I Am One Unnecessary And Out Of Nowhere Comment About My Eating Away From Completely Blowing Off At My

I accidentally said his name when I cut myself. It was like a call, a beg for help. I have never even talked to him, I don't know him. But my mind latched onto the idea of him. I feel quilty for feeling so much for him when he doesn't even know I exist or perceive him as someone more than a passerby.

I think my mind just needs someone to obsess over.

Is this too much to ask for???

Kinda funny how I'm obsessed with him. Go out of my way to just see him for half a second. Wish I could just look at him for hours. But at the same time I aknowledge that he's kinda ugly.

Crazy how I have kinda figured out how to keep myself feeling content. Like what to do and how to do it. But most of the time, I just can't bring myself to do those things even though I know I'd feel a lot better if I did.

I hate how i have no brainpower in the evenings, the worst thing is that I have no self discipline aswell. I'm just a disgusting pile of useless and self sabotaging flesh.

I wish I was loved

Would be fascinating to know how giving up almost every day has affected my brain chemistry

Funny how this is supposed to be the best time of my life, but I spend 97% of it being miserable, crying and hoping something would change, knowing that nothing ever will and that it will only get worse from now.

Since i was a little girl ive always wanted to throw up blood and die

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.