When You’re Riddled With Anxiety Over Living In Another Four Years Of A Fascist Hellscape And You’re

Nobody told me 30 year olds were wrinkly and unenergetic. Some people write 30′s like they’re geriatric (not OP, more directed at the anon). Maybe my social circle is just rowdy, but half the fifty-somethings I work with can drink me under the table and get up for a run in the morning while I’m hungover-ly pouring Bailey’s in my coffee.

Also I look better at 34 than I did at 24 (as do a lot of people), because I have a sense of style and enough money to pay for a nice haircut/makeup. Honestly, who let me out of the house dressed like a goth at Woodstock when I was in college?

Which is a lot of words to tell anon not to worry about hitting 30. You’re never too old to be a bad bitch.

How would the brothers react on their (human) mc stressing about getting older? Mc isn’t as adventurous as before and has some wrinkles. Somewhere near 30?

JWSJSJSJ HOLD UP YALL THINK 30 IS OLD ???? DAMN... Man.... I guess half of my followers are basically in the grave, sorry guys. I'll prepare the funerals.

THE BROTHERS to MC worrying about getting older

Lucifer:

For a while, he will just brush your worries off and think its a phase. Maybe he hasn't loved you right lately? He will put a day aside, if not then a few hours, to just thoroughly love you and your changing body. It's in this time that you can get him to fully understand your worries. He'll take your hand and kiss it, reminding you that that's just part of being human and no matter how old you get, he will still cherish you.

Mammon:

He noticed, of course. The slight change in your appearance over the years and how you seem less energetic. He won't tell you but he's been thinking about the inevitable and although he knows it's still long before that, it just becomes more real with your own worries. He'll silently curse your fragile human being and spill his worries out in a heated argument that started over nothing. How dare you be human! That was the cruelest joke of all. He struggles with it too, but maybe you can lift each other up.

Leviathan:

The fact that he even has someone to love like that is amazing and so he avoids thinking about the negative. To him, this is a dream that should never end and when you get worried about that it just reminds him that this isn't a dream and it could end. He'll become whiny and needy, holding you close in fear of you going way too soon. Sure a few wrinkles arent the end, but they're the beginning of the end. He'll be sure to keep you close until then and remind you of why hes with you in the first place.

Satan:

Hes guilty of messing with that a bit. Your lack of energy forced him to use some "energy boost" spells and he is quick to offer something against the wrinkles too. Theres nothing wrong with getting old, he says, but theres something wrong with you getting old. He cant change fate, but he can try to keep you as youthful as possible on the outside with magic, if you want. Regardless, he will love you until you take your last breath. You changed him for the better and the least he can do is keep you filled with love and comfort throughout your life.

Asmodeus:

He starts freaking out FOR you. This is not just beauty gone wrong. This isn't just something you can fix with concealer. This is real. And it reminds him on how very mortal you are. He might shut down and avoid the topic at all costs. If he doesn't notice it, its not real, right? But he knows he has to accept it at some point. He just isn't ready to yet. So please, MC, take the creams he gives you and cherish every little bit of energy you have. Make him feel better while he tries to make you feel better.

Beelzebub:

Hes actually so calm about it at first. He holds you and tells you thats just life, that you're still beautiful to him and that he could still eat you up no matter what. But slowly.... As he lays awake at night through another hunger session, he realizes that time truly is really short and you have maybe 60 more years at best, 30 more at worst. Time runs different through him. Time is irrelevant to him. Having to think about this makes him anxious and he doesnt like it. Is there nothing he can do but to make you feel comfortable?

Belphegor:

Your worries will be ridiculed for a time because much like his twin, he thinks you still have so much time, right? But soon he'll lay awake at night and look at your sleeping form. You have changed.... Grown older.... And that's scary. Is he just supposed to lose you like he lost Lilith? He'll be angry with himself and his father for you being human, knowing thats not really your fault. He'll remind you every day how much you make him feel. And hopes that you feel him too. Don't worry about the details, he'll hold you anyway.

Fellow old people will recognize the demon brothers as the sexy counterparts to Elaine Benes.

I said what I said.

If you ever wonder why you can't win a dance battle

It may be because these fuckers can't dance for shit

Look, I love me some spicy East Asian cuisine.

However.

I’m from the Carolinas, spent several years living in Louisiana, and therefore did not agree with the options the game presented. Any Obey Me fans who want to try something approaching devildom spice need to try:

Carolina Reaper in just about anything - it doesn’t have much flavor on its own, just shitloads of heat. I’d mix it up in a vinegar-based BBQ sauce and toss pulled pork in it, and you can cut the heat with applesauce if it’s too much. Actually, ema datshi with reaper or ghost pepper would be pretty good, I should try to make that.

Nashville chicken - ramp up the cayenne: brown sugar ratio for extra spice.

Gumbo, jambalaya, boudin sausage, or manque choux - again, you’re gonna be drowning your recipe with cayenne to make it spicy, and you can throw in a ghost pepper or Carolina Reaper if you want.

Just remember to wear gloves when you slice your peppers.

And I love them both.

Holy shit this is a big mood.

(hi anxiety friend want to share unhealthy coping mechanisms under a weighted blanket sometime?)

No, YOU live in a society. I live in between scenarios I made up about Obey Me: SWD in order to fall asleep and escape my debilitating anxiety

Pro tip! Make a 1:1 solution of water and white vinegar and spray it on the pee spot. The vinegar should react with the ammonia in the urine and help neutralize the smell.

Mum and I let a stray cat into the house just now and he pissed on the curtain so we’ve been frantically trying to cover up the smell so Dad doesn’t tell us off.

I sprayed the scene of the crime with a load of dettol but now the whole room smells of that which is even more suspicious.

So I said to Mum: “what if he questions why it smells like a toilet in here now?”

To which she replied: “We’ll just tell him you farted so I had to light the candles but they weren’t enough.”

THANKS MUM

I am 100 percent wearing something like the Lucifer outfit next time I have casual day at the office (when the plague times are over).

This video took SO LONG TO DO I WANNA DIE TIK TOK IS SO DIFFICULT TO USE, everyone, say thank you to my sister for helping me with the app (and the outfits).

Also, I know I’m not a fashion icon but I was so excited to do this I hope y’all like it💜🥺

Hell yeah we rocking out to WEIRD O-SHAPE WITH THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A BIRD AND A FUNKY T SHAPE

Random Thought:

I would be 100% down to weeb out over anime openings or J-pop/J-rock bands with Levi, but as an American with 0 Japanese knowledge I only know half of my playlists by sight. It would be really awkward if he were to ask me what song this is and all I can say is "That one with the squiggly T by waffle-sign."

OH MY GOD THE NOSTALGIA

Sesshomaru was legit one of the first anime boys I simped for.

SESSHOMARU ☽ 殺生丸

I’ve been a prosecutor for as long as I’ve been an attorney. Nowadays, I prosecute child sexual exploitation, and I don’t feel bad at all for the motherfuckers I bury under the jail. 

But are cops bastards? Yes. I can tell you fucking stories of the times I got into screaming, cursing matches with police that I thought were doing a bad job and they didn’t like that I wouldn’t back them up. I can tell you that when I first started in a rural Southern county, the Sheriff told me, “well, I figured they’d hire a n------ or a woman”. I can tell you about my colleague, a Black woman who was a prosecutor, who got pulled over on her way to work multiple times because she was being profiled by the cops she saw in court every day.

Is the criminal justice system broken as fuck? Yes. I hated sending people to prison for drug crimes especially, because hell, if I got caught doing drugs in college, maybe I’d be in the same place. It fucks with you. That’s why I went to the sex offense work, it’s gross and awful and psychologically taxing, but I don’t have to wonder whether I’m prosecuting a victimless crime. I can feel like I’m protecting people instead of persecuting them. And my defendants are mostly white dudes, so my white privilege is a little bit lessened there.

Am I a bastard? Yes but I am a recreational bastard and I would like to be recognized for the hard work I’ve put in to be a bastard in my private life, thank you.

some people need to realize that acab means all cops and  not american cops