Sometimes people expect that you are alright and they might think that you have it all together. Most of the time though, those assumptions are incorrect. There are things that they will never see and battles that they will never know that you are going through. Sometimes it's scary because you want someone to shout out to you and ask if you are ok. Someone to follow that little prompting from above to help you out, but they never do. They look at you like they don't care and they don't care because they have the assumption that you are alright. Like an assumption that you might be too good for them because they are going through something too... It's hard to ask for help sometimes... It's hard because they all assume and because you feel like you would be too much of a burden on them. Or you think that they are going to judge you because they might think that you are just trying to seek attention. It's hard to get help because it is scary and you feel like you don't need help....
This is what anxiety feels like to many, or at least what I feel like when I have anxiety. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and OCD on my mission for my church. Before I was diagnosed with these disorders, I always had a constant wave of insecurity, doubt, trouble believing in myself, and other things included that plagued. When I graduated from high school, I was sure that I would fall into a state of Schizophrenia by age 22 to 23(I haven't). When I was on my mission, I finally had the opportunity to look at things that could help me. I took those options because it came to the very end of the line, where one day I just wanted to end my life. The thoughts became too overbearing and I felt like if I just went away, sitting in the bath at the time, that everybody would be better off without me and my contributions. I never fully went through with it though because I just loved my life too much and the work I was doing at the time to end it all. I told my companion and my mission leader's wife and they helped me to get the help I needed. I am so happy that they were able to help me and that I was able to, through that see the light again. Though that was a very high point in my life, even with the help and the pills, I still get some of these thoughts sometimes. Even just two or three days without the pills because I didn't have my next precription in time, the effects are scary. I cry for no reason, things hurt more than they should, and I just feel a feeling of helplessness and like I can't do it anymore.
The reason why I guess I am writing this is to partly get things out and partly is to probably raise awareness that I am not the only one. When people joke about having anxiety, I understand that it is a joke, but they will never know what it is really like, unless they actually do have anxiety. Statistics from adaa.org have shown that at least a percentage of 18.1% of the population is diagnosed with anxiety, which is 40 million adults over the age of 18 alone.(ADAA.org) Imagine how many more people are diagnosed with anxiety and how many more kids could be diagnosed. Hypothetically speaking, that could be every two kids to one adult, but that may be wrong. According to SAMHSA's webpage, there has been a 27% increase in their phone calls from 2019 to 2020(numbers may have gone up since then. In 2019, SAMHSA had a high of 656,953 calls for the year. This number grew to be 833,598 calls in 2020.(SAMHSA) For more statistics and facts, go to www.adaa.org or www.samhsa.gov. This is only half of it.
ADAA has also pointed out that people diagnosed with Anxiety have also had Depression previous to this.(ADAA) The CDC states that those with an anxiety or depression disorder have has increased from 36.1% to 41.5% between August 2020 to February 2021.(CDC) Those with an OCD disorder are about every 1 in 40 adults, according to singlecare.com.(SINGLE CARE)
There are many people out there, who are suffering and are trying every day to hide it, just like I was. There are many out there who do not know that they have even have these disorders. Now that I have read through this, I want to bring awareness to these people. I want to help give them a voice. I want to because I am one of them. I know what it is like to struggle and what it is like to feel those feelings of discontent, sadness, and despair. These people can't be told to just stop and think more positive. These diseases are real and they are very riveting to every person who is diagnosed with them. Just like Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has said" ...Today, I am speaking of something more serious. Of an affliction so severe, that it significantly restricts a person's ability to function fully. A crater in the mind, so deep that no one can responsibly suggest that it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively."(LIKE A BROKEN VESSEL) Though he was talking about MDD(Major Depressive Disorder), this could be applied to what has been said before.
I want all who are going through this to know that they are not alone and that there are many, just like them. Do not be ashamed of what you have as a mental disorder, now speaking collectively to all disorders and not individually. You are not weird and you are not some freak who doesn't fit in. Don't worry, I once thought that too. It is ok to feel what you feel and it is ok to address and talk about it. You do not have to suffer alone. If you are struggling, please talk to someone who you feel comfortable talking to and get the help that you need, what ever it may be. My Chat is always open and though it may take me some time, I will answer back. Let's all come together and share our stories of our disorders and help help strengthen one another and to help us not feel alone.
You are amazing. You are worth it. You are loved. You are you. You may have a disorder, but do not let that define you. You are you.
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Sources:
Single Care
https://www.singlecare.com/blog/news/ocd-statistics/
ADAA
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics
CDC
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7013e2.htm
Like A Broken Vessel by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNAx2Rgq-uI
SAMHSA HELPLINE
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
I’m sorry beautiful! I laughed at this so hard! Please forgive me!!!!😅😭😂😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂
With us two involved, we would definitely ruin him. 😂 it would be worth it though. look at him!!!! So fine!!!!🥵🥵🥵🥵
He took the term DADDY to a whole new level and is just punishing us now.
I'm gonna need to take a few weeks off after seeing this y'all....cruel and unusual punishment
Enochian defined by John Dee and Edward Kelly, who lived in the late 1600’s is an occult language claimed to be angelic. There was a prophet, named Enoch in the Old Testament that was a righteous man and the city that he lived in was very righteous as well, that the Lord brought him and the people that lived in that city to dwell with him in Heaven. If I have hypothesized correctly, the reason this language was given the name Enochian because just as Enoch and his people were lifted up because of their righteousness before God so is the language named because of the claim of it to be angelic. This meaning that it the word Enochian could have been derived from the name of the righteous Prophet Enoch.
I need to read this for later
Summary: Rooster comes back as your protector
tagging: @maximoffweasley @jobean12-blog @marvelgirl7
Rooster was smitten with Y/N the moment he met her. She was Penny’s right hand at the Hard Deck, the pair of them ran a tighter ship than any Naval officer could. He couldn’t help but smile as she turned down each and every serviceman who offered to buy her a drink. She had a fire that couldn’t be quenched no matter how overwhelmed the bartop became. She treated each of them the same, cocking her head to the side at the bad attempts at flirting, laughing as each face dropped as the bell resounded immediately followed by cheers. Rooster had found that returning after years away had not diminished his feelings for her. In fact, he had found the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow stronger’ applied to him as soon as he walked in the front door of the bar. He wanted to talk to her, he did, but the other pilots caught sight of him and waved him over before he had a chance to see her.
Y/N’s head jerked up at the mention of Bradley’s call sign, she watched the man walk across the bar, trying to suppress the feelings that crawled up her throat from years ago. She took a deep breath, shaking the cocktail tin and glass before pouring, then handing off the drink. She licked her lips and got back to work, sneaking glances when she thought no one was looking at the pilot who turned her world upside down a few years ago.
“I saw that,” Penny gave her a knowing look, “you two have been dancing around each other all night, he came to my side of the bar to order instead of yours.”
“Then I wouldn’t call that dancing, I call that distancing,” she set four bottles of beer on the counter, working the cap off of each of them quickly, “if that’s how he wants to play it, then fine. We’ll part as unlikely acquaintances,” she brushed off the older woman.
“I’ll leave you to think that,” Penny laughed, “I’m gonna head out. You okay?”
“Yeah,” she answered with a smile, “let me know when you get home safely.”
“You too, Y/N. I mean it,” she gave her a warning glance.
“Yes ma’am,” she gave a small salute and let Penny pass her to leave through the back.
The night wore on, all the soldiers drinking enough to definitely leave them hungover the day after. Y/N wasn’t overwhelmed, but the bar had become unruly. New recruits trying to climb over the bar for bottles, the regulars being shoved by said new recruits. She was just about to shout when the jukebox died and sounds of disgruntled individuals echoed through the bar. She looked over to the juke as Rooster sat down at the piano, playing his signature song.
She looked over at him, shaking her head in exasperation as the Top Gun pilots gathered around him, singing the loudest. He couldn’t help but look over his shoulder to smile at Y/N as she stood, watching him. A small smile played at her lips as she went back to cleaning up messes while everyone was distracted. Loud chants of his name died down enough for her yell for last call, from there the bar’s population thinned out immensely.
After closing up, she wrapped her denim jacket around her, the nights being cool along the Pacific. She stuffed her earnings in her pocket, exchanging the cash for keys. She locked the doors and brushed her hair back. “You know it’s not polite to sneak up on a woman, Lieutenant.”
“Do I ask how you knew it was me?” he smiled softly as he pushed off the wall of the bar.
“You’re still wearing that god awful cologne you wore last time I saw you,” she shook her head, “what are you still doing here? Don’t you have a base to be back at?”
“I came to offer a ride, seeing as how you’re still on that mission to walk everywhere,” he gestured to the empty parking lot with the exception of his Bronco.
“It’s only two miles,” she tried to reason with him.
He shook his head and put his hands on her shoulders, guiding her over to his car, “a lot can happen in two miles,” he protested.
“I don’t need a protector, I need my bed,” she protested as she shrugged him off of her.
Rooster laughed and shook his head, “well then it’s a good thing I’m not one.” Her eyes narrowed as she folded her arms across her chest, “you’re in the Navy, that’s literally the job description,” she tilted her head to the side.
“Y/N,” him saying her name caused a flutter she did her best to ignore, “just get in the damn car.
“Fine,” she agreed as she waited for him to unlock the door, which he did and pulled it open for her.
The ride home wasn’t awkward, but Y/N still didn’t know what to say to him, it had been years, they both had grown. She knew that there had been a blow out with him and Maverick, but she didn’t know if he wanted to talk about it. That was the funny thing about time, it took these two from friends who could talk about anything, to something Y/N didn’t quite understand. He parked outside the house and shut the engine off, unbuckling his seatbelt.
“Walking me to the door? Can a lot happen from the car to the door?”
“My mom always told me to walk a lady to the door,” he responded, opening his door.
She met him outside and looked at him, “how is your mom?” she breathed.
Rooster suddenly looked down, as if growing shy, “she passed away last year,” he muttered.
“Rooster,” she stammered, “I’m so sorry,” she frowned, she fought the urge to reach out and touch him. She lost, reaching out to grab his hand. “I didn’t know.” “How could you? It’s not like you keep tabs on me,” he reasoned.
“Who said I didn’t?” she joked to lighten the tension, “I definitely did,” she laughed softly.
His own chuckle slipped out as he looked at her, “I missed your laugh. I missed you.”
“You had Penny and I fooled, she said you ignored me all night,” she shuffled her feet. “I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“No, no,” he shook his head, “not at all,” he denied, “I know that I cut off contact with you as soon as I graduated, I just didn’t know if you would want to see me.”
“Of course I did, if anything to find out why you cut me off,” she murmured.
“I know,” he said sheepishly, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“So why did you do it?” she asked softly, looking him up and down, “cut me off, I mean.”
“I-” he hesitated, “I didn’t want to hurt you more than I had already. This job- it isn’t easy, and I am not the type of person to have someone worrying over me. I’m sorry.” “You’re a fucking idiot,” she said bluntly causing his eyes to widen, “Bradley, cutting me off didn’t stop me from worrying,” she straightened her spine and started towards her front door. “Honestly, that is the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard and I work in a bar full of Navy soldiers.”
“Y/N,” he jogged to catched up with her, “you didn’t let me finish,” he grabbed her wrist gently to stop her from putting the key in the lock.”
“What else is there to say?” she shook her head, “you’ve made it more than clear that you need no one other than yourself.” “I used to think that,” he agreed, “but when I went overseas and saw all of those who made it work, who had someone to look forward to…I thought about reaching out to you so many times,” he looked at her in earnest, “you have to believe that.”
“I do,” she muttered, “but what about the agreement we made? Just friends?”
He chuckled softly, “tell me you’ve never thought about it, about us and we’ll be friends.”
“Bradley Bradshaw,” she stepped closer to him, “I was doomed from the moment I set eyes on you,” she grabbed him by the undershirt, pulling him in for a kiss.
Rooster smiled against her lips, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly to his chest.
After completing his mission with Maverick, Rooster, having become captain, made the move to Fightertown permanently, living on base for a few months and then in with Y/N shortly after. After a year, old habits die hard, Rooster hung around after closing to take Y/N home. But that was broken when she stepped outside and saw Maverick standing where Rooster normally stood.
“Captain Mitchell,” her tone wavered, “is Bradley okay?” she panicked.
“He’s fine,” he smiled reassuringly, “right now it’s Mav,” he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, “let’s take a walk,” he led her onto the sand.
“Okay,” she replied hesitantly.
“You know, Y/N, I’ve known Rooster since he was little, he was nothing like he is now, he was always so shy.”
“Roos? Shy?” she scoffed with a laugh.
“As far-fetched as it sounds,” he laughed, “but it always seemed to me that he would never settle down, and believe me it takes a special type of woman to tame a Bradshaw,” he caused both of them to laugh. “You’re good for him,” he nodded.
“That means a lot coming from you,” she smiled softly at the pilot. The light of a bonfire caught her eye and she turned to it to see her and Rooster’s friends smiling at her. Mav disappeared from her side and Rooster soon replaced him.
“Glad you could join us,” he kissed her forehead.
“It’s not like Mav, left me much of a choice,” she joked, “though I suspect you have something to do with that.”
“Maybe a little,” he winked at her and turned towards her fully, “Y/N.”
“Bradley,” she parroted back to him in a similar tone, arching a brow.
“You know I love you right?”
“I sure hope so, we’ve been together a year.” He broke out in a grin, “exactly a year ago tonight you told me that you were doomed from the moment you met me.”
“I see that did wonders for your ego,” she teased.
“Honey,” he grabbed her hips, “let me talk, will you?” he chuckled and she nodded in response. “I have to tell you from the moment that I set foot in that bar and saw you smiling as you shook up a drink I knew I was meant to fall in love with you, and I did,” he laughed nervously. “After my dad- I thought there was no way I could put someone I love through that, but you with your smile and the never ending sass,” he joked, “it made me realize that there is no other woman who could handle me. So I have a question,” he lowered to one knee. She felt her eyes fill with tears, smiling as she looked at him, “Y/N, will you become Mrs. Rooster Bradshaw, honey?”
“Yes,” she stammered through her happy tears, “yes, of course,” she helped him up. He slipped the ring on her finger, followed by his arms wrapping around her waist to kiss her. A wide grin spread across her lips as she kissed him back, cupping both of his cheeks. Their friends shouted loudly, ‘oo-ing’ and ‘aww-ing’ at the couple. She pulled away with a small laugh sneaking a glance at those around them before burying her face in Rooster’s neck.
He smiled and kissed the top of her head as he rubbed the small of her back, “she said yes!” he whooped as his friends started shouting again at the success.
She broke away with a laugh and looked up at him, “you’re stuck with me now, you know that, right?”
“I think I can handle that, honey” he smiled down at her and kissed her again.
As much as I love deranged girl fall, I’m actually really excited for sweet girl winter!
we've had hot girl summer. now it's time for deranged girl autumn. meet me in the woods behind goody proctor's house.
I just did a knee workout to help strengthen my knees and who knew that your knees could be very weak without you knowing it.🤔😅
Anyways, another picture of Glen is here to make up for my lack of writing. 😁
The way he leans into her when he kisses her!!!!!!! I can’t!!!!!
Glen Powell as Maj. Mark Reynolds The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (2018)
25 yrs old/Shania/Sam Winchester is my dad/Dean's my uncle/Hangman’s bestie/ I write Fanfiction/ hello all! I love Supernatural! / Ravenpuff/ Harry Potter Enthusiast/ Vampire Diaries Lover/ Marvel Fanatic/Top Gun Fangirl
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