Thx @garciailoveyou For The Tag!!! My Music Is A Little All Over The Place.

i'm never opening up to people again. btw

Art is not my friend right now

I am filled with so much jealousy for other’s art, I am unable to enjoy my own.

Art is not my friend right now.

I can’t come up with anything new. I miss the days where this wasn’t a chore. We aren’t friends right now because I want my art to be something it is not.

Art is not my friend right now. I can’t make my hands create what is in my head.

Art is not my friend right now.

But all I want is for our friendship to return. It may be selfish, I want her to bring me joy. She might be the only one that can. I want to bring her to life, so we can walk hand in hand amongst creation.

Art will be my friend again soon.

it's not like nikola tesla knew all of those people were going to die by Hanif Abdurraqib

Mist

Fog rolls out of my heart

I know it is making you cold 

you shouldn’t stay

I have made you hard

I have made you cold

You shouldn't have to suffer because i do 

You don't deserve it

The mist that spills from my nose and mouth is poison

It probably will kill you

Don’t try to stay

I won’t be able to live if you go first

Is that wrong to think about?

I guess i’m guilty of that as well

Its my fault

I should have known

I should have known

I should have

GPA

Every single test

Every Single quiz

Every single report card

I didn’t do it for me

I did it for you

I did it because it was all you ever talked about

It was all you ever valued

It's all you ever saw in anyone else

I thought that if the numbers were high enough

I thought that if I got close enough to four point oh

You would love me

You would see me

You would finally hold me

But you did not

You don't

And you never will

It was all for nothing. 

I have wasted it all

And now i am gone

I feel like a whore. 

Used and disgusting. 

Why did I say yes?

I thought it would make me feel better about myself. 

It didn’t.

Why didn’t it?

Why?

I've betrayed God.

And for what?

Some girl I barely know?

(I've known her my whole life.)

She doesn't love me.

I don’t love myself.

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection

Off to sleep

When I close my eyes to look for sleep’s touch, I think of you.

I think of how our fingertips brushed

How much it meant to me, how little it meant to you. 

I hear your breath laughing in my ear at some joke I didn’t say,

but I wish I did. 

I remember all of the time we spend together,

even if you don’t. 

I can still see all of the little notes you left on my desk

which I wish I kept not just in my heart, but in my hand as well. 

It is all so comforting, as I drift away.  

Just to know you are in my life. 

Even if you are not mine. 

I can almost hear her say that

first base is putting your cigarettes out on each other second base is psychosexual obsession third base is murder-suicide