I've Been Starting To Actually Feel Bored. My Brain Can't Really Even Maladaptive Daydream Anymore, So

Just ate a box of cold chicken nuggets. 621 kcals and 48 grams of protein. I'm an unstable mf Binger, but atleast im hitting that protein goal.

Seeing him makes my head hurt with desire. I don't know why, but I want to bleed on him, tie him to me in way that he can't erase from his mind. I hate that a part of me even wants him to cut me. Him gently caressing the area before, holding my hand with his other hand, whispering sweet and reassuring words whilst quickly wounding me so I could taint him with my blood. After I'd just wanna lay with him, no words would be needed, I'd just wish to admire his skin painted with my blood.

Having the thoughts again Ughhhhh. I just ate aswell

My brain is my biggest enemy. I'm randomly sitting in school, not even hungry and then out of a sudden BOOM!! An extremely strong urge to skip the rest of the school day to go and buy junk and then just spend my day eating. I can just feel common sense flowing out of my mind, but I must resist lol

When my mom said, it can't be that tiring it's everyday life, that cut deep.

The fact that I acc have to resist the thought about skipping school just go and buy food is wild, cause the school in question is a short, nice and actually useful.

Funny how this is supposed to be the best time of my life, but I spend 97% of it being miserable, crying and hoping something would change, knowing that nothing ever will and that it will only get worse from now.

The things I would do for him to feel like that towards me.

I thought my life was meaningless and aimless, but all that changed with her. Now I'm alive with a purpose, obsessed with giving her everything I am and can be. I'm filled with determination, and every single minute of the day I can't wait to see her again. When I look in the mirror, nothing matters - only her.

I sat behind her in class and I saw a kpop stage vid on her recommended page 😳

What the fuck is wrong with my brain. I met the ppl in my uni course yesterday, one girl caught my eye, we spoke once.....and now my brain is cutting to lowkey romantic fantasies about her.

Accidentally hurting your pets is the worst, because you can't even tell them how absolutely sorry you are.

In the morning my coworker asked if everything is okay, because my face was sad. I didn't quite understand if between the lines she was also telling me I shouldn't look like that bcs how it would look to customers. But I tried to smile more.

And now my mom got angry at me out of no where bcs like she said, I always look like im dying, whatever happens I look like I'm dying. She also said that life wasn't so hard which I agree, my life isn't hard. She also ranted some more but yh.

I guess I'll have to train myself to smile all the time. Idk how to tho lol