighted. “I love you too,” he says, and then leans in to kiss his husband.

As far as goodbye kisses go, it’s pretty spectacular. When Fedyor does finally pull away, Ivan’s heartrate is way up and there’s  a flush on his cheeks. “I’m going to miss you,” Fedyor says, earnestly.

Ivan nods, but that’s all Fedyor needs to know he’s going to miss him, too. “Stay safe.”

“Always,” he says, pressing one last kiss to Ivan’s lips.

He’s already halfway to the fold when he realizes he never told Ivan to stay safe back. Usually he always does, but it must’ve slipped his mind this time. He shrugs it off. Ivan’s only going on a trip north to retrieve the Sun Summoner. Really, what’s the worst that could happen?

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

Heterosexual aro/ace people are still a part of the lgbt+ community

I'll come and politely slaughter your stupid ass if you say otherwise