That A Beautiful Art, But The Inspiration Is Sad, I Hope You Send They To Hell :)

that a beautiful art, but the inspiration is sad, I hope you send they to hell :)

Finally Finished This Piece About The Toxic Beauty Standards Imposed By My Parents While Growing Up.

Finally finished this piece about the toxic beauty standards imposed by my parents while growing up. Painting all those eyes felt both meditating and drove me insane.

TW: child abuse

I included some of the comments my family has made about my appearance over the years, some of which are contradicting, just to show how impossible it was to please their toxic beauty standards. To them, I was always too skinny and too fat at 115lb. And being 5'6 was too short.

My mom told me to get plastic surgery for my monolid eyes, because only double lidded eyes are considered beautiful by Chinese standards. She pointed to her friend's daughter, who did get plastic surgery for her entire face, and said how much better the girl looked, how I should be like that.

My dad commented on my flat chest, asking how come my mom has boobs while I don't. My stepmom pointed out the frown lines around my lips, saying I don't smile enough. My stepmom always bullied me to the point of crying (by calling my mom a whore and such), so she knows exactly why I don't smile enough. My stepdad said my personality is too horrible to get a normal job, so I would have to prostitute myself, but that I'm too ugly to get clients so I would starve. When I told my mom what he said, she told me to stop lying.

After a lot of therapy for my CPTSD, I can look back and realize that they were the ugly ones, in all sense of the word. But for so long I had such little self-esteem, I would avoid photos. At my first artist alley over a decade ago, fans of my art wanted photos with me but I was too ashamed of myself to accept. I've improved a lot and no longer fear being photographed. I still struggle with other aspects of my childhood abuse (a story for a different day), but with each passing year I feel like I'm regaining bits of myself.

___

A peek of the painting process, the full hours long videos will be DMed on my Patreon on Sep 5th

More Posts from Arytheweirdrat and Others

5 months ago

You're so pretty Like a star But not a technologic star A different star The one people dreams seeing But they don't know, That if you drive for a few hours You'll see that shinny Star That only the bumpkin know exactly where is it


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2 weeks ago

whenever I see nsfw post about creepypasta and BEN drowned is in it, I CANNOT read this shit, because in my head, he is 12


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4 months ago

I love tumblr

i had dream you were a plum instead of a fish and you were arguing with a grape

a transparent image with a single, ripe, purplish plum

any grapes out there looking to start some shit?


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8 months ago

Palavras

As vezes, sinto muito raiva de mim mesma, por não conseguir pintar, desenhar, ou fazer uma escultura dela, tenho medo do destino tirar ela de mim e eu esquecer dela, ainda bem que sei um pouco de palavras, imagine, esquecer seu rosto, ou não lembrar de seus cabelos escuros. Se um dia, algum infortúnio, ela partir antes, e eu não perder meu coração imediatamente, eu vou ler meus poemas, e vou lembrar para sempre


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2 weeks ago
Sweet Dreams(of World Domination)

Sweet dreams(of world domination)

2 weeks ago

Why doesn't he have a crystal ball to know that I posted about him?

Finally, I've Finally Achived My Dream, My Imaginary Mutual Becoming My Real Mutual

finally, I've finally achived my dream, my imaginary mutual becoming my real mutual


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8 months ago

I want to love someone in the same way i love the moon

In the same way I want see the moon, I also want to see it with she,

When I love someone like that, I will call her "my moon"

She's not a star, but she shine like one.

She is like the moon in many ways

With her holes, made by the other, but she is strong

She have me under tha same spell the moon have with the fool

I want someone who admires me with the same intensity as they admire the moon and the stars.


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1 month ago

Like, he know Stone woudnt mind, but oh god, Ivo probably felt like a baby

Imagine how bad Ivo felt being dependent on Stone, like, he hate that, he hate being considerated "weak" and not being independent. I cannot even imagine the self-hate he felt.


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3 weeks ago

I suggest you go do terapy, now

when i was a kid i got a 90% on my kindergarten "what are your favorite things?" test because for the question "what is your favorite animal?" i wrote down "puma" and it got marked wrong because my teacher said a puma isnt even an animal its a kind of shoe

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Are you going to stand there like a feral little men?Hi! I'm Ary and I use any pronouns, I'm from Brazil (im not neymar's cousin)and I speak english and portuguese!Uhh, idk what should I put here?

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