Bunnyoftheapocalypse - Bunny Of The Apocalypse

It’s the little things that pass as amusement to me.

‪@AliKat_7: Sebastian Stan as The Winter Solider/Bucky Barnes in Captain America: The Winter Soldier Exclusive Outtakes

You can make a difference. Please help with a forever home.

Trying to take back myself

Well, I haven't been looking on Tumblr for months now much less posted anything. A short while after my last post (back in October 2010) I was unexpectedly released by my Master. It was a complete blindside for me. When I had talked to him on Friday things were fine. Monday morning he released me.

I do understand his reasons and they had nothing to do with *me* but with his immediate family situation. Yes, I did know what had been going on with it but he didn't give me any idea that he was going to so abruptly make this decision. So no real warning at all for it for me. And it was while I was at work. By YahooIM. 

It's been THIS long (now the beginning of March 2011) for me to really realize just how badly hurt I was and the extent of the affect it has had on me. And the affect it is having on my other relationships. 

It completely shattered my self confidence and ability to trust or be secure in a relationship. I've been a neurotic mess for months. I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful husband who has been trying to help me as well as a Dom I was allowed to still play with by my ex-Master who was also a good friend, and has become one of my best friends by this time. They both didn't let me curl up in my bed and completely draw away from everything to do with the lifestyle. I love them both beyond words for everything they've done for me and all their patience with me through the past months.

Now, I'm *finally* in a place with myself that I am starting what is I'm sure will be a long road to rebuild myself and my confidence in myself so that I can be happy again and a less neurotic train wreck. (hey, I'm not perfect! I'm sure I'll still have my bad days.) It's a daunting thing to consider how much work I think I'll be needing to do to get my confidence back, but it will be worth it. For me and for them. We will all be happier. I have absolutely no doubt about that. 

So, as part of remaking myself I am going to be taking my Tumblr back for myself as well. I had set it up for myself and it turned into something I did for the ex. I'm sure I'll end up posting things having to do with what I want done to me by my friend who is also now my Dominant as well. 

I've gone back and forth over removing my past posts having directly to do with the ex. But (at least for now) have decided not to. They were part of my life at that time so while I might not want to think about it right now, they are a good reminder of the things I am capable of. At least, what I'm capable of when I'm a whole person and not the badly damaged mess I still am right now.

I will get back to the person I was then and be the better for it as well since I am now going to have a better understanding of myself through having to identify and rebuild the damaged parts of myself. I will have a better foundation for my sense of self and confidence. 

So while this sucks sweaty dirty donkey balls right now and I'm sure will for some time, I want myself back. I used to generally *like* myself. I don't right now. I don't like the person I've become. So I will fix it. The process will probably be quite unpleasant at times, but I want to like myself again and be happy with who I am. 

And I will.

Yet another reason to go skydiving despite my husband’s protests!

So true...

Great for those compulsive phone checkers that really don't need to be doing it when you're actually with your friends. 

After all, if you're already with your friends (or a friend) you don't need to be ignoring them to chat with your other friends unless it's something important you've already let them know you're waiting to hear on.

Introducing our new game called:

“Don’t Be A Di*k During Meals With Friends.”

The first person to crack and look at their phone picks up the check.

Our (initial) purpose of the game was to get everyone off the phones free from twitter/fb/texting and to encourage conversations.

Rules:

1) The game starts after everyone has ordered.

2) Everybody places their phone on the table face down.

3) The first person to flip over their phone loses the game.

4) Loser of the game pays for the bill.

5) If the bill comes before anyone has flipped over their phone everybody is declared a winner and pays for their own meal.

Variations/house rules:

-Starting the game after everyone is seated.

-In the rare event that multiple people flip their phones simultaneously, the bill is split between said players.

- Feel free to invoke penalties/strikes systems.

Notes:

- No touching or messing with anybody else’s phones.

- You don’t have to stack the phones. This was done for picture taking purposes.

- I realize I should perhaps think of a different name for this awesome game. Because I don’t mean to imply that everyone who checks their phone during meals is a di*k.

- I recommend not being such a stickler or hardass on people about the rules and even initiation of the game. Basic premise is to just get people open to the idea of staying active and attentive to one another. But if someone has to take a call; they have to take a call =).

- Have fun! It’s really more of a fun concept in this new age high tech life of ours. Conversation is the spice of life.