I Struggle With:

To: The "biOLoGiCaL iMpErAtiVe" that causes my body to torture me montly with bloddy pain for having the gall to eschew "mOtHeRhOd". To the "HeAvEnLy WrAtH" which punishes me for my dogged refusal to bring forth hideous progeny into the hideous mortal realm I was forced to inhabit.

I took some pain killers. Now what? Not so tough now, are you? Bring it on. If all it takes to defy god is tylenol, Imma make it a habit. Bitch.

I'm coming up on my 25th birthday and I've never seen a gynecologist because my family doctor also happens to be a close family friend and even though he knows I've been sexually active for a while I just can't seem to bring myself to be specific.

What am I supposed to say?

"Oh yeah, I know you know I'm in a lesbian relationship, but my Gf has a nine inch dick with which she plows me on the regular, so maybe I should get my cervix looked at, if for no other reason than to make sure everything is still where it should be"

Ya llego ✨✨✨

Honestly, i have 0 trust in Christian priests. Like, these mfs literally read the whole ass fuckin' Bible and had no problem with it? Decided to preach it even? Suspicious.

Watch "Are White AMERICANS the Most Racist White People On Earth?" on YouTube

YouTube

Are White AMERICANS the Most Racist White People On Earth?

Hypothesis: Those who are discriminated against see the people discriminating them (and or colonialising them) as the Most Racist.

Example: As a mexican, I was torn between the spanish conquistadors and the white Americans.

Considering the cultural an economical colonialism that the U.S is not so subtly imposing on so many countries, it kinda makes sense to me that they are the de facto bad guy to point at.

With regards to the question of: are they really worse than the other "flavors" of racist...

I don't know. How do you measure that? Number of dead poc? If the language of the people they tried to erase is still spoken today or not? Did they destroy records or history? Idk.

At what point does comparison become moot? Would you rather eat one poison apple or two poison apples? Is there an option where I get to live?

I feel like comparing racists to other racists is kinda like that. My biased queer woman of colour opinion on the matter is: You don't get to pat yourself on the back for being the "least terrible" and I don't owe you gratitude for not treating me worse.

Using other "more heinous" acts of racism to metaphorically wash your hands of your own crime... it feels icky to me. Its like instumentalising the suffering of somebody else's victims to placate your own victims.

I'm no scholar, but that doesn't sit right with me.

I don't know when I began to think that ignorance might be bliss. But not having the ability to "un-know" has been rotting our miserable human lives since Eve was convinced by a phallic symbol to eat "ThE FrUiT oF tHe TrEe Of ThE kNoWlEdGe Of GoOd AnD eViL"

At night my brain goes:

Concious me: I need to do [thing that is important but I forgot what it is] before tomorrow!

ADHD: You don't have the spoons to do [thing]

CONCIOUS ME: I'll be the judge of that! I can totally manage my spoons responsibly when I know what I need to get done. Just tell me what the task is.

ADHD: How did you forget! it's so important!

CONCIOUS ME: I didn't forget, we forgot!

ADHD: So it's my fault that you can't remember important things *cries in self hatred & RSD*

CONCIOUS ME: fuck. So brain is out of commission. How the fuck do I remember the thing I have to do!?

* Beloved Gf attempts interaction*

ADHD BRAIN & CONCIOUS SELF SIMULTANIOUSLY: Excuse me, could you not interrupt us when we're in the middle of an (invisible, silent and completely imperceptible) argument! Can't you see the (invisible, silent and completely imperceptible) crisis I'm experiencing!?

BELOVED GF: says anything... literally anything

ADHD: She hates us. She hates me and she tolerates you. And we are inextricably linked. Would that it were so easy to kill me! Would that I could die to let you live!! *melodramatic hand gestures*

CONCIOUS SELF: *to ADHD* oh shit, do you really think that!?

CONCIOUS SELF: *to self* No, we talked about this. She doesn't want to hurt you.

CONCIOUS SELF: *proceeds to freak out at beloved GF*

At night my brain goes:

Concious me: I need to do [thing that is important but I forgot what it is] before tomorrow!

ADHD: You don't have the spoons to do [thing]

CONCIOUS ME: I'll be the judge of that! I can totally manage my spoons responsibly when I know what I need to get done. Just tell me what the task is.

ADHD: How did you forget! it's so important!

CONCIOUS ME: I didn't forget, we forgot!

ADHD: So it's my fault that you can't remember important things *cries in self hatred & RSD*

CONCIOUS ME: fuck. So brain is out of commission. How the fuck do I remember the thing I have to do!?

* Beloved Gf attempts interaction*

ADHD BRAIN & CONCIOUS SELF SIMULTANIOUSLY: Excuse me, could you not interrupt us when we're in the middle of an (invisible, silent and completely imperceptible) argument! Can't you see the (invisible, silent and completely imperceptible) crisis I'm experiencing!?

BELOVED GF: says anything... literally anything

ADHD: She hates us. She hates me and she tolerates you. And we are inextricably linked. Would that it were so easy to kill me! Would that I could die to let you live!! *melodramatic hand gestures*

CONCIOUS SELF: *to ADHD* oh shit, do you really think that!?

CONCIOUS SELF: *to self* No, we talked about this. She doesn't want to hurt you.

CONCIOUS SELF: *proceeds to freak out at beloved GF*