Caregiver Helping A Black Age Regressor Through Internalized Racism

early 2000s childhood…

SFW INTERACTION ONLY

A caregiver that comforts you when you're too picky to eat what they made for you.

They take put care into your snack time, making you grilled cheese, with milk and grapes and they took the time to take the grapes off the stem so you wouldn't have to.

But when you're eating they notice you haven't touched the grapes

"what's wrong, I thought you loved grapes?"

"oh I'm sowwy, I do but when you take them off they get all squishy and icky and I... It's all icky I can't eat it"

"oh I'm sorry little one, don't worry I'll just get you more grapes that are still on the stem"

"but you put all that effort in and now it's going to waste"

"I put effort in so you can enjoy this meal, for you to have a bad time eating it would be putting my effort to just as much waste"

Does anyone else view their regression/dreaming as more of an autistic trait than anything else?

I don't even know if I should be saying it's a trait?

For me it feels like I'm unmasking and even when I'm not regressed I still do/enjoy childlike things.

I wouldn't say I have trauma nor that my regression stems from trauma. My regression just feels like a vulnerable, soft headspace where I can just unwind and unmask. I honestly just didn't grow out of things -like toys and playing- and started masking (I especially noticed it when I was 10) to fit in with my peers who were growing out of things. I didn't want to be left behind and friendless.

When your therapist asks you what you do for your mental health but you're a closeted regressor: oh you know I like to do colouring books (with crayons), talk to my friends (baby talk to them), cuddle (with stuffed animals), or I'll take a bath (with plenty of rubber duckies and bath toys)

Sometimes I get worried I'll never be good enough to deserve a caregiver. I feel like caregiving is an inherently unequal thing of me letting someone see my weakest side where I can't produce anything to be good enough for them and why would anyone want to support me in that way if I'm not doing something for them in return.

tips for getting out of little space when you need to. (this is what I've found works for me, something different might work better for you)

Make sure you have ways to regulate your emotions when big so you don't slip back into little space when you first get stressed again

Try to ground yourself in your body, it'll remind you of your big age

And make sure you're happy with your body so it's easier to ground yourself. For me this means putting on gender affirming gear and a really dope outfit

Put on some less child friendly music you like

Try to change your surrounding and having some spaces where you regress and others where you don't

Make sure all your toys and other agere stuff is put away and preferably out of sight

If you feel comfortable put yourself in a situation where you can't regress (eg around ppl who don't know you regress)

Try doing things that make you feel like an adult, for me this is my sport (Kendo) and writing analyses of shows I like

don't try to act older than your big age, it might just make you feel like you're 'playing' adult and make you feel more little

And remember to not force yourself de-regress unnecessarily, it's your mind's way of healing and if you can try to work on stuff you need to do while regressed.

"Autistic adults are adults"

But what if I don't wanna :(

The trans guy in me hates being 5'3 but the age regressor in me loves being 5'3. Someone come and pick me up ( っ˶´ ˘ `)っ

Vent below

Ppl are so mean :((( I don't like me friends and I hate that I have to be friends with them cause we're in the same sport. They all joke about being autistic then say they don't like those ppl cause they're too autistic and then when I say they're not autistic enough to understand that you can't just "start socializing" they say there's no more or less autistic and like yeah there isn't but you clearly don't know anywhere enough about autism or disability to understand how one condition can cause people varying levels of disability like you're self diagnosed and haven't even done research, you do not speak for the autistic community*. You tone down your definition of autism to mean being a bit weird so you can fit into it and then when ppl talk about the actual affects of autism you say that's not a real thing cause it doesn't fit into your definition. I hate them. And they're like just talk to people and then say they don't like other people cause they talk too much. I hate them I hate them I hate them.

Like why are we talking badly about ppl behind their backs. I get shitty on ppl who have done bad things but they were literally saying "he's just too autistic for me"

I hate how autism has been mainstreamed to mean quirky then people feel comfortable shitting on actually autistic people because they're "a bit autistic"

They're sooooo mean and I hate them and I miss being a kid and when people said mean things adults told them not to but now they're all like we're adults, but that doesn't make being mean okay!!!

*this isn't anything against self diagnosed ppl who did literally any research and don't use their label as an excuse to be ableist. Self diagnosis is very important for ppl who can't get access to assessments or for whom having an official diagnosis would hurt but there are more ppl now adays that use their ability to self diagnose badly

rewatching kids shows and "Renaldo do you think if I knew why girls did anything I'd spend this much time in a lab, the answer is 'yes, I would', I love science!"