The Best Version Of Myself Is The One Wearing A Black Turtleneck 

Fic Teaser: Chapter 3 of "Last Call"

(Chapters 1 & 2 on Ao3 here.)

It wasn’t as though she’d never thought about the idea of asking Sergei to defect before.

It had been a small, secret dream, one she’d only rarely let herself indulge in. Him agreeing to come to NASA. Them working side by side, every day, to send humanity further out into the solar system, to Mars and beyond. Them being able to build a real life together. To be together.

But Margo had allowed herself to imagine this only rarely because she had always known it was impossible.

Almost the first thing Sergei said to her, in the first real conversation they’d ever had, was that he would never defect. Until now, she’d never seen enough reason to believe that may have changed. Leaving his home, his country, his entire life behind, for her – it was far too much to ever actually ask of him.

But, he’d said at the same time, he was given a long leash because of his superiors’ knowledge that he would never defect. The leash had been severely tightened, now, if what Sergei had told her tonight could be believed. So, would his openness to the idea of defecting also have changed?

Margo still wasn’t sure how much of what he’d told her tonight could be believed. She’d learned that he had been betraying her trust for years. And yet she found herself still wanting to trust him, now.

Could Sergei still just be lying to her even now, about all of it? Just using her for his government’s ends? If that was the case, then maybe getting her to believe he was in danger, so she would keep him close to her, bring him back to the United States with her, was exactly what they wanted.

Rationally, Margo knew she had to consider this a possibility, but in her heart, she rejected it. The guilt and shame, the pain and fear that she had seen and heard from him tonight — it all felt too real. Though, of course, everything about their connection had always felt real, for the past nine years.

She simply wasn’t going to be able to be sure about all of it. Not tonight, at least. She didn’t have enough time. She had to make a choice anyway. And if she chose to let him go, the risk was too great to bear. Rational or not, Margo knew that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if Sergei’s life was in danger and she failed to save him.

Keeping him close to her, in the way she used to want, would now have to be out of the question, of course. If he defected and came to NASA, she would have to set strict professional terms for their new working relationship. He was a brilliant engineer who’d be very valuable to NASA; that much couldn’t be faked, and that was how she would have to learn to see him now. Any personal feelings and former hopes would need to be put aside, left behind, buried in the rubble of everything that had fallen apart in this one horrible night. Margo didn’t want to think about how difficult a task that still seemed to be. She would do it, because it would be necessary.

She’d stayed silent for too long, by then. Sergei spoke again, softly.

“Margo. I know I have no right to ask you to do anything, or even to suggest. But, what do you think of what I said before? Will you go home to Houston as soon as you can tomorrow? Get away from the KGB here and, and try to keep yourself safe?”

She looked up at him. “No.”

Sergei frowned at her, but she cut him off before he could reply.

“Sergei, I mean what I said about getting us out of this. It’s obviously not safe for you to go home. So, I’m wondering if …” She took a deep breath. This was the only option. Out with it.

“Would you consider defecting to the United States? If you came to work for NASA, you’d be an incredible asset, and I know I’m not the only one who’d see it that way. There are people I could talk to, and, I know it could all be arranged.”

To her surprise, he smiled a little.

“I have dreamed that you might ask me this one day, Margo.”

He had?

His smile faded. “But, no. No, it can’t be. If I defect, the KGB would retaliate against my family, I am sure. I won’t leave them.”

Bill Adama: “You ever think about the times much on New Caprica?”

Laura Roslin: “I try to think about the good times, yes, I do.”

Bill Adama: “One in particular stands out in my mind.You were wearing your really bright red dress. Said you wanted to build a cabin.”

Laura Roslin: “It was Baltar’s ground breaking ceremony. I got a little silly that night.”

Bill Adama: “You ever wonder what would’ve happened if the Cylons hadn’t have come back?”

Laura Roslin: “I think given Baltar and the terrain we couldn’t have made a go of it. What about you? Do you think you would’ve stayed on Galactica, or do you think you would’ve settled?”

Bill Adama: “It’s pretty hypothetical, isn’t it?”

Laura Roslin: “It is. Until it isn’t.“ *laughs* “Did I just say that?”

Bill Adama: “It’s worth just seeing you laugh like that. We’ve been at war so long sometimes we forget what we’re fighting for: Raise our kids in peace. Enjoy one another’s company. Live life as people again.”

Laura Roslin: “Like that night on New Caprica. That’s really what we are talking about here now, isn’t it?”

Bill Adama: “That and other times.”

Laura Roslin: “So if the Cylons hadn’t come back…?”

Bill Adama: “But they did.” *pause* “We have certain responsibilities.”

Laura Roslin: “Yes, we do, Sir. And… I will be back in a few days, and if you’d like, we can talk more about that night. Bill? The answer’s yes. I absolutely would’ve built the cabin.”

I need a new beat. Let's gooooooooo

This illustration was inspired by For All Mankind, an Apple TV+ series which explores what might have happened if the space race had continued and where humanity would be now.

© Zara Picken 2024 www.zarapicken.com

Part 1

It's on now

Pulled this off my bookshelf (image from Amazon). It is impossible for me to try something new and not deep dive into the subject before dropping it completely and then moving on...

You should see the hobbies left behind me.

I had at one time five discarded upright pianos. I tore apart three, learned to play on another (like cat's screwing!), rebuilt one and turned another into a garden planter.

I have several terrible half finished quilts.

I have lots of woodworking tools.

Master of none, dabbler with passable works in some.

So, I will try to be nice to the English language and anyone who reads my dabbles. I don't expect perfection, but I would like to be kind to the written word.

And to those of you experienced, I'd love feedback or advice for a novice. Feel free to message me.

I'll give this new obsession a month. 🤣

double sigh

Sigh.

If I had a bat signal for fic writers, I'd put one up for this scene. It feels decidedly truncated to me. Now, I do know that there is an extended version on the released DVDs, but it is rather unsatisfying.

Somebody! Please! Fix this for me? Thanks. 😘 Unless maybe I'm crazy. Does this scene bother anybody else?

I need to talk to you.

Oh, my God. That’s… beautiful. It really is. Identical on both sides.

[2x10] Adama and Roslin talk

This conversation follows after they talked in the corridor about admiral Cain not sending supplies to the Fleet, only Galactica, and not answering Roslin’s calls. Adama assured her he’ll mention this to the admiral. After that Roslin took off her glasses, signaling that talk about business is over and they gaze at each other. I included the times when they pause a little to just look lovingly at each other, because it’s so frakkin adorable XD

So after that Roslin inquires about how he’s dealing with the situation. His command was effectively taken away and that’s a hit. Adama’s all smiles and reassurances, but that last look after she turns her back is very telling. He’s only pretending that all is fine. He doesn’t want to worry his bae Roslin without any real reason, but Cain is already raising his suspicions. Out there, in this fleet of survivors of the Cylon attack, military protocol matters less than loyalty that was honestly earned. Cain has his obedience thanks to her rank, but she doesn’t have his trust.

Ok, now let’s go back to appreciating the soft and tender looks :)