TW: Venting, Bullying

TW: Venting, Bullying

I don't know what it is, but I'm looking back on my life a lot as I'm about to graduate high school this year, and... I've had some rough years. My 6th grade year was the hardest.

The best thing about that year was Covid. I had moved into a new house, and I had to leave my friends. One of them had cancer and was undergoing chemo at the time. I didn't have a phone, and my parents weren't friends with my friend's parents, so I was kept out of the loop a lot about what was going on with her, and I was so terrified for her.

I was going to be the new kid again, I hated being the new kid. I had done it so many times in my life that I was used to it, sitting on the playground alone, making small talk with everyone (I hate small talk), finding one friend, and sticking to them like glue. That was my formula.

But this time, my formula didn't work.

I was a bubbly child, my parents had always complimented me on it, so that was a trait I always tried to have, but with this new class...It didn't work. These kids were different, meaner, snobbier. (This was mostly due to how the school was set up. It was divided into a CTA. or gifted program, and a standard program I was in the CTA classes because I was a gifted kid most of my life). The CTA classes got better funding and prided themselves on being better. PE games were always divided between the classes this school was LITERALLY PITING CHILDREN AGAINST EACH OTHER!

Soon, I made a friend, Isa. She was nice, we both liked Disney, and she was a person I could talk to...but maybe I talked too much because one day, she just stopped talking to me, and I was alone again. And I didn't know why.

Then it was my 12th birthday party and I wanted to celebrate, but I didn't have many people to invite from my new school, so I only invited one person, Dani. Dani was a percussionist in the school band like me and was the only person I could talk to. Looking back she only came to be nice and that was one of the most stressful parties I had ever had. (I never hosted a birthday party after that)

Then I met Skye. She was a standard kid but was so nice! And when she talked to me, she said something I'll never forget, "You're not as bad as the rumors say!". There were rumors about me? Is that why no one wanted to be my friend? I walked home that day, barely fighting tears, and sobbed for hours when I got home. My parents were always busy at this time, getting settled in the new house and renovating the crap out of it so it was hard to talk to them about it. It's not their fault.

Looking back, I realized I was bullied, which I didn't even consider at the time. TV taught me that bullying was people knocking books out of your hands and shoving your head in a toilet. Bullying was physical violence, and I didn't experience that. I was just disliked...for no reason. Everyone was just repulsed by me for some reason, I didn't know why. I wasn't bullied... was I?